Posted: 08 October 2009 at 5:05pm | IP Logged

You probably spend more time using your listening skills than any other kind of skill. Like other skills, listening takes practice.

What does it mean to really listen?

Real listening is an active process that has three basic steps.
1. Hearing. Hearing just means listening enough to catch what the speaker is saying. For example, say you were listening to a report on zebras, and the speaker mentioned that no two are alike. If you can repeat the fact, then you have heard what has been said.
2. Understanding. The next part of listening happens when you take what you have heard and understand it in your own way. Let's go back to that report on zebras. When you hear that no two are alike, think about what that might mean. You might think, "Maybe this means that the pattern of stripes is different for each zebra."
3. Judging. After you are sure you understand what the speaker has said, think about whether it makes sense. Do you believe what you have heard? You might think, "How could the stripes to be different for every zebra? But then again, the fingerprints are different for every person. I think this seems believable."

Tips for being a good listener

1. Give your full attention on the person who is speaking. Don't look out the window or at what else is going on in the room.
2. Make sure your mind is focused, too. It can be easy to let your mind wander if you think you know what the person is going to say next, but you might be wrong! If you feel your mind wandering, change the position of your body and try to concentrate on the speaker's words.
3. Let the speaker finish before you begin to talk. Speakers appreciate having the chance to say everything they would like to say without being interrupted. When you interrupt, it looks like you aren't listening, even if you really are.
4. Let yourself finish listening before you begin to speak! You can't really listen if you are busy thinking about what you want say next.
5. Listen for main ideas. The main ideas are the most important points the speaker wants to get across. They may be mentioned at the start or end of a talk, and repeated a number of times. Pay special attention to statements that begin with phrases such as "My point is..." or "The thing to remember is..."
6. Ask questions. If you are not sure you understand what the speaker has said, just ask. It is a good idea to repeat in your own words what the speaker said so that you can be sure your understanding is correct. For example, you might say, "When you said that no two zebras are alike, did you mean that the stripes are different on each one?"
7. Give feedback. Sit up straight and look directly at the speaker. Now and then, nod to show that you understand. At appropriate points you may also smile, frown, laugh, or be silent. These are all ways to let the speaker know that you are really listening. Remember, you listen with your face as well as your ears!

Thinking fast

Remember: time is on your side! Thoughts move about four times as fast as speech. With practice, while you are listening you will also be able to think about what you are hearing, really understand it, and give feedback to the speaker.

Posted: 08 October 2009 at 5:20pm | IP Logged

Sources of Difficulty by the Listener 

	Being preoccupied and not listening.
	Being so interested in what you have to say that you listen mainly to find an opening to get the floor.
	Formulating and listening to your own rebuttal to what the speaker is saying.
	Listening to your own personal beliefs about what is being said.
	Evaluating and making judgments about the speaker or the message.
	Not asking for clarification when you know that you do not understand.

The Three Basic Listening Modes

1. Competitive or Combative Listening happens when we are more interested in promoting our own point of view than in understanding or exploring someone else’s view. We either listen for openings to take the floor, or for flaws or weak points we can attack. As we pretend to pay attention we are impatiently waiting for an opening, or internally formulating our rebuttal and planning our devastating comeback that will destroy their argument and make us the victor.
2. In Passive or Attentive Listening we are genuinely interested in hearing and understanding the other person’s point of view. We are attentive and passively listen. We assume that we heard and understand correctly. but stay passive and do not verify it.
3. Active or Reflective Listening is the single most useful and important listening skill. In active listening we are also genuinely interested in understanding what the other person is thinking, feeling, wanting or what the message means, and we are active in checking out our understanding before we respond with our own new message. We restate or paraphrase our understanding of their message and reflect it back to the sender for verification. This verification or feedback process is what distinguishes active listening and makes it effective.

Posted: 08 October 2009 at 5:24pm | IP Logged

lastly

try and remember a 50 cent word you used in previous post.

and put it in the search tool above at the top ofthe page or at least the title.

stay away from posting links to other sites

or you may lose you username and all the threads you created .

http://www.adhdnews.com/forum/forum_posts.asp?TID=31156& KW=digit

Callista Groupie Joined: 18 February 2007 Posts: 54

Posted: 18 April 2008 at 5:52am |IP Logged   I've been going through some testing to try to figure out where my skill levels are in various areas; and more than once the "digit span" test came up. It's a test that gauges your short-term memory.

Posted: 09 October 2009 at 12:17pm | IP Logged

Wow ommas.  Do you think that your good helpfull posts of extrordinary variety and length are an example of "hyper-focus ?

I thinsk so.  Hyper-focus has a long history of threads here on this forum...they are probablely available in search.

good for you Ommas

Posted: 12 October 2009 at 8:16am | IP Logged

WELL I LOOK AT IT THIS WAY

THOUGH MY POSTS MAY BE LONGER THAN THE AVERAGE POST

I STILL THINK THEY ARE SMALLER THAN A SMALL CHILDRENS STORY  IN PERSPECTIVE.

MY MEMORY ISSUES ARE PART GENETIC AND PART ENVIRONMENT.

IT COME DOWN TO WHAT IS THE MOST EFFECT OF HAVING ADHD.

I BELIEVE FOR ME

1. LEARNING DISABILITY
2. AND POOR RECALL OF EVENTS

LEARNING DISABILITY

BECAUSE IVE NAVAL GAZED ENOUGH AND JOURNALED I SEE THAT TAKKE IN MORE INFORMATION THAN NTers BUT IM DISORGANIZED IN THE WAY I STORE THE INFORMATION.

WHEN I WAS ON STREATTERA (SP)  IT WAS OBVIOUS TO ME.

I COULD MAKE A MENTAL NOTE WITH NO EFFORT AND  RECALL IT MONTHS LATER LIKE PULLING IT FROM THIN AIR AT JUST THE RIGHT MOMENT.

WHEN I TOOK A MICROSOFT COURSE  IT WAS THEN I REALISED I HAVE A LEARNING IMPAIRMENT. IN EVERYWAY I FAILED THE COURSE EXCEPT  FOR BEING THERE EVERY DAY.

I BECAME DEPRESSED  BECCAUSE THAT WAS A LUXURY TO TAKE THOSE COURSES AND I WONT GET MANY OPPROTUNITIES FOR THING LIKE THAT.

----

SO I WAS INTRIGED BY THIS.

WHY DO PICK UP INFOMATION LIKE CLIFF CLAVIN ON CHEERS THEN BLURT IT OUT TIM TAYLOR FROM HOME IMPROVEMNT.

--

A DIAGNOSIS  OF ADHD  AND THEN I TOOK MEDS.

WELL 

I STARTED TO SEE THE POSITIVE SIDE OF ADHD

YEA YEA I CAN DWELL ON THE NEGATIVES ALL DAY AND NIGHT  AND DRIVE MYSELF CRAZY.

BUT I THINK I SHOULD ALSO FOCUS ON THE PROS.

HYPERFOCUS

ENERGY LEVEL

ADDICTIVE PERSONALITY

----

AFTER JORNALING FOR SO LONG  I KNOW WHAT PRACTICES TO USE AS SKILLS TO OVER COMPENSATE  WHEN I WANT TO . not that the adhds ymptoms go away just that some things give me high confidence that i will complete tasks and goals.

I LET MY DOCTOR MANAGE MY ENERGY LEVEL 

THIS BROUGHT ME OUT OF SELF MEDICATING  AND I HAD A STABLE PERSONALITY AND IDENTITY .  CONSISTENT ENERGY AND LESS DESTRUCTIVE TENDENCIES.

 BUT THIS WAS ONLY BRINGING ME TO LEVEL PLAYING FIELD.

NOT REALLY GOING AS FAR AS OVER COMPENSATING

-----------

I COULD SEE FROM SOME PEERS  THAT THEY WERE SO SKILL IN COPING WITH ADHD THAT THEY WERE MUCH FURTHER THAN NTers  WITH THE SIMILAR IQ.

I WANTED TO APPLY THIS TO MYSELF.

WHAT I DISCOVERED WAS SIMPLE

1. STRUCTURE
2. ROUTINE
3. ENVIRONMENT
4. DISCIPLINE
5. COMPLETION

AFFORD ME TO SPELL IT OUT AS A SENTENCE.

AT UNIVERSITY  AFTTER CLASSES IN THE LIBRARY  I STUDY AND MEMORIZE EVERYDAY UNTIL I KNOW THE ENTIRE SUBJECT.

THOSE WERE THE ADDers THAT WERE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO WITH THEMSELVES NOW THAT GRADUATION WAS PASSED.

NOW WITHOUT UNIVERSITY , NO LIBRARY AND LITTLE TIME TO THEMSELVES

NO ASSIGNMENT TO FOCUSS ON  , THEY KINDA START ACTING LIKE THE REST OF US 

-----------

BOO HOO

-----------

SO I SAW THE THIS NICHE  FOR MY ADHD TO SUCEEDED WITH MY OWN GOALS

AFTER PRACTICING IT   I BECAME VERY CONFIDENT THAT COULD OVER COME MY DEPRESSIVE FEELING ABOUT MY LEARNING ISSUES.

.  SO I CAME UP WITH MY OWN FORMULA

1. STRUCTURE       SUBJECT
2. ROUTINE          ; ;   8PM
3. ENVIRONMENT    IN FRONT OF A COMPUTER OR A SLIDESHOW PLAYER
4. DISCIPLINE        DAILY EXCEPT WEEKENDS
5. COMPLETION       I USE A CHECK BOX PROGRAM TO TRACK THINGS

THIS BECAME MY POSITIVE ADDICTION

THE REWARD FOR LEARNING SOMETHING ACCURATELY EVERYDAY.

 I THROUGH IN SOME CREATIVE OUTLETS AND MINIMIZE MY DISTRACTIONS AND IT FEELS GOOD  AND MY ESTEEM IS UP BECAUSE I KNOW I CAN TACKLE ANYTHING A NTer can.

but i keep in mind  that i will be slower and they may pick up on more of the social nuances but at least im in the game .

i first did this with scrabble.

i was an atrocious speller

and as you may know an even worse writer.

but i gathered up the facts memorized the tricks and went to the scrabble club and did well for awhile.  then i lost intrests and went on to something else.

.

so

when i was a person that had adhd symptoms but was unaware of the reasons.

i settles for subsistence and blamed myself and everyone else .

but

once i sought help got good advice and focussed my llife on things to accomplish.i found some great rewards.

also i kept pressing on .

what is limit to what i can learn -  no limit

only limited by the techniques and the  time devoted .

but the adhd thrives in the routine and structure. and my esteem swells in the accumilation of subjects over time.

now with computers becoming so small  the knowlege is portable and shareable.

which gravitates to social.

hmmm

adhd kryptonite = isolation , negative self talk

adhd energizers = completion of goals , social interaction

so my way is definately  not for everone . its just my way of coping with life.

i wanted to self teach molecular complexity , chess , modern war,listening, gardening, cooking, computer operating systems, media, photography, solar system , macro universe, acid and base chemisty, forestry, horticulture, power ans alternative power: solar, wind, wave, nuclear, coal, oil , geo thermal, recycled wastes, methane, propane and compressed air. and even lightning.

its fun to use my own method about things im already curious about but does my method stand when applied to 

a new job or orientation , training or  prerequisite knowledge.

i can say  most assuredly yes for me.  and that breaks through all of my own negative self talk and low esteem .

i try to just sit and read a text book  .

i try to just sit and listen to lecture.

it still comes back to me studying at my own cognitive pace and then speeding through  reviews as media loops.

but without the structure, routine, environment, dicsiple, or practice of completion I just get distracted and impulsivle wander Indiana. 

so i keep also in mind

if im not ready to be a great listener   i wont remember things accuritly

but i can go back to my computer and start gathering information

check off what parts are correct and go pick somebodys brain  for the rest of the info.

----------

thats when i want to hit the brakes.

ssscccrrreeccchhhhh

thats way too much effort to be in the here and now.

without daily discipline   its hit or miss too.

its the constant entry that builds a bigger more complex picture of now and then.

and when im not in the moments of service or even preparing to work.

i just play with it using it as my creative outlet  learning new tools find more ways to tag and splice

thing is i ramble on and on and i just cant seem to stop one track mind .

i mean in a conversation with only 1 person i can be tolerated but in groups i find myself rambling way beyond  the original point i started speaking about.

 my spouse says i either look really bored or wont shut up.

 find myself trying convice smokers they will quit in seven attempts .

so quit every monday for 2 months

-----

or about alternative cars and power.

i just wont allow myself to drink anymore  not even just a little  to be social.

not smoke anything either.

i usually end up wearing   snack foods so i void them .

so when someone approaches me  instead of rambling on and on and on  

and on

andonsomore

i practice my listening skills .

 my beliveable laugh.

i try to stay real and not lie about being an expert about something im not .

then i tell them some sailboat stories and mention some of my intrests and try to listen intently for other peoples intrests.

when i get home and theres time to journal    i try to recall all that i can.

when i firs startdto do this it took a long tim and wasnt worth it.

but overtime i got better at noting the important details  who,contacts, relationships, who was annoying whom i annoyed. and what the intrests of the groups were. 

from there  i could look up stuff about  those intrests and at least be a novice of information.

from time to time seeing these folks again  the conversations were usually more than about the weather  and somtimes lead into more social invitations.

--------

my point is  that its the same platform -----

i was social ,listened , studied , reviewed, then suprisingly  RECALLED the next time i was social.

as oppossed to being a wallflower   or "THAT GUY" 

or my wifes distraction .

keeping notes on friends  / my social network  was a life chager .

not like a popularity thing,

more like a connected .

when i was young  i woud gather with smokers .

when i stopped smoking  it was i was shunning them  or as they would say arent we good enough or ya.

who cares  its jusy attention they want anyway.

----

it wasnt until i was 25 that people group together  . sailors with sailors

flyers with fliers

drinkers with drinkers

colleagues with colleagues

by thirty i was when i realised i was adhd.

so here i am  an

ADDer with ADDers.

------------------------------

for awhile i was a mental disorder with other mental disorders

which is kinda like the blind leading the blind.

but theres was much more to it.

------

thing is if i want to learn about something i drive into the details first aquireing its working knowledge and then become social in a goup of them not trying to be a novice expert or even something im not.

 -----------

its a hyper focus factor.

but on this site it has been abou how to engage it.

---------

as usual  i try to focus on flaws then recreate the wheel in my own interpretation.

----so here what i have to say about hyper-focus of the adhd

Posted: 12 October 2009 at 10:01am | IP Logged

mental hyperfocus

staying focused on something longer than nessasary.

pros

staying withsometing to completion and then immediately restarting on modifications that are unneeded resulting in improvements and creation by accident.  

larger mental picture  of a subject and ability imagine changes of past present and future.

ability to overcompensate for inattentiveness or distractions

may add scope to a subject that larger than a typical attention timescale

cons

lossed sense of time

false sense of priority

undistracted by reality

induction of self hypnosis - resulting in akward thoughts and responses

-------------------

so i started looking at computer inititiated focus.

media slide show-

 using this  if you dont know can offer ways too study.

play list  picks the subject STRUCTURE

 good media players have new tools that have never been available before

jump to and fro    by frame,by seconds, by chapters, by file,by next in list.

this is huge. different from text and speech .

because

as youre watching

you may also use a screen capture tool.

so while youre watching/listenting to a teacher you can capture bits and pieces similar to  highlighting sentences in a book . you can capture parts of the media.

at the end you be met with review of terms, questions and add voice  comments  . there also tags .

so its copying out the parts to review later and parts that were poorly understood.

tying then to gether with a hierarchy of task lists.

though it may take twice as long to"capture a book " and creat a playlist than to read it.  it can continually be broken into smaller points until only the parts misunderstood is with a playlist. to bring focus to interpretations

this gives the focus on the subject the ability to be reviewed  at will from tv,computer or phone.

    playlist media looped review with  linked tasklist.

STRUCTURE ROUTINE DISCIPLINE ENVIRONMENT COMPLETION

i cant find a better way to hyper focus than that  

this is my method of over-compensating by electronic hyperfocus

Posted: 10 November 2009 at 1:58am | IP Logged

welcome nt.

site has good search features.

best wishes