Posted: 07 November 2009 at 7:50am | IP Logged

This is a tough one for me to answer and might be why no one has tried yet. 

I grew up undiagnosed with ADHD until after the birth of my first child at age 30, and so I completely understand how hard it can be to make friends as a child when suffering from ADHD.  I think for girls it can be even harder than for boys, but I think being diagnosed and getting treatment will go a long way for helping your son first.

If you haven't yet, talk to the doctor treating your son.  He/She may be able to offer you some tips and offer your son some tips and counseling on being more like "normal" people when it comes to making friends.  The hardest thing I find is with my impulse control issues like constantly interrupting people when they are talking... stuff like that is really really hard for me even with medication but can be very off putting to potential friends.  You and your doctor can come up with some exercises to practice with your son on how to say Hi to someone and work on listening games to remember what they are talking about and not interrupting. 

These are things that I have had to do with my therapist to be able to get along better with people and start making friends.  It feels very unnatural at first, but with lots of practice I am getting much better at making friends and just being able to fit in better. 

Also, I find that it is very easy for me to develop and maintain friendships with other people with ADD/ADHD.  Other ADHD people allow me to be more myself and don't mind the interrupting and not wanting to sit still all the time and wandering focus since they are in the same situation.  So perhaps you can talk to the school counselor or your son's doctor about other kids your son's age with add/adhd to make play dates. 

Most importantly though is to remember that some of the social graces that most people learn growing up and are able to do are sometimes completely lost on someone with ADHD and need to be spelled out to them several times and for me anyways, it can be a daily concious effort to improve my social skills. 

I hope these suggestions help and I'm sure if you learn any good tips for making friends when you have ADHD, then others here like me would love trying them out too.

~ADHDGirl

http://ijustlearnedihaveadhdnowwhat.blogspot.com/

Posted: 09 November 2009 at 5:20pm | IP Logged

we'll ADDers do tend to have social problems.

Isolation being 1 of them.

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supervised structured activity with friends.

and professional therapy.

a good rapore with a therapist is golden.

especially if its focussed on friendship skills.

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don't get me wrong  i get in my cave sometimes and i dont want to come out.

but i loose so many friendships that way.

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if we just look at the odds

we most of our friends through other friends. so when we get isolated the structure of support from friends is missing.  so if become depressed there not as many friends to reach out too.

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clubs, sports, spectator events  are larger groups . more people to find a friendship.

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me personally

i like friends that share my passions.

not love passion  cause i dont mean that.

im passionate about sailing, wind power, scrabble, media &photograghy, 

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so when i was having trouble self-medicating there were people in those groups that were supportive and we shared a passion that wasnt self destructive .

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If i want to be a sky diver I should go hang out with skydivers.

its much easier too finf a friend with those we have in common.

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social structure is what think of it - 

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but as a parent  finding playmates -  i try and get  my dd  to discover  her friends rather them discoving her.  the one that will discover will discover her anyway. so i guide her to seek their information.  if they hit it off  , well thats great.

but typically i keep close to them  and when the chemistry isnt clicking   i bring in stuctured activity .  things that are age appropriate were but also introduce ways to play. like when kids switch from cops and robbers  to clubs and groups  there are games that lean on team play . team stucture.

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well i could go on and on  so ill try and stop here.

Posted: 09 November 2009 at 6:57pm | IP Logged

My favorite 7LW  Saccade

though its not in modern dictionaries.

another social stucture i can speak of , but not more than identify.

emotional development.

i believe its typical for adhd to be slightly behind thier peers .

thier age may be 10  but thier emotional age may be 8.

this is when CBT is most helpful.

i cant go into everything that CBT offers ,but its the emtional processing after frustration . connecting feelings to behaviors and discussing alternative reactions .

its an over and over blue in the face non med appraoch but it works!!!

helping to guide feelings after every outburst to keep age appropriate behavior in check . keep from repeating the same outburst as peers are grasping alternate cognitive changes sooner.

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that being said  if i were acting 8   and i was in a group trying to act 11.  i would be a misfit.  probably the last one picked in other situations too.  so as life goes on a

 14,but feeling 12   i might become negative attention seeking to be accepted by unimpressed 15's,acting 17

ehhh i dont know if that makes any sense

the best person to get advice that does make sense is a professional therapist.

they are much more skilled at keepng repeated behaviors from halting our emional growth.

Edited by ommas on 09 November 2009 at 7:28pm

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