Posted: 26 July 2005 at 6:04pm | IP Logged

Ferramentum;

Do NOT give up hope or stop trying!  The answers are out there for you somewhere.  While you  may not be able to stand being around anyone right now you're not alone when you hang around this board.  Got to run now, will keep you in prayers!

Posted: 26 July 2005 at 6:12pm | IP Logged

Wow, sounds like me...people are always getting mad at me cause I tend to dominate the conversation, or that is what they think...but it is like the words fly out of my mouth and I don't have control...I just have to get it out before I forget...I can't even read a sentence without having to go back to re-read it.  The words just won't stay in my head.  But I found that if the book is of an interest to me I can read it..might take me longer then someone else but I do get it finished.  I am so distractable  that sometimes it can take me days to clean one room in my apartment.  Don't worry your boat will stay a float You are not alone....

Posted: 26 July 2005 at 6:32pm | IP Logged

Ferramentum - you are definitely NOT alone!

The self-focus, inability to tolerate others, the constant shifting of tasks and ideas is all stuff we go through here all the time.

If the meds aren't working - then I'd be a squeaky wheel and go back and demand that the doctor tries something different.  With all the meds available to you and the dosages so varied there will be a combination that will help.

I always recommend too that you get therapy along with your meds.  Without the therapy you're only getting half the help you can get.  Good meds will give you the ability to fight the urges and stay on track - but won't rework the habits of a lifetime.

Good luck to you - and don't hesitate to ask on any topic.  Can't speak for the group but I for one am very chatty

Posted: 27 July 2005 at 9:30pm | IP Logged

Ok

I'm fairly certain I've put one of these intros up somewhere, and I know I've told my tale ad nauseum (please stop me people when it's too much), but I'll put it here so to be easy to find for newbies and regulars alike.

I'm 38, male and diagnosed 8 months ago inactive ADHD severe.  I've had trouble with life in general since around age 6 or 7, suffering memory gaps, clumsiness, bad attitude, self-serving behaviors, urge control difficulty, inability to work with others, etc. etc. etc.

My last paternal uncle passed on last year and started me searching for the reasons I'm so messed up.  That, and the last 3 years I'd lost my SO, my son (stillborn), respect of family and friends, my business, and everything.

Typed in all symptoms I saw in me and dad's family and popped up with miles and miles of ADHD.  Took online test with 75 questions and answered all but violent behavior ones as strongly.  That clued me in totally.

My doctor was not experienced with ADHD but knew enough to ship me up to a qualified psychiatrist, a great guy who set me up on dexedrine and talk therapy.  I felt the fog lift and control return after my first dose.  It's been peachy ever since.

I come online a lot to help where I feel I can.  So far nobody has told me to clamp it so I'm thinking I'm at least doing no harm.

My job is working out excellent, my friends I meet are wonderful and I'm reconciling with my parents.  It's all pretty decent.

Not perfect yet - still mess up when I let loose my reigns - but at least I can find them now.

Hope to speak to many of you in the future.

Be well and happy.

Posted: 28 July 2005 at 4:18pm | IP Logged

I am almost 9 months sober, and was diagnosed with ADD yesterday.  I feel like drinking again, because I have spent the last 20 years trying to succed in a field that requires organization and attention to detail. I have worked my ass off, trying to do a good job....but was always stymied by the detail and the organization. And my difficulty in 'going through the correct channels' to get things done

The positions I have held have become progressively lower...some by my choice, some by my experience and qualifications. Each successively lower job required more and more attention to detail....and now I am in a job that requires me to input lots of data. I simply cannot do it....unless I take it home and do it in front of a television. Even so, I can barely keep up with my work.

I don't want to do this anymore. I am tired of trying so hard to make my life work. I feel the same way as I did when I was diagnosed with depression. I had spent years....YEARS...believing that I needed to work harder at being a good person, and I really worked my ass off at that too.

I don't know what I expect by posting this. Maybe I'll feel better tomorrow. Tonite I just want to drink....

What a loser I am.

Posted: 28 July 2005 at 4:26pm | IP Logged

JOYOUS - Please listen here to me

Don't give in to your urges!!!!

I was like you - Tried to be type A personality and it nearly killed me.

I owned my own mid-size computer company and worked myself to where I was trying to juggle all the stuff I screwed up in both my work AND personal life.

My way of saving myself was to GET OUT OF IT.  I'm now in a production plant working mostly labour. By changing my goals and simplifying my life - I'm happier, healthier and no longer have the burdens of business to push me farther down.

Get help!!! Talk to someone who is not connected to you - therapist, help line, whatever.  Get talking to us too - we sometimes have good advice!!

It GETS BETTER.  My life 8 months after getting medical help for this is so much more clear, happier, organized, focused and plain better!

If you'd like to talk I'm available here or you can message me.  All the others here will help to for sure.

Don't fall back on alcohol.  It's not only not the answer - it will push you down further where it will take longer to come back up.  It just masks your ability to think and  change.

We'll help you work on this.  Get a doctor involved too and try to be honest with them ok?

Good luck friend.  There's an end to all the hurt and chaos I promise.

Glen

Posted: 28 July 2005 at 4:41pm | IP Logged

Thanks Glen. How did you reconcile your original goals (with your own company) with what you are doing now?

In taking these lower level jobs, I thought I was accomodating my 'difficulties'. I have an MBA....and tend to prefer looking at 'the big picture', and working on projects. I know that, and yet I could not prove myself because I have these difficulties. Now I'm a 'finance director' in a small not-for-profit, with responsiblity for all the crap involved with that. Lots of paper, deadlines, schedules. Now that I know I have ADD and have some kind of biological problem with these things, I don't know what to do next. Now I can't even concentrate enough to reconcile a bank statement.

I don't need a lot of material things; I just want to feel good about what I'm doing 8 hours a day...like I'm contributing, using my 'gifts'.

Did you drink too? I'm trying to hang on. I should go to an AA meeting, but since lots of the people there don't have the same background, I would feel like a weenie complaining because I have these 'professional issues'.

Please write more. It helps.

Posted: 28 July 2005 at 4:52pm | IP Logged

Belive me joyous - I LOVE to write!! ROFL!!

I reconciled my change in profession as a major life change that could save mine!

After I began to lose it all 3 years ago (SO, baby, business, etc.) I began to realize that I was unrealistic and working from the wrong place.  I could be useful and productive and STILL minimize stress on my life!

I have a degree in computer informations systems and I was HATING the whole computer thing!  By the worst time I had - I was almost phobic of technology - it made me ill to be in the same room as it.

Eventually it comes time to make a life assessment.  Tally up how things have worked for you - and where it did not.  Maybe you'll do as I did.  It's not like moving to the woods and growing a beard.  Just be a minimalist in some things that are hurting you.

Business Admin sucks?  Try to work in a charity doing the books.  You still do what you do best - only now you can see good things from it and probably won't get reamed out for the same things that got you before!  I don't know - you'll have to probably take a long vacation - settle in at home and do an inventory of your life.  I think AA wants you to anyway but I'm talking off the cuff on that.

AA is a GREAT idea if you feel the urge as you say you do.  They are non-judgemental - and all there have the same urges and damages you have.

Just to let you know - I feel GREAT after my 8 hours is up! As long as I've done what is required of me - Quality control, careful packaging and just do my best, I can walk away and never worry about the next day.  I always have the same thing to do tomorrow - and it's nice as my mind does not try to obsess on it.

My medication and councilling are absolutely invaluable in this.  I take the meds to allow me to fight the urges and shut down the scattered thought.  My memory is almost total recall and my reactions to the negatives are normal.

My councilling gives me a way of getting what's inside me outside without judgement or more guilt.  My psychiatrist is AWESOME.  He gives me insight and advice and listens great!!!

I'm so glad you are reaching out.  It won't be a waste.

Email or PM me if you need a boost.  You will go far if you just are willing to be one of many.  Nobody is an island - that saying is right on the button.

I'll be here if you need somebody to chat with or just talk AT - no diff to me.

Glen

Posted: 28 July 2005 at 5:45pm | IP Logged

Glen...

I have no problem being one of many; I just want to feel good about what I do for a living.

I've done the therapy thing for years; perhaps it is time I begin again.

I currently work in a charity (i.e. 'not-for-profit) doing thier books. The problem is the books! That kind of work challenges my weak areas. I have always worked to overcome the weak areas, to little avail. I may be barking up the wrong tree. I am open to that.

Tonite I think I am grieving the loss of a career that I wanted to work, but for which I am not well suited. I could continue to struggle, like sisyphus pushing the rock uphill. Or I could find something else to do that both feels better and benefits more from my efforts.

I need to be patient, not something I'm good at. I need to wait and see how the meds work.

Thanks Glen. I think I need to be here.