Posted: 02 August 2005 at 7:07pm | IP Logged

Wordwoman -

I think maybe we've given the impression that this was a "no regrets" move.  Of course there were!  Adjustments had to be made - but there was the need to try and weigh the total package and see what needed to be done.

To quote dirty harry "A man's (or woman's - I add) got to know his limitations".

When I left the whole big rat race - I missed the action - the money too!  But when it came down to true happiness I found that it wasn't it.  So - I made up my mind to do the opposite of what my instincts were telling me.  After all - they'd done nothing but be wrong for over 30 years!

It's always hard to change - just a matter of is it harder to stay?

Posted: 02 August 2005 at 8:16pm | IP Logged

A belated Welcome! to Deep Diver.  Keep reading - build your knowledge and your self-esteem!!

It's not an easy voyage but there IS a way to make you and ADD work together!  Now that I own it and it doesn't own me I feel happier, more content and capable of living in the real world.

The only thing I'm missing is love in my life.  I took myself out of that for a few reasons - one was I was having trouble reconciling the way my exgf and I split (actually it was me splitting and first time at that), and the loss of my unborn son.  It's almost OCD as I spent the last 3 years trying to put it in perspective.  My parents didn't understand - to them it was all water under the bridge and they never cared for my choices in women - those smart old folks!

Second reason was that I wasn't totally sure this wasn't some sort of pie-in-the-sky placebo effect I was under.  I've convinced myself of things before - being a tad hypochondriac - tad as in gawd awfully.  Now I know it's a permanent, uplifting experience and am sure that with training I can be housebroken again.

Well off tangent but yes welcome Deep Diver! LOL.  See - even us recovering ADDers go off on their silly way!

Posted: 03 August 2005 at 12:07pm | IP Logged

I think that maybe we do not have to change our dream of what we want to be---we just have to look for a differant avenue of getting there---I have spent all of my adult years running from my dreams when things got a bit tough of too repetative---I am hoping to restart ---and not be defeated and just sit back saying I have this ---so I caqn only be this or do this-----We can do or be anything---As someone with ADHD--We have those the most brilliant-creative -artistic minds of almost anyone---why would we set back and not share our minds with the world--we  were not given these awesome ideas--and creative thoughts to just accept defeat--and feel limited!!!! I HAVE FELT LOST AND DEFEATED ALL OF MY ADULT LIFE----Now that I know why I have been so unable to finish anything that I have started---I realize  that with help and faith I can do anything!!!! I will begin to purse dreams again--

If you must take a step back inorder to get a new perspective--do it--that is great---but do not stay there---the world is waiting for your contribution----And you will always regret not giving yourself the chance to be everything you were made to be---trust yourself -trust your doctor( trust your self to find a good one) and most of all trust God!!!!    Oh---- are all poeple with ADHD BAD SPELLERS????? i KNOW i AM---lol

Posted: 03 August 2005 at 10:14pm | IP Logged

I have an 8 yr old stepson. His mom has taken him to 1 doctor who said he was ADHD. He has been on pills since he was 6. He has been on Ritilin, Concerta, Strattera, Adderall, Adderax, Focalin, Depakote, Risperdal, and Clonindine. Right now he is taking Metadate ER and Risperdal. Yes he might be a little bit hyper. But he also sits around in a daze and I have to touch him on his arm to get him to look at me. He looks so doped up. He takes Metadate in the morning and Risperdal in the morning and evening. Last year he was 9 pills a day. At 6, 9 pills a day. Is that healthy for a young boy? He is also small for his age. He sees a behavior therapist a couple of times a week. In my opinion, his mother is his problem. Why do I say this? I can say this because he has come here with bruises on his body and he tells us his mommy or one of her "boyfriends" done it with a belt, shoe or a switch. She even filed false charges on my husband. Later when it was proven she done it, she dropped all charges on him. My stepson is so scared of us now because she tells him we will be mean to him. We are not mean to him, we love him. I spoil him.

She tells us that he is bipolar, and schizoprenia (spelling) and that he has been diagnosed as a habitual liar. He gets the lying from her. All of this has been going on within the last 5 yrs. She also uses him as a means of getting her own way with his father. It dont work anymore. Yes he a little bit hyper, but isnt that being a kid? He wants to sit inside all day and watch cartoons and I tell him no. I said we need to go outside and play with the dogs. The dogs love him because he gets a pop bottle and throws it to one of my dogs who will "wrestle" him for it. The other dog just barks because she thinks the other dog is being mean to him. He is afraid of his mom seeing that he likes us. If he shows me ANY kind of affection, she beats him when she gets him home. She makes him take the clonindine so he will go to sleep and she can party.

I just feel sorry for the child because he has to deal with all of this.

Stepmomofone

Posted: 04 August 2005 at 6:42am | IP Logged

Dear Stepmom,

Is there any reason the boy's father (your husband) is not addressing these concerns? As the stepmom, there are limits to your ability to address this, but your husband has a legal and moral obligation to step in. Particularly if there are signs of abuse, his father should be the first one to follow up on this.

Also, as his father (unless there is a court order or something) he should be able to consult with the psychiatrist about his son's diagnosis and treatment. If you feel he is being overmedicated (and no one here can tell you whether he is or isn't), then another doctor should be consulted.

I would recommend you talk to your husband first and encourage him to get involved. If he is already involved, and is satisfied that everything is okay....and you STILL suspect abuse, then you have an obligation to go to authorities about it. You might want to start with his school...his teacher or guidance counselor. They are trained to recognize signs of abuse, and are obligated to report it.

Good luck...

Posted: 04 August 2005 at 8:37am | IP Logged

Thank you for your concerns. Yes my husband is involved as much as he can be. The court order states that since she is the primary custodial parent, she has the say so whether or not the father is involved in the boys medical care. She tells us about no appointments, and when we ask her, she "doesnt remember the day or time". She does tell us when his medicine changes and the dosage. We are taking her back to court, this time, we are suing for custody. We have involved the CPS (child protective services) and they tell us there is no abuse. I know better. I see the bruises on him when he comes here. We havent seen him since the middle of June. She is keeping him from us again because all her child support stopped. The boy receives a SSI check and the law states she cant get both and the amount of the check is more than the child support, so she went with that instead. She also had it "fixed up" to where we cant even find nothing out at his school. His principal even called CPS about the abuse. Nothing was done. She comes out of this smelling like a rose every single time.

Hopefully come Oct. we will get custody and he will know what a normal childhood is like. I have 2 sons of my own and my husband is a wonderful stepdad. He treats my sons like they were his own. If his ex would give him the chance to be a father to his own son, then maybe he will be ok. But she keeps pulling him away from us everytime we get close to him and make any leeway in him not being scared of us. (she tells him that we will be mean to him, or we will take him away from her and he will never see her again.) She even had him put in a mental hospital and she told him that he was going there for "being mean and not minding her". Now she threatens him with that so he will mind her. My husband went to the hospital to see him and when he seen his dad, he ran to him and begged his daddy to get him out of there and that he would no longer be mean. My heart broke.

She had a boyfriend who was taking his pills and snorting them. By the time we proved this, the boyfriend died from an overdose. She asked if he could stay here and I went and got him. A few weeks later, she overdosed him. She gave him the wrong pills to take and if I didnt notice, he could have died. When I brought this up her, she couldnt care. Her comment was, "OH, it wouldnt have hurt him, he would have just slept all day." Clonindine is a sleeping pill. He was taking them at 8 am, 4 pm and 8 pm. He was taking the Clonindine at 4 and 8 pm. I put the extra pills in the case and sent them home to her. She tells the CPS that I "overreact". Darn straight I do. This child is not old enough to look out after himself. But he has to when he is with her.

Thanks for your suggestions. His father is very involved in his sons life. As much as he can be legally. Good thing is, I have a few friends who work at his school and at the doctors office who keeps me informed. But I cant tell how I know all this due to them losing their jobs. So I have to keep it all hush hush. But atleast we know what is going on with him.

Posted: 05 August 2005 at 8:54pm | IP Logged

I posted this in the wrong board:

I have four children but my two oldest have add/adhd.  My oldest has the add, my second has the adhd.  It was pretty obvious to me had issues when he was around 18m old.  He would NOT listen and went 100 mph from 6 am to midnight when he'd finally fall asleep from pure exhaustion.

Once he started kindergarten everything came to light, he started on Concerta the first part of first grade.  I was opposed to medicating him and tried everything from a diet change to a natural approach.  Luckily, he had a wonderful kindergarten teacher who was very patient but in first grade it broke my heart when he cried and told me "what is wrong with me, why can't I control myself?"  That's when I knew his self-esteem was suffering so we tried the drug route.  It was WONDERFUL!  He no longer had to get the notes home every day about his behavior and he was excelling in school.  Unfortunately, he developed an eye tic from the stimulant so we went to Adderall, same thing happened and from this point on it's been a battle as Strattera doesn't help him at all and seems to cause depression in him as well.

I started homeschooling him and he's been on no meds for over a year but an eye tic started again out of the blue.  We're watching and waiting to see if this is just a tic disorder of if this is going to turn into Tourette's.  So far the eye tic is gone after a month of it and we're hoping it stays away.

I'm now looking at getting him back on the stimulants but also using another rx to stop the tics.  He's a much more happy and successful child with the stimulants but he's self conscious of the tics and understandably so.

That's my story :)

Posted: 06 August 2005 at 4:32pm | IP Logged

I just join this forum, my son has ADHD. It has been hard for me as he is not really mind. I tryed to tell my husband a while back that something was wrong, but he was not hearing that. His mother is the one who made him take the child to the doctor. I kind of knew that he had it anyway as one of his brother I do believe has it, and I know for sure that his uncle does. It is very hard to deal with the mother (my husband) at times. She wants to do things her way and I say no. My son has just started on the medication now, and we are still trying to get it right.

Posted: 07 August 2005 at 7:48am | IP Logged

I don't think myself or anybody is endorsing either keeping on track or leaving your dream behind ArtBabe.  At least I'm not.

What I hope to pass on and I think other's too is that sometimes the anxiety of trying to keep the whole package together can be too much.  When your balloon of life keeps getting bigger and bigger - and keeps getting banged around by the stresses of everyday life - sometimes adding the extra stress of a "career" where you are expected to do more than others can be the busting point. 

All I know is that sometimes we end up sacrificing too much for our dreams.  What's wrong after all with having a life that's a little more - normal?  Not all of us ADD or not are going to be able to live the dream - artist, musician, big money.  Eventually it ends up where a lot of us crash and burn just because life is like that.

For those who can do it and keep it all together fantastic! But I think sometimes we end up having to be a bit more minimalistic somewhere in our lives so we can focus more on the really important parts - love, friends, happiness.  Sometimes happiness IS a warm puppy! LOL

Good for you though artbabe - keep working on your goals and if that's what you truly find makes you happy then we all are happier for you!!!