Posted: 07 August 2005 at 7:57am | IP Logged

Glen, you expressed it wonderfully...

I spent tons of time trying to succeed (not excel, just succeed) in a career I was unsuited for, because I thought it was something that would challenge me, and...I thought it was a career I "should" pursue. I know it sounds dumb, but I was younger then....

Anyway, I had to spend so much time and energy just trying to keep up that I made too many sacrifices in my personal life. And I stressed out so much that I started drinking to relax. Like a lot of ADDs I didn't know when to quit; I have a hard time 'giving up'....I've quit enough things before I was done, I didn't think I "should" do that in my career, no matter how much it hurt.

I paid a high price for that....I never really did "succeed"...although I got by. And I didn't develop in the areas I WAS good at....nor did I get the satisfaction of a job well done.

Now I believe that we should "do what we love, the money will follow". I just have to figure out what I love!

Posted: 07 August 2005 at 8:05am | IP Logged

Excellent Joyous!!!! Big hugs for you!!

Can ya tell I just took my meds! LOL

Seriously - you are on the point!

Remember though - when you are happy in love and friends and life in general - then the love of work isn't all that important.  What IS important is LOVE people - LOVE life!!!!!!!

We all forget what is REALLY important.  We work our whole lives, trying to get what?  We lose our love at home - we've lost a great deal then.  Just make sure to get the priorities right before leaping off to be a chef, or a painter, etc.  Love the people around you!  Get back with family and friends.  THEN - and only then - should ADD'ers start working up to getting that ultimate dream job. 

Also, if your home and social life are together - then when the stresses of a hard long day at a job you love is not so bad.  You'll come home - get a big hug and be able to tell your SO about your awesome day! 

Point is - get the LOVE and attention you need at home - then go at it!!  I'm all for catching that falling star - as long as you keep everything in balance.

Luck and love to all

Posted: 07 August 2005 at 10:02pm | IP Logged

One thing I would be cautious of is the fact that you're not sending child support anymore. Regardless of the fact that SSI is more than child support, I would not let her make that "choice." SSI is set up to help mom's with children that have dead-beat dads that don't pay child support. I would send the child support, along with extra money to make up for back child support (because your husband is liable, by law, to pay that SSI money back to the state.) If she continues to receive SSI along with the child support, she'll be in big trouble, which could be helpful to your case. If you're trying to gain custody of the child, which it sounds like you desperately need to, the judge is not going to look too kindly on the fact that you haven't been paying child support. Talk to a lawyer, even if you can only afford legal aid, and find out exactly what you need to do to follow the law and obtain custody. I feel so sorry and angry at the life that child is leading. Good luck, I'll be praying for you.

Posted: 08 August 2005 at 3:28am | IP Logged

She isnt receiving child support any more because the amount the boy receives from SSI is more than his support and thats what SHE chose SHE wanted. She told the law master that she wanted $800 a month to live on. Our lawyer brought the fact about SSI. The law master said do you have ANY money coming in and her reply was NO. Once she got up in the lie, the law master told her she did not appreciate being lied to. The mother replied that SHE needed that money to live on and it was up to HIS father to SUPPORT HIM, NOT HERS. The law master said it was up to both of them, just not the father, to support their child. They were never married because she found out that he didnt make as much as money as she thought so she dumped him for another man. She has kept this child from his father for the last 8 yrs. The only time we got to see him was when we took her to court for visitation. ALL back support has been paid in full as of June. Thats when all visitation stopped. SHE decided to stop it on her own. I called the law master court and they said for my husband to file contempt charges on her. This woman thinks because SHE wants it a certain way, thats the way its gonna be or else.

She hates me. I dont care except for the fact that she shows this hatred in front of the child and my 2 kids. Ive told my 2 that she is just mad and to pray for her at night. The child sees this and he told me that he heard his mom tell her boyfriend that she hates me because he hugs me and tells me he loves me when we tell him goodbye and we will see him next weekend. So me and him has an agreement that he tells me this before we leave the house so his mom dont see or hear this. I use to tell him, "Ill see you next weekend buddy". I dont do that anymore. I just tell him bye. She has tried to accuse of not giving him his medicine but I do. I give it to him because he told me he "NEEDS IT SO HE WILL BE A GOOD BOY" He is a good kid. A very good kid. He can quote a bible verse and it will give you chills. He loves going to church with us. He loves to ride with his grandmother and great aunt. So I let him ride with them. I tell him I will meet him there and that I have his bible. He saw my big bible and he said when he got a little bit older he would love to have one like mine. We will sit down on the couch and he will read to me. I have been working on his reading with him. I have no little kids books anymore since my 2 kids are older than him. So, he chose the bible and didnt want me to go and buy him no "kiddie books" to read. He is a smart child. He told me one night that his mom calls him stupid and other names. (the "other names" will blow your mind. she calls him bastard, retard, 4 eyes, Son of a bitch, and then she says, I wish you were never born because YOU ruined my life)

I can go on and on about this woman. She even got caught selling his ADHD medicine and got caught snorting it herself. She has the doctor to change his medicine so much and then she goes and tells the doctor that the other pills worked better. She then takes the other pills and sells those. She refuses to work. She thinks its up to my husband her. She takes the child money to support herself and her boyfriends. We even go and buy him clothes. We have to take all tags out of them, put his name on the clothes so she wont take them back to the store and trade them in for the money. Same thing for a coat we bought him and his shoes. Now she takes them to a consignment shop and sells them or sells them to her friends.

I cant wait for our court date. Hopefully the law master will talk to people who use to be friends with her. One of them is her own 2 daughters and their stepmom. The daughters call here to talk to them and I take him to their house so they can see each other. She no longer lets him see his half sisters. Im sorry, he has been with his half sisters all his life, until the girls left home due to the abuse. They loved being able to see him every week. The girls come to my house after church or we go their house. He even wants to stay the night. The stepmom of his half sisters has commented on the change in him when he is with us.

I hope all goes well in Oct.

Posted: 09 August 2005 at 5:41am | IP Logged

I'm new to this forum just being diagnosed in the last 2 weeks with Adult ADHD

Bi-Polar runs in my family, and I was diagnosed 4 years ago with Anxiety/Depression.  I've been on Zoloft, Lexapro, and finally Prozac.  All of these made me extremely tired, even after 8-10 hours of sleep a night!  I finally went to my doctor and saw a poster in the lobby on Adult ADHD.  I was a decent student growing up outside of Detroit, but my report cards and conferences were all the same..."doesn't work up to potential", "can't stay on task", blah blah blah.  I took the quick way out in college and only got my Associates since that didn't take very long.  Anyhoo...I've switched jobs a lot, I have a hard time concentrating, and that poster on the doc's wall was me EXACTLY!  I then talked to him, did an initial screening, and was sent to a psychiatrist that deals with Adult ADHD.

I'm so happy I was diagnosed!  Most weekends you would find me in a bed dead asleep, but even this past weekend I was up, moving around, and doing things that needed done.  Even my husband notices a difference, as he's stated that I seem happier and more focused.  The only thing I've hated is starting my Adderall (20mg).  The first few days my emotions were a huge roller coaster, the constant dry mouth, I ate about 2 pop tarts in 4 days, and I was jittery.  The initial symptoms seem to have subsided, and I do feel a lot better than I have in years!

Glad to be here and know that I'm "not the only one"

Posted: 09 August 2005 at 1:05pm | IP Logged

Melly - it gets so much better!

I'm glad the initial effects are going away for you.  I know the first 2 weeks on dexedrine I was a little worried.  I wasn't anxious though which was great.  It was more like a vulcan thing "hmmm logically rapid heartbeat and loss of appetite isn't good for you - maybe I should be concerned?" LOL I felt strongly the pharmacists warning of the "false sense of well-being".  I loved it way more than the real sense of feeling crappy.  It was a wild couple of weeks.

You are certainly not alone.  I meet more and more people online.  Sadly, people in the real world tend to be scared of admitting they have it to me.  I can only think they worry of the stigma attached to a mental illness.

I thought about keeping it to myself.  Then, I decided I'd be doing a disservice to me and others if I didn't share it as widely as I could.  I started to mention it first to my family and boss at work.  Once I explained that it was the cause of my sloppy work, poor behavior and other things all have noticed, then they could see the changes on meds, and all was fine with them.

Soon I told my co-workers.  Some were awesome about it and support me a lot.  Others of course decided it was either an attention grab or some other strangeness they didn't want.  It's ok with me - you can't be loved by everyone it's just impossible.  The new thicker skin I'm growing is a good thing at times like that.

I've even been able to help relative strangers.  There's a man who works at my local 7-11 store who was talking while I was in line to pay about how the other workers tease him about his inability to remember complex tasks and lists.  He said they call it "eric's syndrome" after him.  I was very upset at this - and began to talk to him about the chance he had ADHD.  I gave him the address to the online test so he could get some info.  I haven't heard back but I hope it helped.

Anyway it's been a wierd trip "coming out" with ADHD - but I'm glad I did.  The longer we stay embarassed the longer it stays a hardly understood problem.

Posted: 10 August 2005 at 3:52am | IP Logged

Thanks for the kind words Glen!  I haven't been really hesitant about admitting I have ADHD since I feel that finally I know what's been going on with me all these years, and I'm finally getting the help that I need.  Close friends and co-workers do notice a difference, and my boss is very supportive of it.  I also work with kids, a lot with ADHD.  In fact, yesterday I had to deal with a little one that had a major meltdown from skipping meds and just telling him that I knew how he felt seemed to put him more at ease.  My "big boss" at my organization also has a program in mind for me and other adults with ADHD to mentor the children in our program with ADD/ADHD.

I still hate the stigma that's associated with any mental illness, but that's all based on ignorance.  At least when I meet people and tell them, I can also take that minute to educate them a bit. 

Posted: 10 August 2005 at 10:15pm | IP Logged

Ross - I don't think all the doctors are diagnosing teens just to avoid the hard stuff.  Sure - some are but I think that there are other things involved.  First it seems by just talking to ADD'ers that it's genetic and passed down to children.  That would mean that each generation if you have multiple children - you can pass it down to them.  Also, the doctors are becoming better educated at diagnosis of ADHD - so it would seem logical that when you bring kids in there will be more diagnosed with ADHD.  Used to be the doc would just think the child has a troubled past, an allergy or other similar diseases.

I tend to take the optimist side of it and give most MDs the benefit of a doubt.