I had a problem with my son in pre-school last year. IT was a special ed class with a teacher who had a problem herself - her ego. My son wouldn't conform to what she thought was normal. She let all the kids in his class know my son was 'bad'. After one last incident in March, I pulled him from her class. I wrote a 3-page letter about her unprofessional behavior and sent it to all the top dogs in the school system, and also called a meeting with these same top dogs - they didn't care. (once I understand what exactly his problem is I'm going back to the school board and exposing their ignorance!!!) He has an awesome teacher now who's been a big help in my son regaining his self-esteem. He does have ADHD but is not on medication. I'm reading a book "Natural Treatments for ADD and Hyperactivity" that covers many problems in a child's system that would result him 'acting' like he has ADHD, visual problems, minerals deficiencies, overactive or underactive adrenal glands, food allergies, etc. I'm ruling all of that out first.My son had a problem withhis first Kindergarten class. I had put him into a catholic school. He would often cry for me which is no problem, but his teacher thought it was something "more." He was often sent home for misbehaving ionstead of working with him. He was supposed to be there for a full-day and for 2 months straight I think he only went to school for 3 full days. His teacher would tell him that be didn't belong there, therefor he would always cry thinking that nobody wanted hin in school. Since then, he's in a public school and has never had one problem!Spirit....try overloading them with education about adhd. Find a list of facts about adhd, make a copy for every teacher involved with your son, and give them a copy. Then find information about ways to help kids with adhd...make copies...ect... Then find ways about discipline....get where i'm going? Kill them with kindness....the anger will not make them listen...catholics have guilt..use it.
My step son's fifth gr. teacher is aware of his adhd and his therapy, but she forgets, because the class is huge (32) and one teacher. So I check in with her every other week, update her on his meds, ask about his behavior, give her tips, ect... All i can suggest is keep on these people. Sooner or later, they will either "get it" about your child, or you will discover you need to find him/her another teacher.
And document everything.There is a definite problem with the acceptance of ADHD within the catholic school.My son's school believes that if they disciplin him enough(detention,removal from class and shouting in his face!!)that he will eventually give in and conform!!I feel so angry sometimes it takes all my willpower to stop me racing up there in a rage to get his teachers together and EDUCATE THEM ON ADHD and how to relate to my son and how they should be fighting to meet his needs instead of me fighting them!!!!
HAS ANYONE HERE EVER HAD THEIR CHILD RESTRAINED BY A TEACHER? MY SON IS ALMOST 7 (DIAGNOSED AT 4 WITH ADHD WITH BIPOLAR FEATURES) WAS PLACE IN A ESE CLASS AT THE BEGINING OF KINDERGARTEN AND WAS MAINSTREAMED BACK INTO HIS ORGINAL K CLASS BY THE END OF THE YEAR LAST YEAR. THIS YEAR (1ST GRADE) HE STARTED OFF THE YEAR BACK IN THE SAME ESE CLASS (GRADES K,1,2) AND WAS OUT OF THAT CLASS TOTALLY BY CHRISTMAS. AFTER CHRISTMAS BREAK HE DECIDED THAT THE WORK WAS TOO HARD IN THE "REGULAR" 1ST GRADE CLASS AND PROCEEDED TO "MISBEHAVE" AND LANDED HIMSELF BACK IN THE ESE CLASS. ( THE TEACHER IN THE ESE CLASS HAS CHILDREN OF HER OWN WITH ADHD, AND SHE WAS ONCE VERY GOOD WITH MY SON AND WOULD TRY VERY HARD TO GET HIM TO DO WHAT HE NEEDED TO BE DOING.) NOW MY SON HAS DECIDED THAT HE NO LONGER WANTS TO BE IN THE ESE CLASS AND HAS EVEN TOLD US THAT HE IS MISBEHAVING IN CLASS BECAUSE HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO THE 1ST GRADE CLASS BECAUSE THE TEACHER WANTS TO TEACH HIM HOW TO "READ BETTER." SO, THE ESE TEACHER IS "FED UP" WITH HIM AND SHE HAS PROCEEDED TO RESTRAIN HIM SEVERAL TIME OVER THE PAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.(HE LIKES TO CRAWL AROUND ON THE FLOOR UNDER THE DESKS AND DOES NOT FOLLOW DIRECTIONS ETC...)WHICH ONLY MAKES HIM "MAD" AND THEN IT TAKES HOURS FOR HIM TO COOL DOWN. HE HAS HAD A SUB SEVERAL DAYS AND HE HAS NOT HAD ANY PROBLEMS ON THOSE DAYS. THIS WOMEN EVEN HAD THE NERVE TO TELL ME I MAY NEED TO START RESTRAINING HIM AT HOME AND I TOLD HER I DON'T SEEM TO HAVE A PROBLEM WITH HIM AT HOME. (WE EVEN TOLD THE ASST PRINCIPAL WE WANT TO BE NOTIFIED BY PHONE WHEN HE IS BEING RESTRAINED AND TODAY IT WAS WRITTEN ON HIS DAILY BEHAVIOR CHART! SORRY TO BE SO LONG!MALEAhere here i agree re school system i have a 4th grader dxd in second grade whose teachers "other than homeroom teacher" don't have the time (?) to read the IEPs of their children-I just don't get this I also agree that they must be educated by the parents via printed info and by the parent/s staying on top of things-make sure the spec ed teacher is present at all conferences when i talk to the spec ed teacher (who is wonderful), the homeroom teacher usually looks at me like i have 2 heads to malear I am an RN and I have my sincere doubts about the legality of restraining a child in school these kids must be allowed to move around why is their mvmt in the classroom such a problem if they are given boundaries? e.g. you must remain at your desk-doesn't mean he has to sit at his desk, just means he can sit only under his own desk, etc. my grandson, whom we are raising, literally eats his shirt sleeves due to anxiety-I can't imagine how much harder it would be for him if he were forced to remain perfectly still in his chair my son has suffered in mainstream school since starting 6 years ago. he was diagnosed adhd at 3. we have been in constant battle to get him into special school as mainstream dont have the first clue on adhd. it got so bad we had to withdraw him from school until they did something. how wrong were we! 18 months later they still wouldnt back down and he is now back in mainstream suffering everyday at the hands of the bullies ( kids and teachers) i am ill with worry, on antidepressants and all because i want whats right for my beloved little boy. how can some people be so ignorant. they think he is naughty and i'm neurotic! all i want is for him to get the education he deserves and to stop talking about suicide cause things are so bad for him. is that a lot to ask? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!
I have a 12 yr oold son with ADHD/ODD. I have been dealing with school issues for the 2nd year in a row. The latest incident involves the principal grabbing him by the shirt, putting his fist in his face and threatening him. This was all due to my son's questionning why he was being put in in school suspensions all the time. The principal responded that he could talk but that he(the principal) was not going to answer. My son then "flicked" a piece of paper at him, and that was when the principal grabbed him, threatened him and said "you will never do that again". The school is very well aware of my son's ADHD and the issues he is having. My son has had Wraparound services, including a TSS in the school. The school however, does not seem to want to understand or work with ADHD kids.
He(and I) have suffered so much emotional stress from all of the issues that are school related, I am not sure what to do anymore. I have checked into getting a lawyer but realistically, I cannot afford to. I have also checked into schools and camps for my son however, again they are too costly for us. Any suggestions?Terri38127.3139351852
Hi! I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.My sons school just does'nt seem to care!!!He has adhd and has definately failed his grade this year. I have BEGGED the school for help.As they say he can do the work and he CAN!!! He just can't sit still,be guiet,or pay attention long enough..I have asked several times that he be tested and its the end of the school year and he still hasn't!!So while we have been waiting and showing OUR behinds at school...no test....and he has failed his grade!! he gets in trouble at least once a week and is just before getting sent to alternative school. get this....the school psycologist told me to just let him go...if he don't want to learn you cant make him!!!!HAS HE LOST HIS MIND!!!!!! Im at the end of my rope.Like you we can't afford expensive doctors and such.I don't know what to do. the school my son goes to is supposed to be one of the best public schools around.Where is compassion in these schools? they are letting my son fall through the cracks and no one cares!!!!I have had a lot of problems with my son's public school. He is in a self-contained room and has been kicked out because he was not behaving the way the school wants him to behave. He was not expelled and not suspended but yet wasn't allowed to go back for almost 42 days. They are aware that he has ADHD but just wants him to be sent to another school. They do not know what the problem seems to be (we are in the process of doing an FBA), but yet want him out of the school. It is like a constant roller coaster with this school. Last straw was this last week in speech class when the teacher said he had a personality conflict with another student in speech. He was sent home and the other student was sent back to his homeroom. I had to leave work yet again to go pick him up. They just don't care.
My suggestion is, be careful with section 504. Don't use it unless you have to. Look down the road, if your child is trying to get into college (he probably is more than capable) and even has an opportunity at a scholarship...say its down to being between two students ...504 is going to stand out on that application whether it should or not.
I personally believe that there is a very unsolved issue with the schools and children with ADHD. It seems like teachers are relying on it too much. I knew my son had behavior problems and so forth, and as he got older I knew then he had ADHD, but was not diagnosed yet. The year he started school, I hoped and prayed that he would be ok. Then issues started happening and the teachers right away sent us to a doctor, and he was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. It seems like more and more children are being diagnosed with ADHD. My mom had never even heard of this until my son was diagnosed, back then there was no such thing. It is an ongoing issue, and I very much believe the schools need more help with this. They need to bring in more people, and become more involved in helping them, instead of sending them home when they misbehave. This is the 3rd time this week that I have had to leave work and pick up my son. I do agree with them about one thing, they are looking out for the saftey of the other kids. That is good, but when are they going to start helping our kids. I don't want to sound off the wall, but it does get frustrating sometimes.
my sons school have been great but we did have problems in the reception class. he was branded a naughty boy and i was actually reported to the social services as my son and another boy were caught showing one another THEIR WILLIES !!
once in year one however, his teacher has been our salvation. he took me aside and told me that he was sure oliver was not a naughty boy but that there was a reason for his behaviour.we have worked together on strategies to help him cope. he is not failing in school but is so disruptive.the school arte supporting me fully and only on monday two of the teachers came out and told me to call in if ever i neede a chat, and that even if they couldnt help, they would be a shoulder for me to lean on, and thats what i need right now.
edited to say. his teacher is also trying to learn about adhd, and is looking out for courses to go on .kaz uk38128.1043402778
I've had both good and bad experiences. My son hasn't had issues with grades, but has had some bad situations socially. At his first school, he was being bullied so badly that the school counsular even told us that he was being harrassed! The principal and the teachers ignored him and told him he was just a tattle tale. His teacher even sat him in class between the two boys that were the instigators. It was awful for him, but he didn't tell us - we figured it out after things at home were going downhill and we requested a conference. We could see that the school did not want to be bothered with our child and the teachers rejection of him encouraged the children to reject him as well.
We have since changed schools and it's a drastic difference. We met with everyone up front and explained the issues that were going on and what we expected and the type of support we were willing to provide. The teacher, principal, school psychologist, band instructor - everyone has really been great. His teacher emails me twice a week, reporting not only on any issues, but successes. His band instructor made a special effort to let my son know that he is a very talented musician and will grab him for 10-15 minutes after school sometimes for an individual lesson. The principal makes an effort to speak to him every day and will even take time out of her day to visit his classroom if he is doing a presentation.
I have to say that the extra efforts of the schools staff to make him feel included and worthwhile have really given him additional incentive to try and succeed. The other children are responding positively, too. Things aren't perfect by any means, but compared to last year, it's wonderful.
If your school is not supporting you - see if it is possible to move him/her. Meet with the staff before hand and try to get a feel for how they are going to respond to your child. See if they can give you examples of other children in the school that have similar issues and how they deal with them and their parents.
Terri - if the principal at my school ever grabbed my son and threatened him like that, I think I'd call the police on him! Sounds to me like HE might be ADD if he can't control himself any better than that.
I appreciated your post. I did call the police regarding this issue. What I found out was they have "ties" to the school. The officers took a report and told me a detective would be contacting me. He never did. So I called him and asked what was happening with the complaint. His response was "Well, we will not be filing any charges against the principal if that's what you mean". I asked him how he can come to that conclusion if he hadn't even talked to my sone yet. He stated he heard my son was out of control! When I asked for his chief's name...he then said oh, well bring him in and let's talk. I told him it may not be worth it since he had already decided what he was going to do. Anyway, about a week later I did take him to speak with the detective and asked again why he was doing anything about this. I then was told he would take the info and pass it on to the DA. I'm still waiting to hear from the DA........ The whole situation seems so unbeleivable that this type of behavior is coming from School Personnel and even our Police Dept.Terri38128.3297685185
Terri - even if your son was out of control, it does not constitute a threat against him from an adult. That detective needs to remember that he is responsible for collecting the facts, not being a judge based on hearsay. That would be somebody elses job. For some reason, I thought the decision to file charges was up to the complaintant, not the detective or the police department. I'm pretty sure that you can file a complaint and press charges without their permission. I've never been in a position to research that, but surely theres some information on the internet about your options. Much luck.
this has been our worst year yet. first always getting in trouble then a coach cussing at my 12year old and raising a fist to him .what did the principle do ?tell my son to watch his behavior. then the missed activities for acting out .He didnt get to go on 2 field trips and the track meet he has been practicing for all year.I understand consequences yet to me these seem extreme .He has only been diagnosed and on meds 2months so i hope it gets better next year.If i still have problems after next year i will send him to an alterative school.No reason to keep a child where they are misrable,when there are other options.jazzysab38128.4142476852 [QUOTE=administrator]Anybody out there have any bad experiences with you kid's school?[/QUOTE]
The school where Tom goes has been really ace in help and understanding ADHD. But I had to give the Head teacher and Deputy Head teacher verbal permission to physically remove Tom from any dangerous situation, as they are not allowed to touch our children. This was enforced twice in the last 4 weeks, Tom had climbed onto the tables in the classroom and was throwing books and other things at the children and teachers. When they got hold of his wrists he kicked out at them.
They have now excluded him because they feel that he is a danger to himself and others and that they need to get professional help from the Education Department. This is where I have my main problems!
Tom had problems too in Reception class, his teacher was a right dragon! Even made me feel I was in trouble!! Checky cow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But when he got to Year 1 his teacher was also his SENCO, she was absolutley wonderful and we helped each other out from then on.
I think many teachers don't understand ADHD and are scared to understand it too. If a child does not conform to certain standards, it is a trouble maker!!
Well, all I can say is that I'm glad my Tom is not normal because he wouldn't be him otherwise and he is my star!All you moms,
I am also struggling with my son's school. He is in Kindegarten and it has been a long year. The school was helpful in the beginning and know it seems like all they want to do is send him home. My son is very smart and can read and write very well, sometimes I think he isn't being challenged enough, and even more so now, he has a student aide who is with him all day and it doesn't seem like he is learning anymore, it is just a daycare now. I will defintley check out those websties.
I have had so many problems with the schools. This year i finally had emough and i pulled him out and am home schooling. he said, he wants to go back to school next year. so while he is out for the rest of this year, i am doing all i can do to get hime tested and get him an IEP or a 504 which ever i can get. more seems to get done now that i have called the school board.Blue Star, Your son may be gifted and bored. Write and I mean write, don't call the school and ask for a "full educational evaluation" on him. It may be too late in the school year to do it now but they will have to do it the first thing next school year if you ask now.
Thank you so much for your replys. I will talk to his mental health counselor about the evaluation for being gifted and bored. It sounds very interesting, all this time everyone has been trying to get the right medicine working for my son, and nothing has worked. I have hope, and I am really trying to get things worked out this summer so my son can start fresh with a school or program and be successful. He is already an advanced learner, so our main concerns arehis behavior. I have one question, a few of you mentioned a 504, I have never been told about a 504, my son has an IEP, but what is a 504. Finding this website and being able to talk with other people who are going through the same things is wonderful, I am so glad I can talk and get information from people who actually experience what I have been going through.
I had problems with two of my sons teachers. His second grade teacher told me he wasn't allowing her to be the teacher she could be. When I would try to talk to her before or after school about my son she would walk-quickly away. I don't think she was very happy being a teacher. His third grade teacher who told me she was on a med for a chemical imbalance, was just a little innappropriate.I was told by my son and another student-and his mother-she would talk about things during class, such as getting drunk...It seemed like alot of the better teachers left the school during the past two years.my sons school is awful, they seem too think that ADHD is not a problem that it is in his head and all made up, he does take meds and sleeping pills, last year the teacher would call me everyday too see if he took his pills, and of course he did, she also told me that she was not his babysitter, we have a hard time and were i live there is no one too talk too about it!
I thought my son set some type of record - lol. He was at the principals office on the 2nd week of preschool. Stubborness apparently was the issue. hmmmmm
I am so sorry to hear about what happened to your son. I know exactly what your going through as I've been there done that with my Down Syndrome son. He was physically abused by his aide at his last school. We brought it to court with an attorney. My 9 year old son witnessed it and we lost because the Principal lied through his teeth and it was his word over a nine year old. I couldn't even get them to not have this man work with my son. I called DSS because I was afraid to send him to school and filed a complaint with them and they didn't even investigate it. The school in turn filed a complaint with DSS against our family saying we were cultest, we had killer dogs, my son with Down Syndrome was going to grow up to be a sex ofender, my 9 yr. old was going to grow up to be a criminal, and the kids wore camaflauge pants to school a few days after Columbine. We were investigated and found inicent on all counts but what a night mare. I was so frieghtened by their power and got so depressed I moved out of state. I left our home which we still own and lived in a travel trailer in a camp ground just to escape the hastles from the school. I'll never get over it as long as I live. Good Luck! I hate to be so morbid about it but that was our experience. By the way our killer dogs were a sweet chiwowa, and a golden retriever that would lick you to death and never bite a soul. We moved to Maine where I was afraid to say boo to the school out of fear they would retaliate. Now my nine year old who is now 13 and found he has ADHD/ODD and no plan as yet was suspended from school last Feb. and can't return unless we sign a contract that would give them permission to Expell him if he get's one more suspention for as little as fooling around, horseplay, not immediately complying to any request with the utmost respect to any staff member. But they can harrass him and swear at him that's ok. They won't let him return this year without that contract signed and I won't sign it because they're only trying to get rid of him and that would give them the power. I found out that they can do that and they don't even have to educate him in any way, not even a tutor if I don't sign it. I don't know what to do. I'm terrified! I would home school but I don't have the smarts to do it and I'm afraid if I don't send him, I will have DSS on my door. I have a meeting tonight to talk to the school. If anyone has any real legal advice I would appreciate it. I've spoken to the Disability Rights Ctr. and it sounds like their arn't any protections for my son and the school is in they're legal right to do this. He probubly won't qualify for Sped. services because his IQ is to high even though he would have stayed back to years in a row if he didn't get tutored to get his grades up. It seems where ever we go we have no rights.
Good Luck and stay strong,
When my son started kindergarten last year, he had a very rough time because he wasn't diagnosed at that point & he was having alot of behavioral problems. I was called almost every day for one thing or another. (Thank goodness I don't work!) He was soiling his pants almost every day & I was called up to the school almost the same time every day to clean him up & change him. I later found out that his paraprofessional that was appointed to him told him he wasn't allowed to go to the bathroom because he played with the water. So, what other option did he have?? After a few months passed, I was also told by two school nurses that knew my son very well & dealt with him quite often that his paraprofessional was extremely mean to him. I brought my concerns to the assistant principal & told her that my son needed someone understanding & compassionate especially if he does have a problem & she was moved to another class. I always had a bad feeling about her from day one, but I thought I was being an over protective mother, but when my fears were acknowledged, I was so mad that a person could be so mean to a 5 year old child. I didn't persue the issue further because I didn't want the school to accuse me of being racist (I'm most definitely NOT by any means because my son's physician is african american & I think she is fantastic!) & I'm sure they didn't want to deal with a discrimination lawsuit from her. You have to be very active in your child's education & make sure that teachers are well educated about ADHD so they will be an asset to their education & not a liability.For those of you that have children with ADHD that have difficulty in swallowing their medication, there is a new product available called Methylin Chewable Tablet and Methylin Oral Solution that can help. Methylin Chewable and Methylin Oral Solution is the first and only chewable tablet and oral solution available for ADHD. It comes in a 2.5mg , 5mg and a 10mg in the chewable tablet. In addition, the oral solution is available in a 5mg/5mL and 10mg/5mL dose. Both products are available in a grape flavor that makes it easier for kids to take. You can visit the companies website at methylin4kids.com to get more information. My friends son is 7 and had a very difficult time swallowing his med and he was started on the 2.5mg then titrated up to 10mg. It works very well.
Yes we have had a hard time with Jared's behaviour in school and with the schools actions. for example he got a principal referral (meaning he had to meet with the principal) for "standing in the class room acting like a statue" I say tell him to knock it off. what i have found is that they get a label and even though the teacher aide whatever didnt see the actual event they hear his name and automatically assume he is to blame. He was is second grade last year and the principal told my husband and i that one more thing and he would be suspended. Can you believe it. we have a team meeting friday and have gotten an advocate finally.
this year has gone well (its early) we have hope but it usually does start out well and gets ugly somewhere around the spring time. the shot these kids take to their self esteem and self worth wow. Jared has a very hard time meeting new kids because sometimes his reputation precede him or he just cant get along.
Yes I had some words with my sons teacher earlier in the year. My son had been playing with a ball that belonged to another child prior to me picking him up. The boy was crying because his ball was lost and he thought my son had stole it. My son was saying no he did not have it and that he had put it on the bag racks.
But the teacher insisted on checking his bag. I was humiliated for my son and so I took the teacher aside and explained to her that if it was my sons ball, and the other childs (the teachers pet) bag, would she have believed the other child.
She told me that child was a good child. I said so was mine and with an attitude like hers, he will never have a chance to prove it.
I was so mad!!!!!! Infuriated. Once labelled, it is hard to shake off.
And Mlopez - you may read all these posts and feel that a special school is what they all need, but I think throwing all these kids together, may not be the answer either.
Was there not special schools in the past, but then society decided to integrate all children together? Well here in Australia that is what happened.Rae7038267.2302199074
Yes I agree, an occassional defence from Mum, makes them feel protected, and loved. It is just some mums are always carrying on. I try to avoid being one of those
My daughter's teacher is amazing , but the social worker and psychologist are a complete nightmare- they stopped CSE proceedings because they said she was non-compliant during testing and in 20 years of experience , they'd never dealt with a child like mine!! I told them it was BS. So now I am working alone with her teacher, who is dual cert in special ed and elem ed. It is discouraging to be sure.We are also taking it in front of the school board because it is highly unusual to discontinue like that.zen thank god for her teacher!
OMG Rae, I'd be furious too. I had a similar experience with my son's latchkey director last year. I let her have it - and I let my son stay with me while I did. In hindsight, I'm not sure that was the best idea. But, I wanted him to know that Mom believes in him (he happens to be a very honest child - even when he knows he's done wrong and will be punished).
Wow I never knew something like this can hurt so much
We just had a GREAT parent teacher interview with Tan's teacher. it was wonderful, still having some probs with reading but otherwise she is working hard and fitting in well with all the other grade 3 kids this year.
Just thought I would add a good issue to this topic.
That sure seems like a silly question ...problems with school.... many many from denial , to sarcasm, to outright name calling. I have been called in the past a "b" that likes to complain too much and an overconservative , over protective , prude,. I have been thrown off school property and as for testing well my kid isnt allowed any ieps until high school since he passed his speech iep. There is no iep's for adhd kids with his level IQ's . They wont test for dysgraphia as according to them there is no such thing. He cant write, focus, spell, and he wont stay seated etc yet he doesnt have troubles. His 3rd grd teach out and out said he was just a bad kid and she would break him. He is now 6 grd and has six uncooperative teachers . Tuesday his home room teacher picked him to clean the room at study hall. She has done this in her classes for years. He had homework in every subject and none of it was done. (they have janitors) And she knows he is ADHD. They didn't want him medicated and didnt care that it made there jobs harder. The school pshyc 's exam consisted of 20 minutes during class while he was medicated and she never spoke to him. They said if he cant write then let him type everything...now how is that going to work during class?? The principal (who has a phd in psych ) said that only one teacher need to fill out a connors and he hasn't seen the problem. All boys are that way. or That looks like normal work for his grade..funny the ped doctor didnt think so.
any more questions just ask. Someone mentioned an advocate and I would really like to know how to get one.
DEAR Rae70: I don't know why you make that comment about my idea(Special schools). I guess, I have to repeat myself one more time: I do think it will work for me, but every parent should try whatever they think it is the best alternative for them. Obviously, other people believe on Special Schools if they were created. I just did not know (when I wrote my message) that U.S.A have them. I just have to find one in my area or try to bring them to my community for those who believe they will benefit from them. I wish you luck in finding a better alternative.
Anyways, let me tell you my experience: My son's school is aware of his ADHD, he is in a special class (ESE). His teachers (so far) has been "OK" this year. But, you can tell most of their personnel have "no clue" on how to deal with this disorder. They make VERY NEGATIVE COMMENTS sometimes, that hurt parents feeling. This year, I went to speak with the "Principal" about a "program" that looks very promising for students with Attention Problems. I explained her all about my son, my frustrations, everything I was doing to help him, etc etc. In a very "cold" tone she told me: You should try to take it easy, we are doing whatever we can, but I'm going to be honest, your son might not pass to 4th grade this year. I'll set a meeting with his teachers to see what else can they do, but I tell you right now, we don't have a full time ESE program. And, in reference to "the program" you mentioned, all the vendors say their products are the best. This school does not have the money to get it, anyways. We have what we need here. When I asked her if she knew of any school with a full time ESE , any other special program or a tutor that will help my son, all she said was NOT,I DON'T.All this at the beggining of the school year. What a beggining ah!!
mlopez, I didnt mean to upset you!, I can be so blunt sometimes! . I could tell you were having a very stressful time atm.
mlopez, you sound so anxious and worried, and I understand where you are coming from, but there is no good for you or your family to allow this ADHD to get the better of you.
Why dont you take a little rest from the research for a while (say just a week) and dont visit his teacher for a week either and maybe dont even bother with ensuring his homework is done for a week.
I know I have done this on the occassion. I have reached a point, where all the negative attitudes regarding my son, make me feel like I am the only soilder left fighting for him. But then I realise that no matter how hard I try, I cant change the essence of my son, or his personality quirks. I can find him the help he needs, to ensure he gets the best grades for his ability, but he may always have issues that only he can learn to deal with, and he may not have the best job either, but then again he might. I have let go of any expectation and just deal with day to day.
I worry about you mlopez, because I sense from you a great deal of desperation and also that you have a lot of fears and worries. I know you are very smart - and that is probably why you worry so much. But you are going to have to just worry about today for a little while, because I feel you need about a week to relax. You remind me so much of myself sometimes, and that is probably why I give ya such a hard time, I worry heaps too.
I was having a conversation the other day with a very successful retired gentleman. And we were talking about happiness and success. He bluntly said, "just because I made a lot of money and had senior important positions, doesnt mean I am happy! He said that he envied the little people that enjoyed every day they lived, with or without success and money!"I have a 5 year old diagnoised with ADD, and before he was put on 18mg of concertta he was a terror. Kindergarden was a nightmare, it seemed like everyday he was in the principals office for something rangeing form touching other kids to spitting food on other kids i was so frustrated . I took him to the DR. and he was diagnoised and put on concerta, it has made a tremendous differance in his behavior and he is one of the better kids in his class, even the principal has ommented on his perfect behavior.But his focus is still a challenge, the DR said because he has lost weight , he wants to wait to up his meds and that the teacher will just have to deal with his attention problum a little longer, because his health ( weight ) is more important. I want to thank god for all you parents on this forum , without your encouragement i would have never had the push i needed to seek help for my son . THANKS!!!!
PROBLEMS W/SCHOOL!!!! I CANT BEGIN TO EXPLAIN, JUST TO PUT IT IN A NUT SHELL, MY SON CANNOT ATTEND SCHOOL RIGHT NOW FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF HE HAS BEEN TAUGHT AT HOME THROUGH THE DADE COUNTY SCHOOL BOARD. HE IS ON "HOMEBOUND". HE IS TOO VIOLENT AND DOES NOT LISTEN TO THE TEACHERS. NEXT YEAR, HE HAS TO ATTEMPT TO RETURN BUT HE IS TOO COMFORTABLE AT HOME. SCHOOL IS THE HARDEST FOR ME, I CAN DEAL W/HIM AT HOME (ITS HARD) BUT SCHOOL IS IMPOSSIBLE. I WOULD GET CALLS EVERYDAY AND TEACHERS ARE NOT WILLING TO WORK WITH THESE SPECIAL CHILDREN AND I BELIEVE THAT THATS ALL THEYU REALLY NEED IS A LITTLE SPECIAL ATTENTION AND ALOT OF UNDERSTANDING!!!!
k pons, it is my opinion, that the whole education systems need a thorough work over. There are different ways of learning and not all people can learn through listening, some are visual etc.
They should have 3 different classes for each year, listeners, visuals and tactile.
And teachers that can teach accordingly.
Wow was that a brilliant idea or what
We have been very fortunate to have a teacher this year who has repaired all the damage caused by the teacher he had last year at a different school.
Last year, my 9 year old boy hated school, thought his teacher and all the kids hated him. He thought he was ugly (he is drop dead gorgeous!!). This was prior to being diagnosed and his teacher at that time had no understanding and no time for him.
He started at a new school. I had a word with his teacher on the first day about all the problems he had.................he was diagnosed within weeks and we haven't looked back. She has nurtured him and built up his self esteem and helped him to fit in with his classmates.
Now I have a child who loves school and would prefer to go to school than have school holidays!! She has been a turning point in my sons life and I am so grateful.
What brought a tear to my eye was when he said "mum, I was looking at myself in the mirror and decided that I'm not ugly".
I guess some of us are luckier than others. I think that teachers should have to do a course on ADHD to understand it and be able to help identify children that may have it. I think it should be part of the teachers training, how can they help if they have no understanding??
PROBLEMS WITH SCHOOL
I could write a book. Our public school just isn't set up to accomadate either of my adhd children. If I had a cookie cutter kids (sigh- I wonder what that is like) I think I would be very happy with the school. I really think they are trying but it is not easy to teach 95% of kids one way and then here come the other 5%- our kids. They just don't know what to do with those kids.
My friend at the same school is at her wits end has a child with adhd, Aspergers, and a sky high IQ and they have him in all the lowest classes because he gets overstimulated in the fast paced classes.
I have problems with the school but I really am not angry at them- I don't know what they should do either.KidsInSpace38285.240462963
My 13 year old daughter was diagnosed with ADHD when she was 8. She was put on Concerta and it helped a lot, but she still has problems. She took band last year but although she loves music and loved playing her flute, the teacher was so inflexible that she quit playing. She was once suspended and sent to alternative school for 12 weeks. I put her in a private school, which was great until her Grandma died. Since then she has been in trouble all the time - she just says no to her teachers, she walks out of class, she has been caught smoking at school - she just doesn't care.
I am going to see if her meds need adjusting and change schools again. If necessary I will home school for a while until she settles down - I think she is afraid that if her Grandma died then her Mum can die, so she wants to be with me. One major problem is the difficulty she has keeping friends - she makes them easily enough but then she does embarrassing stuff or is too bossy or upsets the parents, so she loses the friend. Any advice on that? If I am home schooling her, social life will be even more important.
I have been told by teachers that the only problem my son has is that he's lazy & doesn't want to do the work & in the next breath they're asking me if he is still on meds. I've had trouble for 3 yrs & yes, he has an IEP in place. We're changing schools in Jan & he's excited. But I can say that this is the last time. Any more problems & I will homeschool him. His teachers seem to have a problem w/everything about him. Organization, forgetfulness, procrastination, daydreaming, hyperactivity, impulsivity, you name it. Don't you just love report card time & they make those comments ("Seems to have trouble staying on task", etc.) As if we didn't know. I suppose they think that they have enlightened us in some way. Public schools are a disaster & until ADHD is RECOGNIZED, our kids WILL suffer.
My sons previous school failed to recognise that my son had LD. He struggled through 3 years of school and, although I approached his teachers on many occasions with my concerns, they didn't pick up that he was in need of help. His reports reflected an average student but he couldn't complete any of his work and was completely lost if the teacher was calling out questions for the kids to write down answers to.............go figure.
I blame myself for not looking into it more, but I thought that the teachers would know if there was a real problem that needed addressing.
First day at his new school.....different story. His teacher picked up on it straight away and referred us to the school psychologist and things went from there.
There should be a specific, compulsory course for teachers educating them on understanding these kids and how to recognise any child who may have ADHD. There are so many kids who are misunderstood.
I appreciate that the teachers have a whole classroom full of kids that need his/her attention, but they can't begin to help children with special needs if they have little or no understanding.My son's school did the unthinkable. The day after an IEP meeting in which I expressed my dissatisfaction with their failure to properly implement the IEP, the assistant principle called Child Protective Service who then spoke with my children and came into our home to discuss allegations of abuse with us. The school has changes his placement 3 times in the past year and for an ADHD child with a severe social emotional delay, change is not what he needs!! He needs teachers who will not try to kick him out of their class when they cannot handle him. Now they want to change his placement again!! They would like to put him in an EBD class for extreme behavior issues at another school because the special ed class cannot handle him. I will not stop advocating for my son because the school thinks the CPS card is the one to play. I am the only one who cares what is best for him...the school wants what is easiest.
If i were you i would be intouch with my solicitor (Lawyer) ASAP!!!!
Good Luck and dont stop fighting for him
DansmumHi I'm new here but I have a problem with my 13 year old sons school. The school wants me to put Dyllon on more meds he's currently taking concerta to slow his brain down so he can pay attention better. The school thinks he needs an anti-depressant for his moods. He isn't depressed he's just stubborn and he knows how to play the system. my son went from a special school with only 6 to a class room to 3 different schools this year. I moved to a different district the home school didn't have a room set up for time-outs or big class rooms over whelming feelings. So he was moved around until the home school was ready.Now they just want to drug him and I don't feel its right. He needs to confront his emotions without the drugs. Does anyone have any suggestions any feed-back would be helpful Thanks
Welcome! You will truly find these boards to be a wealth of information. What school personnel is asking for your son to be put on meds for his moodiness? First of all, the school CANNOT ask or demand you to have your child put on more meds. They just don't want to deal with him, so they want him on more meds. It's their easy way out because if he's not hard to handle, then they don't have to put in the extra effort. There are good, caring & understanding teachers out there. I would also ask this person (who wants him on more meds) to put their request in writing. I would almost guarantee you, this person, whoever it is, will not do that! What does your son's Dr. think of the school's request??
Be strong in what you believe what's best for your son & don't let the school bully you so their lives are made easier. Good Luck:)Thanks for the reply flamom02, It's his teacher who is a special ed teacher. I've asked him to try a different method with him and he said okay but it won't work. He's givven up before he's even heard what it is. I asked him for an appt. today is my day off and he wouldn't schedule one with me. So I'm calling the counselor and other staff so we'll see what happens.
I think it is absolutely awful that his teacher wouldn't take the time to meet with a concerned parent regarding their son. Does your son have an IEP? I would request a meeting with the principal & discuss this matter immediately. Teachers like that are a waste to have in the classroom. I know you mentioned your child has been moved around alot, but that may have to be looked into again because he is not getting what he needs in this teacher's classroom. I would even look into filing a complaint with the school board regarding this matter. I would document every conversation & save all notes & responses from him to show the board how uncooperative he his. Where do you live??
My son was diagonsed in 1st grade with ADHD (3rd grade now), only after countless meetings with anyone who would meet with me. Through Kindergarten and most of 1st grade his was in the princpal's office, so I finally pushed to have him tested. They did and of course he has ADHD. They immediatley put an IEP in place and suggested I medicate. At the time I was VERY againest meds and didnt medicate. In so many words I was told by his teacher, princpal and school physcolist (?) that if I dont medicate not to bring him back for 2nd grade. (Public school system for ya!!) Thankfully 2 weeks before the start of the school year (2nd grade) I found a charter school for children with LD and ADHD. The school has been great (6-10 kids for every teacher) and really helped my child. He is almost reading at grade level and starting to progress. Although I'm having some trouble with him right now and now considering med's, the charter school totally saved my son. Good luck to everyone stuck in the system! We have to keep fighting for our babies future! kagesmom38356.5465162037help, i have been fighting with my son's school for the past 2 years. he has a 504 but the principal refuses to acknowledge it. Every where I turn people keep putting me off. Even his councelors dont return my calls. I am labeled nuerotic mom.
[QUOTE=LKeeney35]Spirit....try overloading them with education about adhd. Find a list of facts about adhd, make a copy for every teacher involved with your son, and give them a copy. Then find information about ways to help kids with adhd...make copies...ect... Then find ways about discipline....get where i'm going? Kill them with kindness....the anger will not make them listen...catholics have guilt..use it. [/QUOTE]
This is so true! Last year DD had a very old-school World Cultures teacher who was completely in the dark about ADHD/LD. DD's best friend told her mother that this teacher was yelling a lot, mostly at DD. The teacher had her seated at the back of the class for discipline purposes (this with a new vision problem diagnosis). DD hated this class and was coming home in tears, embarrassed and humiliated on a daily basis. Her report card from this class came without a grade, only a notation on her inattention and behavior. My first instinct was to rip this woman's hair out at the roots, but a defensive stance would do nothing to help my daughter. So, instead I very nicely e-mailed her and bombed her with informative links about ADHD, auditory processing delays and DD's newly diagnosed vision problem. I had also made some recomendations re: seating and frequent checks to make sure DD was following along, as well as not damaging her self esteem by embarrassing her with a raised voice that calls attention to the problems she's having. This teacher was very apologetic in her response and said she would try these measures. A week later she got back with me to say that these changes were making a huge improvement with DD's participation in class. We didn't have a problem with this teacher for the rest of the year.
The problems I still have with this experience are this: why are the teachers not communicating with other teachers on this rather crucial information? DD's primary teacher was well-aware of the problems DD had and despite receiving negative feedback from the W.C. teacher, she never thought to pass this info. along to her. The other problem I have is why do some teachers automatically respond to students this way, just because they don't know the background history? Isn't it a given that the child has a problem that should be treated compassionately, regardless of the known presence of a diagnosis?
Look in class rooms at different times UNannouncted. See what's going on. I did this helped. Check out classrooms with next years teacher request one you feel will be best suited for your child.Request in ARd meeting. Made this year lots better.rshn
We did do A LOT better this year with DD's teachers. DD is also receiving speech tx and is followed with IEP's which has helped tremendously. All this just goes to show that we are our children's best advocate, beyond any school staff or medical provider.
Yes, my 15 year old son and school are like oil and water. They just don't mix. And it's not because I don't get in there to mix things up a bit, keep the teachers on their toes with him being an unmedicated ADHD teen who needs constant focus and leading, its because they refuse to remember he is on an IEP and has now been dropped down to Special ED classes because he is failing in regular classes. Does the school say, hmmmmm, maybe it's his disability? No, they say it is because he is lazy, and one of the teachers, who is now one of his former teachers, has been harrassing him because of his "stupidity". Believe me, this is not getting by. I am filing a formal complaint with the chairman of the board at the next meeting. Of course the teacher has denied every little comment she has made because she knows the consequences of harrassing a student with disabilities.
To answer the question of if anyone having trouble with the schools, I would have to say I think there are more parents and students that are than aren't. My opinion of the district my son is in is poor, very poor. My opinion of the teachers in his district is even worse. Do they know how to deal with child with ADHD? Although the chairman says they are all highly qualified to deal with all sorts of disabilities and handicaps, they are not using their experience to the full potential.[QUOTE=salshep]
Hi, new here and loving all the info, it's good to know I'm not alone.
My daughter is six, was diagnosed last year with ADHD, with impulsivity problems. In her 3-year old kindergarten class, we had a lot of problems. The teacher at one point called her a sociopath, and the kinder committee sent me a message saying they wouldn't allow her back unless I could provide proof she was seeing a psychologist. You's think she'd taken an axe to someone, the way they carried on. Never mind the terrible self-image my 3-year old developed while there - it broke my heart!
Anyway, I quickly figured out that the boys at this place could act any way they damned pleased (a group were harassing my girl very badly, saying they were going to kill her, etc. She bopped one on the nose, hence the nasty message from the committee). I observed with my own eyes extreme examples of thier double-standard, expecting girls to be placid and quiet, etc. I'm not saying my child does not have issues, but these people???? I informed them that what they were doing was illegal and discriminatory, and got her out of there at the start 3rd term (and refused to pay my fees due for that term saying I don't pay people to damage my child!).The next year, her teachers were kind and gentle, and made such a difference! She was still a handful but certainly not 'sociopathic'!! Anyway, thanks for this forum, I'm getting heaps out of it already!
Hi Sal, Welcome aboard! As our kids grow up you realise how personality has a lot more to do with teacher/student relationship and subsequent childrens behaviours than we first thought.
Teachers can make or break any kid - hang in there sounds like you are a good decision maker!
RachLove the avatar Rae! Elementary school was supportive but this year my son started middle school and it's a nightmare. He's been beat up and picked on daily until now he sits in class and does nothing for which the teachers didn't bother to let us know this until his averages are as low as a "19" and they say he will fail because there is no way he can bring them up now. I intend to end public school after this year. For those of you who aren;t aware there is something called the McKay scholarship that pays for a child with a disability (ADD/ADHD) to go to a private school as long as they have been in public school for at least one year and under a 504 accomodation plan for one year. I got on their website and those were the only 2 criteria that had to be met. Not all private schools accept it you have to check under your county. I live in Florida and I'm not sure if this is a state or national thing. i get calls from the school all the time over my child.My 8 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD about a month ago. I have all the reports from his psychologist and his regular doctor, but I can't get the school counselor, principal or instructional director to listen to me! The only one who is helping me is his teacher and she's been a blessing! After trying for 4 weeks, I was finally successful in getting an appointment made today. My advice - don't give up!! The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Never forget that you and your tax dollars pay their salary and you have every right to stand up and fight for your child.I went through the exact same incidents with all of you.... however, I hired a parent advocate and attorney to fight for me.. as it was becoming extremely difficult for me to be objective. I even went as far went to the media..... I implore upon all of you.. use whatever tools you have to get their attention. I think some attorneys do take legal aid. We must fight for our children's rights.
My son's school is just as bad.
nascargirl- What part of Florida are you from? I am in Florida also & have found that the public school system is horrible! My son is in first grade & the first 2 years in this school have been awful!
I also looked into the McKay Scholarship Program for my son, but I was told that if he requires any other therapies (Speech, O.T. or P.T.) the private schools do not offer that & you cannot use the public school for just therapy. I was very disappointed about that. If your child doesn't need any therapies, it will probably work for you. As for my son, I cannot consider the Scholarship Program until he is discharged from speech therapy.
Public school will tell you can't use there schools just for therapy wrong. In Texas not so. Our local homeschool association told me all districts have a certain amout of money must be used for non attending students. Check your state laws.Call in ask them also. This is a group who will go to bat for you if you decide homeschooling route. Costs a yearly fee to be a member.We are thinking about this way. rshnI spoke to a manager in the ESE department who specializes in the McKay Scholarship & she advised me that you can't have a child in a private school & use the public school for therapy only. This may just be in Florida, I don't know. She said that the McKay Scholarship gives the private school money for the child to attend so you can either attend the private school & pay out of pocket for any therapies needed or keep the child in public school. She also said that the private schools do not have to provide the child with therapies even though they will tell the parents that they will. This may just be a Florida issue, but after hearing that, I will not look into this program for my child right now when he has other needs that the private school cannot & will not meet. It sure puts parents in a big predicament.
[ I really feel for everyone the emotional strain and battles you are having to go through go straight to the head master (kiwi term)and speak to him and meetings with his teacher very important to start a somewhat connection with these people try to get on with them even if they arent the nicest humans you find a lot of times these teachers have there own hangups and stresses in their lives once talking to them getting some sort of system or connection you will find they will be on your side its seems easier for the teacher to be unattached to the pupil when they dont know the mother or her emotional worries in this matter. Your find they'll be a lot more understanding if not working ask to be parent help that sometimes works then you can be there and stop different situations from happening
hopefully it helps only new comer to this site and think its great to be able to talk to other mumsnessy38409.0689699074I nag school Until get what he needs. I don't care if they like us or not. He is their to learn.They are their to teach and help. His needs are what matter to us. rshn and kjvb
Flay mom: what you were told is wrong.Call florida homeschool assoc. and ask them. I was told all districts have monies that have to be used for non attending kids.rshn
Our son informed me the the other if sent to ISS no therapy that day. Look out for this.Has apparently happened to someone here. rshn and kjvb
This is a very touchy subject for me I FIGHT with all of them. They called me one day and told me he was acting off the wall WELL CAN I TELL YOU I TOTALLY FLIPPED ON THEM. how unproffesional was that. I called the board of ed and spoke with the superintendent of schools because i was so out of my mind. Then the nurse called me a liar said she never said it well i thought i would attack her.Off the Wall the nerve of them. The principle asked why i did not come to her first i told her this was beyond you i get no help from the school so i did what i had to do.
But the principle BELIEVED ME so needless to say the nurse and the special math teacher were repramanded. Know they see me they hi how are you I IGNORE THEM i have no use for them. They took on the job of being teachers not all kids are perfect so they need to understand the problem and deal with it.
They keep telling me they want him in self contained class I SAY NO WAY..
i drive a school bus in my town and i just so happen to drive those children my son does not belong there i would be the first one to put him there i have him going to the dr. every 4 weeks he is on meds. his report comes home all s and s+'s so alittle bit of a focusing DEAL WITH IT sorry if that sounds mean but my heart breaks always the bad notes what about when he does something good NO NOTE..
There are so many children with special needs i think these teachers should have to learn to work with them. And stop sending them all off to other schools because they can't be bothered and because my 7 year old will not sit with his hands holded.
Thanks for listening
problums with the school is an understatement!!! BE CAREFULL!!! You don't want to go through what I've gotten myself into! wELL MY SON IS WORTH IT. I just hope it blows over soon. I just got so sick of keeping my mouth shut and watching my child suffer. He's already been through so much, and all the obsticals he's overcome were reset by these,,,, these,,,,, people who call themselves teachers. I'm sure they do a fine job with normal children who have no problums, or kids who can sit still,then again mabey it is only kids who don't get on thier nerves, or test them. Anyway when you think if you just tell them how really stupid they are, and how very loving, and smart, and sensitive our kids are, that mabey, just mabey you'll get through to them. think again! now these ***holes have been ignoring my sons needs, and my requests for about 4-6 months, and i've stood by (not idle i assure you) and i've seen my little boy loose all of his sence of self worth, he got so bad that i started keeping him home when i could see his stress level getting too high. he started hitting, screaming, and even growling again.(well the growling thing was new.) he even wet his pants on 2 occasions at school so i would have to come get him!!! he's 7, and never even wet the bet after he was potty trained. he has completly regressed to b-4 kindergarden 3 yrs ago. (he's now in the first grade.) Now I'm aware he has other issues, he lost both his grand-parrents at a young age, and i was working so he was constantly with them, very close. then his father and i on and off together until i realized that staying with the father for the good of the children was rediculas because he was a drunken pig, and there was no way i could deal with his games, and take propper care of my children. so I'm sure these are issues, however we had worked through the behavior, fits, saddness, self esteem ect... and henry for the most part was stabilized, NOT PERFECT, but at least happy, great sence of humor, always smiled, very careing and absolutly never sat still!!! thats just him, even on medication. I've lost my child again, and whats worse is that he's lost himself. So we start all over, but I'll be darned if these school people are going to smile, and act like they care now. Whats worse, They act as though this childs symptoms and behavior just sprung up out of no-where, and that i must be abusing him for him to act like he does!!!! I have never in my life had the horrible feelings that i feel toward his principle, the office personell, and especially his teacher. I'ts all I can do not to boink the teacher, and principals head together just to see if mabey there is an ounce of sence between them. my 3 children and i have become completley unravled, my son has nightmares now, but cant remember them, and i sleep on the couch because hes also been known to sleepwalk on occasion (within the last few months) so the couch is very close to the door, and i can wake up if he heads for the stairs. just really, read the note i sent to every-one and thier cusin, and i really cant believe what they have done to my child is o.k. and i'm considered to be educationally neglecting my child, because i kept him safe, home with me and out of harms way. IT'S JUST UNREAL HOW THE SCHOOLS CAN TREAT OUR CHILDREN!!!!! IT'S WRONG, AND WHATS WORSE IS THAT IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE ACCEPTABLE BY US!@!@!@???? HOW WOULD THEY FEEL IF IT WERE THIER KIDS BEING YELLED AT FOR BLINKING, OR SOME OTHER REDICULAS REFLEX THAT THEY CAN"T CONTROLL.!!!!!!!!!!!
Its a long story, I got myself into serious trouble trying to help my son, heres a letter i sent to school and social services.this pretty much sums it up, now they want to take my children and I don't know what to do. I havn't worked in months, I was ill, had surgery and then Henry got worse and now he REALLY NEEDS ME AT HOME . i only wanted the school to help my child.
To whom it may concern,
my name is sandra and I had a meeting with a Truancy social worker and ****Schools reguarding my children missing too much school. my issue is the Social worker lied to me, and in doing so tricked me into signing something under faulse pretences.I signed a consent for the release of information, however I was told this form was so that the truancy worker and the school could talk about my childrens attendance at school, and for her to monitor my 7 year old who has ADHD, and as I explained to her my childs doctor and i were in the prosses of GETTING HIM INTO THERAPY, AS HIS MENTAL STATE has worsoned since he transfered to this school.so she added that onto her rediculas school attendance neglect contract. in any event yesterday after i finally calmed down i was reviewing the paperwork and noticed that although she typed in attendance she failed to tell me she had also checked off every available box on the form, as well she filled in the top part of the affidavit herself. with my name and date i didnt notice because she was threatening to remove my children immediatly because i refused to release information to her verbally that is sealled, and has absolutly nothing to do with my childrens missing school. I also didn't see any reason for the school Principal to hear anything that was confidential and she was sitting right there. nor would i give her the childrens fathers phone number in mexico. and that is for a few reasons, 1. He has no leagal right in this country, 2. he doesnt need to know anything about the children unless i decide its of relevance to him 3. he doent call or write to these kids on a regular basis wich makes it harder on them, nor has he ever sent any support, b-day cards ect.... know if she woul've stopped threatening me and talked to me like a person i woul've told her probably just about anything, however my children wernt diching school, i kept them home. my child w/ adhd was getting very ill, nervous
and they needed some one on one time, and special tlc. as far as this school goes, until thursday they had ignored my request for 4-6 months to get henry in special classes. I told them of his difficulties, they knew he had been diagnosed with adhd, and was on medication yet even his warning signs were ignored. know i have watched my son suffer and knew i still had to make him go into this school where he has been struggling and suffering until he would just cry, and throw fits, and yet the school ignored me at conferences as well, the teacher told me he has a hard time concentrating, he cant focus, cant sit still, seems nervous ect.... all the signs of adhd. i told her again he needs help, he should be seeing the school counsoler, and in small groups where he can be told over, and over what to do. with posiive reinforcement instead of scolding him in front of the class, and embarrassing him. She even made him write !!!!i will sit still.!!!! he came home completely crazy and unconsolable last week. even my neighbor came over to see if he was alright. after about 1-2 painstaking hours he calmed down, then shut down and went to sleep. I was furrios, and sad, I felt his pain on a daily basis, as did the rest of our family. So I decided to check out his back pack and thats when i saw the paper, I couldn't believe a professional, a teacher could punish a child for squirming and wiggling. It's not as if he can help it. I am sure of one thing, Henry constantly moving around bothers her, it was all over his report card. all of her comments about Henry were negitive, and grades possitive. Henry even wet his pants 2 times at school, when they called me i took him home the first time to save him the embarresment. the second time i took him clothes and he begged me to bring him home with me. he had never , ever even had an accident after he was potty trained. Now he has bad dreams almost every night but he can't remember them.I started sleeping on the livingroom couch because he was sleepwalking and almost hit the door to go outside in the middle of the night. i am very worried for him. My son is very bright, and wants to learn he just has special needs that wern't being met, and as a result of the stress, he was not able to handle, any situation. his stabuility was gone and his emotions went loopy. he now has very low self esteem, he always has had problums making friends. I thought this social worker would be a good thing and help me get this school to comply, even my mfip worker and workforce worker have heard me complaine of my childs needs and suffering. but no this @*@@ lady wants to threaten to remove my children because i refuse to give her information wich is not
at all relevant, tells me she can have a judge re-instate the fathers right to come to the us to get the children after i had told her he had taken my kids to mexico once and it took me 6 months before he would leave all 3 of my children alone with me at the same time so i could bring them back to the us. She would not let me say a word about why i had been keeping the boys home 1 day a week, I'm not saying what I did was right having them miss school, however I didnt know what else to do,I'ts not like Henry was learning anything except, mabey, how cruel human nature is, and the rest of us were just drained. henrys problums were esculating and his needs were being ignored. all i could do was comfort him, I had to try to compensate for the emptyness he was feeling, i just didn't want to see him get worse, I had to try to protect him. I was sure the school couldnt just ignore his need for special education, at least counsiling, and assistance deeling with kids and making friends. because royal oak was so good for henry, they explained his behavor to him, they made time to talk with him and helped him learn to identify and control his fits, they had meetings with me when there were any concerns, we made a plan
on how to help him immediatly, and they never did the iep they just really cared about kids. but these people in this school amaze me, i havent ever had a responce or spoke a word with either the teacher or principal until the kids were missing the bus and i would drive them in late, one day she said, "i'm reporting you," thoes are the only words shes
said to me since the children were enrolled ------------i said good then mabey henry will get some help here----------- &nb sp; .but nobody finds it odd that he was in another school getting help, and when he first started this school he was still stable, happy and doing fairly well considering his condition. now this school let him go , ignored hes needs, and now he has to start all over, and for a child his age to have to deal with all of this crap is very cruel yet I'm the one getting charged with educational neglect? and all of the sudden this school is in a hurry to do an evaluation and no one is questioning why??????i mean why now? why did they wait so long??????? why is it all of the sudden there trying to make it seem like its been a plan, if they woulve done this months ago my 7 year old woulve never gone through all of this rediculas suffering and struggling. and i only hope he can bounce back this year and never have to deal with this type of ignorance again.now this school is trying to cover thier buts, and bury me.
my children are my life and there is no way this woman is going to pop in threaten me, and try to make it look on paper like i need to be forced to help my children, henry has had adhd since he was walking, and both my boys had asthma, i never needed to be told when or how to take care of them or there conditions. I am a good mother, and just because I'm a single mom does not mean my children are neglected, it just means they dont have a dad. the only time the children are with a sitter is if i'm working i dont go out, except with them. and if this unproffesional school wouldve been taking care of
henry the right way when he first came i would not have felt as though the kids were better off in the house with me than in school. if it woulve been a day care i woulve done the same thing. Only if it woulve been a day care everyone would expect me to remove the child. I suppose since its a school they have the right to make things harder for kids. Also please note I have absolutly no intention of allowing my child to stay in this unfit school. its obvious that they had no intention of doing anything for him until forced, and I will not give them another chance to mess him up. So as soon as i find a school i feel is equipt, and willing to adiquitly teach my son and address his needs i have every intention of transferring him.-------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------ -----------------------------yada yada yada ect............................----------------------------- ----------------------
------------------------------------well i sent that letter to the school board, to civil rights, to the district head of social services, and any-one else i thought might listen. the only people i have talked to are s.s. who are backing and making excuses for the school, they said mabey they didnt get a file from henrys old school ect.... and i told them that was irrelevant, i told everyone in that schools office, and teacher about my son, from day one, several times. now s.s. want to remove my children, all of the sudden henrys is getting awards and cirtificates from his teacher, but he is already so completley gone nothing they can do now will reverse the harm they have already caused. and i just want to get henry as far away from here as humanly possible so they don't build him up and let him crash again. My entire household is in an uproar, what henry has gone through in these past few months has effected all of us, and i am completly drained, emotionally, physically ect...I know i need a whole lot of help, and in all kinds of ways i just haven't a clue of what to do, where to start ect. I am looking into schools for Henry , be carefull, i hadn't a clue what i started, til the ball was rolling, i'd never been exposed to this type of ignorance. i thought schools, social workers, teachers were just in some automatic TRUST catagory, but these @@323**8 just arn't even human. and they are just waiting for a reason. my poor kid is just a nervous wreck now, he says theres other people in his room at school watching him. and he is acting out big-time!!! fyi, think b-4 you speak.
Duque family (Sandra,Hennry7,Jessie 9,Monica4)
Have A Great Day!
[QUOTE=Spirit....]There is a definite problem with the acceptance of ADHD within the catholic school.My son's school believes that if they disciplin him enough(detention,removal from class and shouting in his face!!)that he will eventually give in and conform!!I feel so angry sometimes it takes all my willpower to stop me racing up there in a rage to get his teachers together and EDUCATE THEM ON ADHD and how to relate to my son and how they should be fighting to meet his needs instead of me fighting them!!!! [/QUOTE]
I wouldn't say that there is a problem within ALL catholic schools. My son attends a catholic school and his teacher was actually the one that suggested that I had him evaluated. I always "knew" he was ADHD, I guess you could say its moms intuition. I was just waiting for his teacher to say the words. Anyways.... they (the school) have been nothing but helpful. So I would have to say that it depends on the teachers and such. The thing I think that catholic schools instill are morals, integrity, values, and respect. But that is just my opinion and like the saying goes... Opinions are like A$$H*LOES, everyone has one!
Hi, new here and loving all the info, it's good to know I'm not alone.
My daughter is six, was diagnosed last year with ADHD, with impulsivity problems. In her 3-year old kindergarten class, we had a lot of problems. The teacher at one point called her a sociopath, and the kinder committee sent me a message saying they wouldn't allow her back unless I could provide proof she was seeing a psychologist. You's think she'd taken an axe to someone, the way they carried on. Never mind the terrible self-image my 3-year old developed while there - it broke my heart!
Anyway, I quickly figured out that the boys at this place could act any way they damned pleased (a group were harassing my girl very badly, saying they were going to kill her, etc. She bopped one on the nose, hence the nasty message from the committee). I observed with my own eyes extreme examples of thier double-standard, expecting girls to be placid and quiet, etc. I'm not saying my child does not have issues, but these people???? I informed them that what they were doing was illegal and discriminatory, and got her out of there at the start 3rd term (and refused to pay my fees due for that term saying I don't pay people to damage my child!).The next year, her teachers were kind and gentle, and made such a difference! She was still a handful but certainly not 'sociopathic'!! Anyway, thanks for this forum, I'm getting heaps out of it already!Go into school as parent help see whats going on and then you have the option to take her home earlier if needed or give her your one on one attention until she settles better it is frustrating for children when they have learning problems give her extra work at home or sit with her so she can understand things better you should see improvement. Get more of a relationship with teacher and if needed express your views in a nice way to not cause conflict at the end of the day that teacher has to teach your child a whole year until next year where you hope she has a better and more understanding teacher. Is there a teacher aide in class?When I went to a meeting at my sons school, with headmistress, educational psycologist and his tracher and doctor who diagnosed him, I had a terrible time sitting there listening to my son being labled as being disruptive in class, problem to teach better off on medication, yes I was able to put my point accdross but, don't feel I was listenend to at all, his doctor just asked woiuld I agree to medication and then said she would see us agian in June and that was that, I do not want him on medication but feel I am being bullied into it by being told he sill go on to become aggressive and uncontrollable as he get s older, he is 10 at moment and very sensitive and loving, has little or no aggression in him. Is there anyone out there who has had this kind of thing happen to them, I am on my own trying to cope with this and have an 8year old who has ODD (Opositional Defiance Disorder) which I am told he will grow out of and need to parent him more positively!mumsy38434.2356365741
Thanks for the reply. yes there is an aide in the class part time. I spend as much time as I can at the school. (I work, but can be flexible and volunteering t the school is VERY political) I have been very open with the teachers, but after almost an entire school year, it gets old - everytime I go to the school her teachers corner me in the hallway and list all of the problems they can think of. Once they even felt the need to tell me she had a cookie at lunch! they put her in a reading focus group, but when I spoke to the specialist so I could get specifics for her tutor, the specialist couldn't even tell me what her reading weaknesses are! I could go on and on about the ridiculous things that have happened. Once another child, who had been calling her names, told her an a friend that he was going to come to their house at night and kill them. We coached her on ignoring the name calling, but the threat was too much. I spoke to the Asst Principal (no one ever sees the Principal). The district's zero tolerance policy states that the punishment for a threat is one say expulsion. I can understand not enforcing this, as he is only in 2nd grade, but what the AP did was cruel. She called the girls into her office and sat them down with the boy that threatened them. While she was asking the girls questions about what happened, he was yelling at them calliing them liars and that they would pay! My mantr has become - if you can't beat 'em join 'em. In the next couple of years I plan to run for school board. I don't feel right about just complaing if I'm not willing to put myself on the line to make changes.HI
Wow it's amazing how many of us have the same problem. My daughter takes Concentra and at 45 lbs. she's up to 36mg. She had alot of trouble last year with insomnia then we put her on Clonidine. That was a disaster. She had night terrors and woke up at 3am. Her teacher called me again today. She has an IEP program and is in a mainstream class. Everyday they send home notes she can't concentrate. No kidding! This is why she was diagnosed with ADHD. She is not disrupting the class or hurting other kids, she is simply being obstinate and when she feels overwhelmed, she shuts down. Now they are threatening she might not go to 5th grade which will be a complete disaster for her self-esteem. I'm considering home schooling, but worry I am taking her out of a social environment. I'm tired of coming down hard on her making her feel worse. Anybody have any success with homeschooling vs. public school?
Thanks for everyone's words of encouragement!
I've had a terrible time with my child's school. My child became ill and had missed too many days of school, although I was picking up his work and returning it to school. Anyway, after a certain date he was supposed to return to school. I was having trouble getting him there. I called school. I was told the principal could come to pick him up and take him to school. He came, along with the school counselor. My son who has adhd and bipolar wouldn't leave the house. The school police officer was called they took my son out kicking and screaming.The school threatened to file a fins order then decided not to as long as my son continued to go to school. He did, but one day he was an hour late(we called the school to let them know), that day I recieved a letter stating the school had filed a fins order. My sons behavior was consistent with bipolar disorder. I was told, "its not his stomache or the bipolar," by the school. I was also told it would be good for my son to have the consequence of having to go before the judge. Anyone who has a bipolar child knows that consequences are only effective if the child is stabilized on the right med ( in a state of mind to understand the consequences.) I also asked about home school and was told it wasn't a good idea. He is going to school everyday now and we still have to go to court.
Public school to seems to care what benefits them not the adhd child. Our principal denied any additional help request I wanted in the ard meeting. No explenation why either. To me SE gives them extra funding.They would loose that if our kids got out of SE. He is mainstream with SE as needed. He also receives learning lab when needed. Speech 2 times weekly.Working on Ot for the SI defeceits.Since entering Kindergarden we have only herd negative things about our son.He hates school. Has been threatned by kids. Teased at school.He now retaliates back. I said ok with us, but do it after school.No one should have to be made fun of. The other kids are learning to leave him alone. What is sad is they will do it with me present. I tell them we want him to have friends not enemies therefore if you can't be nice leave him alone.He has cryed at school, as no one has let us no but him.Do adults not see whats going on in their own school. To me here I see recess as a social time for the teachers.Where I went it was a activity time the teacher had to be involved with us. Like basketball.Schooling kids should not be so hard. I am not a teacher. Teach them to their style. I am doing things that is working for ours. Math you sees skip counting tape in place of flask cards (boring).You can supplement with other materials. Here in Texas, Aug and May are homeschool book fairs. Check them out. There is a Fee. They also have times where they ,do how to teach that curriculum. Check out the webcites on the materials you child is doing. Saxon has extra help in homeschool area. We do this math K thru 5 here. I love it because they do class side and then 1 page at home which is more of what they did in class. The repation has helped our son graitly. Meds have helped him complete things faster.We just added some products from Melaleuca which will help hopefuuly also. These are food grade so shouldnot interefere with his meds.
We've had a tremendous amount of trouble with my 7 year-old daughter's private school. She isn't a bad kid, but is constantly under the microscope. She talks constantly, challenges authority, isn't always very respectful and has hit a couple of kids (only when provoked). They wanted to dismiss her during Spring Break if you can imagine. We were furious. That would have crushed her self-esteem.
Needless to say, she's attending a public school next year. The private school just doesn't have the knowledge or patience to deal with kids like her.
She's the smarest kid in the class, very charasmatic, cute as can be, etc. The school doesn't know what they're missing. They just don't want to mess with her problems.Good luck. Our sons behaior problems became wores since in public school. Physical abuse towards mom and sis.My son is 7 he has had numerous school issues.He has thrown scissors.He calls kids stupid.He gets write ups all the time it seems like.He is in 1st grade and looks bad on me.< ="">
After last Thursday where we sat through the school administrators telling us what a problem our child is, she hasn't had a card pulled since She's been sweet, helpful - the model child. Her extended day director even commented on how kind she's been to other kids.
I would love nothing better than for the school to come back to us and say they were wrong and that with my daughter's recent improvements they'd like her to return next year. I'd tell them where to stick it.
I don't know if the meds are finally working or what, but she's my happy, sweet girl again. She may just be picking up on the fact that her dad and I aren't stressed anymore and focusing on the negative.
I LOVE THE FACT THAT YOU CONTACTED THE MEDIA!!! THAT GAVE ME GOOSEBUMPS. MY SON IS 13 AND HIS SCHOOL HAS REQUESTED THAT HE BE HOMESCHOOLED. WE TOOK HIM OFF OF HIS MEDS BECAUSE THEY MADE HIM VIOLENT. NOW THE ONLY THING HE DOES WRONG AT SCHOOL IS WANDER TO THE WRONG HALLWAY AND CHASE THE GIRLS. HIS GRADES ARE BAD, BUT HE HAS BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IS THE LAST 8 YEARS OF SCHOOL, WHO CAN BLAME HIM FOR NOT CARING. DON'T GET ME WRONG....I STRESS TO HIM THE FACT THAT EDUCATION IS IMPORTANT, BUT WHEN THE TEACHERS DON'T CARE THEN HOW CAN WE EXPECT HIM TOO? BLESS YOU FOR BEING SO BRAVE.
i have run into problems quite a few times. Jared is in first grade this year and has gotten lots of detentiond for talking to much or being out of his seat. he has been in one fight with another boy in his class. that was resolved okay. but once i went to pick him up for an apointment and found him crying behind a door of the cafe some older kids put him back there and smoshed him between the door and the wall. It was terrible. I was so angry at the people who were supose to be supervising the cafe...AGGG. than just last week he almost got suspended becuase he and 2 other boys were caught with a razor blade. one boy brought it to school in his pocket and showed it to my son who took it and passed it to another kid....instead he got detention for 3 days.
the biggest problem that i have though is with his school psycologist. jareds dr wants her to preform an evaluation. we have been literly begging her since the middle of kindergarten. finally i got tired of waiting and went to the schools psycological board and complained to her boss, so she called me and we began to set up the eval. It was supose to be yesterday but she came up to me and asked me if i would mind doing it 3 months from now.. I told her there was no way i would wait that long because by may he could fail 1st grade and im trying to prevent that, he needs help now so i want it for him now. I actually looked at her and said ..look at it this way IF YOU broke everybone in your body last year would you want to wait untill may to have them fixed?? She handed me all the new connor scales and tests for other problems and scheduled him in for tuesday.
Good for you! I hope everything works out for you! I screamed and yelled yesterday at the principal of my son's school and I finally (after 4 weeks) got an appointment to discuss his ADHD with them. He has only recently been diagnosed and for whatever reason, I thought things would be better once we had the diagnosis and medication. I am, however, learning that the struggle is just beginning. The school continues to see him as nothing but a behavior problem instead of a very intelligent, sweet child who has trouble controlling his little body. I'm afraid they're going to ruin his already fragile self-esteem and create long term issues for him instead of reaching out and helping him. Anyway... I am his mom and I will scream and yell and be the biggest pain in their behind until I'm satisfied! Hang in there.....
Our school probably hates me know. I don't care ,because it's our job to stand up for their rights.My problam is the system for any special kid.They look at us as worrying parents.If we didn't do this would they get what they need.We also spend 5 years with them before in school so we know them best.I ignore minor comments from anyone in our school. You are doing what's best,so hang in there.It will pay off later.rshn
Ksads: I agree about your post on fitting kids in same mold.Different learning styles fit different people. This is why I hate learning disability rather than learning difference. Why is it considered wrong to be this way? I think they need to change their thinking.To me they should know this if they are the teachers.I read a neat article titled Teaching right brain people in a left brain world.
i feel blessed that i am not going through the terrible struggles i have just read about in this thread. i found this, i hope it will help those of you in search of a parent advocate: One of the most frequently-asked-questions is "How can I find an advocate / attorney / consultant?" Here are some suggestions about how to find a consultant, advocate or attorney who represents children with disabilities.
1. Visit the Yellow Pages for Kids with Disabilities
We built Yellow Pages for Kids for each state so people can get reliable information and help.
The Yellow Pages for your state has hundreds of resources - parent support and study groups, evaluators, educational consultants, psychologists, tutors, advocates, attorneys, and others who provide services to parents and children. You will also find listings for government programs and grassroots organizations in your state.
2. Ask other parents
Ask other parents for their recommendations - they are often your best source of good advice.
3. Contact your state Parent Training Information Center
To learn about special education training for parents, contact your Parent Training Information (PTI) Center. The Directory of Parent Training Information Centers has contact information for every state. You may want to attend a Wrightslaw legal advocacy training program.
4. Contact a disabilities group or organization that represents you child's interests
You will find a comprehensive directory of disabilities organizations, clearinghouses and information groups on the Yellow Pages for Kids site.
5. Legal and Advocacy Resources
Contact the Protection & Advocacy organization for your state - they are legal disability rights agencies.
If you have a dispute with the school about your child's special education program, you may decide to consult with an attorney or an advocate who is familiar with special education law.
To find an attorney or advocate, check the Directory of Legal and Advocacy Resources, in addition to the attorneys and advocates listed on the Yellow Pages for your state. You may also contact the Council of Parent Attorneys and Advocates (COPAA) for a referral.
I have a ten year old son who was diagnosed as having ADHD two years ago, The doctor that did the diagnosis wants him to go on medication but I do not.
His headmistress says he is a wonderful little boy but has such a bad time at school, as he does.
He cannot sit still, he makes noises acts inapropiately and disrupts the whole class, and when in assembly, the whole school.
I adore him and his brother who is eight and has opositional disorder, I am a single mum in my late forties and find it very hard indeed.
I have been to DDAT with my son but don't know if I can afford to keep going.
Can anyone give me some acvice on medication please
My daughter is in 2nd grade and it has been a nightmare! We moved over the summer and she started a new scool. I did the same thing I have always done with her teachers and was very up front with them about her needs, provided them with information and careted an open line of communication. the first week they told me they thought she has dyslexia. We asked for her to be tested - it was something we though too. It took 12 weeks for them to do a preliminary assessment and to tell us that she was "kinda" on level so they weren't going to test her. Through the school year she has developed all sorts of anxiety type issues, including ticks and hair pulling and behvaioral issues. It's obvious her teachers don't like her. Now that the school year is almost over, she still has text book dyslexia symptoms. We feel like had the school gone ahead and tested her, we would have avoided all of the additional complication and associated stress. We are getting her tested by an outside source. My question - does anyone know if we have any recourse with the school? I'd hate to see this happen to another child.to Mumsy If your child is controllable without the medicine I would keep them off. My son was diagnosed with ADHD at age 4. we tried the no medicine at the time and it did not work. Now he is 10 he is tired of being on it they have switched him around so much that we 've had many trips into the emergency room with allergic reactions to most. it is harder to see your child suffer more then they already have because of these people who they think they know what's best and don't.you know your child best. once they are on it they will fight you all the way on trying to put them on anything. do lots of research on any medicine they want to put them on before you agree
My 8 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD in January of this year. Once I learned about the types of medication they have for ADHD, I was scared to death. My son's psychologist (who is also a friend of mine) suggested we try Adderall. She said that although Strattera was not a stimulant she had not had any patients who had been treated successfully with the Strattera. My son's doctor also agreed that Adderall was the way to go especially with Strattera's recent liver damage warnings.
My son takes 5mg a day only when he is in school and it seems to be working well. It calms him down enough to help him stay focused and concentrate, and it doesn't make him a zombie. It has usually worn off by the time he's ready for bed. If we are going on a trip or to some place that requires him to be quiet and calm, we will give him the Adderall, too.
So far, he has had no ill effects and the small dosage is working fine. My doctor said most kids require 15mg to 20mg a day so a 5mg dose may not work for your son. The bottom line is that I'm not thrilled at all about my son taking a stimulant, but this medicine helps my son avoid the actions that seem to cause him trouble at school. This keeps the teacher and other students happy and focusing on school work instead of my son's behavior and that makes my son a much happier child!
Good Luck with whatever you decide!
Thank you so much to all those who relied to me, It hasn't made much difference but, has helped me, knowing I am not alone.I am so releived that I'm not alone with the school battle. I have totally been open with my son's school since pre-K and they are so not helpful. I keep them updated with everything that goes on and it seems the more I tell them the worse they are to him and us. I am trying to find a private school to put him in and get a better handle on this.
My daughter is in a public school. She was diagnosed with ADHD and learning disability in second grade. It's getting so much worse for her now in the 4th grade. Her doctor increased her meds and now her sleep is terrible. The school is putting alot of pressure on me and on her. They send daily notes home about how "little" she's paying attention in school when we all know it. Because of this negative attention, she hates school, cries every night and in the morning, and dreads it all day. Do you have any suggestions about what I can do? I'm at my wits end!
School has been about a 80% bad experience for my child and myself. Started in kindergarten that was a nightmare, another year of kindergarten .1st 2nd were alot better on ritalin, 3rd playing around with meds so-so year lots of inappropriate remarks and fighting, 4th a good year on concerta 36 mg but low dark moods and angry at times. 5th o.k. first 2 quarters on concerta 36mg seemed depressed at times big problem getting him to take meds. Stopped taking meds 3rd and 4th quarters and I let him because him seemed so bummed and not social. What happened! He dropped all sports, quit scouts, dropped out of the gifted support program, bad attitude, fights with classmates, doesnt give a crap about his grades. 6th grade no meds went to middle school, arrrrrgh! bad attitude, mean, fights, will not do schoolwork, unorganized ,numerous calls from every teacher and the principal.in school suspensions lasting up to 3 days for fighting, and 15 half days for not doing schoolwork and homework. Had to stay after shool 2 times per week for homework for 2hrs. a day and still came home with nothing done. More fights , received notice that police would be called and I would be cited with a fine if he hit anyone else, at this point I pulled him out and we are homeschooling, and its not fun at all, Im able to know what is required he is smart and can do the work its just getting him to do it takes hours and hours, still a bad attitude , but not as depressed or angry, and personal appearance which was once before was above average and gone to looking like a homeless person.
Oh, I went back and read that too. Bravo, no guts no glory!!!
My son is the same way. He is 15 and been dealing with this since he was 6-7. He too is unmedicated and personally now school is social hour with a few classes thrown in between. He has had so many teachers, etc on his back that the thought of school makes him sick, he tunes things out. He is getting better though, grades are coming up.kfranks38453.6551273148YES, REPORT TO OCR, STATE EDUCATION BOARD,SCHOOL BOARD.sENEATE OF EDUCATION. tHEY DON'T UBDERSTAND BECAUSE WE ARE THE PARENTS GOING THRU IT. pOLITCIANS KIDA ATTEND PRIVATE SCHOOLS.
[QUOTE=administrator]Anybody out there have any bad experiences with you kid's school?[/QUOTE]
Good Morning to all around the world.
I am new to all this so please forgive me if i say anything out of text.
I have a 11 year old son (Jay) who i have Just since yesturday found out that he has ADHD plus oth things are getting looked into.
I have been fighting with my son case since he was a baby and all i was told that he is just a little behind and he will catch up.
Which he has never done, he is so far behind kids his own age in school!
I have been fighting with his school for year saying he need extra help and they said he is lazy, but now as of today my foot will be down with this school.
My son has been giving tablets to help him at night because he is a bed wetter and he doesnt sleep the best.
His is going on Ritalian but not until we see how the nights are going first.
Now he is back to school today since 2 weeks and we will see what his witch ofa teacher will be like, she has NO understanding of Jay at all, plus she says his problems are all down to me!
Now he is going to see a child physcologist and going to see a speech therapist, which the waiting list is 12 to 18 months.... so its going to be a long bumpy road!
But im taking 1 day at a time.
Any one with any help or guides i would be grateful
Tracey Jay's Mum
Good Luck Tracey,
It isn't easy and you'll be given alot of conflicting information, but hang in there and keep in mind your son is very unique and special. I've learned the hard way in the school system that once a teacher makes up their mind it's very hard to change it with the diagnosis. I actually had my daughter's teacher tell me she didn't think she had ADHD, she was just lazy, despite several diagnosis and even one from the school she worked for. I also learned the hard way that a pill isn't going to "fix" everything. He's had alot of years and alot of misunderstanding that he will have to deal with now that he's diagnosed. My daughter hates school with a passion and I can only hope someday she'll finally feel like it's a place she can be herself without any judgment.
Hang in there!Hi new here, my son mitch is adhd and also bi/polar talk about stressed out. I dont work because NO one can handle him he is 12 yrs old and its upsetting cause i get no help. i aplaid for ssi and they told me because he is in a regular class setting he wasnt qualified for it. but yet he has an iep and he was placed in the 7th grade. but will most likely be doing 6th grade work. I've tried making him do his work but it only turns into a BIG fight so i stopped trying. i have 3 other children who dont care to be around him all the time and it just breaks my heart cause they feel that way about him. and for the schools well there no better when he was in the 2nd grade he was expelled from school. so he went to another school where he was put in a special class but the older he gets they just dont care. hes not in a special class anymore but a regular class setting. and the kids there just dont understand him.
i also had a problem with my son when he was in 1st grade, his teacher doesn't know anything about adhd, me and his teacher had the whole year round bit**ing each other. this stupid teacher would teach her class while holding on to my son's hand, my son stands with her all through out the entire day..one day when i went o his school, i noticed my son was not there, to my dismay he's out all alone in the canteen, i asked the teacher why she is not aware that my son is not in his class, she answered me, "oh, mommy, i cannot sacrifice the 32 other kids just because of your son". i would have slapped her right there but i just keep my patience and told her, you will never understand me because you're not a mother, you're just a wife to your husband and i tell you, you will experience more humiliation and depression than what i am experiencing now..she was so shock and told me that i should not curse her, but i answered back, you deserved to be cursed, then i left her. i feel so happy when i left that school..Reading all of these postings, it is amazing to see the consistency it what we are all seeing at the schools. It seems to be more of a behavioral issue than a learning problem. We asked for some classroom modifications last year and the school refused to cooperate. The teaher was so hard on my daughter that she developed high anxiety. Here's what we did and we'll see if it works for this year: We filed a formal complaint against the teacher asking that she receive ADHDtraining. We hired an advocate to help us make sure that our daughter gets the modifications she needs, rather than what the school is willing to do. We opened a 504 file so that they are obligated to proivde the modifications. The school did not want to give her 504 status because there is no "eductaional need." Our advocate made sure that they understood that behavior can impact learning and that though her grades are decent, they would be better if the modifications were in place. Over the summer we have seen some major bi-polar-type mood swings and started her on Seroquel. This has helped her more than any other med. The docs think she may actualy have been misdiagnosed as ADHD when she actually has Tourettes - which is combination of bi-polar, ADHD, and OCD symptoms, plus tics. can someone please tell me what is a 504 file thank youThe younger the children are the shorter the class should be. The older the child is the longer class time. They do it this way in sports games. It works great this way cause all kids who are young can have less attention. Public schools do have the money to help they just don't want to use it unless it's needed as they think. I believe most adhd/add our hands on learners which these school are not set up to teach that way. The thing I here most is as the kids get older the harder it is more for a child with any disability. The iep's are often not followed cause they are mainstreamed or have so many teachers to keep up with. [QUOTE=eeyore9103]
They've pretty much laughed in our faces when we mentioned 504 because he is a straight A student. That fact doesn't mean he doesn't need help!
Go to www.schwablearning.org and in the top right hand corner is a search topic bar. If you click on that, section 504 will come up. It explains it very well.
504 covers any impairment which effects a significant impact on major life issues, including social/behavioral issues.
It does not have to affect his grades to be considered a major life impairment.I have been told to get a iep or 504 the child issues must effect one educationally.My son is having problems with adhd.We recently moved hopefully to smaller classrooms sizes will that help?They need to train these teachers about adhd my son who is 7 got suspended a lot.Could adhd& bi polar be mixed.I have major depression I am his mom.They put him on ritalin.I dont know if that was a good choice cause some days he is okay & other days he isn't any advice please
my son tried a few medications medadate er is working wonders for him. all his marks came up in school. i do not pay attention to the teachers i tell them right off now they don't bother me to much. I went to the superintendent of schools about them i had had enough of there bull. They want to put him a self contained class his dr. said no way his marks are good he is doing the work. I have them give me a copy of all his books so i work with him at home all the time. We study alot he hates it but has gotten use to it. lol
Just have faith
it is hard sometimes just always know there is someone here to talk to we have the same problems..
[QUOTE=administrator]Anybody out there have any bad experiences with you kid's school?[/QUOTE]
Hmmmmmm......Day 3 and he's already had to write his name in THE BOOK. (a book that if you misbehave you must write your name in and then you lose 5 min. for everytime your name is in THE BOOK of free time on Friday.) Comments from his teacher was.....talking....playing in bathroom. She warned him on his 2nd day that he was talking a bit tooooo much. He didn't listen. It breaks my heart...he just never shuts up.
I've been super lucky as my son has thrived in montessori (2 out of 3 anyway) We moved and had to change schools - it took me a year to realize that my son really hated the school and wasn't just saying it to get out of going. I should have known when there were "no problems" during parent - teacher conferences that I wasn't getting cooperation from that school but it was pre-dx so I just thought maybe the problems were in MY head. Last year we changed schools and wow he had problems in class. And lo and behold those problems were communicated to me! Last year and this he has the same teacher (I think she is ADHD herself ) and she gets it! She lets him move all about the class as long as he isn't disruptive and work at his pace which is at times either lightning fast or snail slow. She knows how to get the best out of him and communicates with me nearly everyday when I pick him up. She also works very hard at communicating with his other teachers (he has french, music, and PE) and getting that feedback to me. I LOVE IT! I know not every ADHD kid could handle the montessori learning but this school isn't all about the quiet and controlled environment so we get a little squirming room, literally.
I think it is important that you have open lines within the school or no child ADHD or not can succeed.you all need to stand up for these kids i would never let my son miss play time or any fun thing in school all i can say is F$%^ THESE TEACHERS THEY DONT KNOW WHAT IT IS LIKE TO HAVE OUR CHILDREN. THE MORE THEY PICK ON THEM THE WORSE THEY GET... AND THE MORE WE LET THE TEACHERS GET AWAY WITH THE MORE THEY WILL TRY AND GET AWAY WITH IT. I AM TIRIED OF MY SON BEING CALLED A PROBLEM WHEN I HAVE COME AND SAT IN THE CLASS AND SAW THERE ARE KIDS NOT LABELED AND ACT FOR MORE TERRIBLE THEN MY SON.ALL HIS PAPER WORK AND MY NEOROLOGIST SAYS HE IS FINE I WILL BE TAKING HIM OFF HIS MEDS VERY SOON. THE SCHOOL CALLS AND SAYS DID HE TAKE HIS MEDS TODAY HE IS OFF THE WALL WEL GUESS WHAT I HAVE A LAW SUIT AGAINST THEM IT IS MY CHOICE TO HAVE HIM ON MEDS FOR HIM NOT FOR THEM OK ENOUGH SAID.. GOOD LUCK ALL
I have had mixed experiences with schools. My daughter has been kicked out of from two and sent to an "alternative program" from another one. Sometimes the alternative programs are better since the class size is small and they are more used to dealing with ADHD. They help the kids learn to try to control their impulses a bit more, but they can be very tough and disheartening.
Our lives completely turned around when we found a good psychiatrist who specialized in ADHD. He told me my daughter was "a classic case". She is so much happier since he has been treating her. At age 14 she has gone from being the kid everyone picked on to being really popular and in demand, and she is confident and happy. She went from totally inconsistent grades to finishing last semester with all A's & B's except one C. Even in the evening when her meds wear off she is happy, so even though she is bouncing around she is fun to be with because she is so positive. (Plus she gets rid of all that energy by cleaning the house.)
It was worth everything to get her to this point - I would give up almost anything to get her where we are now. Our whole family life is completely different and I have hope that she will have a great life. I am so proud of her for all the difficult times she went through - she is tough but she is really loving.
Never give up. The best thing we did is to make sure that through it all she always knew how much she was loved.
I have. Not so much with my add son but with my adhd son definitely. I would also say it was more the teachers at one school but at the school he was attending it's definitely both. I get no support from the teachers or the school despite the routes I've tried to go. I think many adults in general, not just teachers know what adhd is and how to REALLY assist and not make things better. It can be so frustrating and can really damage the child's self-esteem too. We opted to homeschool last year as a result.That sounded like me when my son was in the 1st grade, the teacher and i went round and round yelling at eachother, she didn't know how to deal with him, she kicked him out of class so many times. etc. etc.. finally the Dr. took him out of that negative situation and put him into a out/patient hospital and he was a wreck because of her. thank god that teacher left last year. I blame that that teacher for his problems. Now he's 9 and going into the fourth gr. and thank god the teacher he will be having is understanding.
We moved and my son had a larger class size than he was used to. He had no friends and acted weird trying to make friends. A teacher overheard him telling his classmates about a show he had seen during prime time on CBS and I got a call from the principal accusing me of letting a 9 yr old watch porn! There was an instance in the show which I was shocked by but it was too late to do anything about it.
They tried to get me to let them put my son back a grade rather than give him accomodations, in spite of the fact that he scored average to above average on all the standardized test the year before. I went after a 504 and had to go over their heads to get it. As a result, they had to start giving them to kids who were not diagnosed by a pediatrician. My son's life became he** because they took it out on him. The other students were encouraged to watch him and report everything he said to the teacher, who reported to the principal.
My son would come home and ask questions about sex and things that others were discussing but nothing was done to those kids. My son made a remark about a clay snake looking like a male body part and he recieved out of school suspension and I was told that they were going to meet to determine whether he should continue to be allowed to go to that school. Those were the only two incidences regarding anything sexual but the principal told me in front of my son that he was a pervert.
He claimed that my son had no social skills and supposedly read from a paper sent from the old school that any friends he thought he had were not really friends because he was incapable of having friends. The guy was smiling while my son cried. By then, my son had a best friend and a few friends who would come over to play. They were all good kids and people and parents in the neighborhood loved him. It was just the school! He had a permanent case of the shakes. The old school showed me copies of everything they had sent and there was nothing concerning his social skills.
We moved back to the old school district and he was put in a smaller classroom with his teacher from the year before. The shakes left immediately. He started doing average to above average work. The teacher said he had major problems with focus but the school refused to do a 504 or accomodations.
The nightmare started again in a different way. They wanted to hold him back this coming year because he was so intelligent but they just knew he couldn't succeed in the next grade. He needed another year to get it firmly established in his bright mind. He was in a multi-age room where they had studied the same things for 2 yrs but another year of the same was supposed to give him time to get it! I told them no way, he needed accomodations.
They decided summer school was the way to go. I called a meeting and lost it! I told them all what I thought of them. I told them I had lost all confidence in their ability to determine his needs educationally, let alone to help him.
The school's evaluator had done the eval, his teacher had spotted the need for one, she was supposedly such an expert on teaching ADHDers, etc. Why was I told he didn't qualify for a 504 when they were the ones who initially said he needed help? Why was he denied a 504 when they were so concerned that he wasn't getting it that they wanted to flunk him? Why was he being denied recess time and the opportunity to participate in field trips when everything you read about ADHD clearly stated they needed more time to rest their brains?
By moving away and then coming back, we were even farther behind than when we started the whole process!
This year, I am starting things out with me in pushy mode! He will not be pushed down through the cracks just because he has a bright mind and can pass a grade. He has LDs and they will address them! My son will not spend his adult life flipping burgers because the school refused to give him a FAPE!
You can print it out later and read. It's quite lengthy.
I have a child in 11th grade- in public school. I am searching for a private school this year. Public school has been an uphill battle especially since middle school. I would encourage all parents with ADHD/ADD kids to seek an alternative. Public just does not seem to have the money, knowledge or interest in really making a difference in these kids lives. It is very disheartening. I am in an area that spent millions on the school building but to date has ONE tutor/extra help teacher for all the students in the school. It is an constant day to day struggle. You have to constantly advocate for your child. You will discover a lot of administrators and teachers know what to say but do not follow through. Someone did mention the fact - for every 'special needs' child- more money is required- special needs teachers are teachers that learn these techniques on their own and are highly valued= more money. By the way - I believe ADHDis just a particular learning style. Good luck!![QUOTE=pattie23w]It is hard sometimes just always know there is someone here to talk to we have the same problems.. [/QUOTE] very well said...and i'm happy to know this forum by accident..let's all be strong for each other for the sake of our adhd loved ones
My 9 year old son starts school August 16th. He has ADHD w/ODD. In years past, the 4th graders @ our school changed classes during the day (between 6 teachers) I was looking forward to this thinking that the constant change during the day would help end some of his boredom and frustration and give him a much needed break at about the time he starts to get disruptive. I sent an e-mail to the principal and counselor (the counselor is a waste of my tax dollars!) suggesting that we meet w/ the teachers before school starts to discuss my son and any discipline plans, etc we may need during the year. The principal responded today and said they've changed how they are going to rotate classes this year! They will only rotate between three teachers and instead of class periods being 45 - 50 minutes long, they will be 75 minutes long including a writing only class for 75 minutes! My excitement has turned to gloom and the year hasn't even started yet. My son has the classic ADHD symptoms - not sitting still, making noises (often subconsiously), blurting out inappropriately, etc. However, when he is corrected by the teachers he feels he's being single out and he gets very, very angry. He doesn't lash out at anyone - he instead throws a tantrum, throws himself against the wall or hits himself! This was when his classes were 45 minutes. I can just imagine how hard it will be for him to survive in a 75 minute class...
He is very smart - every teacher he's had says he's remarkably smart, but because he can't concentrate or focus for very long, he does poorly on his tests. We've had him tested for the gifted and talented program hoping that something more challenging and interesting would help him out, but because he doesn't test well, he didn't make the class. During school only, he takes Adderall XR (5mg) and that helps a little, but I really want him to learn how to control himself and be productive w/o medication. Now I don't know if we'll be able to this year.
I am very fortunate that we live in a small, rural school district where the teachers are willing to help (to an extent, anyway). They haven't even mentioned removing him from school or forcing me to make him take meds, but it still feels like a battle just to get the administration to help us and the teachers out with what they need. They've pretty much laughed in our faces when we mentioned 504 because he is a straight A student. That fact doesn't mean he doesn't need help! I think he needs therapy more than he needs meds, but my insurance doesn't cover it and I really can't afford it at this time. Hopefully I'll be able to afford it by the end of the year.
Well, I've rambled on long enough.... it is nice to know we're all here for each other! Does anyone have any suggestions?!
My daughter is under 504 and since she has mild Tourettes she actually been put on the next step which is more that 504 ...............I forget the actual title. They just put her in a class that the teacher has no clue as to what's going on with her and I don't think cares. She gonna care on Monday. I just know that the teacher is not going to admit to it. I don't know what to do if she basically tells me that my daughter is lying. I know though that children more than likely don't tell parents alot of things that happen in school because they figure they aren't going to be believed. I know my daughter wouldn't make up such an off the wall story. She's never done it with the other teachers. The teacher is used to teaching Jr. High and she has no idea how to teach to special ed children. Thanks for the feedback.
[QUOTE=administrator]Anybody out there have any bad experiences with you kid's school?[/QUOTE]
Barb- I couldn't agree more about knowing your rights. Although the school kept telling us she didn't qualify, she veru muchc did and we did get the 504. The Advocate helped by prepping us and guiding us to the resources that would help, making sure we knew whar could vs. would be done and frankly just attending the meeting. Having her at the meeting did two things; 1) It let them know we were serious and ; 2) Our Advocate is known in the school district and just her presence can change the way you get treated. We did all of the tlking, including letting them know that we would have as many accomodations as were required, that we checked with a variety of resources and all agreed that 5 was something arbitrary and not legal.
I guess I'm luckily. The school is bending over backwards for my daughter. I was a little leary at first when she started kindergarten. The school isn't in the best neighborhood and financial it's poor, actually the district is poor. It started in kindergarten. The first 3 weeks of school came with reports of not listening, not following directions, not doing the work, interupting etc. About the 4th week I had had it. I had a conference with the teacher telling here that I was becoming frustrated with getting these negative reports and nothing positive. Also I needed to know when and how often these things were happening. Finally that opened the door to a good rapport with the teacher. We got my daughter tested at the school, then we went to the next step which was the doctor. We also took her to a child psychologist to get her tested, it was worth every penny. It ruled out any other problems we though she had. She was diagnosed with moderate ADHD. She also had no trouble making friends but she had trouble keeping them. After much researching everything on the net and picking our pediatricians brain we decided to put here on concerta. What a difference! She played with here younger brother with out getting physical and she was able to sustain the activity for alot longer than before.She didn't lose intrest and was able to follow complex directions and the temper tantrums lessened. Sadly it only worked for 4 days. So we switched to Aderall. It's worked but as with any drug it's not 100% effective and it doesn't work the same all the time. In 1st grade we discovered the vocal tics. A trip to the Pediatric Neurologist discovered that my daughter had mild tourettes brought about by the aderall(stimulant). We all endured it because it was mild and my daughter was doing good in school. Her teacher was a god send. She work with my daughter and had the patience of Jobe. What ever concerns I had she took seriously and worked with me. My daughter passed to 2nd grade awarded with the most improved. This year the helping is still there and because the vocal tics got worse we are going to have switch her to a non stimulant. I'm hoping for the best. The school is without a doubt the best surprise I have ever gotten. But no matter how good the school is, I still stay on top of what's going on wtih my daughter and I fight for her every step of the way. If I don't fight for my child first no one else will.
Sorry this is so long. It's my first post and the others won't be as long.
Anyone else having problems with their kids making and keeping friends?
Yes, you are to get it that way a letter to the principal finally got us we want. We had to say if not satisfied we will report to all authorities necessary. A news student here her Mom is displeased also. She told me no one here exlpains anything. Ivanhoe,Tx.38611.4179398148
[QUOTE=Ivanhoe,Tx.]Yes, you are to get it that way a letter to the principal finally got us we want. We had to say if not satisfied we will report to all authorities necessary. A news student here her Mom is displeased also. She told me no one here exlpains anything. [/QUOTE]
i thought you were going to home school. Did you change your mind?
wow. I haven't had to do that. Actually I was having a problem(well more of a concern) with my daughters teacher. She was a teacher that had been teaching Jr. High then came to primary school. When I first met her, she had no idea what was going on with my daughter (she acted like she didn't know she had ADHD or a mild case of Touretttes). She asked questions about my daughter that I had asked when I knew nothing about ADHD. They were valid question but just questions someone asks when they don't know much about ADHD. Being a new teacher on top of her having to adjust to a new totally grade level I thought I'd give it sometime. Finally I wrote her and asked how Caitlin was adjusting. Basically she said fine. A few weeks after that she said my daughter's "sneezing"was distracting. I told her it was not "sneezing but the vocal tics brought about by the medicine. She asked me if it was possible to she how she does with out the med for a week. We trying that this week and I have gotten no feedback on how she's doing. I do't think she understands(even though I've told her)how important feedback is with a child who has special needs of any kind. I finally got fed up with it and talked to the counsler who by the way is awsome. She agreed that the teacher should be more up to date with all her students needs especially special needs and should not have told me to take her off the meds. They did have a meeting with her post haste and they told her what she needs to do to help my daughter. She proceeded to tell them that she feels that when I talk to her I seem to be looking to her for answers on my daughter. Well I stopped that right there I don't want answers but I do want to know how my daughter is doing in her class. I talked to the counsler again and we are going to have an ARD meeting and conference to get out everything in the open. The principal even came up to me after I dropped my daughter off at school and talked to me for 20 minutes to ask me how she was doing and to tell me what they were going to do. So they're definetly on top of things. I think they know I mean buisness Also because "INCLUSION" they put the most neediest children 1st with the programs and teachers that now how to handle them. My daughter somewhere in the middle so she could go either way.
Thanks for listening (reading)?I decided not to cause I want the full testing first. I am going to go to A and M also. I want 2 opinions. I have been told the school goes with their findings. Told this by a Se teacher we know. Here they look at nothing I have brought in. My dad was told though a school must provide what that child need regardlees or send to a school better able to deal with that child's needs even if Private and pay for it.Is this true in all states?
I totally agree with you. There isn't enough training for the teachers.There needs to be more. I'm with you about getting second opinions. We let the school do their thing, then we to our daughter to her doctor, the child psychologist and even a child neurologist(phew!) From whatI've been told and read they have to by law provide everything that you child needs to suceed; however they can olny do so much if you child is only 504'd. My daughter was 504 at the end of Kindergarten and some of 1st grade. ADHD is seen as a special need but I don't think it fit under the umbrella of Special education. So they could only do so much under the 504 plan. Which basically meant modifications. Like extra time for homework, less homework, more time for tests and classwork, reading programs and even different homework. The modification I got on my daughter was like a check list which had all those things I mentioned and more. The teacher went over at the ARD meeting which I was present at. The teacher only filled out what she though my daughter need and if it was checked she had to implement it . If anything changed then we'd have another meeting. My life is filled with meetings. With my daughter having Tourettes(even a mild case) actually put her under the Special Education umbrella. Even though my daughter's ADHD was bumped to severe instead of moderate, it took have tourettes to get her more help(although I'm not 100% sure that it wasn't here being bumped up to severe). I had a problem putting her under that label of "Special Ed" because her tourettes was very mild and I didn' t want her labeled but I had to do what I thought was best and less stressful for her. She still get the modifications under the 504 but she also gets extra counsling, reading programs, math etc. It's more involved.
Hope I helped. Long winded again sorry:(
I just called my sons school today. The teacher told me two days ago that he didn't want to go out side for recess he's in 3rd grade I didn't think much about at the time but I asked him this morning why he didn't want to go outside especially when he needs and loves to play outside and he told me its because he always manages to get into trouble and he doesn't want to get into trouble for touching anybody. He doesn't have any friends. They don't know how to take him. I called the counselor to let her know how he felt. I told her its hard when teachers don't really know what adhd is and what there sx are. So that they can understand the child better. You know our kids know they have a problem and they try so hard to do the right thing but sometimes they have no control over there actions. What do you do
That's got to be the hardest thing of all. It's bad enough that they struggle academically but socially..........it absolutely breaks your heart. They try so hard to fit in. I remember asking my daughter how her day was. I guess she would tell me what she thought I wanted to hear. She'd tell me fine. I played with so and so, and so and so etc. Then later she'd tell me that she hadn't played with them or anyone because when she asked if they wanted to play with her they'd say no thank you. I thought I was going to melt. I wanted to take those horrible kids and tell them they were mean and rude but you can't soooo I didn't. I just had to explain to my daughter that sometimes kids want to play with certain people or sometimes they just didn't want to play with others. I told her just say okay thank you and go find someone else. I also told her there's going to be times when she's going to ave to play by herself. She like to swing so it comes in handy when no one wants to play. She's in 2nd grade right now and she only has 1 or 2 girls she interacts with. Even then they turn her down sometimes. All you can do is just be there for them. I try to do something fun every weekend with her and her brother. I've had to face the hard facts that my daughter has been pegged by the kids as different(kids pick up on that fast). Some children accept her and some don't. Hopefully I've instilled in her that if they don't want to play with you it's okay to walk away and find someone who wants to be with you ....if not it's okay to do something by yourself. It never goes away you just have to deal the best way you can.
Oh....I can relate to the social issues. I sometimes feel it was our (parents) faoult as we opted not to medicate until 4th grade...(and only then due to the social issues that he was having)
It was in the 3rd grade, going back to school after summer recess, when he would come home crying saying he was "invisible." It really broke our hearts.
AFter putting him on the meds last year, he was really more accepted. (which broke my heart in a way too, beacuse the kid he is on the meds is but a mere reflection of the super, great, humorous ,quirky kid he is when he is off of them)
THEN, we had to move and he is in a new school and we are still ironing out the bumps there. It was tough on him as he was just making friends...but, it was a move that would benefit the entire family unit, (I am able to stay at home again) it is the best for us...
Really, my son is so fantastic when he is not on the medication....he can be anoying and he is really "over the top" with his exuberance but it is always entertaining and he is never mean spirited about it.....I just wish he could still be that way and be "acceptable" in an academic environment.
I totally relate to your posts about feeling bad for your kids on the social issues....I bet they will all grow up to be such fabulously out-going and loved people!
My daughter is 14 now. We went through all the issues you are talking about, with no real friends or lasting friendships, bad grades, discipline problems at school, even to the point of expulsion. Now three things have happened (1) she is more mature so has more self control, (2) we have a great doctor who has got her medication right, and (3) she has learned over time how to deal with her ADHD, with lots of love and support from me. Most of her teachers (except one in second grade and one in fifth grade) really didn't help at all.
Now finally she has several real, good, lasting friendships. Her grades are good (A's & B's). She really cares about other people. Because of the problems she had when she was younger we are very close, so she tells me stuff that other kids her age would never discuss with their parents. Because she is used to getting along without close friends she doesn't bow to peer pressure as easily as other kids. On the down side, she (like many ADHD kids) is more likely to experiment with smoking, drugs and alcohol. But after she has tried something she always tells me about it and we discuss it, the dangers etc. So far she has tried a few things a time or two and then decided she doesn't want any more. The main thing is that I know what is going on in her head.
My daughter was once described to me by one of her doctors as "a poster child" for ADHD. But now I know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and although some of the things about the way she grew up were hurtful, there are positive things that came out of it.
sometimes it's hard to feel like you're even going to see the light at the end of the tunnel because the tunnel soooooooooo darn long. It's nice to know it's there. I think I spoke to soon when I posted earlier that my daughters school was great .............well......actually it's not the school. It's my daughters 2nd grade teacher. She already turned me off the 1st day of school because she knew nothing about my daughters issues. I had to tell her she had severe ADHD and a mild case of Tourettes(the medicine brings it out). She had no clue what ADHD was. The women never gives me any feed back on how my daughter's doing. When I do talk to her she acts like I'm trying to have her "solve " all my daughters problems when all I want is some info. I mean the woman is with my daughter 8 hours out of the day. I don't think it's too much to ask to get alittle feedback. Afterall my daughters is on medicine and we have to see if the dose is too much or too little. The kicker is that this Friday I found out from my daughter that she was talking in math and not doing the work when the teacher put her in the corner. I was alittle upset but then I though "hey maybe that's her time out" so I told my daughter that she need to try harder to not talk. Then she told me that she didn't like it when the kids laughed at her when she was put in the corner, Then I told her surely the teacher put a stop to that. Then she told me "NO" the teacher told them "Don't talk to the babies, they don't pay attention". Tehn they proceeded to laugh. I was shocked.........I'mean surely the teacher didn't condone that. But my daughter swore it was the truth. I told her that I was going to email the teacher and ask her what went on and that if she were lying it wouldn't be right to get the teacher in trouble. My daughters other teachers were warm but firm and she never ever said anything to that effect. She swore to me that she was telling truth. I want to believe my child fully but there's alittle part of me that's saying "no way". I have to believe my child or I think she would be less likely to tell me the next time something happened. I'm going to the counsler Monday. If the teacher did do it would she be dumb enough to admit that she humiliated my daughter(I think not). She'd probably just that she put her in the corner and my daughter just took it wrong or she's lying. Also I worried that Monday morning when I take her to school the teacher might tell her something(because of the email sent) and the my daughter won't tell. She's also told me of two other children that have been in that situation. Do kids make that up? I'm just not use to that because my daughter has never come up with stories. The usual thing for her is to pretend to be a cat or she has a pet dragon. Please anyone let me know your thoughts or suggestions.
In response to what is happening with your duaghter in 2nd grade, all I can say is act now. My daughter had simliar issues and if only I'd known then what I know now. We tried to be reasonable becasue we know our daughter can be difficult. By the time I realized that there was really something going on, she had developed trichotillomania (hair pulling - w/ her she pulled out her eye-lashes), a reaction to high anxiety.
Even when we tried to comunicate with the school, we were consistently told that they could not do what we asked them to do -all were basic modifications. She was constantly being punished for ADHD behaviors. To me that's like punishing a deaf child for not hearing.
My advice, request that your daughter be placed under 504. Be ready for push back and know your rights. ADHD is protected under 504 and by doing this, the school will be required to respond in certain agreed upon ways. Now rather than being punished for moving around too much, the teacher provides her an opportunity to move, for example.
Initially it wasn't easy. We were told that she did not qualify becasue there was no academic need. My daughter is mostly and A/B student. We were also told that they could only commit to 5 modifications and no more, they wanted to put as little in writing as posssible. We ended up brining in an Advocate and eventually got everything we needed. So far this year (3rd grade) is going much better. 504 was a tough decision because we didn't want her labelled. We finally figured out that that had more to do with our own egos and less to do what was right for her. It was well worth the time and effort.
504 does not address academic need only, although the school will try to make you believe that. It is based on a significant lack in any major life issue, including social skills.
www.schwablearning.org has a great article on Section 504. I don't remember where it is but if you go there you can find it in the article section.
Also, www.wrightslaw.com has the Section 504 law on its site and articles which can interpret it.
Both sites have a lot of info which will prove beneficial regarding special ed rights. Once you know the rights and how to present them to the schools, it will get easier to get somewhere. An advocate is great and you should have one, but it is still a good idea to know these things for yourself.My son is grade 2 and we have been fighting with the school since kindergarten to test him to see if he has a learning disability or what was going on. He was tested for ADHD in August and the first day of school I set up an appointment with his teacher, gave her all the doctor info I had at home and all the school test results we had as well. She is awesome. She tells me how he is doing everyday and if she is busy she will call me at home or write a short note to let me know how things are going. My son is going to be going to a special school here in April for 2 months to test him for a learning disability so until then we keep trudging along. Let all your childrens teachers know what your child is all about and don't back down!Why does it take two months to test for learning disabilities? In the US it takes perhaps a few hours.
Schools are the worst!!!! But you do have to stay on them. The problem that we are having now is that they want our son out of the emotional support room and ready for the "real" classroom. I don't understand what was "un-real" about the emotional support room. Next year we have him signed up for an online charter school. We monitor his behavior and limit the over stimulation - they just educate him. It seems to be a win/win for us.
Hope others have better luck --
Well well wll,,,, Now I don't feel so bad for yelling at a teacher or two, when I'm trying to explain that my son is ADHD and that I'm tying everything in my power to help him and get the help that he needs, but when you have a teacher saying things like do you dicaplin your kid or you should hurry up and put him on meds and don't forget to call his doctor this is important or maby his is like this because of the drinking you did when you where pregnet, boy was I mad and boy did I ever yell at her. I was more mad at the fact that she dident ask if I drank she implyed that i drank. I phoned the school board and reported her, the next day I went back to the school for meeting that I was called in for, to discuss the problem that had happened the day before. She was told to apoligize but that dident seem to help, it's like she dident even mean it. I told her and the princapil that I was not a drinker and never was a drinker not even for special ocasions. And also told her " that she has no right to talk to anybody like that in her profeshin and to learn to hold her tongue" it was funny the look on her face. She dident exspect me to say that to her. In the end I took my son out of that school and put him in a school that will give him the help that he needs and most of all will understand him too. I also think that the school board should make it mandatory that all teacher learn more about ADHD and other disorder that effect are children and thair learning habits, in order to better understand the kids thay work with. P.S. sorry about the spelling
Make sure new people your child has full blood work up first. Schools want to try and fit people in a certain style to learn that doesn't fit that child. They should have a curriculum set up to that person individual needs. We removed our son last year. He now is in selfcontained with curriculums based on his individual level. The class is 4 staff and 8 kids. Doing so much better/happier . He is on supplements and healthier diet. Medacine free! ASk for therapy assessments also if the child needs them. This will help also. If you can also I suggest the Transmitter test also.