I’m so lonely! | ADHD Information
Cheekydeeky here. Newbie and diagnosed ADHD mixed type.
I'm so lonely. I have no friends. I believe this is partly because I was bullied so bad as a child, I've been traumatized by it. But I want to reach out. I want to rise above that and I'm trying so hard. And it isn't working. I've been in therapy, tried changing and moderating my behavior several times, nothing seems to work.
I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I don't think ADHD should carry a life sentence of lonliness.
How does everyone else feel?
Signing off,
The Solitary Cheekydeeky
cheekydeeky38150.7852083333Cheekydeeky, you aren't alone now! I hope that you will find that by hanging out here with us, you get some confidence back. We'll do our best to help you get ADDitude!
I was thinking the last few days that we have let the world play games with us for so long that its ridiculous. What is wrong with learning differently, with thinking outside of the box, with staying up late and sleeping in? What is so terrible about not being able to play kissy face to people who are treating us bad or don't have any understanding?
We are different but there is nothing wrong with us!!!!! There are not that many people out there who fit the world's idea of "normal". They just fake it a little better. We are bright, witty, creative, warm, loving people who can think of things that "normal" people can't. There really is no such thing as normal. Its more like "average". There are us on one side, dullards on the other and 1.5 people in the middle.
Go out there and show the guys who picked on you that you are wonderful and creative and capable of living a life that they will envy!
Welcome! You will fit in here and feel like you belong before you know it! Barb
AMEN!!! Barb,
We do have fun here Ryan. I try to check in with you guys every day, if only to read the posts. It always brightens my day to know that there are people out there who undertand me and empathize with my stuggles.
Hi Cheekydeeky,
WhenI was a kid I was pounded on, bruised, robbed, etc. on an almost daily basis for several years (3rd grade through about 7th). My shrink thinks that childhood trauma may have something to do with triggering the neurochemical imbalances that cause ADD. Who knows. Maybe he is trying to write a book and I am chapter one 
.
I also have no friends. I had buddies I ran around with in high school and drinking buddies in the army. But that was about it. A big part of it seems to be my inability to think about what is going on in the other person's life and my total inability to plan ahead and schedule social activities. People call and I never remember to call back. They send me a birthday or Christmas card, I never write back.
So you are not alone! Come here often!
Cheeky,
Just out of curiosity, how old are you? Okay I ask out of more than curiosity. I think that younger people are less able to cope with the isolation that comes with ADD. It seems that I started burning bridges at around age 30. Before that, I always seemed to have someone to converse with and hang out with. As I got older, having buddies seemed less and less important until one day, I noticed that I wanted to hang out and there was no one to hang out with. I am 43 years old now and have only my wife with whom I have absolutely nothing in common.
I mentioned to Kimo that ADD seems to become more manifest as one ages. The isolation increases. I used to read novels all the time. Now I can't seem to focus on the paragraphs. I don't think that I could have completed a career in the Navy if I had been as scatter brained as I am now. At some point, I must have been able to complete tasks without someone cracking a whip. Why can't I do it now?
At least now you have a place to go where everyone understands you and empathizes with you. I hope you continue in our forum and post often. I don't know for sure, but I sense that by relating with you and the rest of those in the forum, I am growing. I believe that the day will come when I will be able to accept my impairment and embrace it. One writer on ADD wrote that the ADDer must learn to be comfortable with herself before others will accept her. I believe that we are on our way, Cheeky.
ChiefB38150.8845949074Wecome Aboard! Cheekydeeky,
A touch of poetry in the name. You know Chief I totally relate to the novel thing and the isolation, O that's me, but as i said to someone recently this message board has broken that cycle and yes i have learned about ADD and myself. We do have a giggle sharing at times,eh Chief? Hey cheeky you are NO LONGER alone. As you can see it only ADHD.
"My shrink thinks that childhood trauma may have something to do with triggering the neurochemical imbalances that cause ADD."
Hey Chaz
I'm wondering if you might be on to something here. I ; as a child, was fine until I had some severe emotional trauma in my life. It seems that after that; I just never recovered. I wasn't ever "hyper" ; but just gave up on life; then went through a drug and alcohol period; and started manifesting these ADD "symptoms" as a young adult. Now I'm 50 and Adderall XR is starting to give me some of my life back. I'd be interested to hear more about the "trauma" issue. My specialist didn't really touch on that other than "physical" trauma to the head from serious injury.
I'm more inclined to think ADHD is something you are born with and makes you more susceptible to trauma. It makes you more vulnerable to bullies, who pick on those they perceive as weak. That doesn't justify it though, in my opinion.
According to my mom, I've been hyperactive since I was two years old. How much trauma could I have lived back then? For my part, I think I was born with it.
Whatever the reason, I hope someday we all finally get the treatment we really need and deserve.
Wile E, thanks so much for the post. It was very informative. I really hope you find your "focus" one day. You seem very articulate.
Cheekydeeky
cheekydeeky38151.7882291667 Same here, I can remember I use to daydream alot even before I started school. When it was raining I used to play with my legos from morning to night without ever looking up, unless mom was bringing me a sandwhich. It would take me 8 hours to build some massive creation, and within an hour of it being completed it would be disassembled and I would start on something else. By the time bedtime would roll around I felt like a fully wound top ready to spin out of control (sitting still for that long made me very antsy). I guess even now I could just daydream all day long if I didn't force myself to do something else, it's just so quiet and relaxing. :)Hey cheeky, thanks for the compliment :) Actually I keep watching the new threads for one something like "Wile E, you are a nut!" :) Sometimes I think my sense of humor is the only thing keeping me sane (well as sane as I am anyway!)
Wile E38152.2363194444
You may be on to something there. Not everyone has had trauma, but just everyday living can be traumatic for many. If the parents watch the news, even a small town, happy family type child is exposed to trauma. I don't know if I believe it necessarily causes it, but it might exaserbate the symptoms in many people.
Its kind of a "which came first, the chicken or the egg?" question. Did trauma cause ADHD or did ADHD cause you to experience trauma? Now I have something else I won't be able to get out of my mind for a while!
I have been changing my behavior for decades I guess. I have been making rules (discipline) for everything, which I follow without fail, and everything seems to be getting better over time. I am now able to avoid most of the "pitfalls" that have tripped me up in the past. I noticed that sometimes when I went out and socialized I would do well for quite awhile, but then I would do or say one stupid thing and it would wipe out all my accomplishments for the day. It also would take me weeks to get over the "stupid thing" before I could try to socialize again. I'm not sure if this relates to you, or anyone else but me for that matter, but I figured I would mention it :)
As for wanting to meet new people I may have a few suggestions. You mentioned somewhere that you have alot of interests. Have you ever considered joining a billiards, bowling, volleyball, ????? league. Also, I am not sure if you like to play computer games, but I have been to quite a few lan parties and the people you meet there are usually very nice and have many similar interests (with myself anyway). Also, perhaps their are ADHD support groups that meet and go out certain nights? I would be interested in this as well, but I haven't had the time to look into it yet.
I also noticed you mentioned in another thread that you are a Jack-of-all-trades, master of none. I used to think of myself this way, although at this point in my life (I'm 36) I am starting to get close to mastering some of them. Look at the name I chose for myself - I have related to Wile E Coyote since I was a child. He would invent creative ways to catch/kill the Roadrunner, although he would always fail and then he would scrap his entire idea and come up with another creative idea and try again. One would think he is a failure because he never caught the Roadrunner, yet he built and/or understands missile technology, robots, computers, flying machines, civil engineering, etc. If you look at his ideas as a whole, one has to admit he is a genius! There is a great advantage to learning as we do. As we learn new trades/skills we relate these to skills we have already learned. As time goes on, we notice many similarities between different trades and these similarities help us learn new trades faster. We also can relate different trades that others wouldn't think of or have no knowledge of, and can therefore come up with unique and creative ways to accomplish something that others cannot.
Well I hope this will be of some help to you. I am not a doctor or psychiatrist, nor even a college grad. I have a GED and have self studied fairly extensively for the past 7 years (Computers, Land Surveying, Law, Economics, etc) and formed most of my opinions on this from looking into myself - I only found out about ADHD about a month ago. I don't buy into the whole "disorder" thing though. I think that we are a product of evolution and in the future everyone will be like us, although they will have better control over it. That's why I think that this is passed on through families, and why everyone has this "a little" but not as extensively as us. Whatever you believe in try to think positively. Don't look at yourself and see that you never mastered anything, look at all the ideas you have had and the many different things you can do as a whole. As time goes on you will get better at all your skills, perhaps someday you will master many. See yourself for the creative and innovative person that you are and the future will be brighter (I hope). Considering the fact that most of the people who have made the greatest accomplishments have exhibited the signs that we exhibit, one must have faith that this is meant to be and that we are here for a purpose. Not only do we share these symptoms with them, but I am convinced that these symptoms are what MADE them great. Perhaps we are even MEANT to think we are failures because it's natures way of pushing us to solve the problems of today's world. It's unfortunate that the less-evolved people of this world don't embrace us, because I have no doubt that the answers to most, if not all, the world's problems are hidden inside these kids and it only needs to be coaxed or nurtured out. Mankind has always found ways to waste it's most valuable resources, and I don't see this destructive cycle changing anytime soon.
Wow, this letter is probably longer than anything I ever did in English class in school! I hope it can be of some help to you. Take care and try to think positively :)
Hey barb, I had the symptoms before I was tormented, or at least thats the way I remember it. My biggest problem was if someone looked into eyes they would see right through me. What you are doing here is "greater than great" :) You have probably *helped* more people than a cruise ship full of psychiatrists. You should be very proud of yourself. You are truly an angel. Btw, have you ever considered the emotion paradox. Does doing better make us happy, or does being happy make us do better? I think the key to this thing is emotional control. Positive thinking yields positive results. At least it's a start. :)
Wile E38151.7427314815
i feel like this place is home already!
i've never quite met ppl that i related with so much. i feel lonely too. i'm sure this is inherently the human condition. however with modern lives it seems that the way our society-jobs education etc are set up that we end up losing in the 'race' do you know what i mean? its not that we can't have fulfilling lives. and its not that so many ppl out there with adhd haven't acheived great marvelous things. it just seems we have to work twice as hard to do the 'simple' things that everyone else can do. the best way for me to keep track of friends is email. i hate to be obligated to call someone back when i don't want to. with email i can log on when i want to and respond when i want to and still be 'on top of things' ..its so much easier than doing anything else for me .. . ppl think i'm shy. in reality i'm just akward b/c i don't want to say something that will offend someone. when i'm quiet i'm just spaced out and daydreaming and i'm in another world. then i start talking and ppl are so shocked..ppl always say"i thought you were so shy" "but you never stop talking"
in reality my quiet spells per day are the moments my brain needs to wander and cut loose. i don't listen to ppl very well either. this leads to difficulties concerning friendships to say the least! obviously at 29 i've learned how to cope with the whole faking like i'm listening by asking very 'intelligently' for ppl to 'clarify' LOL "would you please clarify that for me?" as in: hey i just missed out on a whole twenty minutes of our convo. repeat for me ...
when i found out i had adhd..i felt like i had the disease of rudeness...like all of my symptoms were signs of a vastly inconsiderate person. a selfish person.
i'm so impatient that i have to really be careful about things. i have to make sure that when i know i'm going to be waiting like standing in line or sitting in traffic i have something to do or i'll get really upset about being held up or having to wait. i actually fume and get angry at having to wait. which is of course completely inappropiate. so i don't know if anyone else is like this..but music saves me as well as my medication. i'm a music junkie. if i have music i'll be a lot better about things. and i always have a book with me. for all of those spare moments where i get antsy and bored.
sumi
may i just say that i can't even respond to the topic at hand without some serious digression? i would assume this is not a faux pas in an adhd group.....
sumi
Sumiah,
The simple answer to that is most of us here get restless and impatient, react badly, lose our tempers, give the one's, who can still love us, a tough time. We counter that by being lovable rogues. I find, and this is a personal experience that because i am different- not average- i am a novelty. As a result of this i have had the most amazing chats with poeple.
hey ryan,
yes this is so true! i've always responded to ppls' reaction to my personality by telling them i'd rather be me and flawed vs. a carbon copy...ive been called eccentric, obsessive, hyper (duh) , mostly i've been called INTENSE. most ppl can't hack it.
thanks
sumi
That makes sense. I have read that people with ADD tend to be much more sensitive, emotionally and physically. So something that may just be "a rough childhood" for some people can be extremely traumatic for a child with ADD.
I know that at age 45 I am still overly sensitive emotionally (not a good thing for man in this society) as well as physically (I do not like very bright lights and sharp annoying sounds).
This sensitivity does have a positive side , but overall creates more problems.
I just want to thank everyone for their support. Barb, Chief, Ryan- thanks for your kind words. You all seem like great people and thank you for taking the time to respond. I no longer feel so alone and I'm learning to embrace who I am. This board has changed my attitude in a matter of days!
I would like to continue to help others as they appear on the message boards.
Thanks guys!
Cheekydeeky