mending broken relationships | ADHD Information

Has anyone had positive results after getting on good meds re being able to have people who have been affected by your ADHD (for whatever reason) sort of understand??? Even a little?   Hey sabina, good luck with that. If the people care about you enough they'll just have to make it their business to understand.
well, I guess..when its not having seen people for long periods of time or not having been "present", I don't know...people get the idea you don't care about them I can see why Sabina:

I wish! I hope that someday I will be able to come to a place where I have people in my life who really understand b/c it is a long, hard road without support. I agree with garbage pail kid...those who care about you will do the best they can to stick by your side, even if they don't entirely understand...they will travel that road with you and evolve as a result..they will be learning about it in the process and will become better and better at understanding. It just takes time.

I wish my current situation were of that nature though...my boyfriend and I split up last Sat. We just had our 4 year anniversary two weeks prior and that was the longest that either of us had been in a relationship before.

I feel pretty lousy about it. I've been getting treatment (counseling and meds) for just over a year now and my boyfriend had come to some of my counseling sessions with me. He seemed to be understanding earlier on but in the end he said it was just too hard and he basically didn't want to keep at it. I feel like I must have drained him too much or something and it sucks.

My family and I live all over the place and, although they are supportive, they are so far away and it is difficult to keep them in the loop with all that I'm going through. To make matters worse, it's hard to address my issues with them as I think they have some similar issues that have not been addressed and I find it quite difficult to manage that aspect when we are so far apart and they are not educated about all this. They do the best they can though and I know they love me deeply and are concerned and do the best they can to be there in spite of the miles that seperate us.

My boyfriend and I had managed to patch up our disagreements quite well when we had them, but in my opinion, we hadn't really tried anything real consistently outside of that in terms of making positive changes. I guess it was sort of like putting a band aid on things, we'd get buisy and nothing else would come of it in between sessions with the counselor.

My boyfriend had been distant for a long time and, as usual, I was attributing it to other things that were happening in both of our lives.   In the end, he gave up and said "we've tried and it didn't work" and he wasn't willing to try to work things out in counseling. I know he has his own issues and it is not all my fault, after all it takes two to tango...yet, I still feel pretty lousy about myself. He has type I diabetes, and of all people, I always felt that his own experience made him understanding about the whole thing and not judgemental, etc. I guess I was wrong. Now I feel all alone and sad, I had opened up to him about so many things that were extremely personal about all the struggles I've been through. I think that one of the worst things one can do is to leave someone when they are down like that. It seems so cold...I could never do that.

I found myself forgetting to act on the things the counselor had mentioned for us to talk about in between the sessions we had attended (DAMN, I hate when that happens)..and there weren't many times we were able to coordinate our schedules so we could attend together. He never brought up what the counselor asked us to do in between sessions either...so we seemed to just skim over the surface with respect to the issues we had problems with. Now I kick myself even more about not remembering or attending to the things the counselor asked us to talk about. It isn't that it wasn't important to me, I just got wrapped up in other challenges I'm dealing with. That happens a lot and I hope I can come to terms with that sort of thing at some point.

It breaks my heart...I can see how difficult it must be to support someone in this position and it really feels lousy to find myself unable to manage all the things that are problematic when interacting with other people, especially the people I love. I'd give anything to be better at communicating and interacting with people.

I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed right now. Along with my ADD, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety and a learning disability when I finished my masters degree and getting through school was an extraordinary struggle for me. In addition, I've struggled with a back problem since I was a teenager and feel like I'm starting all over again in my attempts to move forward.

All my life I've tried, tried, and tried again and always thought that one thing or another would make a difference for me in terms of my struggles. Now I'm told that I'll have to live with these things for the rest of my life...makes my back issues, which were a huge trauma for me, seem like a cake walk. All that took was a surgery, adjustments to my lifestyle and managing chronic pain. Once you get the jist of it, you find ways to work around it all...I know it's the same with Add, etc. but it took so long to get through the back issues I have that it makes me discouraged to know I have four more issues on my plate.

I feel bad about myself b/c I know that some of the issues my boyfriend and I had were related to my ADD traits. It's hard to imagine ever finding someone who would understand, especially when this person was the last person I would have thought would bail out when the going got tough.

I wish I had something positive to say about it all..I'm pretty torn up about it & I hope you don't mind me sharing...maybe someone else out there understands and I guess I could use a kind word or two to help boost my spirits. When I read the posts here, I find comfort in knowing there are others who understand and who have managed to get through it all...I have virtually no support system outside of a counselor whom I might lose due to insurance issues and I've searched high and low for a support group and haven't been able to locate one that deals with ADD. These posts have made a huge difference for me though.

I hope that you are not in the same boat as I, and if you are, keep coming back here b/c you won't be without a voice of comfort in doing so. I'm sure that there are people out there who understand and your family is a good place to start. Although they might not understand completely, I think that if you have a good relationship, they will still be supportive in the best way that they can and that is better than nothing!

I try to remind myself that if I were in their shoes, it would be hard to come to terms with knowing that a family member had problems like I....especially as a parent...a parent must contend with the fact that they may also have ADD and I'm sure no parent finds it easy to see their children suffer and to acknowledge that they have a problem (even as adults).

I think that most parents want the best for their children and when faced with ADD, they may feel as if they may have failed somehow or that they wish they could do something to take away all the pain...take whatever support you can have from your family...even if they do not fully understand and try to support you in ways that don't satisfy your needs entirely...it's important to recognize that they are doing the best they can and may be coming from an entirely different mindset about it all. I think that if we recognize the position that it places others in, we can find some sort of comfort in their attempts to manage our challenges and that there is a happy medium.

Hope I've managed to offer some meaningful insights...I wish I could report something better about my own situation in terms of finding understanding. It is a good thing there are counselors out there though...never be afraid to see their help, especially if you feel alone in dealing with things. Once you are in the hands of a good counselor, it can be the cornerstone to a healthy mental perspective on it all.

Hope you don't mind all my rambling...and thanks for hanging in and hearing me out if you made it this far!

Best wishes to you, MM
                          MasterMind

      I'm so sorry for you,
            for what you are going through
      When no one understands,
            when their is no one to hold your hand
      When you wake up all alone,
             and their is no one on the phone
       How can you make it through the day,
               when you can't even pray
       That is all I have to say,
               hope you have a better day

                    
hehehe pilgrim, even in despair I'm tickled by a lively and witty brain...is there hope.....
master mind, you write nicely and never apologize for a long mail..oh wait, I did that the other day..andit would seem again....

I can feel your sadness and distress about your boyfriend. That kind of pain, heart break is pretty traumatic, I hope you don't lose your counselor   Wish I was there, this is the best I can do. Finding out you have ADHD is good as you can start to make some sense (hmmm..wrong word) of all the mysterious behaviours and brain problems but distressing as so few people know what it really is AND WORSE they think they do or they think its bogus. I had no idea what it really was and I stocked a little library full of ADHD books!!!!l
My situation is another sorry story...I have a feeling it's pretty bad in some ways..my propencity for doing certain things has lead to:
I am completely alone at this point except for my psychiatrist who I see 1x a wk. I talk to one other person and my daughter sporadically. I see people when I go the gym everyday but stay away from everyone.

Changes next week of course, at work I’m in there with around 900 people.

I believe my job is in jeopardy as the project I am working on and I are being used as pawns in political games at work and the latest moves have put me in a state of "frozen uncertainty" and high stress, I'm doing no work and going back next week after the summer off and I am way behind…this is my first year doing this job there and there are a couple of suits who have it in for me (one's just been demoted....the lateral move before the big push out but in the meantime...)
last night my daughter and I had it out at last..after years of her playing games with me because of history she chose to leave me a message which was cowardly anyway and unfair as she had called me earlier in the week as she hasn't been well, I met her at the hospital and then when I called her for updates as it is an infection and could get serious she decided not to return my calls, this is the kind of stuff she's been doing, okay, fine, I know stuff happened and we need to talk ,(she's been to my doc w/me once) but she’s always drawing me in and then leaving it and this time she got mad at me for presuming to just enter her life when I haven't been there consistently....BUT SHE CALLED ME! By the way, I don't tell her what to do and I always treat her with respect so she’s not acting out my attitude toward her (even though she may think she is ), its history. Anyway, I made my concerns clear and in the end she got it but after the call and since I have not felt well......how did it ever get this bad...we were close at one time…but I made very bad choices in the few relationships (males) I did have.
I lost it with my boss the other day on the phone as when he was confronted with the fact that a suit w/no knowledge of what I am doing at work sent out an email to 180 people with OH SO SO SO WRONG INFORMATION ON IT that will make my life hell and is the exact opposite of what was decided on previously for policy in endless bloody committee meetings and me making flow charts (they forced me),
WHAT DID HE SAY??!!: I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT WAS ON THE FLOW CHART AND CAN"T YOU JUST WORK AROUND IT?
I need an icon for "chocked".
It is not a pretty picture. The math is there. When you consistently over years don’t show up, don’t return calls, don’t accept invitations, say you want to do things but then never make solid plans and generally just seclude yourself fully or partially…you will end up as ONE. I have messed up my attempts to connect with a couple of accepting people who I’ve known for a few years even recently. Oh, I don’t communicate with my family, they live 3000 miles away and I escaped from there when I was young.

I don’t want to be unfair, there are a few people I could  call and they would be there but if I’m not seeing people I wouldn’t call them…another ALL OR NOTHING thing my brain does…I’m not allowed to call someone because things are..”that bad” or whatever, that’s using people so I end up not calling people even when I maybe should….

I HAVE ONE HOPE. I was on Adderall back in Feb. for one month and it changed my brain completely. then my gov't banned it. Now they have lifted the ban but I’m still waiting for it to be stocked. It may be too late for my job but if it works the same way I know I will go look for another one and hopefully keep things together.

Hey , I just got a call from a pharmacy that I called to see if they could get Adderall in as my usual pharmacy (a big chain) is still waiting and the lady is sooo nice, she said they could get it in tomorrow for me!! I’m going to go for a bike ride up there and get the prescript and take it to them. I’m nervous, excited. My life may completely (well, except for all the hens coming home to roost) change tomorrow. I would love to hear about Albania Master Mind, my favorite entertainment, CBC Radio One is sadly on strike...well the whole CBC is…so write away if you have the desire…I’d be interested in hearing about the health system there and the attitude toward ADHD…there are others out there who understand, I can understand the being alone part..