Hello everyone,
I have suffered from depression and Anxiety for many years now. I have also had considerable trouble concentrating throughout the years. My episodes were brought on by abusing Ritalin when I was a teenager. I have been far to embarrassed to ever admit this to any health professional. I had never experienced depression or any sort of mental problem prior to this. Keep in mind that I was 16 at this time so many people might conclude it was a matter of me going through puberty and my brain chemistry changing. Still, I distinctly remember using ritalin (even breaking into my friends locker to get some out......Disgusting I know) and when I had to get off I went into a serious downward spiral. It was as if someone had turned off the light inside my head. I felt like I was in a black pool of nothingness and dispair. I eventually got out of the severe depression but still have mild problems with it. Also when the depression kicked in I started performing inexplicable acts of OCD that I didnt understand at that time but now have become more educated on. Now.......Here is my question. I have recently gotten serious about treatment (after over a decade of self medicating with drungs and alchohol) and I am not sure exactly WHAT I have. At one time I thought it might be Bi polar because my moods would fluctuate, but I have never actually had a manic episode, (which was eventually described to me as being the equivalent of a meth high). I know I have anxiety and depression but I dont know if I actually suffer from ADHD. Yes I have a hard time concentrating but I am wondering if this is a side effect of the anxiety. I have recently been perscribed zoloft (not doing much other then making the OCD symptoms subside slightly, still anxious and depressed). I was then given wellbutrin but it was making me aggressive and moody after a week, and my doctor took me off it right away and perscribed Adderal. Now, for someone with a past history of abusing speed this did not seem like the best idea. I have already taken more then the perscribed dose, so I gave it to my girlfriend to give to me in the morning, hopefully I can get used to it and wont feel the need to use more and try to attain the high. Well actually I take that back, I dont know if I WANT to get used to it. I am not so sure about the ADHD. I have read a few posts here with people and wellbutrin, and some have said they felt aggressive as well but they improved after a few weeks. I am wondering if we jumped the gun on Wellbutrin or if perhaps I should be on something else. Not sure if amphetamines is the answer for me right now. PLUS the adderal has made my anxiet MUCH worse. I think I have mistaken depression for anxiety in the past. Well I have kind of rambled on here (hey its the ADHD message board i'm allowed to right?). Anycomments anyone can make would be more then healthful. Thank you in advance for your time and any information here.
RTB
Why did you try Ritalin in the first place? A common thing with undiagnosed or untreated ADHDers is to self medicate, often with drugs or alcohol. Is it possible that Ritalin turned the "light" on because you needed something?
The point I am getting at is that you are hurting yourself by not telling professsionals about your experience with Ritalin. It may not have brought any of the conditions you are experiencing on. They may have been there but not evident to you until you stopped medicating yourself.
With the symptoms you have listed, there are several possible diagnosis. If at all possible, you should go to a neuropsychologist and ask for testing to determine exactly what the diagnosis is and to get treated effectively.
You haven't mentioned anything that we haven't either experienced ourselves or which someone else here hasn't experienced. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. The shame should come from refusing to admit the need for help and seeking it.
Get tested! I think you will be surprised by what you learn and what can be done. In the meantime, read everything you can here and check out the alternative meds section here. You will hopefully find supplements and dietary advice which will alleviate at least some of your symptoms.
You are not alone now! You have a whole family here to identify with and come to for support and encouragement. Welcome!
I am so glad that you are finally helping yourself --anxiety, I believe, is the root or many negative behaviors that are similar in nature to ADHD symptoms--but con coincide with adhd also. My husband, brother-in-law, brother, and I suffer from it [anxiety]. Mine is less severe then the other forementioned folks, but I started drinking at a young age to help ease the pain of trying to fit in with social groups--ironically I was a cheerleader althroughout highschool, but painfully shy--go figure! My husband is on prozac, my brother self medicates with alcohol and cigarettes (he is adhd too), and my brother-in-law has been on numerous anxiety meds as well. I have gotten over alot of my anxieties though I still get alittle nervous in groups. My son is eleven (or will be on tuesday) and has been dx w/adhd at age nine. He hates going anywhere even if it is to a fun place i.e. swimming or to the amusement park. I know that he gets very stressed in social situations so I usually just let him stay home. As you can imagine, school presents its own stresses for him. He would love for me to homeschool him (I did in 3rd grade) but I don't want him to completely isolate himself. We have made great strides this year--he is off the adderall and taking vitamin and herbal supplements. I have seen great improvement since starting this new regime. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in having these feelings. Please check out the Alternative and Complimentary forum--there is so much valuable info to help you overcome your anxieties, naturally or in conjunction with meds. Welcome!