unstructured time
I agree! The problem with unstructured time is that there's no structure!!
So, you make your own structure and things get done. (Problem is when you get overwhelmed before the schedule is done.)
As for the gifted with ADD.... what do you want to know. I can't offer text book knowledge, just first hand accounts. That's why I'm 39 and just now figuring this out! (my wife, actually, figured it out.) I developed so many coping mechanisms that I was able to function seemingly within 'norms' through high school. When I didn't do as well as expected in college everyone made excuses for me ("they didn't challenge him in high school", "he never learned how to study") I wish someone would have said "maybe he's ADD." That would have
Speaking of unstructured time... my PDA alarm just went off, gotta go give a lecutre... Maybe I'll remember to finish that thought later.
I think it's very important your husband understands what ADHD is and what it is not. He is not going to be a support to you or your son if he does not accept it for what it is and try to understand it. (Believe me, I know, I've been there!)
He needs to know the good and the bad. He obviously has very bad associations with an ADHD diagnosis and this will not help you or your son's situation.
Bring your husband to the doctor when you get your son tested or when you go to see him. Have the doctor answer his questions and let him know that ADHD is not a prophecy of doom.
Cheekydeeky
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so some random questions: i've done a lot of reading about adhd by now. and i was noticing that i have a serious issue with unstructured time. when i first had my son i decided to stay home with him and that lasted until he was 1 1/2 and put in him montessori. i couldn't handle being at home alone anymore. i would go to the park, to the library, make dinners for my family and inlaws but to do any of these 'simple' things kind of overwhelmed me and i often resorted to just staying at home. i hated being completely cut off from humanity. normally i'm borderline reclusive. i have a few very good friends but they are in different states now. plus having severe allergies and living in texas there is no reason for me to go outside. except occasionally when its mild and i sit on my front porch. i'm only 29 and i sound like an old lady don't i? lol and what about the gifted with adhd? i don't think i've run across any articles about that. my son is 3 1/2 now and i see the classic signs of adhd in him. my husband is a non adhd'er and he kind of flinches when i tell him this. but i know i'm right b/c he is the mirror image of my personality. he is exactly like i was at his age. so i feel kind of glad that i know what challenges he will face b/c i can be supportive and understanding and i can stay very involved in his educational process to make sure he's challenged enough and gets all the help he needs. but i'm worried naturally. he has a very bad attitude already at three. is that a funny thing? do all toddlers act this difficult? he's a wonderful child but he's as stubborn as a mule. he makes no comprimises. LOL. ah well. i love him. and he's beautiful. i'm sure all you parent's out there feel the same way about your adhd darlings. i do feel guilty though. i feel guilty..and i wish he had acquired my husbands sort of personality vs. mine. it will be more difficult for him. and yes>. do a lot of you get your feelings hurt often? and easily? i've run across some ideas about adhd ppl being thin skinned. i feel so thinskinned i could cry any given day. most ppl don't know that about me. they think i'm so confident. but in reality i can crumble in a heartbeat. i hate arguments and i do my best to bite my tongue and be even headed. however i've still managed to come away with the moniker of "soapbox sumi" yet still. alas. sumi |
I don't take credit for this response, it is informatin I have gained from reading.
Yes, unstructured time can be a problem. But only if you have specific tasks you need to accomplish. Suppose you have eight things that need to be done and they should take about 15 minutes each. Now suppose you have 4 hours to get them done (twice the time you need). Without a schedule, they won't get done. That is when unstrcutured time is a problem.
But, suppose you write out a schedule allowing 15 minutes to each task, then you schedule an hour of free time. If you have a 15 minute timer perhaps you can follow your list and have all the items done in two hours (or maybe a little more). Then you have your free time on the schedule, your "scheduled unscheduled time" to just chill out. So there is nothing wrong with unscheduled time as long as you schedule it! 
Yes, I am very sensitive also. This seems to be pretty common.
Hi sumi,I have never actually had "structured" time except at school, but after i started my medication i did notice that i actually have time to do things, such as help in the school canteen, help in class etc.
I am also very thin skinned in some situations, I find if I have to make a call to complain about something i am almost in tears before the person at the other end even answers the phone, but if I belive that I am 100% correct in a situation, god help the other person my husband says.
Its not that I enjoy arguing, to tell the truth I abhor it, but when I'm right, i'm right.For eg. My eldest child was playing in our local park whilst we were having a get together with a few friends (he was in view at all times). All of a sudden a women came and grabbed him and raised her hand at him, she belived he had hit her child because he is the loudest and biggest 9 year old I have ever met, anyway as i was saying, She raised her hand at him and before she had even bought it back to strike a blow i pretty much had my hands around her throat (not literally, but very close). I belive that if I hadnt had the witnesses I did (stating the fact that he did nothing), this probably would have ended in a brawl, because I believe that no one is entitled to discipline another persons child, espescially when they dont have their facts straight.
She did call the police because i was so angry, they basically told her to go home because if I hadnt done something to stop her she would be in their custody.
To tell the honest truth it was a small girl who actually hurt this other womans child but because my boy is so big and loud he imediatley attracts peoples attention and therefore blame.
At the time I was to angry to be upset but afterwards I basically collapsed in a heap and had to be taken home. My husband has always understood that I am not like other people and he is happy for me because i finally have a diagnosis and some help controlling it.
Thanks heaps Frootloop.
I seem to thrive on unstructured, unsupervised time. I work best on time that I MYSELF have structured! When my boss has my day structured or is constantly at my back, I don't do as well. I'm a much more relaxed, happy person when my day is not rigidly defined by another person.
Perhaps that has more to do with my creative personality rather than my ADD.
Cheekydeeky
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thanks for everyones ' replies on this thread.. cheekydeeky: as for my husband i think he's really come around ...he just has to do it his way and i'm sure all sure all of us can understand that well. he's quite a reasonable man and sometimes i feel so damned guilty b/c i do believe strongly that my son has adhd and i know i do..so that he , being the normal one, now has two ppl that depend on him for normalcy and anchoring. i've often joked with him that he could certainly sleep with another woman if he wants but he'll find her boring by comparison...lol. anyway he told me today that he spoke to my sons' montessorri teacher about the possibility that our son has adhd. we are just holding the position that it is highly likely but we aren't ready to intervene by any other means right now other than being patient and trying to work around the behavioral parameters for the best results. no need to do any kind of dianoses process b/c of 1) his age he's only 3 1/2 now 2) he seems to be socializing just fine and i'm sooo ultra grateful for that. the main symptoms he shows are a complete lack of patience..and i can almost be too close to that feeling. if he tries to something that is the very least something that requires him to take a step back and be patient to solve the problem he instantly blows up and it takes such an effort on our parts to make him calm down..and there are a few other things as well such as his absolute resolution to defy us. meaning even if it is something we know he enjoys or what not he will just say 'no' just to say it..or b/c he wants to excercise the ultimate control of having something occur his way and by his methods. so anyway i'm keeping my eye open for this. as for your expression that you thrive on unstructured time b/c of your creativity..i can thrive on it as it concerns my own priorities for sure. i've noticed that you have mentioned that you love to write and that you prize your ability to write fiction. i too am a writer and i write often. when it concerns writing , reading or anything that i love deeply than unstructured time wiles away and seems to be too short and i can delve into anything i love with passion. but if it is about cleaning my car and completing a list of tasks i know must be done on my day off with no one else around me to make me feel like i must do something. than i will read a bit like i did today..i took a nap b/c i had a headache. watched the news. met my husband for lunch , hung out with my best friend at her salon and i just got back home and its already 3 pm and i haven't done ANYTHING of significance today and i hate that. the one task i set for myself in this whole unfettered day was to clean my car out!!!! and i'm truly disgusted with my car. i just haven't had the 'time' i felt b/c there are so many other priorties tugging at me. and i'm thinking right now that i better get the motivation, scrape up everything in me to get this task done b/c otherwise i'm going to feel like a total loser. LOL. my way of dealing with my issues concerning tasks that i find daunting b/c of my lack of interest or my overwhelming feelings of dread and being able to do it properly or maintain my focus etc. is by being careful about my expectations of myself. i knew that i shouldn't try to be making some super list of things i 'should' be doing today b/c i knew it simply wasn't going to happen. i'm surely but slowly learning how to cognitively and conciously to just work around how i operate in order to lessen my stress and manage the realities of my life. being a mother , married and working full time presents anyone with the task of managing time well and even the 'regular' ppl have issues doing this it seems. i read an article from this working mothers' magazine and i felt so completely like i do not relate to other women at all. i mean- i am feminine. i wear heels and skirts and all..but i am so embarrassed by the fact that i do not fulfill the traditional roles that women have. i am a radical feminist but i do feel the innate pressure that comes naturally with cultural expectations despite my logical rationale about the differences btwn the genders and what it means in the modern context taking into account our history and our biology. however i have to admit that i sometimes feel apart (who am i kidding? more like ALL of the time) from other mothers. i'm first of all somewhat younger than a lot of the other mothers i meet via my sons montessori..they are moslty late thirties and early forties proffesionals. here i am struggling to finish my undergrad. and i like music that they haven't even heard of and i'm still going to little grungy clubs to see live bands and damn if i ever allowed myself to buy an xbox i would be the person hooked up to some video game all day and not being able to stop. like a little teenaged boy. but no. i am a mother. i am a woman. a grown up. i shouldn't like playing stupid video games. how could i be as sophomoric as that? i should not scope out all the shows in town and try to go to every one possible...i could schedule my whole life around music.. but geez being in the suburbs i find myself further and further alienated by the disparity of what i like i love and what i want and the rest of the world around me wearing polo shirts and whatever it is that they prize. surely as the dalai lama says we should embrace our similarities as humans and that is our main mission if we are going to accept each other and have empathy. we should strive for this. but at the same time i find myself so distanced from what my two cultures (korean and american) have set before me in terms of loosely given expectations and my gender. whatever it is that i fail to do to concisely fit into what i should be cannot be pawned off as if i was a man who just didn't mature quite yet. its just seen as a failure on my part and bazarre inability to fit in ..
sumi
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