sometimes it makes me sad... | ADHD Information
oh boythat is a whole load of issues squished into a few paragraphs! i feel so
sorry for you.....
this is a good site tho. i only just found it too and it seems great.
boy, i have no idea what you can do but forgetting the adhd for a second
- the whole dysfunctionality of you and your mum's relationship hmmm...
there has to be a way you can reassert yourself and be allowed to keep
some sort of equality within your dynamic. it's not fair that one person
should be completely squashed --- and just my bs opinion but it is NOT
easier to let her think she is getting her way - it's harmful to YOU.
you shouldn't have to defend yourself all the time. it's not right. i think
you should tell her and tell her that you are going to sort it too get on
ritalin - and all the rest...... you go, girl!
don't let yourself be squashed although i know it is difficult - i lived
briefly in a flat-share and one girl had a boyfriend and i don't know WHY
but he always wanted to squash me... i felt it SO badly. and every
conversation was a confrontation (whether subtly or all out) and i felt i
had to fight my corner every five minutes --- it was SO exhausting, he
constantly undermined me and of course he could because all he had to
do was refer to my 'laziness'.... ie 'so what are YOU up to today... staying
in the house' or similar.
and i felt i couldn't defend myself. i would try making a bad joke or try
turning it back on him ie 'and you're off to your world-shaking worthwhile
job' type attitude. but i am not confrontational by nature and usually
ended up making a complete hash of defending myself. i am not so
quick with witty comebacks etc.
so i do understand the temptation just to let it go... and think well, their
problem. but in the end it becomes YOUR problem if it upsets you. i
moved out (obviously the easiest solution - run away!!!!) if i could have
'beaten' him, forced him to have and show some more respect for me
then i would have preferred that... if i could have understood what was
driving his irritation i would have preferred that... if i could have changed
his attitude either through love, peace, tolerance or by being a smart-
arse i would have preferred that...
he was an arsehole tho - i am not the only one who he treated badly.
even his girlfriend was constantly ritually humiliated by him (in front of all
of us) and we none of us flatmates was particularly able to deal with it or
respond well to it. it was more the moment he went out the door we'd all
go 'what a f**king sh*thead - or, more likely, well i would never put up
with a boyfriend who treated me like that... yeah, right we ALL put up
with his crappy behaviour one way or another! because we didn't want
the confrontation!
who knows, i am sure there is someone on this forum who will have a
clever way of re-establishing the equilibrium in your relationship with
your mother. good luck with it! cjlilo wroted:
i can't tell my mom about my add b/c she is one of those people who thinks it's all bs...
Hey Lil'O,
Check this out. I thought at first you wroted
"I can't tell me mum a/b me dad, b/c she is one of those people who thinks he's all bs..."
REallY! I guess I read like I think... in bits and pieces, and put together the whole as best I can to jump conclusions... lilo writes:
i can't tell my mom about my add b/c she is one of those people who thinks it's all bs...
Hey Lil'O,
Let me teach her. Love a challenge. Nothin' like epinephrine flooding the brain!
Hey, maybe that's why I'm so hard to get along with. I always did say I was a warrior without a war. Too young for 'Nam, too old for WWIII.
Not that I Start Wars, however, neither will I back down when brought to me.
Where did you say the " ...'king...he was an arsehole...'thead...' " lived? Just kidding. Next time you see him, remind him he's only hurting himself some more, 'cuz he was treated and hurt that way as a kid.
Your ex-'mate shouldn't put up with that abuse, either. In certain counties here (California) you can end up in jail for spousal abuse. And if there is any physical threat in his words, that's Assualt, a crime. And if someone touches another without express or implied assent, that's Battery.
because we didn't want the confrontation! NOt that I want to Start Wars with you, b/c I rather like what you have to say, so don't take this wrong.
The more we elucidate ADHD now in our generations, the less struggle our children will have in theirs.
Confrontation is not easy, but necessary. Kinda fun, too, if you've AD. Threat stimulates release of epinephrine (adrenalin, if you're in a socialist medicated society).
e.g. "We're LOSING HIM!" "...give him 60 cc's epi" "but dalktor! we used our last epi on the ship yesterday!" "well, then, give him my ritalin". "He's dead, Jim".
Caring Enough To Confront by David W. Augsburger discusses trust, anger, change, prejudice, blame, guilt, loyalty, and conscience, in describing a lifestyle for Christians who care enough to risk confronting others when differences become important. He recognizes that conflict is natural—it can turn into painful or disastrous ends—but it does not need to. Email her as much on the subject as possible. This what I did with the MIL, WHO SAYS THAT'S NOT HOW i WOULD CHOOSE TO HANDLE MY CHILD.I would also send her a copy of the report from the Dr.'s finding. I told mil what that DR. said also. My experience is IL think they no it all cause been there done that before. My husband today would be told adhd/ocd/odd I know for sure.It's his way only. i can't tell my mom about my add b/c she is one of those people who thinks it's all bs... cooked up by docs and parents to drug their kids so docs can make money and parents can set their kids infront of tvs not have to do anything. the scary part is my mother was a teacher. she tells people she knows who's kids have it that she really saw what a benefit ritalin was to the kids she had in class, then when they leave she complains that the only problem with their kids is that the parents don't discipline them enough.
anyway... it makes me sad because sometimes i want to talk about it with people who know my mom. i just can't deal with letting her know... at least not now. i'm just so weary of having to defend myself over EVERYTHING... down to the way i wear my hair (which is straight, not curly the way she thinks i should). i still live with her, so i can't get away if i need to... it's a lot easier to just let her think she's getting her way.
anyway... back to telling people... i have these two friends, A and T, who i've known since i was 2 and 4. well, last spring i was talking to T's mom and she was telling me about how A had been dxed w/add in college, and she told me some of the stuff she went through before finding out and that now that she's on medication everything is going well. now i really want to get in touch with A and talk to her about it, but her mother is a friend of my mother's. if i tell A, she'll tell her mother... which is fine with me... except that i can't take the risk that A's mother will see my mom somewhere and say something to her... i could tell them not to say anything to my mom, but i don't really want to explain WHY i don't want her to know... that i don't feel comfortable telling her ANYTHING let alone something that will DEFINITELY give her more opportunity to be nasty and critical to me... especially to one of her friends.
anyway... (i think this is my third one ) it just makes me sad that sometimes i want to talk to somebody about something, but i don't feel like i can because i am sooo afraid it will get back to my mom. i feel like i can ONLY talk to people who don't know her.
I can't help you with your mom but you have a lot of people here that you can talk to. You can tell us what you are going through and ask any questions you want.
We are a very supportive and encouraging group. We either have been dx'd with ADHD or are very confident that we have it, so you will find no judgements, but a lot of support.
Here's a bonus.... none of us know your mom so we can't tell her! 
4get mom go to the doc kep ur pills in car
How did your coworker's son benefit from your health insurance? Are you a Canadian or something like that?
How could your coworker's son be an awesome she?
Generic regular ritalin is only about a dollar per day
Lilo, thankfully my parents both support me with my adhd diagnosis--they both love me to pieces, but just know that i struggle with something. they are both incredibly patient and kind.
however, my brother (whom i love so much) thinks like your mother. his own daughter is more extreme than i am, yet he still thinks this is all bs to try to get out of responsibility in any way, shape, or form.
it's painful that, for example, that i would lose my big client and i can't call him. i just don't feel like it--he GAINS clients, not loses them.
i don't know what i'd do if he were my parent. i suppose ultimately i'd have to do what rayray is suggesting...go it alone and take care of myself. if he found out, then the chips will have to fall where they may.
ii have a VERY judgmental co-worker also who is extremely smart who also makes fun of the whole adhd thing. she has no children, but is sure that parents need to spank their brats more often. if she only knew that when i was young, i was spanked by my dad alright...with a belt. (yes, i know i said he's supportive, but that's NOW--he didn't handle me as well back then) it didn't seem to knock the adhd out of me, unfortunately.
BB38 > > >
I'm sorry that you have those
childhood memories.
Childhood, the first " hood "
is usually the toughest.
Many parents don't realise that they
are raising more than children.
They are raising future adults.
I didn't have a " average "
childhood until I was almost
eight y/o. My two sisters had it
even worse, one lived with an
Aunt and the other in a state
home.
Most parents are just not equiped
to raise children, and it takes
effert to learn/read/study how.
Plus many people bring with
them their own negative &nbs p;
childhood memories and
repeat them unknowningly
with their own kids.
I wont use my insurance for anything ADD related
Because I dont wont to be tagged as a pyschiatric person.
90 18mg concerta 0
Doc vist 0 bill
easily make money back in increased productivity & revenue
thanks for the replies everyone!when i had health ins., my coworker's son had it and she was AWESOME... she'd let me schedule appts in the morning so my mom thought i was going to work, but i'd go to the doc first and come in late. now i don't have ins, so i can't afford the meds.
i had more i wanted to say, but i can't think right now... but i didn't want to let it go without saying thanks to everyone. i'll write more later.
