Bad Tempers

The wall is flat the sky is blue so why are you taking the time to tell me the obvious,  it takes me a minute what it takes you to do in five, you are stating the obvious now get to the point, why do I have to wait for everybody else when I'm done already,  just because I didn't hear (or pay attention) to you the first time, doesn't mean that you have yell at me.  I know what you are trying to say, so why are still talking? Life is so frustrating when I'm dealing with everyone else and they just don't hear me.

This is what I imagine goes on in the head of a child with ADHD, so can you guess why they get so bad tempered and high strung.  Gee, all they need is a little patience, but if a kid is hyperactive patience is not easily learned.  All you can do is model good behavior and hope as a child matures that patience and control develops over time.  Meds coupled with counseling are often used to assist in this development, but again, modeling is the key.  Remember that the next time you child hits your hot button and you want to go red in anger.  That image of your reaction will be the one they draw upon when in the future they find themselves in a similar situation.

Paul

smallmom - just saw your post,

No, my son was never dx with anxiety.  I truly think the medications gave him the anxiety symptoms.  Without the meds, he doesn't ever show any anxiety.

You are so bombarded with thoughts and distractions that it is very easy to become upset and feel overwhelmed with outside stimulii. Every ADHDer I know has a problem with being short tempered.

All you can do is encourage him to take a deep breath and relax when life becomes to much. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. It just depends on what pressure he is dealing with at the time.

Maybe you can give him a private, quiet place where he can go to get away from everything when he is feeling like he has reached the end of his rope. Don't send him there like it is a punishment, just let him know it is available when he feels the need.

csullivan

We also have several walls behind door handles that have holes.  Have resorted to a 'door handle stop' to cover the hole and soften the blow.  Our guy as well has his share of anger issues, but I have to take some responsibility for poor modeling on that one.  Again, family therapy is helping all of us to deal with our anger and how to vent it more appropriately.  Progress is being made but we ain't there yet.

Paul

Actually very well.  We went thru a very difficult 5 - 6 week period of adjustment.  If it wasn't for his 4th grade teacher I wouldn't have made it thru.  He did get aggressive at that point and was extremely hyper, to the point of not being able to stay still at all.  It was a little scary (kind of like the DT's they talk about with alcoholics).

However, he has really calmed down.  He is still kind of impulsive, sometimes hyper (very fidgety at times), but his aggression is virtually gone.  Now it is in a silly sense, for instance he has a younger brother and he will poke and prod at him in a teasing sense, which may cause a bad reaction from his brother, but its different than it was.  It used to be my son would literally attack his brother at times for something his brother did.  He doesn't do that anymore at all.

I just got a wonderful e-mail from his 4th grade teacher, telling me that the other teachers are amazed at the change in his personality.  He is friendlier, happier, more appropriate (looking people in the eye, saying pls. and thank you, etc.)

Things aren't perfect, however.  He did forget his homework, and the clay ball he had in his hands to help him with his fidgeting ended up in the ceiling lights....However I am certainly not ready to go back to what he was like on the meds.  Things would have to decrease 100%.

But that is not to say that he didn't need them when I started them.  He was a very hyper and impulsive 2nd grader, constantly in trouble, and unable to control himself at all.  I just think he has matured somewhat, and he is more conscious at this age of what his peers think, and how he is accepted.  I think that is helping his behavior also.

I would never say Don't Medicate.  However, if the child is still experiencing difficulties, or starts getting bad side effects, you may need to discontinue them to see what is really going on at the current age, and possibly modify the treatment.  My son is now seeing a psychologist to help with social cues and issues. 

My son was on virtually all of the ritalin based meds at one point or another.  I would guarantee that if you waited longer than a week things would have calmed down.  Like I said it was more like a month or a little more.  Perfect for summer, but not during the school year.  Believe me, I was just like you in my belief he couldn't do without the meds.  Because like you, when I took him off for a short time things were terrible. 

The reason we stopped was that my son was also diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. He had always had tics, but the meds never really made them worse.  However, we had him on Metadate CD, and in order to help him further behave in class we raised it, and he started getting multiple tics, and the kind where he was hurting himself.  Chewing nails down to the quick, picking his face until he had lots of little scabs, etc.  In addition, over the years he had barely put on any weight, he had dark circles at times under his eyes, so many other things too.   Anyway, I spoke to his Dr. and he suggested adding another drug, Haldol, to control the tics.  Well I did research on that drug and spoke to others and decided I would not put him on that med unless I had no other option.  So the other option was stopping meds for a week or two.  So that is what I did.  Well the tics stopped immediately, and all of a sudden I saw this little personality emerge from him that I had forgotten he had.  At that point the teacher was cooperating fully and it was the end of May, and I wasn't going to start meds again just until the end of school.  SO I stuck it out and so far so good.  I am thrilled in my decision.

Now for school, so far things are good.  However, I will now fight harder for other alternatives for my son, since the meds caused him so many side effects it was not healthy.  For example, he has an aide that supervises him at recess (so far he hasn't needed any intervention) and the teacher has him sitting up front, and we are further exploring any other LD's that may be present so we can get him accomodations.

Hawks,

Just out of curiosity, did anyone ever dx your son with anxiety?  The reason I ask is that some of what you describe -- chewing nails to the quick and picking at scabs -- actually sound like nervous habits rather than motor tics.  And these habits may have disappeared when your son stopped the meds because -- you may already know this -- stimulants can exacerbate anxiety.  In addition, anxiety can make ADHD symptoms appear worse.  My 12-year-old son has ADHD and anxiety, which frequently go hand-in-hand.  He also has tic disorder and migraines, both of which, his doctor tells us, are fueled by anxiety.  His tics are involuntary movements like frequent mouth opening and brow wrinkling.  When he was little, he used to rub his ear lobe until it bled -- that was a nervous habit, not a tic.  His fingernails, by the way, are bitten to the quick. 

I was just curious if the anxiety dx had ever been explored.  In any event, I'm so happy for you that your son is doing well med-free! 

I know exactly what you mean.  The one thing I realized when I stopped meds was that I didn't have to worry at 5 pm that my son would rebound.  We could go anywhere and not worry.  His temperament remained the same at all times.

My decision was made easier b/c school was not going well.  Nothing was, so I pretty much had no other choice.   How old is your son again?

CSullivan

Good l uck with your decision.  We took our 10yo son off Adderal because we could not handle the evening anger.  He is still fidgety and impulsive, but does not want to "destroy" his sister anymore, and has not been suspended from school this year for hitting someone.  Still seeing the classic "need to talk until blue in the face" issues, but no holes in the wall.......Good luck-just be sure to keep DAILY communication up with school.