I am about to scream, cry or something | ADHD Information
HELP!!!! I can't get anything done today (or should I say for most of the week). At work nothing gets finished and when I get home all I do is sit on the couch and watch TV. My mind feels like doing being productive, but my body says NO.
AM I just lazy or what? I didn't take meds today b/c I am trying to seewhat happens when I skip a day b/c even taking it everyday I am unmotivated this week...I do have a sinus infection, but why does the have to affect me so much I am unmotivated?
I just want to feel 'normal' for ONE day.
I even made a wonderful 'To Do' list and that has not helped. It takes me FORVER to accomplish the simpiest thing! And I am NOT going to get a promotion like this!!!!
Any advise?
Ok, ok, I am not alone......but I thought that is why we take meds--to make us make us not so these things...I guess I am subconsiously expecting a miricale drug and its not!! Once I started taking meds, I thought great, peole will see a world of difference in me and see how much potiential I really do have...they will see what a really hard worker I am.
Hey--I didn't mean to make you hash up what you did yesterday......I guess I am getting somewhat (ok alot) disuraged with myself......I am a 29 yr old adult for pete's sake (oh what an old saying that came out of nowhere) I am be being productive.....LOL!!
Thanks Sumi for all your support! How are you today? Can't make those calls....come on, YOU CAN DO IT! Just think of how proud of yourself you will be afterwards! :)
hey ! don't be so hard on yourself! everyone has moments of despair! i too sometimes feel like just bawling and falling to my knees. life has a way of making you feel that way. you're not just lazy. you're suffering from what is called 'inactivation'
that is one of the main issues with our disorder. it is VERY hard for us to get started on things. for a multitude of reasons i am sure..and hence our procrastination and penchant for piles of junk occasionally..
yesterday, if it makes you feel any better, i was at home all day. posting on this board, reading and watching movies and snacking and i didn't get my butt out of the house until after my husband got home! talk about embarrassing. i have a heart attack every time i hear the garage door open. i'm like oh sh*t! he's home and i run around picking up all of my glasses and putting stuff in the trash can and slamming all my magazines and books in a pile on the table and throwing my shoes in the rack in the closet just so he doesn't get pissed off at the house when he walks in. he sighs sometimes when he walks in the door and i've been making a mess that i haven't cleaned yet. and it gets to me. ahh!
i hope you chill out and feel better soon.
sumi
how many to do lists have i trashed? looked at and felt distgusted with myself? today at work i'm supposed to be doing a ton of phone calls and i refuse to budge. i hate doing that!
sumi
Can I pull up a chair? I'm in a hostile working environment and my ADHD is making things harder rather than easier. They've told me in a round about way that I would not have a job in the fall. I blame myself and I feel so ashamed. 
I feel like they had confidence in my abilities and I failed them. I feel like I conned everyone into thinking I was smart and competent when in reality I wasn't.
How do I heal? I don't know. There are times when I don't know how I fit into the adult world or whether I fit at all.
Sadly signing off,
Cheekydeeky
hey i don't have any issues rehashing my adhd flashbacks. (btw check out my post on the other browman thread i responded to your comment about explaining our thing to 'normal' ppl)
yeah we're adults! yay! we have even more to screw up! JUST KIDDING. but no. its true..lol
i'm just bored as hell at work. i'm selling a lot and thats what counts. but i'm not being productive. i should be making calls. but i simply don't care right now. who cares. LOL
yes our drugs help us. they do not cure us . (typically)
kind of like a leg brace...vs a prosthetic limb.
lol
sumi
Cheekydeeky,
awwwww! Hold your chin up! This is going out on a limb, but have you talked to your boss about your ADHD? It may be worth a try....Just tell them everything that you have and are going through and what has lead you to where you are in you job now. Maybe that will give him some concrete explainations to why you have done thing things done to get to this point.
Suggest a 'probation period' based strickly on your performance. Expess that you don't act like this intentionally. You ARE smart and confident and if you want to keep your job you MUST get back that reputation you had. :)
YOU CAN DO IT!!
i agree with you. it would be difficult for you to do..but its worth a try. what are you going to lose?
i did mention once to my new boss (my old boss quit a few minutes ago i totally miss her!)
that i have adhd. and i think she is clueless about it. she thinks she knows. but i really really think she doesn't have a clue. i haven't talked to her about since nor in depth. she actually relies on me for important stuff. which is hilarious. (to me)
sumi
I have been tested twice for bipolar and both MDs says without a doubt--NO! But my child has allergies and takes clairtain daily so that may be an idea...thanks!
As for your job, find you something else! That doen't seem like a good environemt at all!
upward_bound, have you talked to your dr about depression? You don't have to feel like crying all the time to be severely depressed. There are many ways it can manifest and lack of energy is a biggy. Maybe you can get wellbutrin if you are. That is good for ADHD too!
cheekydeeky, Are you aware that ADHD is covered under the list of disabilities in the Americans with disabilities act? If you decide you want the job, you could approach the boss and explain that you have adhd and what you feel should be done to enable you to work to your full potential. Unfortunately, if they decide to ignore you and still let you go, adhd discrimination is very hard to prove and even harder to win. It might be worth a shot tho.
Hi Upward Bound! We all have days & weeks like this. Thats why last night I was so beat. As you said before, your new to this stuff, so go a little more easy on yourself. I often have a "to do list" but the "to do's" never get done! Like today, my mind says I should accomplish all this stuff, but my body says "I don't think so! I'll try anyway.
You said you have a sinus infection? I've had those before & they can make you feel lazy & in my case somewhat dizzy. Hang in there. I know it su**s, but now you no for sure that your not alone. Lord knows how many other ADDers are out there and still don't know whats wrong. at least we all have each other. I hope today is better.
Thanks for the replies guys...thanks for being so supportative! Here goes my story (as an adult)...When I was 18 I met my first husband. After dating for 3 yrs we decided to get married...at 21! Before marriage our relationship was good...where you saw me, you saw him and vice versa! But it was like RIGHT after we said 'i do' he did a 360 degree turn around...he started being mean and hateful, selfish, spent all the money, was NEVER home etc...Little by little he became abousive in every way...verbally, phiccally and even sexually (which I had no idea about until I divorced). He started pushing me into chairs and getting in my face pointing at me when we would fight...Pulling my hair...anything you can imagine, he did it and said it.
Well, a couple yrs later we had Kelsey and it seems after she was born it got worse...But by the grace of God, evertime we would fight she would be asleep. To me, that was God's way of protecting her. You must know, I grew up in a loving family...never saw fighting like that! I did not know ppl treated ppl like that until him. So you can imagine how I reacted when he pushed me dowm or through the phone at me across the room...he grew up like that! Thats what he thought was normal! Long story short, when Kelsey was 1 yrs old I divorced him after he started hitting me on a REGULAR basis...
After that I became depressed but I did not know it until I started having panic attacks/anxiety attacks...I was releived to be out of the situation so I am not really sure why that became an issue... I started taking Effexor, which worked GREAT for about 9 months, then the side effects becamea problem...so my doc switched me to Remaron...that made me sleep 16 out of 24 hrs of the day! Literally! Then we tried Lexapro...that worked ok but again made me sleepy. Welbutrin I can not take b/c of my sezior history....I have CP and had one seziour, but they can be triggered and came back and I don't want that to happen. Celexa, Zoloft and most of the others have the same sexual side effect as Effexor so that would not work.
I have been tested 2x's for Bipolar and the doc says no...and then afterall this I found out I am ADD...not from any of this, but my memory problem is what made me see the doc. ADD/HD is prevelent on my dads side (adults included). Anyway, I am just scared to take Welbutrin!
What ya think Barb?
upward_bound,
I think you have had your share of hard knocks in life! I would stay away from anything which could trigger a seizure?
Have you seen a psychiatrist? If you have a good insurance plan, I would ask your dr for a referral to a good psych and go there to be retested for BP. I would also go into counseling. There are ways you can learn to control depression to an extent and a good psych would be able to help you you recognize triggers and learn new ways to respond. He could help you look at the way you see yourself and your thought patterns, to see ways you can take control of situations where you now feel helpless.
I used to get so depressed, I could not function. If someone would ask me how I was I would start to cry. I couldn't control it. When I started living as a Christian, one of the things I learned was to believe that God is in control so I don't always have to be. I learned that no matter how hopeless a problem or situation seemed, that if I trusted Him, He would make something good come out of it. This isn't the place for me to continue on about this, but if you or anyone wants to hear more, feel free to PM or e-mail me and we can arrange a way to discuss it. My e-mail address is in my profile.
I don't know what your faith is but even if you aren't a Christian, I'm sure you could benefit from the power of positive thinking. By believing that nothing stays terrible forever and looking for the good that can come out of a bad situation, my mind learned to stop focusing on my powerlessness and start looking for ways I could use to get through it and learn from it and frankly, anything I could control which would make it end that much sooner. 
I still get depressed but never to such extremes. I do take wellbutrin for depression but I went for 4 yrs (instead of 4 months) without any depression meds this last time. I could live without it but it does help take the edge off. Its possible that with therapy, you could learn coping techniques and those combined with a med you can take, could get it under control.
I wish at times like this that I had degrees in several different areas instead of just an education from the school of hard knocks. I would love to be able to help you more! Hopefully all of us here have given you enough information that you can figure out a plan that is right for you. We all want to see you get your life back under control and know that you can control your life, it doesn't have to control you.
Keep us posted as we all care 
very much! Barb
Barb-Yes, I do see a physiatrist...currently I see on that specializes in Adult ADD/HD, but I saw one years ago when I was tested for bi-polar. What other antidepressant could I take along with Adderall XL? Hey-great idea, Lexapro worked great, other than being sleepy so maybe I'll ask the doc about taking them both and with my adderall, maybe the Lexapro wont have the sleepy effect. I didn't know you could take both. Another thing, can hormones effect my moods? I have been off birth control for about 1.5 yrs now, but I am thinking I should get back on them as well and see if that helps. Sorry to all the guys out there...I know you don't want to hear about 'girl stuff' :)
Yes, I am a Christian (hence the name upwardbound). But I will talk to you more about that in a PM.
Here are other factors:
I don't like my job too much....I have wanted to quiite several times throughout the 8 yrs I have been here. I have not been happy here for about 5 yrs, but I have great benefits here and I make the most I will ever make at this job in this little town. The flexability is great...if my kids are sick I can take off anytime and I have a flexible time schedule--I just have to work 8 hrs. That is great for me. But I am working under potential. I have not been treated good here...some self induced (which stims for being unhappy with my job) and some not...I used to LOVE to come to work, but but I have grown out of it...thats when I was 20 yrs old. I am much more capable than that! If I had the nerve to quite and find something else I would be much happier!!
I don't know if this has anything to with it...and when you read this don't get me wrong I love my hubby and his kids, but this may be adding extra stress to me. I married a man who had 2 kids from a previous marriage....and they live with us 10 months out of the year...and visit their Mom in the Summer. I never realised how how being a stepmother would be...marriage is hard alone but plus that...
I worry to much as it is and I juust think this puts extra pressure on me. We all have a great realtionship and the only thing my hubby and I fight over are the kids, although is has gottena 1000% better the older the kids get...together we have 3 girls...13 almost, 11, and mine is almost 5........so you can imagine! I went from only having 1 child who was 1.5 when we met to 2 more that were alot older.
so...any advise?
upward_bound,
Have you ever been tested or dianosed with bipolar? It sounds like what's going on with you is more descriptive of bipolar disorder than ADHD, especially if your meds are ineffective when you go through this. Maybe you have both?
Your post broke me out of my pity and I reread your letter. You gave me great words of encouragement, the least I could do was the same.
As a veteran allergy sufferer (sneezing and sniffling since I was 7) I can tell you that a sinus infection, if severe enough, can slow you down as much as a cold can. It's allergy season my friend and it looks like you may need some Claritin or Allegra. Sinus infections can infect your entire nasal passage, which includes areas around your eyes and above your forehead. So, that may be the cause. However, if this is happening frequently or on a regular basis I'd mention this to your doctor. It sounds like it's crippling you and that shouldn't be unless you've recently experience some extreme stress (like death or a nasty divorce).
Thanks for your support,
Cheekydeeky
ps Here's another thing. When it comes to my company, it's not a good one. I don't really know if it would be worth staying. These guys are REAL jerks. It's actually my boss' boss that wants me out of there. When I questioned his stooge about some of the facts he listed in his report that needed to be clarified before publication, the guy went ballistic and told my boss' boss I should be fired, that I was imprecise and didn't know primary math (not true).
Without getting my side of the story, the boss' boss told my boss to replace me after summer.
I feel like without ADHD I could've turned it around. That's all.
cheekydeeky38154.6533449074[QUOTE=upward_bound]I don't like my job too much....I have wanted to quiite several times throughout the 8 yrs I have been here. I have not been happy here for about 5 yrs, but I have great benefits here and I make the most I will ever make at this job in this little town. The flexability is great...if my kids are sick I can take off anytime and I have a flexible time schedule--I just have to work 8 hrs. That is great for me. But I am working under potential. I have not been treated good here...some self induced (which stims for being unhappy with my job) and some not...I used to LOVE to come to work, but but I have grown out of it...thats when I was 20 yrs old. I am much more capable than that! If I had the nerve to quite and find something else I would be much happier!! [/quote]
You sound like me trying to break out to find new experiences. In my life I have never held a job more then 4 years at most. Always get wanderlust to try something new out. Currently going through that stage again.
[quote]I don't know if this has anything to with it...and when you read this don't get me wrong I love my hubby and his kids, but this may be adding extra stress to me. I married a man who had 2 kids from a previous marriage....and they live with us 10 months out of the year...and visit their Mom in the Summer. I never realised how how being a stepmother would be...marriage is hard alone but plus that...[/quote]
Yes, I can atest for this being a problem, my husband is 14 years my senior and brought into the marriage 5 kids - fortunately only 2 would live with us at a time. All teenagers, and they were only 10 years removed from me in age, quite stressed out keeping up with them - became a whole heck of a lot meaner then I use to be. They were always underminding me on issues, and started to feel like I was one of the kids when appealing to my husband for support. 7 years they are finally all moved out, finally. Now we get along great with the kids all moved out.
Also work is an issue, my boss knows I am ADD, but he has never really acknowledged if he understands it... though he sure don't act like it. Always making up assignments to make me more orgainized - which as of yet has been a utter waste of his time. What I need is relief help to reduce all the multi-tasking which I am drowning in right now, not more lists to keep breaking down everything I am suppose to keep up with. 
Chin up, definitely understand what you got going.
NightStar38155.695150463Upward_bound, My son takes both Adderall XR 10 mg and Lexapro 10 mg along with Strattera 40 mg so I know you can take both. He takes both the Strattera and Lexapro at bedtime since they both can cause drowsiness and the Adderall XR about 30 minutes before he gets up. I wake him up and then let him go back to sleep for awhile. Then when he does get up the meds have already kicked in and we have a good morning. -Gettingagrip-WONNNNDERFULLLL!! I am going to suggest to MD that I try that... I can take the adderall in the am and the lexapro at night--maybe that will help me sleep!
Thats exactly what I do--wake up at 6am and take adderall 20mg and go back to bed and within the hour I am up and ready to start the day!!! The only problem is I have to eat breakfast also!
Thanks so much for your post...
upwardbound
upward_bound,
I just typed "depression and epilepsy message board" into my search engine and came up with several message boards which deal with them both. You may be able to find answers there. Its great that gettingagrip already has the answer as to combining the meds and how to use them effectively. I think you're on your way to finding the answer for you! Yeah!
www.parentsplace.com/messageboards www.healthboards.com/depression
I haven't check either of these out but it will give you a place to start.
Hopefully when you get the meds that work for you, you will be able to progress to a better position where you work so you can enjoy it and keep your insurance. Barb
GREAT! Thanks for being so supportive! I will let you know how everything turns out! :)
Thanks...:) Hopefully things will get better soon!