My first day on Adderall :-)
ADDerall, Girl! WAY TO GO!
Now go take some time off and enjoy yourself.
I too have just gone back on Adderall, XR (was on for 1 month back in Feb.) though, my third day. Lat night I burst out crying sitting at my kitchen table because I felt so "normal" and just okay and I saw what my whole life could have been and what kind of mother my daughter could have had. I'll get over it.
I am amazed at the difference. For me, nothing like it ever before. I have always self medicted too and I'm also on Wellbutrin.
Second day back at work today after 2 months off (during which time I was having a nervous breakdown at home over what I wasn't doing on my home computers for my job).
I usually walk down the halls feeling very closed off to everyone but the kids. Today I was socializing and even talked to a couple of people who have been around for a while but have never spoken to me, and got a good reaction! Could it be I intimidate certain types of people? I took the advice of someone on a thread and forgave many people for their rude past behaviour and for the first time I can see how people can still deal with someone they don't like. That was a real struggle for me. I hope we both have fabulous adventures now that we can!!
I think the social stigma avoidance phase is a very very very if not universal reaction to every ADer or parent of ADer or sibling or relative or friend...
However, once your confidence is secure, I recommend a SHOUT to the world, saying WHY did you let me suffer sooooooooo long?!!!!
The more trails we pioneer today as ADDers, they more highways will emerge for our ADDer offspring in the future.
They will not have to fight the same wars of revolution, independence, civil, and otherwise, b/c their AD/HD forefathers, fourscore and twenty years and more ago, before them suffered the indignities, the struggles, the PAIN of taxation without representation, were WOUNDed, DIED, and were Buried, in order for their freedom to express their AD/HD in a harnessed effective unbelievably productive manner, without experiencing the BRUTAL frustrations our generation has...
Hey, I sound like a revolutionary...
Hey chJonesy, mebe I should studied stalin...
yuck. murderer. after hitler, the French should'a marched East to Moscow (instead they went to Viet Nam). Hey, imagine a history where after the conquest of hitler's Germany, we formed NATO, enlisted Germany as an ally, and marched East to free the great Russian spirit? terrie, I could daydream a/b that!
We were too battered, though. America never finishes it's wars properly. Wanta get rich? Declare war on America...
Now I'm ranting... sorry
We need to unite as a global community, act as family, well maybe not. We fight alot. Act as .... what? What in community doesn't conflict? Well, then act as a globe, turn our eyes upward, and Worship God, the Creator of black holes, and Holy Universes.
Any takers?
Background:
I essentially self-diagnosed myself 10 days ago after realizing my son very likely had ADHD. Thanks to this site and 1 or 2 others, I realized I was an Adult ADD poster child having everything from forgetfulness, poor time conception, hyperfocus, disorganization, procrastination and a litany of lifetime underachievements after showing great academic promise in HS..until dropping out of college in Sr yr and struggling in jobs for.....15 YEARS!!! (couldn't focus and get work done)
Well..I wasted no time, made a shrink appt..and fortunately..he was experienced and flexible enough to see I was NOT talking cr@p and went ahead with my suggestion for me to try Adderall. (since anectdotally..it seems there are MANY very satisfied Adderall users). Also, I was curious about the affect of a stimulant..since I had been unknowingly self-medicating myself with caffeine and Mountain Dew for 15+ years..which would normally give me approx 1.5 -> 2.5 hrs of clear, focused thinking per day
MY FIRST DAY:
Well..I hope every day in the future is like today. WOW! The seemingly modest generic Adderral dosage 2 x 5mg in the mid morning, 2 x 5 mg in the early afternoon, and the 1 x 5mg in the early evening have kept me focused and humming nearly all day. I should say that I worked long and LATE, then as soon as I got home exercised vigorously and went grocery shopping. (normally I would struggle for most of day and then sit at home and play poker.
Anyhow, I am amazed how similar its effect (in my case) is to the very best Caffeine boost..which I could only infrequently achieve..but when happened would never cause jitters..just give me great focus and mental intensity..often a thrilling hyperfocus. Also, because I have self-medicated for years. and was always oddly aware of my own mental state , I felt like a pro with Adderall on day one. Didn't really feel much different than caffeine..except maybe a bit stronger, more stable and enduring.
Experienced benefits of Adderall (keep in mind..this is after ONE day :-) were;
1. the big one: GREATER FOCUS..more efficient thinking and work output.
2. Another biggee: No more PROCRASTINATION due to overthinking and TRYING to focus. I was just thinkging and doing all sort of tasks even the menial annoying ones that are so easy to delay. JUST THINK IT AND DO IT!
3. As a result of the two above ( in essence, an improved ability to think)..my anxiety level was much lower since my confidence in my ability to work and complete tasks in a timely fashion done was much higher.
4...and the SURPRISE....Increased SOCIALABILITY! Due to my decreased anxiety and agitation and improved focus and abiliity to stay in the NOW..I found my saying socializing in situations that I normally would be hesitant in. I have always considered myself an introvert with a very good personality. That seems pretty ironic.. and maybe now I can now actually connect with people & and actually generate some positive karma..for once! :LOL:
Anyhow..I thank God for a great day..and hope there are many more to come in the future. I will let you know how things go.
-Fr33w1ll :-)
Awesome Fr33!! It's a great feeling, isn't it? I wish I could feel that way by taking a vitamin or eating a better diet (or that I simply didn't have to worry about making a living or keeping my life going--Ugh).I'm glad it went so well for you!
bb
privilege!
stalin was right up there with amin dada and hitler --- it's the power you
see.
power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. they all turn to
the Dark Side (it is because they have no sense of humour, i swear... if
only they could stop for two seconds to see how ridiculous they are. (du
sublime au ridicule - il n'ya qu'un pas)
that is why it was possibly the WORST decision to re-jig the house of
Lords in the UK. it may have seemed defunct and aristocratic but it split
the power.... commons/lords/queen/judiciary. very important!
(hey america can benefit from war too --- the uk had to pay off its war
debts to america for yeeeaaaarrrs. we were still on rationing when you
were going through the great 50s wealth - not that i am complaining....
anything even complete bankruptcy was worth defeating HItler for, for
sure sure sure! so yay for defeating that miserable foul deluded
murderer which we would NEVER have done without America.)
do you know Stalin used to send out quotes to officials in various Russian
towns/villages. like this "i think you must have about 2,400 counter-
revolutionaries/whites/capitalist pigs etc. in your area"
and the local hoodlum enforcers would then round up say 2,756 random
people and shoot them! sending a message back "not only were there
2,400 we found an extra 356!!!!! for good measure. see how dedicated
we are!"
madness. utter madness.
not that it couldn't happen here or in England. if it can happen in
Germany, Italy, Russia etc. essentially it can happen anywhere. you just
need a leader who can instil both fear and love; twist a few things around
- and you can get people murdering their own in the name of some ideal,
patriotism and the common good....
suddenly everyone is looking out for themselves and informing on their
neighbour!
as long as you have a sense of humour and enjoy life - it can't work.
sense of humour is a saving grace. it brings perspective to many things.
i wish i had a better sense of humour. i could easily turn into a stalin or
hitler (just in terms of i take everything too seriously! rather than i want
to kill millions)....
a sense of humour eh? where can i find one of those then????????
we need to love one our neighbours as ourselves?
Matthew 22:35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a
question, tempting him, and saying,
36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy
heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
38 This is the first and great commandment.
39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as
thyself.
40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.
(boy how do i get where i end up at....???? this is my head fffffolks,
welcome to it. run, run, run as fast as you can... run for your life!)
this is it. i am stopping! i am off.
My doc has been on vacation for two weeks, it will be interesting to see his face when I rattle off all the things I have done since going back on the Adderall, socially I am like a different person and maybe that's partially cause I'm not hyper focusing on myself anymore (never in a positive way) and have come "out of my mind"?
I relayed to my doc how for a few days after breaking my
wrist and having surgery, (on my southpaw so I was really having to figure out
ways to do everything) I felt more friendly toward people, more at ease, weird
when you're walking around with a multi coloured hand the size of a pumpkin, he
said it was because the wrist breaking had been traumatic enough to bring me
out of my mind. You know, I don't like the way adhd is described
everywhere, it explains nothing. For me the meds changed TIME AND SPACE. Anyone
else feel this way?
All I can say is that the same thing happened to me on Adderall. I was a different person. I thought in a different way. I got little things done. It was great.
Then after a year and a half it seemed to wear off for me. (my dr. had upped my dose about every 6 months or so because it seemed to be wearing off.) I remember the way it helped me and and it is frustrating to say the least when it didn't working anymore. I also had some side effects that really bugged me as the dosage went up.
I took a vacation from meds, tried some herbs - they worked great until 6 months later. I was going to go on Adderall again and went to a different doctor (my first had to retured due to medical problems) This dr. put me on Concerta - I felt depressed on it and it didn't really help me that I could see.
I am now trying exercises. The response wasn't as immediate, but I do see a difference.
I wish I could go back to those days of the first Adderall doses! What a difference. I know that the things I learned during that time period of change have changed me.
I hope Adderall keeps working for you.
ohhh, me no likey to hear that...but you did say the exercises help, I brought them up to my doc..he's so amusing, he loves playing devil's advocate. I like him cause he's not a med pusher, wants them to be used w/care and he's always saying you'll have to up it anyway to keep me low dose, he's worried maybe that what happened to you anni?
Jones, I waited a year and a half after my doc asked me if I wanted to try meds to try them..I had to wrap my mind around having adhd, I still can't get over that I had bought so many books for work and even created a small "ld, adhd library! lolol
Maybe you need more time. Also, for me it's pretty bad and I work out like crazy already, it was try the meds or keep sinking, I'm tired from all these years of acting and pretending, maybe you feel like you can handle your symptons by other means...if you have suppport why not? But if you are suffering..you may want to think about just trying them
I agree with Sabina, this is my second day on Adderall, so far so good. Before I took it I was scared it would turn me in to someone that I wasn't. Then lastnight I realized, maybe it will turn me in to the person I really am.
I do notice a difference with my concentration. I'm able to actually stay focused on my work instead of what I am going to do after work, what needs to get done etc. I am able to follow simple conversation easier, I can think clearly and stay on track instead of talking in circles.
I'm still not able to tell anyone that was diagnosed with it b/c I'm just like others, afraid people will see it as bull. I am a little sad b/c my parents didn't this in me growing up and writing my bad grades and lack of attention to "just not wanting to do the work." I really could have done better in school, but how were they to know if I never complained.
I must say I'm not happy with the fact of taking medication the rest of my life to remain normal. Anyone else feel the same?
its so weird --- i so want to take it and i so don't!i am stuck.
i can see and i do KNOW - i can positively, absolutely understand the
changes it will bring as sabina said in time and space... the increased
confidence, the clarity, the assurance, the knowledge that you know how
to do it and can get it done without problem, that people will trust your
ability etc., that you trust your own.
i understand every aspect of it --- deeply inside myself. i understand it.
i know it.
i positively loathe the way i sabotage myself every day in terms of having
to fight a mental battle with myself in order to do the simplest thing.
and yet... and yet...
and that is all i can say. and yet...
what is it that stops me? fear? possibly. but more that i WANT to be add
--- why, when it is such a miserable, potential-stopping waste?
if i had a dollar for every time someone had told me i was wasting my
potential - i'd be up there with Bill Gates. people even acquaintances i
don't know well - get FURIOUS with me, they get angry AT me. how can
you not! you have so much talent - why will you not harness it! i think
they want to shake me and beat me up.
others try to cajole me, just try it... why not, what have you got to lose?
sometimes my family tries to guilt me. and me --- i try to persuade
myself sometimes for and other times against. perhaps i really DO NOT
want to change my way of thinking despite all the waste and misery it
brings. do i want a normal life?
i don't know.
i can't decide. i am stuck.
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