Can you explain...? | ADHD Information

I believe this can be away to avoid talking about what real is going on. I also believe some people shut down cause that's what  some people to avoid  confrentations. My hubby and MIL are both this way. No time with either is good time to discuss issues. This is just how they are. VERY unWILLING TO CONSIDER OTHERS.DAUGHTER SO MUCH LIKE THIS. There focus is on working and survival. Mil is a diabetic and doesn't control it. She always has a excuse why she can't do something. This is another reason we moved away from inaws.  

It's ADD.  And it's not meant as an insult to you!  Please believe this.

People with ADD typically are easily distracted.  They also go into hyperfocus modes with things that they find interesting - get 'stuck' in.

It's not that he doesn't find you and the family interesting - it's just really hard to NOT get distracted.

Please take the time to pick up the book Delivered From Distraction by Dr. Ed Hallowell.  This is an excellent book that can help you understand how people with ADD function.  And there's also some chapters in the back that gives suggestions on how you can help him or how you can try to communicate with him.

From personal experience, I can tell you that my husband handles our finances (I'm the one with ADD) and I'm perfectly happy not ever talking about them.  He can be very understanding and supportive.  He grants me little 'allowances' for me spending some money on books (my impulsive shopping) or presents for others.

I could keep rambling but I hope this helps.

Autumnstar

Can anyone explain to me why my ADD hubby cannot stay in the same room, or stay on topic when we are discussing important things(kids, retirement funds, etc), BUT when he is nattering away about trivial, unimportant stuff (tv shows, what he read in the newspaper), he has no problem staying put? Is this an ADD phenomenon or just him?

ragurl-

I have add and have been married for 5 years, not all of them happy. When we were first married I had a BIG honsty problem. Combine that with the fact that I was doing the household bill and you have a formula for disaster. As a result he has lost alot of trust in me.  After many many "discusions" and few thousand dollars later, my husband does the bills now.  Even though I know it's for the better, sometimes I still see him as the bad guy when he tells me we can't spend any extra money b/c we have to pay bills.

    And don't get me started on my "obessions" as chicx0r put it. Do you want to see my scrapbook stuff that I have never used? Or books I've never read. And don't even mention the 00.00 digatal camera that I begged my husband for and only used once or twice. It's not that I don't want to use it, it's that I can't remember to use it. 

    And maybe this break will wake him up. Things had gotten so bad, that several times my husband has come close to kicking me out. Things are MUCH better now, but only because I have realized that there is something realy wrong with me.  For many years I so didn't want to believe there was anything wrong with me, that I had convinced myself that I was normal and I either made up excuses (It's not my fault .....)  blamed someone else ("why are you being so anal about money/clean house") or made light of the situation (" why does it matter if I'm a few min. late to work, that's no big deal" Bob was late yesterday"). And when either my husband or someone else would try to help or talk to me about my problems, I would get extremely upset and throw it back ont them ("why are they picking on me. I guess they think they are perfect") 

    But there comes a time (or at least it did for me) when you accept your problems and start trying to figure out how to better live with ADHD and not put all of your time and enegry into denile.

Hope this helps understand a little bit of the thinking. But I think he has to want to change. When I first met my husband, he smoked and I hated it. I tried for months to get him to stop, and he would for a few days. But when he decided that he wanted to quit, he stopped cold turkey. I sincerely hope everything works out for everyones sake.

p.s. sorry for the many spelling and grammer errors that I am sure are in here.

Chix and Autumn,Thank you for your very honest and straightforward responses. You're so right about taking responsibility for yourself. What usually happens is I get mad, we exchange a few words, then he continues to do whatever, while I do a slow, prolonged burn. Yes I have made threats that I will not stay in this marriage in it's current condition. Yes I have offered to go to therapy. We have been together 11 years.

Today, after much thought (and a migraine), I asked him to leave the house for a few days. Never have we come to this point before. The one thing I can no longer take is his addiction issues. Besides the pills, he smokes compulsively. I mean hiding cigarettes, matches and lighters everywhere, even though we all know he smokes like a fiend, etc. He has had health consequences already from the smoking.

I hope and pray  that this is enough of a jolt for him to realize what he is doing. Not just to me, but the kids. They know he lies, covers things up, isn't repsonsible, etc. He says I am a bitch and I think I am perfect. I KNOW I am NOT perfect! I am just hyper-responsible because he is zero-responsible. He is a very happy-go-lucky guy most of the time, while I tend to be more serious. And the more happy-go-lucky he is, when he has caused a problem, the bitchier I get!

I don't mean to do it, I usually know it's wrong and apologize...but what does an apology if I just keep doing it?  The best way to describe it is that I care, but I just don't seem to care right now (in that moment).  Then all of the sudden, a LOT of moments have passed.