age and all that | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=chjones]just out of curiousity - and more for the distaff side i guess does anyoneelse constantly lie about their age.... does this count? I'm 24 years and 316 months old.
i consider myself honest in general but in fact i LIE about my whole life
--- if i put myself in a new situation with new people i will (perhaps not
directly lie but..) imply that i am around 26 (in fact i am 34!) it's ok
because i look easily 26 i don't know why i don't age much. and that i am
averagely successful/normal - rather than a complete f*** up or if i do
admit to being unsuccessful i do it in a way that is totally unrelated to the
truth of my situation and generally pretend that i am an entirely different
person than i am...... I am an entirely different person than i am, i don't have to pretend...
it's weird - this time, now i am in LA i am making a conscious effort not
to do so. if someone asks my age i say (painfully) 34... i say (laughingly) 24 & 316 months...
if they ask me what i do - i say (painfully) nothing... I say, 'depends. What would you like me to do?... I'm a jack of all trades, master of a few...
(this is not really good for being sociable and making new friends but
whatever...) depends on what kind of friends you want to make...
i am trying to be more honest because i think if i start by being honest
with myself and with others around me then that will help me change. honesty is good. Change is good.
what i WOULD like to do is become a cinematographer - a DP. i never say
this though. that is the weird thing. do it. one step at a time.
in order to hide the fact that i do very little all day - from my new
neighbour (very nice man upstairs - also British coincidentally!) i pretend
that i am here to write a script. so start one i feel bad about this. i feel worse about the fact that i do little and until a few days ago and finding this site - i
wasn't really prepared to try adderell but i have read so many posts on
this site that i DO think i will try it. i think it will make a big difference. I didn't like ADDerall, but then I've been ritalated for 8 years now, so why change a good thing?
now i just have to find a doctor who is prepared to prescribe it to me (a
foreigner) maybe that is not a problem in LA? NO! Just watch nip / tuck on TV... that's in LA, right? and hope that it is not too expensive. (any recommendations from any LAo's out there?) I'm a CenCalian, not a Southlander, but... an initial visit'll run 0 or so. State requires monthly reviews for Cat I prescriptions, my dalk charges for that, which is less than my copay. RitLA, not generic, runs me 0/mo. Generic methylphenidate would cost , but I prefer the longer lasting distribution of LA. i have my British ritalin prescription with me if he would need proof that i have already been diagnosed with ADD.
i wonder if i get on adderell and it works better than i could ever have
imagined that i will look back and despise my former self - in that
arrogant, self-satisfied superior way that i feel capable of developing? or
whether i will retain some compassion/humanity toward my previous-
self. Well, they say you can take the Brit out of Britain, but can't take the Britain out of a Brit. So, you'll probably be the same, just more focused and productive.
i wish i could have been more honest with my neighbour - and said in
fact, i am not writing a script i am sitting inside at my computer, wasting
time because i have difficulty in getting out and doing anything. Go fess up. He'll appreciate it.
i am in LA i should be making the most of my opportunities and going
out and getting started on stuff and seeing things instead i am stuck in a
sort of self-induced paralysis.... and yet again unable to 'get on' with
things in a sensible manner. should should should should should my
entire life is a should they should put should as my epitaph... do it one hour at a time. One step followed by another, without trying to get overwhelmed planning it all. Jump on a bus to somewhere, then get off.
JUST DO IT ... get off the dmn computer!!! and i will - i do eventually but
i do think i need to learn some more/better coping mechanisms...
i am overcoming this - i have signed up with a charity to help homeless
and think this will prod me back to being slightly more pro-active... i
start tomorrow. That's good. How did it go?
and i went to a church in Brentwood and signed up to help with various
missions there too... i hope they get back to me. That's good, too. Call them back, if they don't.
i am sort of short of cash though and not legal to work here... but its ok.
it will work out. Start a business. That's not illegal. Sell something on the internet.
i think it is a good start to stop lying. i wish i hadn't lied to my neighbour
now - perhaps i can get out of it. but it is a compounded lie, when i get
guilty about my 'laziness' it just kicks in --- so i implied i had just left a
serious job in the UK and was here to take some time off due to stress -
etc. etc. Oh. Now you get to practice at fessing up...
i had no need to do that. i wish i hadn't. but it has a lot to do with the
fact that i don't feel i have done enough in my life to justify my age. i
have no career, no family, no boyfriend (that is due to entirely separate
bunch of sexual issues i have with penetration - oy, it's never ending...
hahaha). i have no life and i don't like admitting my failure to strangers
as i want them to think well of me. i don't even have a chaotic life.... i
have a continental drift. Hey, you got a life. You survived this long, with your own subconscious coping mechs. Keep going. Did you imply you need sex to have a boyfriend? What about loving you for your mind, or something like that? I guess I'm still married, and that without sex! Tx, btw.
i am sure many, many, many homeless people are ADDers. if i wasn't so
fortunate with my family i would definitely be homeless - even with my
family support i often find myself sleeping on the street or similar more
due to disorganisation/lack of caring/being peripatetic by nature --- just
dreamy and not there in the present really. like many homeless. Consider yourself on an adventure. I've been homeless a few times. When I don't make it home at night! My car is my home sometimes.
i love the way so many of my sentences and paragraphs start with 'i' and
yet that 'i' feels like another person. 'i, christine' - who???? you mean
me??????[/QUOTE] just out of curiousity - and more for the distaff side i guess does anyone
else constantly lie about their age....
i consider myself honest in general but in fact i LIE about my whole life
--- if i put myself in a new situation with new people i will (perhaps not
directly lie but..) imply that i am around 26 (in fact i am 34!) it's ok
because i look easily 26 i don't know why i don't age much. and that i am
averagely successful/normal - rather than a complete f*** up or if i do
admit to being unsuccessful i do it in a way that is totally unrelated to the
truth of my situation and generally pretend that i am an entirely different
person than i am......
it's weird - this time, now i am in LA i am making a conscious effort not
to do so. if someone asks my age i say (painfully) 34...
if they ask me what i do - i say (painfully) nothing...
(this is not really good for being sociable and making new friends but
whatever...)
i am trying to be more honest because i think if i start by being honest
with myself and with others around me then that will help me change.
what i WOULD like to do is become a cinematographer - a DP. i never say
this though. that is the weird thing.
in order to hide the fact that i do very little all day - from my new
neighbour (very nice man upstairs - also British coincidentally!) i pretend
that i am here to write a script. i feel bad about this. i feel worse about
the fact that i do little and until a few days ago and finding this site - i
wasn't really prepared to try adderell but i have read so many posts on
this site that i DO think i will try it. i think it will make a big difference.
now i just have to find a doctor who is prepared to prescribe it to me (a
foreigner) maybe that is not a problem in LA? and hope that it is not too
expensive. (any recommendations from any LAo's out there?) i have my
British ritalin prescription with me if he would need proof that i have
already been diagnosed with ADD.
i wonder if i get on adderell and it works better than i could ever have
imagined that i will look back and despise my former self - in that
arrogant, self-satisfied superior way that i feel capable of developing? or
whether i will retain some compassion/humanity toward my previous-
self.
i wish i could have been more honest with my neighbour - and said in
fact, i am not writing a script i am sitting inside at my computer, wasting
time because i have difficulty in getting out and doing anything.
i am in LA i should be making the most of my opportunities and going
out and getting started on stuff and seeing things instead i am stuck in a
sort of self-induced paralysis.... and yet again unable to 'get on' with
things in a sensible manner. should should should should should my
entire life is a should they should put should as my epitaph...
JUST DO IT ... get off the dmn computer!!! and i will - i do eventually but
i do think i need to learn some more/better coping mechanisms...
i am overcoming this - i have signed up with a charity to help homeless
and think this will prod me back to being slightly more pro-active... i
start tomorrow.
and i went to a church in Brentwood and signed up to help with various
missions there too... i hope they get back to me.
i am sort of short of cash though and not legal to work here... but its ok.
it will work out.
i think it is a good start to stop lying. i wish i hadn't lied to my neighbour
now - perhaps i can get out of it. but it is a compounded lie, when i get
guilty about my 'laziness' it just kicks in --- so i implied i had just left a
serious job in the UK and was here to take some time off due to stress -
etc. etc.
i had no need to do that. i wish i hadn't. but it has a lot to do with the
fact that i don't feel i have done enough in my life to justify my age. i
have no career, no family, no boyfriend (that is due to entirely separate
bunch of sexual issues i have with penetration - oy, it's never ending...
hahaha). i have no life and i don't like admitting my failure to strangers
as i want them to think well of me. i don't even have a chaotic life.... i
have a continental drift.
i am sure many, many, many homeless people are ADDers. if i wasn't so
fortunate with my family i would definitely be homeless - even with my
family support i often find myself sleeping on the street or similar more
due to disorganisation/lack of caring/being peripatetic by nature --- just
dreamy and not there in the present really. like many homeless.
i love the way so many of my sentences and paragraphs start with 'i' and
yet that 'i' feels like another person. 'i, christine' - who???? you mean
me??????chjones38605.4906712963
i don't lie (not very much anyway). my ex sure did, in the way you talk about it, as a reflex.
she probably did it mostly for the reasons i hate to reveal much about myself, even to my closest friends. what i will admit to is not talking about lots of things b/c i am embarrassed/ashamed sometimes about being so- incomplete, behind my peers, have a life full of troubles from not meeting all my responsibilities.
i have relationship difficulties for many reasons, so i have spent much of my life uninvolved. some of the reasons are temper, depression, impulsivity, blurting...
in addition to those lovely qualities, lacking financial success, even at the most basic levels, really affects my confidence as a man. many of the pressures women feel to be attractive, have the right body and clothes, etc., i believe most men feel in the areas of job/wealth/career/possessions.
the difference is , all women have at least one thing men want, and they don't require confidence to be in demand.(before i get a backlash, please! i realise just cause it's in demand doesn't mean all advances are even worth considering.)
i'd lie more, but it's not comfortable for me, so i conceal instead. you can only be so "mysterious" without being "suspicious".
besides, i have a little grey creeping into the beard, so it is hard to pass off as youth anymore. people do still think i'm younger than i am though. i guess i still haven't matured yet.
thanks davidyou are a one-stop shop counselor... boy, why do i need to pay 0
when i have the internet eh? too bad i can't just put my hand up to the
screen and out pops some adderell (like mike teevee in charlie and the
chocolate factory) --- now that'd be good.
but seriously thank you for all your consideration and advice - !
cjnot to nick your themetune either but hahahaha look i am now a groupie
(boy the progress i can make on the internet - if only i could apply that to
real life!)... am not competing tho - honest guv!well i gotta say i feel much better and less stressed now (i was veering
close to internal combustion with my brain and too much time thinking
on myself an' all) as i went off today to do just a couple of hours ---
feeding the homeless and it was great.
i feel better, less inside and wrapped up in myself, more energised. even
to the point i think i will go out this evening and see if i can't find some
music/comedy for free somewhere (i mean there's gotta be - it's LA
right?)
it is kinda weird how closely i can see myself in all the people we handed
out food to today - i wonder if they recognise it in me too. some yeah -
have far more severe mental problems than i will ever have... but others
even less severe some of them i should say almost. just maybe don't
have the familial support that i have that helps me out - but other than
that i reckon they have similar issues with drift/confidence/add etc. etc. it
depends HOW long they have been living on the streets i guess too.
anyway had a little ADD panic because there was a girl who looked so
familiar but it was impossible that i should know her - where from???
she came up deliberately to catch me and talk to me afterward as i was
leaving and i searched her face to see if she was looking at me like a total
stranger too --- and i think she was. i think she just came up to chat to
be friendly as i thought she seemed real nice (in that kinda insta decision
just on seeing someone thing) so perhaps it was mutual - and she
certainly didn't say "i can't believe you don't remember me" or anything
like that but it is sitting in the back of my brain that i know her from
somewhere or perhaps she is just similar to someone i know... because
surely SHE would have mentioned it.
anyway. i feel better. hooray for doing something. i hope brentwood
church gets back to me too.
and re. seeker the whole job/wealth/career thing - you're probably right
it is confidence bashing. i am glad i am not a man and i don't have that
pressure on me - i wouldn't be up to scratch at all... i think the only
thing that comforts my mother is she imagines that at least i have the
possibility of marrying a millionnaire - even if i can't become one myself
although given my sexual issues this is HIGHLY unlikely - but i ain't
gonna tell her that!
not that it bothers me too much, my boyfriends whom i have loved a lot
have been very diverse i guess if you look at it in that light (including a
multi-millionnaire (worst ever boyfriend..) and also an irish drifter, a
lawyer and a penniless architect! although they all had a similar
something about their personalities somewhere... strong maybe/non-
conformist/slightly bullying - yup that's about my type)
and to look on the bright side - my irish drifter dated a women who was
in line to inherit her part of a 0 million family fortune --- but he just
drifted on. the man who did marry her, get this, divorced her almost
exactly the day she inherited plus a bit more legally so he had the right to
half her cash (he didn't get it - but he did get a big pay off, how
depressing is that! she thought he loved her) so at least you will always
know that whoever is with you - is there cos they love you and not for
some dodgy ulterior motive - right?
that's gotta be worth something - maybe?chjones38606.7285416667
Oh I lied a great deal - usually though it was about stupid stuff that typically would both be a) transparent to the listener and b) not worth an ounce of the trouble to lie about. The important stuff that most "normal" people lie about or conceal was what I never did lie about. Perhaps it was because of my mother - who was an open book and never did lie about things at all. Straight shooter she is.
My age I never lied about. Felt no need to - my hair was thinning at 18 and my eyes were always puffy and looked beyond my years. I always seemed to be a bit weathered and worn and could easily walk into a bar at 17. Now at 38 there seems to be no need to lie - and I've asked what people think my age is and typically it's in the mid forties so I don't ask anymore. Ugh ugh.
Taking the Adderal - if it works for you as it did me (well dexedrine for me but mostly the same diff right?) then you will go through a bit of a period looking back with sadness and regret. THAT WILL PASS! Quickly I'm sure. Now I'm just glad that I found out about my ADHD when I did and not in my 50's. Glad to be anywhere other than where my mind was years ago.
Good luck to you in your new adventures. It's a fun trip! :)
I used to say I was plenty nine... I don't lie anymore. My B-DAY was Sept 10 th. I look great at 46.
BUT
I'm very successfully UNsuccesfull...NO JOB...NO MONEY...RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS.....and so on....
BUT
I have found being honest is best...It makes life a whole lot easier.
hey - i am exactly the same. i can always get hired - i make a great firstimpression it's just that it tends to go downhill from thereon........
[QUOTE=chjones]
it is kinda weird how closely i can see myself in all the people we handed
out food to today - i wonder if they recognize it in me too. some yeah -
have far more severe mental problems than i will ever have... but others
even less severe some of them i should say almost. just maybe don't
have the familial support that i have that helps me out - but other than
that i reckon they have similar issues with drift/confidence/add etc. etc. it
depends HOW long they have been living on the streets i guess too.
[/QUOTE]
I have thought about this too, without the support of my family and friends, I could be in a soup line somewhere....
I can always get hired. 
It's the KEEPING it I have a problem with. 
Thank You!
LTC138607.7951388889happy belated birthday to you!