Just Overwhelmed
Just going to vent for a bit. Over the summer my 7 year old son was diagnosed with ADHD. he had a really bad year in Grade 1 but I do have to blame an uncaring teacher. She wanted perfect kids and had no time for someone who needed a little extra attention. My son is borderline ADHD and I am trying routine and diet rather than go the medication route. He had a wonderful summer and things were going well...and then school started and here we go again. He is definately behind regular Grade 2 kids but cannot sit and do the 100 math questions or 100 word spelling test that they seem to expect. Will be working with the school to help him through this. However, we are always reluctant to label our children.
Yesterday, I finally had my 15 year old diagnosed with ADHD/Anxiety/OCD. I've known for years but ignorance is bliss and if I ignore it long enough it will go away! Over the past year, his anxieties and OCD behaviours have worstened and I am exhausted from the constant reassurance he requires. He had a really bad year in grade 9 but was able to pick up lost credits over the summer. We have decided to start him of Straterra and hope it brings us all relief.
I tolerate my sons behaviour and apparent disrespect (he thinks he is being funny) more than my husband and am often found in the position of having to take sides. As for my younger one, if I am not around or I am busy working, hubby doesn't think to put him to bed until midnight. ANd then it's usually with a yell "Go to bed!" He's only 7 and still likes to be put to bed.
My FIL had a stroke earlier this summer and is still in hospital adding stress to the entire family. The hospital is not close and we have to help transport MIL to and from hospital.
I'm sure I am also ADHD and I have many things on my plate - very busy with sports teams and committees but I enjoy them and it's my hobby.
I just feel so alone in this. And when you mention medicating a child, you get the third degree from people...did you get 2nd, 3rd opinions. I'm sure diet can fix it...oh, all kids are ADHD....maybe you should change your parenting style...maybe you should do this, that and the other...I'm sure you've all heard it all!
Having somewhere to vent where people understand is really nice. I'm a really positive person but sometimes it just gets to me!
On a positive note, I have a well-adjusted 13 year old daughter - a little hormonally and age challenged but that's just normal!
Have a great day.
I understand how you feel. I feel that way too sometimes.
Battling your husband (I do to) is a unnecessary headache. I told my the sooner he excepts that his son is not the worlds definiation of "normal", the eaiser his (my hub) will be. He needs to get over his own insecurities of what "people" will think. He doesn't ! That pisses me off.
Anyway, I understand your desire not to medicate. But if you don't and you still aren't getting results, I would strongly consider it. I sometimes with I had done it sooner with my adhd 7 yr old son - 3rd grade. You don't want them to fall too far behind. We went from failing 2nd grade to student of the month in ONE marking period with the meds. Someimes I second guess myself and wonder if I shouldn't then I look at my child and see he needs help. Meds are his help. Why should I deprive him of them.
I know how you feel about talking to others. That is why I don't. Not becuase I am ashamed, but because they TRULY do not know what ADHD is. They think it is you have a "bad" kid. I don't have time to justify to them why we medicate and all of the extensive testing and dr.s we have been too. They don't have the understanding that we, as the parents of an ADHD child do.
I had also known for a few years my son what ADHD, and was in denial. I didn't do anything about it either. Then i woke up and decided to be proactive.
I understand how you feel about the medication. We fought putting our son on medication for a long time and it made such a huge difference. Before he was on the medication he always said how stupid he was and how bad he did in school. After the medication he felt so much more confident and therefore he did better in school. He has been on medication for two years and the change has been astounding. I know not all kids who are on medication need to be and some kids have terrible side effects. But our son has done great on Adderall. We did not give it to him over the summer and I asked him before school started if he wanted to try school without his pill. He said no. He is on a low dosage and I think he thinks if he has the pill he will do better. I say whatever is best for the kids. School (he is in 5th grade) is hard enough without adding to it by saying yes this medication may help but I do not believe in it so let's try these other things first. Your oldest would not have Aspergers if he is very social. Those kids are very much socially awkward and often prefer being alone :)SunnyDays (I luv that name!),
Read up on the omega supplements. If you scroll down to the bottom of the page you will see a drop down bar for forum jumps. Click on Alternative and Complementary Medicine and you will find a lot of posts on the Omegas.
Whether or not you give your kids meds, the omegas can be taken. Nearly all ADHDers and many other behaviorally dx'd kids are seriously low in these vital essential fatty acids. They have a lot to do with the proper functioning of the brain as well as other things.
Many of us here have seen varying degrees of improvement in our kids after giving them the omegas. Many of us have seen dramatic improvement in behavior. My son calmed down considerably and his melt downs and brattiness nearly went away. He was ADHD-Inattentive with Impulsive but now I don't even mention the Impulsiveness. He is better behaved than many so called normal kids.
Don't worry about your kids being labeled. I used to and the school played on that to keep from giving him accomodations. If he has been dx'd, he is already labeled.
You don't have to tell anyone you don't want to. I think that you will find that others are going to label him anyway. Unfortunately, their labels will be a long the lines of not disciplined enough, lazy, unmotivated, doesn't care about anything but his own interests, etc,. At least with the proper label, you can assure them that he is none of those things.
ADHD is a bag of mixed blessings. There are blessings here. Your sons are probably very creative, imaginative, intuitive, able to see things others miss. There are many rich entrepreneurs who credit their success to ADHD. The founder of Jet Blue is one of them.
Sunny Days, having a label doesn't change who your child is. He is the same the day after a label is there to explain him to educators and the world as he was before he had one. I am wondering if your oldest has ever been tested by a NeuroPsych. He could, with his symptoms, have Aspergers Syndrome, which may be getting worse because he hasn't had interventions that help. OCD and anxiety are big with that one, and there is help. Now the kid may be a social butterfly. I don't know him. But if he is sort of "different" and not really very social, you may want to look into it so he can get the help he would need. The younger one may have ADHD and may have something else. Really, we as the parents can not diagnose because we don't really know. ADHD mimics so many disorders. Be careful not to get caught in the wrong meds for wrong disorder category, like I did. I also thought my son had ADHD and he was diagnosed with it. Well, he doesn't have it and took stims for nothing. On your older son, Straterra can cause moodswings and worsening behavior if he is prone to possible bipolar disorder, and it can take up to two months for the behaviors to manifest (while the blood level builds in his system) so I'd keep an eye on him, even if he seems better at first. I do hope it works, but I know so many who it hasn't worked for. Not trying to be negative, but I've never been an "ignorance is bliss" sort of person, and I tend to hunker down and know all I can so I'm ready. HOpe it's ok with you. I'd take both kids to a NeuroPsych. That doesn't mean you have to medicate either child, but at least you'll know why they are different, what road to take, and what you are dealing with. I always find it easier to fight when I know the demon I'm facing. Fighting for your chld with no definite idea of what is wrong (and inattention is NOT exclusive to ADHD) is kind of like trying to get somewhere without the directions. You're driving all over the place, but you have no idea where to direct your car. Good luck! :)Thanks to both. Both boys have been diagnosed by the Psych at a special Childrens Disorder Clinic at our hospital. I always knew it but never had a professional evaluation done. School was involved in diagnosing the younger one - we filled out copious forms and then had the real evaluation.
The older one is the social butterfly of our town. He's very popular and has great friends who seem to put up with his idiosyncrasies and his short temper.
And as for labelling..yes, they are both the same darling children they were before. i just wish I didn't have to justify the label to friends and family...tired of the rolling of the eyes! They just think I am excusing the behaviour with a title!
I don't know anything about Aspergers. Never even heard of it so I have something new to look up.
Thanks again.
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