I'm new to this whole thing. I started a bit back taking 10mg Adderall twice a day. I didn't notice the first dose, probably from sleep deprivation, but the second dose was obvious. I split a 20mg pill a little unevenly, then took the larger piece. It made me a bit jittery, but I could concentrate and I had energy (I'm inattentive, but not hyper). I got bills payed, appointments made, and kept track of several things at once without forgetting what i was doing. Unfortunately, the next dose that afternoon was a complete bust. I almost felt more spaced and lethargic than usual. The same thing went on for a few more days of 10mg twice a day, so I bumped up to 20mg twice a day as prescribed and stayed there for a week or so with the same results. After the next appointment, I was bumped up to 30mg twice a day over a week ago. I definitely think I've been more out-of-it than usual, complete deer-in-the-headlights at times. I've also been going to bed later and later, and I've been having some sexual troubles.
Any advice? Am I overmedicated, maybe?
David’s ADHD
I always knew that there was something wrong I just didn't know what.
I think a part of me was always fighting taking medication because I felt it's somehow cheating, that I should be able to get things done if I just had enough self-will and determination. I *know*, intellectually, that my ADHD is real and biological, but emotionally...
When I first began taking medication for ADHD, I was overwhelmed by the amount of quietness in my head. It was extremely scarey and made me hesitant to do anything. For the first time in my life I could actually hear my own thoughts without interruption. It's difficult to explain but I will try to explain by an analogy. It was like sitting at a rail road crossing watching as the train goes by, trying to read the graffiti written on each car, wondering what’s in each car, how long is the train and how many cars are there, does the conductor like his job and I wonder how does he get back home? The train disappears in the distance, some horn blows, the lights green and I can't remember what my last thought was...:( Driving forward waiting on my mind to catch up! So I can get back to what I was supposed to be doing. I have become accustomed to the diverting traffic in my head, but now on medication the traffic has come to an immediate halt. But, because of my experience, I am afraid it might be a trick to get me in the middle of the road, where the train would come speeding down the track and kill me. With Adderall I have gained the ability to stay focused and trust that I’m not going to lose concentration and get hit and learned that it is safe... Not jump over cars, run to the other side of the road in the wrong direction or wait for another car to go by, so that I could make it to the next safety point.
I started looking into ADD a few months ago and said "this is just like me." It angers me sometimes that I wasn't helped a long time ago. I hated school, hated my job, never really had friends ( my way or no way), and my parents were so unaware of my problem. Of course, my self esteem lacks, because I was always told that I was lazy, a dreamer, always take the easy way out, overly sensitive, never finish anything, unapproachable, etc. The knowledge coupled with the medication has given me the freedom to be able to change. In essence, however, medication does not change one; there is still work to be done. I wish that it were like a magic wand because I struggle in many areas of coping with what some view as basics.
I have been doing a lot of reading on the internet, message boards and chat. Trying to gather as much information as possible on how to implement some necessary changes, adjust to the quietness and comparing medication dosing and reactions. There are many POTENTIAL risks involved with stimulants as with ANY medication. I don't want to be scared off from them just because of the horror stories I have read and heard. When I read of people taking 10mg a day and having bad side effects, it makes me think twice about asking for a dosage increase. Although there are far more success stories than failures. On October 3 I will be 40 years old, I was diagnosed a few months ago with ADHD. I am currently prescribed Adderall xr 30 mg/once daily. I'm 6'5'' and weigh 235lbs. I have been involved in starting my own business the last year. I wake up around 3:30/4:00a.m. go to the gym and out the door to work by 7:00/7:30a.m. Business moves at the speed of life, so I never know when I am going to have a long day or a really long day.
Within the past few weeks it has become easier to recognize when the medication is increasing my concentration and focus and when it is wearing off. Taking my medication as prescribed (1x30mg) the past three months I’ve experienced about 6 hrs of focus and concentration max before I start to hear the train coming. I have recently decided to try taking 60mg (2x30mg) on the weekend ( I finally feel like I had one and got a few things accomplished as well) spacing out the dosing 7hrs apart starting at 5/6 a.m. this worked really well for a minimum of 12 hrs and I’m still able to fall asleep at a decent hour. Monday through Friday I have either skipped a day or taken a total of 60mg (2x30mg) 6hrs apart. More often than not my business requires me to work late physically and mentally. First I tried taking my dose later in the day, but that’s like putting out a forest fire with a squirt gun, might as well let it burn its self out. So, I have realized that taking one 30mg is just not enough for the entire day. I feel worse in the afternoon (around 1p.m./2p.m.) than if I didn’t take any medication at all (falling back on caffeine).
I've had a really good few months: clarity, depression better (because I can think better), less squirming, better concentration, etc. Not a single bad effect, and I have had no adverse effects from the med. In fact, in my opinion I'm calmer, sleep better, coffee consumption reduced dramatically, my appetite is fine ( not taking Zantac on a daily basis) and certainly not having any negative effects on my sex life ( because we get along better). I exercise (cardio and weights) almost every day. My personal relationships as well as social have improved dramatically. When I hear of these horror stories people tell about Adderall it leaves me to believe that they must not suffer from the same thing I have for the last 40yrs. The medication creates an instant quietness in my head which has given me the ability to attempt to change many of my ingrained coping with ADHD mechanisms... I realize the medication is not magic. Yet, it is so much better than it ever was prior to the medication. Now I know, I have spent most of my life unaware of my behavior, and these behaviors have greatly impacted the quality of my life and the lives of those around me. For example my poor time management, confusion, interrupting others, poor study skills and even overeating have fostered low self-esteem and ill with others.
When it comes down to it, I personally believe that every individual should weigh their options and choose what's best for them. For me, it is to take Adderall. Yes, there are many potential side effects from it, but you only get one chance at life, and for me, I would rather spend my life at least somewhat "put-together."
Quite frankly, every drug has its dangers and side effects....it's a matter of what works for a particular person.
I'm finally being treated and I'm looking forward to a better and successful life ;)
David Mauller
Sunday, August 21, 2005