what to do now? | ADHD Information

I was diagnosed a few weeks ago, I never knew that i had a problem, or gift as the doctor told me, until my wife said i should get checked out.  She said i forgot more things than any person she has ever known and talking to me was like talking to a wall.  The Doc said that i have not noticed the symptoms myself because i do a good job of hiding my emotions and symptoms and have adapted to my surroundings and relationships around it.  I did all of this with out ever knowing i had add. 

So now here i am now, knowing what is wrong with me.  I have had a hard time dealing with the fact that now i know the reasons for my short comings.  Now when i forget things, or pay attention in a conversation, or skip around different web sites and have no idea of what i just read, it hits me with a sense of confusion.  I have been on a roller coaster of good feelings and depression all at once.  Sometimes i feel knowing is the right thing and sometimes i just feel like know is the last thing i want.  I have talked to a couple of doctors and have been put on adderall, 10mg in the am and 10mg after lunch.  They are switching me to one Xr 20 mg next week.  I have been to a phsycologist and a phsyciatrist and talkd about my ups and down with the depression but they didn'y have any answers for me, pretty much they just wanted to discuss my medication.  So now i have 2 more appointments with 2 more doctors to see if one can help. I know this all sounds very confusing but it is the best i can do to try and explain myself.  If you guys just have soem starting out advice you could send my way I would greatly appreciate it

Being recently diagnosed, I really don't have a lot of advice to send your way right now.  I am currently playing the "let's see which medication works" right now.  Tried 2 so far with not much luck - Strattera and now Wellbutrin.  Have appointment Monday with doc for next suggestion (which she said will probably be Adderall).

For me, personally, once I was diagnosed, it was extremely "freeing" to me.  Now I had an explaination for damn near everything in my life!  I'm *not* stupid, I'm *not* lazy, and I'm *not* selfish after all!  And it explains so many of my strange little quirks. 

I think you may need to go through a period of acceptance.  Many people have to go through that.  It's that "wow, something is *wrong* with me" feeling that you have to get over.  Nothing is *wrong* with you!  Your brain is just wired differently than others.  Okay, so, you may be saying "well, why me?"  Well, why not.  You need to focus on what the benefits are of having ADD.  Once you realize how really special it makes you, you will definitely come to terms and be freed like the rest of us! 

Thkpaul,

You are to be commended for being able to create such good coping mechanisms! I hope you will be able to help some of us develop strategies for some of the things we are having trouble with.

I think you are probably going through a grieving process. You are not who you always thought you were. Suddenly your view of yourself is changing and its not one you like. Hopefully you will be able to get to the point where you see that you are the same person you have always been and that you can build on that. Nothing has been taken away from you in reality and now you know there are tools (meds) which can help you do even more and live a more comfortable life in the future.

If the dr told you that you had diabetes or a thyroid problem, you would not be happy but you would do what he recommended to prolong and enhance your life. Its the same basic thing. Your body needs something added to make it perform the way it should. It doesn't lessen you as a man or as a person. Actually, it shows just how strong you really are that you lived for so long without even knowing it. That takes a lot of determination and drive! 

I agree with everything barb says. I also think that what you really have a hard time dealing with is the fact that your illness has to be treated by a psychiatrist. I know exactly what you mean when you say that knowing what's wrong is the last thing you want. I think that sometimes you're better off not knowing. I've never asked my Dr for a complete diagnosis but I've got a whole laundry list of mental illness. At least you're not crazy, right? The only advice I have is don't let the psychiatrist thing bother you. Just because you're seeing one doesn't mean you're "nuts". I'm sure that adderall will help you focus better. I don't know what to tell you about your memory problems - my memory has aways been really good. (Except when it comes to keeping track of my wallet and car keys.) HTH

robert       

Give yourself some room, understand that these things are not the end of the world, of course it can be exasperating, flustrating, and depressing at times, but it is things like this which make us all the stonger in the end for having pulled through.

I have perfect recall on conversations from over a year ago, by word association.. but if it is something I have to know, I really study on, I usually can't remember it unless I work real hard at repetition over and over for it to start sinking in - to actively apply and keep reviewing. But the small stuff like forgetting my keys, or phone... I just live with it and know I am usually going to be late because of 1 or 2 extra trips back to the house to go get what I forgot.

Though I find talking to myself to be of great help, to tell myself what exactly I am going to walk out of the house with, and count them off and look for each item. That does help, same thing in the afternoons at lunch when I have to run errends (which I totally forgot to do today) but tell my self where I have to go, and what I have to do - like 1 or 2 times.

Also work on your sense of humor - you are going to need it, be able to laugh at the small things, it will take you far.

I wanted to say thanks for all of your replies and I will use all of your advice.  Its funny really cause I already do a lot of the things you suggested and just never took the time to realize what I was doing is was dealing with my feelings(my wife says I talk to myself more than her and i just say thats cause the conversation is always good, hehe).  I then figure out that I didn't adapt to having ADD, my surroundings adapted to me without even knowing it.  From example when ever I would go out with my friends they would always call me on the phone and tell me to start getting ready so I would be done when they arrived(it was always just one of my quirks was taking to long to get ready). There were always other little things my friends and family did to make sure I did what I was supposed to do.  Another saying my friends used a lot was you are coming with me so I can keep an eye on you.  The only downfall everyone adapting to me is that a lot of my family and friends don't think that I have Add because I am not the hyperactive type and that is the first thing most people think of with Add.  Eventually they hopefully will accept the fact that I have Add and it is not going anywhere.  I will eventually find a doctor that I like and feel comfortable talking to. that can help me along the way.

I have just started my journey down this road and now that I have thought about it I am not discouraged anymore.  I thank you all again for you words and advice I will be sure to use it and look forward to hearing from you guys again.

I am 45 and was first diagnosed about 4 months ago.

Trust me, it is much better to know what you are dealing with. My only advice at this early stage of the game is to be patient. As soon as I found out, I wanted a pill I could take in the morning that would make me "normal". And my wife expected my behaviors to change right away also. But it takes a lot of experimenting with different medications and different dosages. It is different for everyone.

I am also realizing that the medications do not make ADD go away, they just make it manageable. The good thing is that by knowing what the problem is, we can take medication and develop appropriate coping strategies. Plus we can develop those strategies deliberately and with the guidance of others.

It takes a lot of adjusting (I am still adjusting). Although the meds help clear my mind, I have 40+ years of unconsciously developed coping strategies burned pretty deep into my wiring. It will take some time. But at 4 months, things are looking much better!

Hang in there!!