forcing a child to sit at services

Mellowdancer,

We have the same problem.  My son won't get dressed in his good clothes and then drags his feet all the way to the car.  He then sulks throughout the entire service.  Does your son like to read?  Mine does.  Last year we let him bring a favorite book and he read throughout the service.  It kept him quiet and the sulky look off his face.  We plan to do the same thing this year.  To make up for boring services, we always try to plan a fun event for the rest of day -- having friends over, going for a family walk, something to make the Jewish New Year festive. 

Your other option, of course, is to go without him.  You may get more out of it that way. 

My son will sit still for his grandmother and thats it. He will not for me so I let him sit against the back wall with his older cousin. If he squirms there, no one notices.

I don't make him go if his father isn't going. I figure he will only resent it if I push too hard. We do make him go enough so he gets something out of it. If we had a Sunday school program, he would go there but our church is too small.

Just curious, What everyone else does about temple, or church.  Do you force your kids to go and bribe, or threaten them to sit through the service, or do you just let them opt out or sit for as long as they can.

With the Jewish holidays approaching, my 11 year old will do anything not to go.  It IS boring.  I agree with him, but many parents force their kids to go.  Last year I  got nothing out of it because we brought him and spent the whole time trying to get him to sit still. I wonder, what's the point???

We face the same challenges with the High Holy days.  Our temple has two services, one for adults (that's the longggggg one) and a very abbreviated short one they call the 'family service'  (about an hour).  We took our guy (when he was young) to the short one and his committment to the holiday was satisfied. 

Before they had the family service, they had only the longggggg one (especially on Yom Kipper...could just seem that way because of the fasting).  Anyway, we checked our guy into the child care upstairs and pulled him out for the last 1/2 hour of the service so at least he was able to gleem the sentiment of the occasion. 

Finally, when he got older, we did make him sit with us in the Longgggg service allowing him one 10 minute break every 45 minutes.  That seem to work the best.

Paul

We have always taken our son to church and let him draw etc.  Our church has a children's bulletin that has puzzles.  When those started to bore him, I figured he was old enough to sit through the service.  I make him stand when I stand, especially for the Gospel lesson.  I have always had people comment on how well behaved he was in church, restaurants etc.  He's ADD, but I don't let him use that as an excuse.  It has paid off and he recently went to the nursery to help out and they have a speaker that lets them listen to the service.  According to the adults in the nursery, he heard the hymn we sing right before they read the Gospel and when that ended and the pastor started reading, he stood up.

Love that kid!

Oh, my, can I relate!  I am Catholic and my husband is Orthodox Christian.  When my son first came to live with us, he went to church with me, then he discovered he could go to my husband's church and not have to sit still during the service.  He could hang out in the "Cry Room" at the Orthodox church with all the other kids his age and older, and they could play and talk or sleep through service!!!  That's what he does, and he's twelve .  My husband is a cantor, so he is busy and does not have time to stay with my son.  I've tried attending my husband's church, hoping I could make my son participate, but why should he when none of his friends are???  I have given up.  At least, he has Sunday school after Sunday services, so he is learning something about God.   The Orthodox attitude is that the kids just need to be there for services and take communion, they don't have to stand (not much sitting in Orthodoxy ) and participate, except for communion.  When they get older, they will mature and participate.  I'm waiting to see if this proves to be true.

My church is a great one it's fairly casual, you only dress up if you want which works for me because i don't dress up for anything and wouldn't force my son to do it either. Plus when you walk into the church they have clip boards which have packets of religious things for the kids to do, like word searches, dot to dot and blank paper just to color, they also have the kids go up front for story, my son has out grown that part, but  they do a lot to involve the kids so they don't get bored or fidgety.