too accepting??? | ADHD Information

i am so pleased i have found this board because it makes me
more accepting of what/who i am.

is that a good thing?

or does it mean that i am giving in?

when i should be fighting tooth and nail to change myself.

i do not want to start with the meds but i am looking into the
whole omega fish oil thing and i am going to look for
annidagostini's book too. although i feel the fish oil is perhaps
more for the 'h' ---

could the 'accepting' part just be part of my 'laziness' problem.

i feel stronger though - from understanding better who i am.
and i also feel that beating up on myself less is positive rather
than negative progress.

all that negativity and anger was self-defeating somewhere and
now i am less frustrated by myself i feel i am in a better place to
start tmaking changes. i just wondered what others thought.

could it all just be another way of 'copping out' and not dealing
with the problem???? is it arrogance not to want to take the
meds? chjones38619.7450462963not arrogance, it just means that you have chosen an alternative path..

i stopped taking meds when i was 15.. now i take omega 3s, lecithin, and a range of other supplements.. ginko too - helps with memory..
and if i really want a boost, these chinese herbs that throw me into a different galaxy - a world where clarity, memory and concentration reign supreme..

and no, you haven't become complacent because you are on this board.. you have begun to accept that you are not garden variety but instead have think outside the square..  you have found a place where others share the same difficulties and also the same perks..

giving in would be to not accept yourself and running away from the issue..
We all manage our ADD differently and each person needs to do what is right for him or her. If the way you are choosing to manage your ADD helps you to live a happy productive life then that is great. But, it's also good too step back and look at how your life is going now and then ask yourself if there is anything that could improve your way of life.thanks guys for the replies. i think i will really work on finding ways that
help me within the boundaries that feel comfortable for me..... i am so
torn between seeing ADD as a blessing and then as a negative thing that i
don't know what i feel about anything too much!

a happy life - perhaps in some ways??? a productive life - definitely not!!!

i might sign up for one of your coaching classes Tara --- if one can take
them without yet being on the meds?

anyway thanks for the perspectives - i often feel i am on the one hand
too easy on myself and then at other times self-defeatingly hard.

what i often think though is that although the pills can correct the
symptoms of ADD that it can also be healed on a deeper level - and
perhaps i am looking for that answer - the place where there are no more
symptoms to heal because everything has become whole. i wonder
whether that is possible? i am simply confused i think.

chjones, do you judge other people's value based on their productivity, or their ability to complete tasks?

Do you have children?  If your kids weren't good at crossing things off their "to do" lists, would it be ok for other people to reject them? Would they be deserving of other people's negativity and anger?

If you fight tooth and nail, consider who you are fighting.  If it's yourself -- then who wins? 

I am far from successful yet with this strategy, but I do believe that we become more productive when we can really feel that we WANT to do something -- not that we are bad or unworthy if we don't. 

fear of failure of fear of success??? 

i am very similar to you except i am more optimistic.. i am one of those pathetic hopeful ppl that truly believe that things can change.. and things do change..
you just need to get your bum into gear..

how??  find a friend, maybe your mum, someone that you know can keep encouraging and pushing you to strive and excel..

don't reach for the sky whilst you are still on the ground, go up step by step.. goals that can be achieved and before you know it, you may have reached your destination..

i went back to uni many years later and studied with ppl that had much greater difficulties than my garden variety adhd.. some had all the apathy but were dyslexic, and a range of other learning difficulties, but many also had psychiatric disorders such as bipolar and manic depression..
to watch them overcome their own set limitations inspired me.. i would of just dropped out, but they kept me going..  how was i going to complain when ppl that shared my focus, attention and concentration difficulties but had a plethora of other problems were inspired and achieiving??
i thank them for i would not be just a few months away from completing my phd..

its not a question of intelligence chjones, you are obviously a smart cookie, you just need a gear box alternation..
"chjones, do you judge other people's value based on their productivity,
or their ability to complete tasks?"

hey thanks for replying wordwoman, i am trying to think about all your
points above and,


well it kinda depends what i am judging --- for friendship their
productivity level doesn't bother me at all. i would rather they were soft
and gentle and kind and compassionate. not all of them - some people i
love because they are funny and hard but struggling, trying somewhere to
do the right thing. i don't know - i like all sorts of strange people i
guess. i like most people in fact.   most people are good.

if we are talking about a 'successful' life - then i judge on what they have
managed to achieve.

i am not quite sure what i would consider a 'successful' life. people who
have decided that they know what they want --- be it children, family or
career and have gone out and made it happen. have taken their wishes
and managed somehow to force them to come true... rather than lazily
putting up with whatever has been thrown their way with fatalistic apathy
and dealing with it just enough to get by --- rather than going out and
taking control of their life.

i am probably quite happy with my lazy life on some levels excepting the
fact that i FAIL at every single thing i try to do. and that upsets and
worries my mother.... and that is the last thing i want to do. and that
somewhere deep down i know i could be doing more --- more to help,
more to contribute all that stuff.

it is no good being consistently useless..... i don't know who wins. i am
entirely confused 900% of the time.

i want to do something i love - i just can't seem to get to that point where
i can do that.......... i am either missing that drive and ambition or the
energy or talent or the capability to stick at it to get there.

i can't seem to care about ANYTHING enough. why is that? i am
fearful??? is this just a defensive mechanism i can't get over.   am i afraid
to push my boundaries/to expose myself to failure/rejection/ridicule???
or what?   is it because i won't try? because it all seems faintly pointless?

the best way to fail is not to start..............................

i stop before i start. i doom myself to failure before i begin by pretending
i don't give a sh*t, that i don't expect to succeed perhaps?

oh well, enough about me already!!!

I DON'T KNOW.hey congrats on the phd - fantastic!

that's great. are you doing a thesis? what is it on? i am SO nosy!!! never
mind all those questions.

you're right - step by step. just take the first d**n step for crying out
loud.

but i don't feel like having a friend or my mother to encourage me. i want
to take responsibility for my own life for a change as much though i
would like to deny it - it is, in fact, my life, i am f**** it up and (apart
from direct family who worry) i am the only one who is made miserable
because of it. i feel that is one of my biggest blocks ---- that i can't
quite seem to see my life as mine. i am SO disconnected it is as if it is all
happening to someone else --- if only i could kick in, take some interest
and responsibility for my own life.

i think the adderall might well provide the gear box shift from neutral (or
reverse????) into first gear but i would like to try to do it without.

i really am going to SHUT UP about myself now. pffpf

but just one little bit more to say - i do so appreciate all the replies --- it
helps me clarify my thoughts a little. now all i need to do is translate
thought into action. hahahahaha now that would be a first!

all the best to you.my thesis is on the 'gifted disabled child'..

believe it or not, you do need some support.. no man is an island..
i think that the first step in improving one's life is to acknowledge that you may need to ask for some help..

even signing yourself in for a course might may a difference.. there are so many ppl studying that are in the same situation and they all seem to encourage each other, even if its unintentional!!

Accepting yourself the way you are is a good thing. It isn't lazyness, it is the realization that you look at and react to things differently than most people.

You have expressed the desire to try supplements and managing your ADHD, so it sounds to me like you are doing the right things.

Accepting that you are the way you are is good. Looking for ways to better yourself is good. You're ok.