Weddings and ADHD
I am looking for advice on how to handle designing and organizing a wedding to make the experience as easy as possible on my 9 year old son, myself, and my husband to be.
My son, Andrew, is comorbid with ADHD, OCD, and PDD-NOS (more easily explained as "high-functioning autism", if you're unfamiliar with the term.) We are planning on getting married in Spring of 2006 and, other than a vague thought that it should be somewhat informal/low stress event, we're really unsure what to do. I want him to be part of the ceremony, but don't want to completely stress him out. I want to have some activites there that will keep him happy before and after the ceremony, but am uncertain what kinds of things sites are willing to allow. And I want to invite all our friends, which puts the guest list at about 150 people.
Any advice, particularly from folks who have survived weddings with ADHD children before, would be truly appreciated!
Thanks,
Laura
I haven't been in your shoes specifically, but I did have a very successful wedding years ago and one of the reasons was that we weren't afraid to delegate. There is a lot going on that day, and you want to be able to enjoy it. Perhaps if you could choose one trusted friend or relative to be "in charge" of Andrew for that day, you could breathe a little easier. That person would be responsible for making sure he is where he needs to be, if he is in the ceremony...make sure he has things to keep him entertained during boring parts...heck, even just to make sure he doesn't wander away. I am sure you want to have interaction with your son on your wedding day, but giving someone else the actual responsibility of knowing where he is at all times might help you enjoy your guests more.
Congratulations and good luck!!!
I think you're on the right track with low stress. Informal would be one way to go, so why not have it outside? I'd try to find someone who your son likes and obeys (mostly) to be with him before the wedding, while you get ready and then during and some after. Not a babysitter, but someone who he can ask questions of, who will point out interesting things. You could equip this person with books and games and toys. I think the key here is keeping him occupied. He also might surprise you and be an angel for the whole thing. Congrats!!!
If you have a Bridal Suite at the reception I would suggest furnishing it with things that fhe enjoys and that can lower his stress level....This way if he gets anxious at any point of the reception you can simply sneak him off there........employing a friend or family member to be "you" for the day is a must......It's not physically possible for you to be everywhere at once.
My sister just got married this past Saturday and my ADHD son was so preoccupied with all the food, music and other people there he forgot to misbehave
...........Oddly enough his favorite part of the evening was riding the elevators
.....
Most importantly....don't stress yourself about it....kids sense our tension and react to it....Its your day....enjoy it come what may
Good luck and Congrats
I would try to find some responsibility to give him so that he feels that he is also a part of what is going on. Its a big day for him also as he is getting a new step dad and he should be able to feel included in the circumstances surrounding the wedding.
If he feels that he is an important part of the wedding, he will hopefully engage in making it special rather than acting up out of jealousy or defiance.
Maybe you could have him pair up with one of the groomsmen and he could help accomplish his duties. I would just make sure that your son felt that he was being given shared responsibility and not just being passed off to a sitter. The groomsman could make sure that things were done if your son didn't hold up his end.
Congratulations!
With my SD(5yo at the time), we hired a baby-sitter to entertain her in a hotel room during the times that she could be disruptive. She was there for the ceremony and many parts of the reception. There were actually a few other kids there, too. All the parents split the cost of the sitter and the room.
If you are not in a hotel, you can still have a babysitter, but find out if there is an area that he could be in that is seperate from everything. I think alot of the day, aside from the actual ceremony and reception, will be very boring. So, to have someone to step in will be a huge help.
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