Ever since being diagnosed and put in therapy and medication, I've been a more stable and thoughtful person, but that has really effected some things socially.
Most of my friends understand, and they are supportive and are always saying how much happier and calmer I seem. I have never been so satisfied with my relationship that I share with my parents, or the comfort level I have at school. But, I have one friend who is also ADHD who is acting so weird.
Before I was diagnosed, we used to hang out all the time and do stuff that wasn't exactly legal. We viewed it as our way of taking a break from the world. My life at that time was so hectic and frustrating that I really needed that break. We became very close friends over the summer because I was very supportive during a time where she really needed. A member of her family got very intensive surgery, and i helped her with her housework and drove her to the hospital. She in turn, urged me to get diagnosed, and helped me deal with the static I constantly experienced because of ADHD. She understood my frustration, and I understood hers.
But, now that my life seems to be getting under control, she is being odd. She is always asking me over to her house, but whenever I come over, I refuse to behave like I used to. She becomes very upset. She says that she looks forward to "hanging out" as she calls it, and that by not participating, I am ruining it for her. She is depressed, and although she sees both a psychiatrist and a therapist, she is constantly sad or angry. I stopped making plans with her if i knew it involved "hanging out."
I love her dearly, more than she knows. But, she thinks I'm trying to end our friendship. I am not doing that! I love hanging out with her, and I cherish her almost like I do my sister, who I am very very close to. She has begun to be mean to my boyfriend, assuming that he is pulling me away from her so as to have my undivided attention.
I just can't handle it. She is a good friend. She's always there for me when I need help. She never backs down at a challenge. She is the very opposite of a "fair-weather" friend.
What can I do? Please help... I feel so lost.
she helped you get treatment, pointed the way, and now you've done the unthinkable- you got better.
change is hard for people close to you to deal with. even when they are instrumental in consciously helping you change for the better.
it sounds as if she needs an accomplice to help her act out, and that you were it. maybe you could share that living like that does not feel so neccessary to you now, and she has been a tremendous help to you.
getting better demands change in your approach to life, to fun, to friendship. that's all. it's not her, it's the acting out that no longer appeals to you. your friendship is so much more than bein' in cahoots for mischief.
isn't it?
You're not being a fair-weather friend - you're doing what you need to do to be/stay healthy. You don't need to defend that. Your friend should be happy that you're getting the help you need, but she obviously has her own issues that prevent her from seeing outside of what SHE wants.
Have you told her what you just told us?
Your 1st priority should be your own health. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. Be there for her, but don't be an 'enabler'. You can't make her change, but you can be an example to her of how happy/healthy a person can be with the right help.
mullaru -
sadly you're seeing a "coming of age". They happen for all of us - especially when we get our s*it together.
I had friends just out of high school that I too, did things that were not quite legal. They I found, were dragging me down with them - not being true friends. Once I began to grow up and try to find my way in health and happiness - they were angry that I was no longer willing to be as they still were.
I missed them - but realized that my own happiness was important too! I found people who were more like me - and though my ADHD often alienated them later it was more or less a better experience.
I now don't drink because my stomach would bleed and be damaged, I don't smoke pot (I can be stupid and hungry all on my own thanks) or other recreational meds and I don't break the law. I find people like me and they enjoy my company just the way I AM. It's awesome! There are so many people that are like you out there don't despair!
Give yourself some time to be your own person. Let people know what you like and dislike - and you'll find many many other's to make new groups!
Good luck to you - many of us have been down your path and really - it's not so bad!
- Glen