Help/S.O.S./Anyone? | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=seeker63]

i am constantly amazed by the stories i read here!

not because of their content, or that i think anything harsh about the poster.

it is about how similar the stories are to mine.

i have found HUGE relief in reading these posts and being able to express and share with others our difficulties.

i can't manage money either. maybe,  eventually, i'll do better.

your honesty here is great. can't fix anything until you understand what's broken, or misadjusted....

this is the place to be as anonymous as you like, and be entirely real.

sharing like you do is helpful for everyone. keep it up.

[/QUOTE]

supert,

I had more here but deleted it. It explained why I am offering tough love help.

If you want intervention from me, you will have all the support you want but you should know that it will be tough love. Think of the people you will be hurting by the actions you choose. If you don't really get your act together, your future spouse will pay big time for your addictions.

Try going to a counseling program for addictions. I wish you well and really do hope you can break all your addictions. I am glad you are taking responsibility and not trying to find someone else to blame as a certain person I know does.

barb38623.5257407407

Hello-I am sure many of you have heard of the word invetervention before!  Well, I am pulling an intervention on myself with a few of my close friends here; but I could also use help out there. 

I am terrible with money.  I don't mean the average forget to pay the bills, bounce checks, forget to balance check book, etc.  I mean terrible.  I am a drug addict/alcoholic type person with money-specifically not paying attention to what I am doing and then getting myself into TROUBLE big time.  I am addicted to payday loan places as quick fixes.  Trouble is the hole only gets deeper each time.  Then I borrow money, take loans, etc. and get out of the situation.  People help me get my budget and things back in order.  I do well, for awhile, and then let the reins go and WHAM!  I lie constantly about what is going on because I do not want to disappoint anyone.  The problem with that is I always end up disappointing people. 

I am 38 and do not want to live like this anymore.  Each time I go through this cycle, I lose a little bit more of myself.  In my research, people with ADD/HD like to take risks, etc.  This is my form of risk taking.  I do not enjoy it.  I have hurt and disappointed many people in my life.  I do not understand why people keep forgiving me; but they do.  I guess you could say I have hit rock bottom.  Finally. 

I am closing my checking account and taking the wrath of what is coming from the check places that I owe.  I have to because I cannot afford to pay them their fees and pay my bills.  Which means, I will end up having to go to court with these places and bare my soul over and over.  But someone told me, sometimes you have to lose everything to gain it back.  I have done this before, shutting my checking account down, and it worked.  I could not go to the payday loans and I could not spend money I did not have.  Then I had to go get money orders to pay bills or go to the places with cash.

I will need a place to go to and vent from time to time and ask for a little TLC.  I hope someone out there reads this and will be that support that I need besides the ones I have here.  Sometimes it is easier to talk to strangers than close people.  I am opening myself up raw. 

I am not going to let my ADHD control my actions or use it as an excuse anymore.  I am 38 and feel the overwhelming weight of life and I am done living in denial.  The trouble is...when you have a problem drinking or doing drugs you can get away from the temptations.  However, with money, I can't walk away from it.

Well..there it is in a nut shell.

HEy Supert,

Spending is as serious an addiction as gambling, drinking, drugs, or sex. Taking a step like this to walk away from it is significant. They say in 12 step classes, you need a new playground and new friends. You are taking a step in the right direction.

Good job, and good luck.

David

i am constantly amazed by the stories i read here!

not because of their content, or that i think anything harsh about the poster.

it is about how similar the stories are to mine.

i have found HUGE relief in reading these posts and being able to express and share with others our difficulties.

i can't manage money either. maybe,  eventually, i'll do better.

your honesty here is great. can't fix anything until you understand what's broken, or misadjusted....

this is the place to be as anonymous as you like, and be entirely real.

sharing like you do is helpful for everyone. keep it up.

Its refreshing to hear that someone is trying to take charge - good for you!  Its a step in the right direction - but make sure you keep your goals small and attainable like paying off one creditor at a time.

Its funny that you bring up intervention - I have been trying to think of a way to do that for my husband - but so far I haven't come up with any idea on how to approach it.

Give someone else the responsibility of paying your bills and keeping tabs on your account - pay them a small fee - perhaps having to be accountable to someone with what is spent would help.  (Although my husband will not relinquish the finances to me yet - so I can't say how it would turn out - but I'm thinking better than not trying at all)

I agree - that these posts really help - me - and I would say a majority of them are mirror images of my life and what goes on behind the picket fence.  Finances - my husband (w/ adhd) says we are ok - I think we are now poor (I can hardly wait until we start using heat - the oil prices are crazy)

Really I do wish you the best of luck - Keep us posted

Thanks for the support.  I talked with my first set of people that I needed to let in on my problem because I had broke promises to them.  It was draining.  Tomorrow I take on the first check place and tell them that I cannot pay even the fee.  Especially since I was 300 in the hole before I even got paid because I did some bouncing.  This is going to be very painful.  all the best supert.. once you begin to tackle it, you will start to feel more empowered..

remember, baby steps.. rome wasn't built in a day..

And as I'm fond of saying " Rome wasn't destroyed in a day "

supert >>> Just hang in there, and do the best you can. When you mess up just remember, "that's the way the 'ADDer -cookie' crumbles . . .

Contact Consumer Credit Counseling--look up their 1-8OO # on the web--they helped me even pay off my old "Medication Proprieters"...

You need & have tons of safe & anonymous support here--don't go away!  God will help you, too--He's looking out for you & will clear the way for people to be understanding. 

Acknowledgment is key & you're totally already starting to do that!

terrie38628.4838888889pilgrim, i admire the romans just as much as the next ancient history freak, but you have to admit, it was pretty much down hill after nero.. it took a couple of centuries though

super t

I completely know what you are saying.  My husband is bi-polar and I am in this same situation.  Although he has a huge gambling problem.  He has drained my account to a 500 negative balance has taken out a pay day loan pawned my wedding ring and every time he gets his hands on money runs as fast as he can to the gambling boat.  I can't be much help with solving the problems that you are having but I am definately here for you to talk to.  Who knows maybe we can help each other.

Good luck!!! You have taken the 1st step by admitting your problem and taking the steps to stop this.

It seems that just @ every society is always going down hill {the Second Law of Thermo-di-nam-ics[ man I can't spell worth W.K.R.P.] and all } .  That Nero dude, now he needed some BIG time meds.  What was up with him I wonder {probaly just nuts-o, yes that is a medical term}.Maybe you could hire an accountant to control your money for you and give you a part of it to spend.  It would have to be a reputable company. 

 NO PAIN NO GAIN

 I can relate to what you are going through. 

At one point in time, I was happy when my phone service was cut off, because, I then didn't have to dodge the many bill colectors calls.

Sorry you are going through this...Best wishes for a debt free future.

 

Have you ever tried going to debtor's anonymous? A friend who is ADD swears by it. I used to go a number of years ago (when I had no idea that I was ADD) but sadly, stopped because I didn't like the group and didn't want to admit that I had as much of a problem as I did.

While I've gotten better about finances, once I'm physically better (I've been extremely sick for the last few months), I plan to return to DA. I recommend that you find a group in your area and give it a try. It might be just "what the doctor ordered!"

Sachetm--thanks for the advice on the debtor's anonymous.  I did find a group near enough to where I live that I can go. 

It is like my friend said, I need to find the root of my problem.  And I have had some pretty sh*tty things happen during my life from rape to abuse that would explain a lot.  I am NOT one of those people who say "Oh poor me, I had a bad childhood that is why I did this..." but yet my childhood has given me a low self image.  I have been through therapy but evidently there is still room to grow.

Also, I did talk with two of the check places on Friday and found out that we do not go to court first.  Whew!  I did take all my $ out of my checking account because that is what they try to do first.  Then when my check comes back to them, we try to work out an arrangement.  They said as long as I work with them, they will work with me.  That is a relief. 

I also confessed to people that have helped me through this cycle before and I made promises to them that I broke.  That was very exhilerating and exhausting at the same time.  Each time I do something like that tho I feel a bit freer.  I am done going through this cycle. 

So thanks again..I will keep you posted.  I appreciate all the support.  (and need it!)