Rough day, kind of long

Maddy has been in trouble all day for persistant lying. She told one of the biggest ones to date last night that we discovered today.

We were questioning her about why she and her step-brother are fighting so badly at her mother's. She had bitten him really bad, and I asked how Mommy had punished her. She told me in hysterical crying that Mommy bit her really hard on the arm.

Now, her mother isn't the brightest parent out there and had done this to her when Maddy was biting as a toddler (which is understandable), so I completely believed her. I was really upset that that was the way she had chosen to teach her not to bite at age 7. I couldn't sleep last night because I was so upset.

Well, this morning DH questions Maddy again about the incident. She breaks down crying again, and shows him where Mommy bit her. She said that the mark had finally disappeared the day before we took her.

DH calls her mom to find out what the heck she was thinking. Well, come to find out Maddy made all of it up. Her punishment was that she got a spanking and priveleges taken away. She had me and her father all upset over a lie.

Needless to say, she has lost all of her priveleges for a while. No i-pod, tv, or computer. Her mother is going to bring the hammer down on her at their house, too.

Now you this would end the lying for today. But to make a long story short, no. She has told about 5 more blatant lies. It is just so frustrating and dissapointing that she isn't trying to shape up. DH is UPSET to say the least. I am quickly losing my patience.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent.

 I would miss her too much if she went to boarding school.

The thing is Maddy does know the consequences specifically for lying. We have been dealing with it for a while. It was actually one of the driving forces for us to seek help originally. She can really lie. Her therapist was shocked by it considering she was 5yo at the time. We have been having a run with minimal lying about stupid things. This is the first major lie in a few years.

I am just disapointed in her that she would try to fool us in this manner. We really rely on her account of what is going on at her mother's to make sure she is well cared for. KWIM That trust has been broken. It scares the crap out of DH, too, because he isn't there full-time to watch over her. He is really upset.

Well, we really haven't been given much advise. I read alot though. We try to encourage her to tell the truth by understanding that all kids lie and it's usually to avoid punishment. So, we have told that if she fesses up right away she will only get in very little trouble. If she lies, it is huge trouble, as in priveleges taken away for x amount of time. This has worked very well for us, along with reitierating that she can not be trusted if she lies.

However, she has fallen back into the monster lies that are so beyond what a child her age should be doing. One incident ended with a police ride because she was able to convince teachers that she was supposed to go home via the yellow bus not the day-care bus. The fact that she was so convincing to adults it what scares us to death. She knows she is doing the wrong thing, but she wants to do what she wants to do at any cost.

These are the kind of lies that we do not know exactly how to punish to emphasize the seriousness of the matter. Imean had she told bite story to a teacher or school official, I'm sur her mother would have alot of questions to answer. That's scary.

So far we have taken away all her most valued priveleges for two weeks. I am hoping that helps. Any suggestions are welcome.

I lied something terrible when i was younge, one day my mom said i should be an actor cause I lie so well and the next time I was caught i a lie I would have to go to church and clean it.  well she kept her word and i had to clean the church, after I was done I had to tell God I was sorry and that I enjoyed cleaning his house.

needless to say I didn't lie or get caught again.

[QUOTE=Brookelea]we might need to call in charles dickens' ghost of christmas future and show them where they will end up if they don't stop the lies!! [/QUOTE]

That's hilarious!

DH has been coming up with many alternative plans. He said we could give her pink i-pod to her baby sister, and have it re-engraved with, "Have fun, Ava. Maddy says, DON'T LIE!"

and that we could drop her off at the Astrodrome and tell them she is a storm victim.

I'm not sure how effective it would be, but I got a good laugh out of it.

I lied something terrible when i was younge, one day my mom said i should be an actor cause I lie so well and the next time I was caught i a lie I would have to go to church and clean it.  well she kept her word and i had to clean the church, after I was done I had to tell God I was sorry and that I enjoyed cleaning his house.

needless to say I didn't lie or get caught again.

[/QUOTE]

That's a good idea Lynnann. Her mother likes to use the God/Jesus guilt trip on her(we do not), and cleaning the church may be good. I'll have to tell her mother about that one.