Can you help me decide? | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=pilgrim]

Fidgey > I don't think meds change your personality at all, they just help you become more of the person you should/could/want to be. I take Ritalin[10 mg] and Lexapro[for anixiety]. Before I was DX I suffered from DEpression, this is a common result for many ADDrs. Multiple disorders are also common w/ADDrs. I've also doing Therapy for @ a yr and a half. That has been very helpful for loads of other issues I have.

Mds don't change your personality {not for me anyway} just fine tune it and help you stabilize the racing thoughts bouncing around in your head.

No decision is still a decision . . .

[/QUOTE]

very well put pilgrim....meds do not change your personallity or anyway it hasnt to anyone i know that is on meds and according to my psych dr she said it also doesnt. that was why i was skeptical to put my son on meds at first. we both have the same personality.

i am adhd and have severe anxiety depression, i currently take strattera 40mg two times a day and clonazapam 1 mg three times a day for my panic attacks.

hope this helps

i am intending to read your post chjones, i'm just hungry..
i will return, read and make some profound statement
and friends-what are those, really I don't know what they are. . . . . .

we your friends pilgrim. if you'll have us.

I found out I have ADD about two years ago. I was teaching 1st grade and because of a little girl I was teaching, I discovered that I had ADD too. It was interesting to say the least. It answered a lot of questions in my mind about who I was and why.

I tried to get organized and not let it bother me, but finally I went to a dr to get a real dx. I tried medication and it was like putting on glasses for the first time. I could get things done and it was amazing. I organized things more than I ever had before. I was on Adderall.

Then the meds seemed to wear off for me. I tried herbs and they helped for a while. Both seemed to wear off for me. And I don't like higher doses of meds.

I did try different meds - Concerta - I didn't like that at all. I felt depressed on them.

I am trying exercises from a book called "Stopping ADHD." These seem to be helping me quite a bit. But I still need to finish them. I don't do them consistently, but I am going to stick with it.

Stimulants (ritalin, dexadrine, etc.) are the first drug of choice for ADHD, and they have a very short half-life. They are out of your system within hours. Trying meds is not a life-long decision or a statement about who you are -- if you don't like how a drug makes you feel, don't take it the next day. I've never heard of stimulants negatively impacting anybody's spirituality, personality, creativity, or soul, but if it did ... surely you'd just stop taking it and move on. I just don't get why this is such a momentous decision (for so many people, not just this poster). I'm wondering if people's hesitation about meds extends to other health issues -- do you agonize over decisions about antibiotics, antihistamines, etc. as well?

I hope this doesn't sound combative. Truly, I just find it a curious stance and would be interested to hear why people struggle within themselves about whether or not to medicate. The "decison" seems so insubstantial to me -- you swallow a pill, you see how it makes you feel, and you go from there. I respect everyone's right to deal with their ADHD and their life as they see fit. Please explain, and if I've pissed anybody off, know that I'm just interested in the conversation -- I don't have any agenda!
Wordwoman38623.881712963

it's weird - but i have demonstrated an aversion to taking things.

i have smoked lots of weed in my day, but have avoided pretty much everything else. i forgot about caffeine.

it took lots of cajoling to get me to take anti-depresssants(before i knew/suspected the real trouble was add).

i have major hayfever, but am averse to anti-histamines.

i absolutely hate antibiotics, mostly because they all make me sick.

i almost never will take anything for my migraines. not that much impacts them anyway.

most pain meds, like vicodan, make me itch and even more insomniac than i normally am. last fall i was on vic for an infection in my tooth. 1st night, didn't sleep. i figured dose was too low, so i took more the 2nd night. up all night then too. by day 3, i took the rest, and was up almost all of that night too. no more opiates 4 me!

i don't know why i harbor this aversion to all kinds of pharmaceuticals. just lucky(?) i guess.

it does seem like people will take stuff to change their brain 4 fun, but not to change it to function more reliably.

hey wordwoman

yeh it does seem like a momentous decision for me --- but i am b*****red if i can explain why. ya know --- i would love to be able to explain it even to myself but it is totally illogical. it's just a feeling for me and i have NO idea whether it is part of my own self-destructive streak kicking in. like some part of me does not want me to get better.

i really can't intellectually justify it, can't explain it, it's flipping hopeless!

(oh phew - i thought i just killed a bug!!! it landed on the letter 's' without my noticing it until oops. i thought it was dead but i poked it a bit and it ran away luckily)

but i think it is part of the madness that i have. i keep on thinking of that book - i don't know whether you have read it about two mormon brothers that killed their sister-in-law and her daughter. i'm sure it is connected to the same sort of madness --- you feel it is a TEST of your faith, that you have to listen to this INNER VOICE that says don't take them. (and as if that inner voice is ever reliable no matter what gandhi or mother teresa say... half the time it is telling schizophrenics that they must kill the foreign minister of Sweden or similar) it's just madness - for me i think.

but i have great difficulty in knowing which side of my brain to trust. i have an enormous amount of religious feeling and the LAST thing in the world i would ever want to do is lose that. that feeling which i call the 'love of God'. and it is that - that holds me back.

again, i can try and justify it by --- well, who wants to be normal. it's not me - it's the rest of the herd etc. etc.

but that isn't the strongest part of the issue for me. it is entirely born up in this crazy feeling. that one has to listen to that side of one --- and i just don't know.

the book is called 'under the banner of heaven' and it was written by jon krakauer - who wrote another book which almost dealt with the same subject in that it was a young kid who felt 'compelled' to leave society and go and live in the forest in the middle of nowhere.

so i can tell that Krakauer himself must also have these compelling feelings because he understands them so well. they are 99% of the time illogical, possibly destructive and bound up with a kind of grandiosity/momentous decision-making aspect to them.

have you read Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment? It is a similar thing with Raskolnikov. this feeling that an action is bigger than the sum of its parts.

it is really hard to explain --- and i expect i come across as quite mad. but i wouldn't necessarily argue with that diagnosis. in the end I have to decide which side of me i want to listen too --- the entirely mad side or the sensible sane side. you may think that should be an easy decision --- but funnily enough it's not.

(no agenda taken - not pissed off or anything neither)
oh i suddenly thought of a good quote --- and from my fave author of all time and my fave play of his Hamlet:

there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

so that's it you see. you feel (in your madness) that you are dealing with more than the obvious, so the obvious intellectual rules do not necessarily apply. therefore one must listen to one's inner voice --- that voice which is either a pain in the butt destructive waste of space or in fact a reasonable thing to listen to --- one simply doesn't understand the reasoning but that is because one is flawed and the important thing is to have faith.

does that make sense at all (no!)...

but vaguely, roughly it is something along those lines that stops me.

of course, if i was on the drugs then i probably wouldn't be having these hopeless problems anyway. and it would be interesting to see what a psychiatrist would attribute these emotions/feelings to

ie whether they would say well it is merely your brain compensating for the fact you are a total f**k-up for example. your ego is kicking in to protect its sense of pride. (that could be one explanation)

or i don't know loads of options come to mind --- i just can't be arsed to write them all down. perhaps i need to wait until i am more successful/more balanced and then these feelings will disappear and i will feel happy to take the meds...

it is a little of a vicious circle because i can see without the meds i am unlikely to be more balanced or successful therefore the feelings are not going to disappear any time soon.

genuinely i don't know. it could be mere madness. but then again i have huge reservations about exactly what MADNESS is???

i am fascinated by the concept of MADNESS of SUCCESS of FAILURE --- all those sorts of things really.

(oh how could i not take the opportunity to quote the bard again - given such an opening by polonius my fave character too: though this is madness, yet there is method in't....

how pregnant his replies are! a happiness that often madness hits on, which reason and sanity could not so prosperously be delivered of.)
chjones38623.9220717593it should be obvious --- you just need to look at the posts and those of us who are suicidally miserable (seeker, LTC and myself) are all not on the meds....

those who are having difficulties but are in fact completely making some progress are on the meds...

eh voila. case solved. (not)
well i hope that goes some way to explaining it for me ---

i can't speak for anyone else. and hey, where are you??? i too was looking forward to a conversation about it... is it so abstruse? so painfully ridiculous or what???

come back, come back, wherever you are!

Thank you all so much for answering my question. I really appreciate you taking the time to do so.

Brooklea, I am glad you replied. I have been looking into alternative means to deal with the focusing issue so I'm typing up a list of the things you have mentioned and will try them first. If it doesn't work, at least I tried. I have a friend who is well-versed in alternative methods so she and I have a plan to go get me some. :) Thank you! Like you, I try not to allow ADD to rule my world and have really fought the battle for a long, long while. Although it wasn't a great big issue before, it has become one recently because my life has changed as well. I have more to do, more responsibilities, more expectations. I had these before, but they seemed to have tripled in the last few years through my own endevours or simply because my children are getting older. It's time I do something about it, regardless if it's just saying "I have it - you deal with it" - which isn't such a bad way to be.

Pilgrim, your post was exactly what I was hoping to hear - that the meds don't change your personality, just give a means to focus and you need to learn from there. I do not believe it is a cure-all. There's much work to be done, but I think the medication route will at least give me an edge so I *can* change. WIthout them or some other form of alternative, it's almost a lost cause. Thanks so much!

Seeker, You are right - these forums are great and I couldn't tell you how much of a relieft it was to find them. I have read many of your posts and want to say thank you. You've helped more times than you know. Fortunately, I do have a great support system and intend on relying on that support system as I go along. The ones who aren't supportive simply lose.

Anni, It is a shock when you first learn you have ADD, but after I thought about it for awhile, it fit very well. I found out through my daughter's doctor. I have since visited my own and was officially diagnosed a short time later. I intend on trying all and any means possible and will try the book you are using now. As you said, I may not finish, but it won't hurt to try.

Thank you all so much for your help. Your advice and opinions really matter and I'm thankful!

Wordwoman,

"do you agonize over decisions about antibiotics, antihistamines, etc. as well?"

No, I don't agonize. I simply do not take them unless it's absolutely necessary.

"The "decison" seems so insubstantial to me -- you swallow a pill, you see how it makes you feel, and you go from there. "

The "decision" may seem insubstantial to you, but as a former addict until I was 20, swallowing a pill to see how it makes you feel and going from there will have more devasting effects on me and my family, moreso than ADD ever has.

As you can see, I must tread carefully.

[QUOTE=chjones] and friends-what are those, really
I don't know what they are. . . . . .

we your friends pilgrim.� if you'll have us.�

[/QUOTE]

jonesy > ARE YOU KIDDING !

I accept <> no question asked <> As long as you
can put up with my g o o f y = Serious s / p / i / l / t
person/ality + ADDness + semi.DEEPressioness-

Again . . .jonesy , , ,
thank-thank-thanks-thanks-thanks-thanks-thanks-

chjonesie is sooo nice

pilgrim, you rock

I take meds.. I take adderal xr on some days, and regular adderal on
others.. and yes, the medicines do alter my personality, I become more
anxious and superfocused on them, i am a lot less talkative, less creative,
my personality goes from wild to blah. However, i dont have to take the
medicines all the time, and i only take the adderal xr (super intense) on
days where i know im gonna be busy all day and not have time to
socialise. It usually wears off by the night and i can be myself again.
Sometimes, I try to forgo the adderal and make it on my own..
unfortunately this only works about 50% of the time, the other 50% i
forget to do sometihng important, make a really stupid, rash decision
that results in my getting in trouble or get something totally unorganized
that i had organized when i was on the meds- maybe some people can be
organized w/o their meds, but i cant. I dont know if that helps or not,
but there you go!

brookelea, garsh you got me all embarresed and stuff . . .

thanks !

Ya, that jonesy is and and all that jaazzzz ! !

pilgrim rock --- Hey I like it ! ! !

[QUOTE=storm7890]I take meds.. I take adderal xr on some days, and regular adderal on
others.. and yes, the medicines do alter my personality, I become more
anxious and superfocused on them, i am a lot less talkative, less creative,
my personality goes from wild to blah. However, i dont have to take the
medicines all the time, and i only take the adderal xr (super intense) on
days where i know im gonna be busy all day and not have time to
socialise. It usually wears off by the night and i can be myself again.
Sometimes, I try to forgo the adderal and make it on my own..
unfortunately this only works about 50% of the time, the other 50% i
forget to do sometihng important, make a really stupid, rash decision
that results in my getting in trouble or get something totally unorganized
that i had organized when i was on the meds- maybe some people can be
organized w/o their meds, but i cant. I dont know if that helps or not,
but there you go![/QUOTE]

I'm surprised you find that the medicine alters your personality. I personally don't at all! When on them I'm the same guy - but better.

I find that it lets out the inner me - the one who is good and kind and decent. It supresses the finicky, urge-driven me that makes me so obnoxious and irritating to people around me.

While on meds I find that I am driven to help others - to be better than I was. I can't help it - I see injustice or something undone I have to help! I was always tempted to in the past - but now I must. What's right is right after all.

I was never creative before. I was too ADDled and confused to ever do something creative or spontaneous that is not against me. Whenever I did something on a whim it ended up biting me in the ass every time. Made me very sad a lot.

I find that I have to take the meds as they were prescribed for it to work best. I take them a couple hours before work or when I need the attentiveness, and I skip the weekends most times. I also take a drug holiday every few months - 2 weeks off and then bring them back slowly. It works great for me!

Probably if I'd found myself at all artsy pre-meds I'd feel like a lot of you. But my ADHD was SO bad I was crippled socially and creatively. Just a gimp in the outside world was I.

Have you tried a lower dose more often? Anxiety and restlessness on adderal or dexedrine is usually a sign you are taking too much or perhaps not eating just before (an empty stomach will lead to shakes and anxiety I know).

Just a couple thoughts - I would love to see everyone improve at the level I have!

- Glen

Hello,

First I would like to thank everyone who posts on these boards. Your words mean so much, and I am very grateful for your honesty and advice in your posts. It has helped so much.

I'm really struggling with the medication issue. I know I need to do something. I know something needs done soon. I just don't know which direction I should go. I'm leery of taking meds and I'm leery of not taking meds. I'm in a pickle.

You see, the positives of ADD benefit me a great deal. I enjoy them, everyone else enjoys them and it has become who I am. However, the negatives are also great and I have allowed them to destroy so much. I don't enjoy them, and neither does anyone else. Sometimes the only thing I thing I have completed from start to finish is giving birth - only because it really wasn't my choice or an action of my own.

So, if you have the time, and are willing to answer a question or two, I would very much appreciate some help - again.

For those on medication, which meds are you on and how has it helped? Has it changed your personality as a whole?

For those who have decided not to take meds, what other things do you do to help control your ADD? Has it helped?

I know these are basic questions, but they honestly will help me decide which road to take.

Thanks again for any help you can send my way.

i don't take meds but i do have a cupboard filled with ritalin la

..

instead i use supplements and when its imperative that i concentrate my little bum (or as my dh says, bigger than we first met bum) of, i go down to the local chinese herbalist and he gives me some herbs.. and believe me, they have done things that meds could never do!! but you can't take them for long..

i take omega 3s and a range of other supplements.. my daughter also takes them but she is on a higher dosage.. plus she takes other amino acids.. has she changed?? well if she wants to do it, nothing will stop her..

i also don't dwell on it, i just deal with it.. oh and use it to my advantage at home.. "no dearest, you were meant to clean, ooops".. don't let adhd cripple you, you can rise above it.. seriously!!

having said that, i used to take meds as a teenager.. i know how they feel and what you may be able to gain from them.. and many ppl here do really well on them..

you need to decide what is more important, the positives or the negatives..

also, work out why you can't complete anything.. it may be something other than adhd.. fear of failure, fear of success, etc..

pills are not a magic cure - you still have to work on your weaknesses..
ooops, good luck with whatever you choose

Mds don't change your personality {not for me anyway} just fine tune it and help you stabilize the racing thoughts bouncing around in your head.

No decision is still a decision . . .

pilgrim, i'm glad that the meds are helping.. [QUOTE=pilgrim]

I think that many ADDrs just expect meds to do and be an answer to everything. Our brains, problems and life I think is more complex than that.
[/QUOTE]

so true pilgrim.. you can't treat adhd just with meds..

Thanks--Me two,too,to,2 > OK I'm done now . . .

I think that many ADDrs just expect meds to do and be an answer to everything. Our brains, problems and life I think is more complex than that.

ADDrs like me with limited personal and social skills can learn alot from therapy that they didn't get/learn/understand from childhood and have carried with tham all there ADDult life.

Many people have some kind of suport system. Spouse, friends, relatives etc. I'll hear or read something and they'll say 'find a friend you can talk to or do something with'. And inside it's like a knife to my heart, I can't always talk to DW {she's like so defensive @ e v e ry t h i n g}, my sisters are more scewed up than I am, and friends-what are those, really I don't know what they are. . . . . .

TTFN . . . .gotta get ready for work.

i haven't found meds that work for me yet. but i will echo the thoughts about support and therapy.

these forums here are great.

there are lots of things i had to learn about myself, my behaviour, and how to deal with social situations.

depression has been a major factor for me too, so there is that to get a handle on. self-image is another big one.

it can be difficult finding people in your life that can even admit adhd is real. but don't stop looking. family and friends are notorious for thinking you are making excuses for your behaviour,but not all of them.

pilgrim i know exactly what you mean about friends. if i haven't alienated them yet, it's probably just a matter of time. and those are the few people i try not to exasperate. everyone else probably had it coming!