wtf should i do? | ADHD Information

oh sachetm --- way to go!!!  how well put was that!

knock yourself out xavier --- it's all part and parcel of life.
chjones38625.5388541667

xaiev, je n'ai pas su que tu etais francais! Not to worry, I'm not on any meds either, but not because there are no docs around who treat AD(H)D but because I have heart problems that prohibit it. You can learn to manage this disorder without meds. It make be harder, but it's doable. Being conscious about what you do and why you do it is half the battle. (Finding and implementing strategies is the other half and any good counselor can help with that.)

As others have said, don't be so hard on yourself. Your situation is perfectly normal for someone your age. It's how we find our true (hopefully) soulmate--by experiencing different people. Anyone around here of any age will tell you that it's not easy and is often painful. But it's also a normal part of life and growing up.

The trick is honesty and the sincere intention to be as kind as possible. That's the best any of us can do. And unless the other person is really a psycho (I've been blessed with avoiding those and hope you have too), after the ego pain passes, the other person "gets" that and comes to appreciate it. In other words, intentions come through and are probably remembered better than words.

The truth is that you think very highly about this girl, care very much about her, and appreciate her for who she is. You're just not ready to make a committment to one person right now and need to gain more experience with different people. At least that's what you explained to us so that's what likely to be the truth for you. No need to mention the "inconvenience" of the distance part. It's really not relevant to the main issue. For all you know, she may be having some similar thoughts. Like others have said, in the long run it will be okay.

Bon chance a toi!

Oh young LOVE...Each one can be so intence...

Love... is like... Not being able to see the forest, for the trees.

I  think Sachetm said it perfectly!

It doesn't sound to me like the two of you have a love that will last a lifetime. It takes more comittment than love to stay in love with someone. I really don't see either of you having that.

You are both at the age when you should be seeing people and learning about relationships. As you date more people and mature more, you will begin to discover what it is you are looking for in a mate which will be enduring, and what you definitely cannot accept.

You will meet someone someday who will make a great wife for you and you will be able to be a good husband. Don't let feelings of romance or lonliness or peer pressure push you into a relationship you aren't ready for. There is much responsibility in a relationship and much less room for indulging your own wishes. It is hard, very hard. Having ADHD will make it harder, but not impossible.

When you break off with her, be honest. Tell her you are not ready to commit to her and that it isn't anything she has said or done, you just aren't ready. As Sachetm said, she is going to indulge in melodrama for a while, but she will get over it much faster and with less real pain if she knows it is final.

Best of luck with this and your studies!

I had to come back to say that I think you should remove her picture. I don't think it is right to  post a picture of someone on the internet without their knowledge or consent. If she found out, it could upset her. I think she will be upset enough without adding this to it.

barb38625.3179513889

I had to chuckle when I read this post. You see, I'll be 60 my next birthday so your plight struck me as very young and typical of someone your age. I'm not making fun of you, it's just that we really do see things differently at different ages. When you're closer to mine, you'll understand exactly what I mean. In fact, you probably see it now when you look at 14-year olds who swear they're in love!

If you're thinking about other girls the way you describe, then you're not really in love with this one. You're infatuatuated, in lust, or something similar but what you've described is not real love. If it were, you wouldn't be asking the questions you are. You'd be moving heaven and earth to figure out how to be with this girl and wouldn't be thinking (much--have to remember you're male so it comes with the territory) about other ones.

Nor is she truly in love with you. The "suffering" bit is so much romantic truffle--also typical of the young and inexperienced. It's a romantic fantasy and nothing more.

My best advice to you would be to be kind but honest with her. You think the world of her but aren't ready to make a committment to anyone at this point. If she wants to indulge her romantic fantasies about "suffering for love" then let her knock herself out. If that's her thing, she'll do it either with or without your help. This is the kind of thing we all grow out of in time. Trust me, I've been there many times and now have to sit back and laugh at myself for all the melodrama I created for myself.

Probably the best explanation I've ever heard regarding love is a relationship that brings out the you that you love being--the best of you. Until you encounter that, just have fun. But always be honest with others in the kindest way possible. It's half-truths, dishonesty, and emotional cruelty (one technique often used for "breaking up") that end up really hurting people in ways they have trouble getting over. The other just hurts their ego and may crush their fantasies but they get over it so much faster--even to the point where you can end up friends.

Of all my many boyfriends I only had two I didn't become friends with once the initial hurt passed. And good friends at that. I'm still friendly with my ex-husband after 35 years. We still care about each other, we just didn't want to stay married. In other words, no need to throw the baby out with the bathwater!

To me you are not ready for a relationship at all. Date while you can. I agree with the 60 year old if you were really in love with each other you would find ways to be together. My sister inlaw and now husband flew back in forth for 4 years til got married cause both found time to be together. If she's the one you and her will make the time to get together. hi there,

i've been in love with a girl, ( photo here for those who want ) for 2 months now and the thing is she's returned to the place she was studying, at 600km from here.
We'll only be able to spend a weekend per month together and as there many & many cute girlz at university (i'm in the english department, and about 80% of students are girlz)
i'm thinking about ending this relationship to be able to "browse" girlz... hope you can understand this

We have had a long discussion about the distance and she told me she wanted to "suffer" from loving me, in the way that knowing she was in love with would empowers her. I told her i didn't want to suffer (and started some vague explanation of the adhd issue).
She wrote a text the next day i wasn't supposed to read but i instited on as i wanted to know her thoughts. She used several times a sentence which overhelms me each time i read it, translated from french that would give smth like this "i gently/mildy hate him, i truthfully love him"


She's madly in love with me, i'm in too but loving someone i can't talk/have fun with, hold in my arms whenever i want so is unbearable and on the other hand i don't want her to suffer and consider me as an other moron.

i'm really stuck

any advice will be studied in depth

i recommend doing it w/ hallloween monster masks on,

she will call u detached & perverse dump u,

and ur all set to pursue something hotter

                                  Oh the games we play

                                                     when we want to get our own way

                                                           when we know one day

                                                               it will all fade away

the best advice so far, rayray --- boy do i know who i need to call whenever i have some machiavellian scheme i want to get away with.  

LOL - ah to have the wonders of youth again!

I say break it off and shop around!  She is looking for that thing many young girls - especially ze french ones do - the tragedy and pain of love!

I dated a couple like that in my teens - they looked for the drama and intrigue right out of a romance novel.  Sadly that's where they get their info on love - it's like a manual for it!!

You're in the country that is famous for the passions and variety of love.  Play on - my son - play on!!!

Have a blast - I'll live vicariously through you when you tell us how much fun you're having.  Be sure to include details! LOL

 

- Glen

hmmmm, i've read your posts twice and got the point i had to break. Hope i'll have enough strengh to tell her the truth to her face.

i'm such a moron hey, you're answering promptly!

many things reminds of being childish, unmature etc.. and once again i've disapointed someone. I wish i wouldn't be so black & white tempered and impulsive but i seem not to have the choice

does 'moron' mean young, and normal?

if it does, yeah, you are right.

but that's not the way i use that word. (ex-fema director michael brown is a moron! would be an example of how i use it.)

               

[QUOTE=xaiev]hmmmm, i've read your posts twice and got the point i had to break. Hope i'll have enough strengh to tell her the truth to her face.

i'm such a moron [/QUOTE]

No - you're NOT a moron.  Just young and impulsive - as we ALL were!!

Don't be hard on yourself.  Most guys out there are love 'em and leave 'em.  You're one of us - you look at everything as being super serious and always your fault.  Let yourself learn from this and move along with a clear conscience.

I've kicked myself a few times as a young man when I moved on impulsively.  I kicked myself harder when I stayed too long when it was bad.  Believe me - you're better off this way - as your gf has issues and needs to learn what true love is all about.  You are probably not the one to teach her and be glad for it.

It sounds like you are more in tune with what it means to be in love than most men your age - that's a good thing.

Hope you can work through this with as few scars as are needed.  If you want some support come on back and we'll all swap war stories.  Ah the tales I could tell LOL.

- Glen

meds & therapy won't be that easy. i've seen on tv that only 2 doctors in france were consulting for adult adhd, in paris & bordeaux, that is at 200 & 350km from where i live...

time to have some liquor or i won't fall asleep soon.

cheers

With time, meds and therapy (all are needed when you have ADHD big-time) all this will seem small to you someday.

You are lucky to find out about your condition as early as you have.  You are in the "bronze age" of ADHD - I was born in the stone age LOL.  You have so many tools at your disposal things will be much better for you in the coming months.

Look around at other people your age and how they date.  If you study them carefully you'll feel much better about what you're going through.  Most people don't even slow down as they throw their relationships out the window.  You will survive this mon ami - have no fear of that!

- Glen

xaiev -

Don't give up hope!

The TV all around the world is typically pessimistic about ADHD - there may be more that just haven't connected with whatever sources they used.  Could be - you should check teaching hospitals around.  Couldn't hurt!

I am totally ignorant of the rules for medications in Europe - can you go to Germany to get some?? I know here you can get a start with dexedrine for as low as 80 canadian dollars a month (for a usable dose - you could get smaller but it's usually no good for adults).  That's 57euros. 

Watch that liquor my friend!  It only works for a while - then it tends to be your burden after that.  I hope you find help and peace of mind.

Rest well

- Glen