Angry and depressed; my story. | ADHD Information

i can relate medic: iq 170: can't shut up and i blurt stupid things all the time.

i feel like a total idiot b/c the pressure of getting ready to go somewhere with my husband -to a family function, to a barbeque -puts me in exactly that state. i just can't ever get ready on my husbands timescale. i try so hard..i pick out an outfit before hand..and it just ends up with my whole entire room in a mess, my make up surrounding my full length mirror all over the floor my nail polish bottle opened and forgotten on the side of the bathtub..wet towel left on my bed..its just such a freakout session just to get ready that i want to cry and just give up. i hate it! this very thing happened to me yesterday on the way to a july 4th bbq. and i hate parties etc. so i was just feeling so horrible. about the way i looked (which was probably normal and fine i'm just paranoid that i've forgotten something major. you never know) and i knew i was all pissy but it took me two hours to come down off of it.

i'm about to restart school again. i've said it here in the forum about  a million times. its just such a big deal for me. i am nervous but excited. i have more on my plate than i ever have but my adderall and wellbutrin seems to be keeping me in moderate check.

my main issue: the anxiety i feel about being at: parties, walking across a room, being in the elevator with other ppl etc..being embarrassed all the time.my husband told me that i'm the only person who could actually die from embarrassment. and he's probably right.

other issue: how overwhelmed i get about the dumbest things and then obsessing about my mistakes. like the most simple things: burning a cd and forgetting a track to add to the 'perfect' compilation...the most trivial things. i

other issue and the one i totally hate: being annoyed WITH MYSELF all of the time. as i sit here and type this i'm totally annoyed that i'm writing this. i actually find myself avoiding this website now b/c i know that i gush , and i could write a whole book in one sitting digressing from one inane point to another so much that i actually think i'm driving myself and my therapist nuts. i'm embarrassed by my own intensity, my verbosity and my complete explosion of expression that i can barely repress.

ahh yes. its so fun!!

sumi

I really like this forum although it's making me question my own strattera success. I work in medicine. Take 120 mg strattera daily. It initially cured my depression, helped mildy with adhd, but now less so with both. I took Adderall after dx by psych, but it made me go CRAZY. Wellbutrin worked for 3 days, but I had allergic reaction (hives).

My question: the worst part of this isn't so much the adhd, but the anger, depression when contemplating any task. Does anybody else get this? Sorry I am rambling. When I think about doing anything non-exciting I just feel overwhelmed with anger and depression. I just want to SCREAM.

On a personal note: it took me 10 years to get my college degree. I was always described (as a kid) as the "absent-minded professor" IQ 150, Grades:abysmal. If anybody identifies with this I would love to hear from you.

Welcome to the forum. There could be several reasons why you feel angry and depressed when contemplating a task.

1. Prior experience with ADHD has caused you to fear complicated tasks because you know it will be a struggle, you probably won't succeed and you'll disappoint yourself again. This is very common and I normally experience frusturation rather than anger but the two can go hand in hand.

2. You may have something else besides ADHD going on upstairs. ADHD often occurs with depression and anxiety as well as several other disorders.

Hang in there, medic.

Cheekydeeky

Have trouble with high aggitation myself, not all out right anger, but flustration (I am new to finally getting meds) but can't afford what the doctor has given me for a free trial. It is flustrating, trying to get my life back so that I can go places. Right now I am tettering on no longer wanting to work my current job because of the multi-tasking is just overwhelming me.

I am on Straterra, but my doctor said that 80MG a day was the maximum recommended dose (I am on 70). But he is also skeptical about the drug company claims it is not addictive. Only time will tell with that one.

Yeah, for me the frustration and anger come from the many years of bad experiences. When my wife or someone else starts describing a list of things to do, I get defensive and angry. I guess this is because I just know I will screw something up and then have to deal with the aftermath.

I also seemed to be pretty bright as a kid, but had mediocre grades. I think I managed to dumb myself down with drugs during the 1970's, but still had the type of brain that allowed me to teach myself computer programming in a couple of weeks to the degree that I was writing production programs for a billion state agency. I taught myself woodworking with books and tapes and in a few months had bookcases and end tables in the house that friends wanted to know where we bought them. I did this while earning my MBA in night school. This in addition to being a musician and several other skills should indicate that some of my grey matter survived the 70s.

But I cannot remember to water the friggin' house plants when my wife is out of town! And why do I keep changing jobs? And why can't I keep the checkbook balanced when I have an MBA and my undergraduate degree was in Accounting?

If i were rich, they would just call me eccentric! You came to the right place!

Medic- Welcome! I think as you can tell by the responses that you are not alone. I feel the same black cloud when faced with a task. Although it's usually a task that I don't have any interest in, ie: homework, housework.

Speaking of... Chaz you made me laugh. I can never ever remember to water the plants in my house either! My b/f asked when I know to water them and I told him that I water them when they begin to wilt. Thank god their hearty!!!

It's funny, I was given an IQ test about 6 years ago. I scored a 90. Keep in mind that I took this test sans ADD dx or meds. They give me this test in my Psych class out of the blue and say here is a test to tell everyone how intelligent you are. Have fun. I get this petrified look like a deer caught in headlights as this test is laid before me. Well it was asking things that I had no idea about! Like which shape comes next, square, circle, hexagon, trapazoid, ______. Yeah, who cares!!! So I start to freak out thinking I should know this. After about 5 panic attacks and the same number of questions into the test I stop caring. So I gave up. Each question that I didn't know was like a confirmation of my stupidity. I scored lowest in my class. I braved an online version a few months ago to see what I scored on meds. 145 or so.

My grades from kindergaden up were miserable. I didn't make it into AP lit in highschool because of my poor testing skills but I was helping AP lit people understand Shakespeare. (Hamlet and Midsummer Nights Dream... best ever!) I'm not dumb, I just laugh at myself alot, talk too much and lack an internal sensor that tells me to shut up or tone it down. I get so hyper over everything! If it's not "perfect", forget it. No wonder every task seems daunting! I hold such high standards for myself!

Did I mention I talk to much?

Anyway, Medic, I believe that you will find yourself at home here. We are an open bunch of people and the more the merrier. Never once have I posted and had no one understand. We've all been there!

PS... We just moved into a BEAUTIFUL condo but just looking at all the boxes makes my insides twist. I threw a tantrum because I couldn't find my hair dryer and make-up today and I told my b/f that I needed it before we went out for dinner. He asked why and I went into this whole soliloquy about how they are the essecnce of womanhood and for me to loose them meant I had poor prioritization and obviously cared little about my femininity and it's whereabouts. I sat down, cried and refused to go anywhere without  knowing where these things were. I look back now and laugh at the melodrama of the scene. I'm not on meds today. I couldn't find them. They were in my purse. Not having meds just spirals everything into this huge mess some days!

lizzy38174.92

Thanks to everyone for your kind and enthusiastic replies. It does make me feel so much better that I am not necessarily alone.

Like I said before (as if my name wasn't subtle enough) I have worked in medicine for a long time and am pretty disenchanted with the system. A word of advice here too: A really good doctor-- someone who actually knows what they are doing, is a rare find. In our practice we use a ton of Strattera as well as other psych meds. Fortunately, we have a good team who make it their business to know abouth the meds they prescribe. However, I will tell you, most docs don't know crapola about psych meds (especially new ones like Strattera). Get the facts for yourself and trust no one!! 

A happier note: I'm so encouraged to read some of the success stories here. It gives me renewed resolve to keep trying (too bad my enthusiasm usually has the shelf life of tuna salad). I spend so much time slogging around the wreckage of earlier projects: Ok, today I'm going to be a ****--Fill in the blank with doctor, lawyer, screenwriter, supreme court justice, computer programmer, poet, economist, arabic translator, psychotherapist, bum, glassblower, novelist, spy, c-span anchor.

And just one more thing-- has anyone ever noticed the tendency to "borrow" the enthusiasm or energy of another person? Like, when my wife is around I can act and react to her, but when she's gone I wind up just flipping through channels. Or at work, where there is always a crisis I can respond to the demands immediately. When it's dead though, I just don't know what to do, feel cut adrift, like I don't exist.

Again, thanks for any replies. Also please feel free to ask any Strattera questions. I am not MD and can not diagnose/treat/etc (legal disclaimer) but will be glad to relay any of the factual information as I know it and have experienced in clinic.

Hey Medic,

I am starting to feel really good on Straterra. I worry that I am feeling too good. I definately feel a "buzz" from this stuff. It is very mild and subtle, but I feel a little altered. It is not like Concerta which just gave me a controlled speed buzz. But it is almost like a very very mild hallucenogenic. I feel like it is definately mood altering. Maybe I have just felt so crappy for so many years, I forget what it feels like to be "normal".

Have you ever heard about people having trouble getting off Straterra? Maybe it has not been around long enough. Or maybe no one has ever gotten off it?  

Have you heard of anyone building up a tolerance for it? Because if I am going to get hooked on something, I want to find something cheaper.

Chaz-

The first day or so I got the same good "vibe" from Strattera, but I think it was just related to feeling so much better after feeling bad for so long. That mild buzz decreased over time (as do a lot of side f/x). There is no evidence from either studies or in my personal clinical experience of anyone getting addicted to Strattera or increasing the dose to get higher. (That isn't to say it can't happen, people have idiosyncratic reactions to all kinds of things-- I saw a study that reported addiction/drug seeking in a small group of people taking Benadryl, of all things). Strattera is actually chemically related to Prozac (very different effects obviously). In any case, no one should suddenly stop taking strattera unless directed to do so by a doctor.

Good luck.