Total break down... | ADHD Information

i know that look! i know that feeling too.

i also know that instinct to react so strongly to others and their b.s.

there are some people that really react strongly to me, almost as if my existence is just untenable to them. they will go to great efforts to get me out of the picture.

i don't get it. i don't like it. and i can be particularly nasty in 'defending' myself.

you're not a freak- you're one of us.

what's wrong with looking out for your daughter? what's wrong with sticking up for yourself?

i always think to myself "hey- you could have handled that better, you know?" so i learn to make my behaviour more effective, while trying to honor my deepest feelings.

i think you should be upset at this woman and her campaign to undermine your family's place in this arena. she's being a 'jerk'.

Some parent at my daughters school has been controlling my volunteer duties and pushing me out of anything...then her daughter (cheerleader) started doing captian duties on the squad (my daughter is captian) and pushing my daughter out of the squad Homecoming performance. This for whatever reason sent me over the edge..and sent an e-mail to the cheer coach (without thinking) saying this woman had an "evil heart" ...anyway when I got to school to talk to the cheer coach..she looked at me more like my elem teachers looked at me like they were very confused and did not know what to do with me...I reconized this look and just had a small crying fit right there in her office...just bawled and bawled and bawled....(I recently went through a divorce) this was part of it...but the other part was that I was not being able to be sprit Mom and that her daughter was pushing my daughter out of a dance routine...WHAT THE HELL is WRONG WITH ME...that I get sooooooooooooo upset over this kind of stuff....I AM A FREAK SOMETIMES!!!!!! Crazy,
Your instincts are good, The coach probably looked at you like that because she doesn't see it. Don't let this get you down. Hold your head high and procede as nothing happened. Kill her with kindness as you stand your ground. When she takes over your duties, tell her, "Thanks for helping but I've got it" and SMILE. Life is a series of learning experiences. That's what it is about. You can only battle evil with good. Stay good. Know that her pushiness comes from her own set of "crazy" problems that have nothing to do with you or your daughter. She actually may be jealous of you.

You are not crazy. You are sensitive and reactive. You're OK.

And Seeker - Your font is killin' me. ADHD & LD

It seems clear to me that he incident you described is NOT the real problem. It simply brought another problem to the surface. You may need to work with a counselor or therapist to figure out what it was really all about.

The good news is that this incident brought up that there IS a problem lurking back there that needs to get resolved. The bad news is figuring out what it is and what actions you need to take to resolve it.

Good luck!

[QUOTE=sachetm]

Good luck!

[/QUOTE]

Sachetm - You are a wise one.

CreativeCrazy-

You joined right before I did..and I used to see you on here all the time..I'd wondered where you were....so sorry to hear about the divorce..It makes EVERYTHING bad..esp when someone is messing with your child!!!

I HAVE BEEN THERE !! I can go from the most mild mannered quiet person to a demon bitch in about 2 seconds if someone rubs me the wrong way..I have ALWAYS been like this....it takes a lot of control for me to be around the kind of people you are describing! so mostly I just avoid them. But my DD is reaching the age that she wants to be involved in other things such as ballet, dance, etc..I just cringe...cause I know i'm going to run into people who think their children are the best..have to have the best part...have to be in the front row, kisses the teacher's ass....etc...you all know the type......it makes me so angry...

I had've had run-ins with each of my daughter's teachers....and luckily it never got real bad..I stopped myself before making a complete ass of myself....but they knew I was upset. DD has ADD. so every new school year we have to do everything all over again....ANYWAY....

I know sometimes we (ADDERS) read more into things than is actually happening..I think that's why we over-react....not saying that it's not happening...we just have a tendency to blow things out of proportion...

did you explain to the cheer coach how you were feeling ? did you ever get a chance to tell her about the divorce? Are you on an anti-depressant? sorry to throw all these ?? to you at once, you don't have to answer, just something to think about..........I know when I was divorcing everything made me crazy..I cried all the time...for no reason whatsoever. I was always mad at the world...it really messes you up for a while and I'm sure other people can attest to this...If you haven't had a chance to talk to the cheer coach, you need to. Maybe you two can meet when there is no one else around, and you can explain how you are feeling.

I hope things get better for you!!! Keep us posted....Kimberly

I forgot to add ( go figure) that I think you DO need to stand up to her and defend yourself and your daughter. I'm sure that what you said is going on IS, and that does need to be stopped..and point out when it happens again......Kimberly

oh miss jones- you always make a good point!

but sex is often,(for most men anyway), like wealth- it doesn't matter how much you have, all there is to focus on is what you don't have.

and, hopefully i'm not mean to women i fancy, or even those i don't. i am familiar with that particular frustration tho.

Hi Creative Crazy, I also know what you are going through and I feel your pain. I have said many things where I just felt it needed to be said at the time and then felt like maybe I should have expressed my feelings in a different tone or different manner. I have learned from some of those mistakes and then again feel that I was saying exactly what I was feeling and I am just a person who wears my heart on my sleeve. You are going thru such a rough time and you sound like a very loving and caring mom. If anything, think that you are a good mom and your daughter can and will be proud of you. That is more than I can say for that other mom. Her daughter probably lives a hellish life at home!

I love the saying..."the best revenge is living well" Those "others" will get what is coming to them down the road..don't worry.

I think I would do the same for my daughters as well.

Heidi..mom of two girls
no, no, not you seeker.

it just annoyed me to think that he was nasty to me for such a
ridiculous reason as unrequited lust when lydia was so
beautiful -- so it is not as though he had much too worry about
on that front.

if you see what i mean. that's why i thought w******r!

projecting hmmm, i see --- so you would be nasty with
someone if you fancied them huh?

might slightly explain why you are not hooking up with
someone so fast????

i'm just taking the piss (teasing, that means in English - do
american's know that phrase. i wonder cos i said it to someone
here and they thought it meant i was angry or something....)

w****r? me?

you're probably right about him tho. it just crossed my mind that unrequited lust can make a guy mean.

i could also be projecting a little.(in the freudian sense, not actually physically )

re: the divorce thing...

my divorce really upended me in ways that a decade later i am just starting to get.

you sometimes hear this ratio for how long you were in the relationship to determine the time it takes to heal. instead of 6 wks of recovery to every yr. in the marriage, or some such ridiculous number, mine was closer to a one-to-one ratio.

the silver lining to my divorce was in realising/discovering that lots of my marital anguish, and the difficulty healing and moving on, were offshoots of my undiagnosed adhd.

with the marriage and other stresses gone, i had nothing left to blame my behavioural quirks and moods on.

while married to her, i could always blame my short temper on the way she manipulated me, or the crappy stunts she would pull. i could blame my lack of focus on having to manage all the stresses from our conflicts, and the responsibilties of our family. i could blame a lot of the depression on feeling unloved and rejected by the person that meant the most to me.

while all those feelings were understandable, and certainly had a basis in reality, and of course were truly aggravated by that unhealthy relationship, they were not born in that bad marriage.

after years out of relationships, all those tendencies i had exhibited, that i had written off to being caused by: my alcoholic father, youth, my ex-wife, were all still very much a part of my personality.

that's when my searching brought me to adhd.

i did not even believe adhd was a valid diagnoses. it was just a way of describing the results of ineffectual parenting, or overuse of refined sugar or caffeine, or just plain willful lack of self-control. besides, i wasn't the kid that was constantly ramming into walls, and running around screaming like a banshee!

but that was only my perspective. and it was wrong.

so cc- some help with the divorce and the deep, deep, effects it will have on you are in order. lots of what a divorce stirs up goes all the way back to your earliest relationship issues, and can shake you to your foundation. the good news is that the repairs you make will make you far sturdier forever.

there are some people that really react strongly to me, almost
as if my existence is just untenable to them. they will go to great
efforts to get me out of the picture.

i don't get it. i don't like it. and i can be particularly nasty in
'defending' myself.

do i hear you on that one seeker!!!! what is it with that????

you never done this person a blind bit of harm - and they hate
you.

WHAT????

freaking normals --- all out war. that's what i say.

i had a flatmate years ago --- a really lovely girl but her
boyfriend who basically lived with us too. oh man, i swear he
wanted to kill me somewhere. he hated me and i didn't hate
him at all - i thought he was a little stupid in the head but apart
from that fine.

but oh boy, every little freaking opportunity to try to squash me
or put me down. man, it was like living in a constant war zone.
he was SO aggressive with me you had to be on your guard all
the time --- coming back after each nasty comment with
something to reassert yourself and your dignity. luckily he
wasn't so quick so it wasn't so hard. but it was ANNOYING and
BORING and EXHAUSTING. having someone hate you all the
time --- and i never did anything to him, besides exist - which
apparently was enough.

i think one time i got too nasty with him in return, i got fed up
with it --- so he got his own flat and didn't come back to crash at
ours anymore. good. but even so, if ever i met him in the pub
or similar he had to make some nasty comment or be
unpleasant. every, single time! and it surprised me every
single time too (i am a little slow myself too - it seems). it would
take me aback again and again!!!

like WHAT? did i ever do to you - you miserable git!?!

sounds like he might have had the hots for you, and couldn't cope with it!

the old "i want to **** you, but i can't and it pisses me off!" syndrome.

oh (well, i didn't think of that - i am a little slow in the head for
sure then).

maybe.

but i think he just hated me.....

my flatmate was very beautiful French/Italian model so i am not
sure that that would have been the case.

ah well... i thought it was just a case of hating the ADD
personality-type! now, i guess i'll take it more personally. w****
*r

THANK EVERYONE FOR ALL OF YOUR HELP AND SUPPORT...I FORGOT HOW MUCH THIS PLACE AND PEOPLE HELP AND MAKE ME FEEL NORMAL!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

Your daughter is lucky in a way. It's clear you care a lot.

I wish my mom had been like that when I was a cheerleader. Well, maybe not quite like that, but ya know!

XOXO