Waiting for a phone call -- oh the wait.. | ADHD Information

Awesome! I'm so glad to hear this! I'm such a sucker for a happy ending in a romance story.

Thanks kimo.

I hope things continue to go well. I'm still nervous because I just am not experienced at these things and I'm still a little nervous that ill find a way to mess things up. But I will do my best to think positively.

I will be using this forum as a support group because I don't want to bore my friends with this stuff, and I really would rather keep this relationship private for now until I havde a better idea of where it is going.

Thanks again everyone!

[QUOTE=kimo]

Awesome! I'm so glad to hear this! I'm such a sucker for a happy ending in a romance story.

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Thanks again, everyone. We are seeing Spiderman 2 on Tuesday.

Her idea

Thanks for the well wishes and I hope things continue to go well.

I will keep you informed.

[QUOTE=Seadreams]Nice when just being yourself WORKS! Congrats and Enjoy![/QUOTE]

I think that being yourself is the only time when it works.

For those of you wondering .. the date actually went very well as both of us had a very pleasant evening together.

And I am seeing her again on Tuesday.

Thanks for all the helpful advice!

donny38179.6532060185Donnie, you sound so sweet. I am so happy for her!!! Barb's advice about the flowers is perfect. I will say a prayer for you. Nice when just being yourself WORKS! Congrats and Enjoy!

Im having troubles with guys at the moment. I'm 18yr old girl from UK. I have a b/f of nearly 2yrs in October but I am not happy with him all we do is argue & I get so jealous of his mates or the slightest thing starts my ADHD! Anyway we have had workman in last month as having new bathroom & Kitchen. 2weeks ago there was this 27yr old painter called Chris we chatted for ages, kept grinning at each other I was kinda flirting which I suppose I shouldnt have been as I have a b/f but I told Chris about him & he said why am I with him if im not happy I said cos everyday I hope things will be better but nothing changes

When Chris finished his painting in our house we swapped numbers & since then we have been txting well I have been txting more than he has I think I come across as too keen or desperate which isn't a good thing too do. The impression I am getting is I think Chris wants me to go away leave him alone but he just won't tell me straight & I get so angry when I feel Im being let down by people like I always do in my life cos having ADHD makes it harder for other people to get to know me & cope with the way I act & so on... Chris lives about 2hr drive from me,when he is working local too me he says he can't just come out of work cos he will get the sack but I dont seem to understand that. I don't know what too do for the best if I stop txting him then I may never hear from him again but on the other hand I can't cling to him

Thanks Chazz

That is good advice and I am aware of it. It's just so hard for me to find my way into that comfort zone because I have had such little success in my 28 years on this earth. I get so frustrated when i see it come so easily to a lot of my friends. In all honesty, i look at myself in the mirror and I see a pretty decent looking guy. I am angry and jealous that I have missed out on so much and it's almost impossible to not care because I'm definitely not getting any younger and i'm afraid that ill end up old and alone. Everyone tells me that fear is kind of irrational but i see 50 year old people alone and miserable and I just feel like i'm on that track. I understand that having an indifferent attitude makes you more attractive to women, but I can't for the life of me find my way into that zone. I'm worried that i'll be on the date and say something dumb (or something I perceive to be dumb) and then worry about it for the rest of the night. Usually i do or say something even dumber when i'm in that state of worry. Then i will worry about that. Things will be going fine, and then ..BAM!... I'm caught in the cycle of death. What will usually happen is that i'll get home and i'll think to myself "man i should have not gotten rattled" but by the time I realize what i've done wrong, it's usually too late. Anyways, thanks for listening, i just hope things go well enough that i can finally get myself out of the vicious cycle i seem to have slipped in, and get on with my life.

Anyways .. wish me luck and pray for me!

[QUOTE=Chazinmo]

Hey Donny,

You are right, there are greater tragedies. I could tell you all kinds of stories, but that won't make your wait for the phone call any easier!

I'll tell you something that is really simple from an intellectual standpoint, but a lot tougher to internalize and really practice. But if you can master this, life gets MUCH easier.

If it is meant to happen, she will call. If she does not call, it was not meant to happen (at least not now). We have to try to relax into being comfortable with who we are (not just ADDers, but everyone). It seems like once we stop trying so hard, things tend to fall into place much more easily. This is one of those great truths in life. I don't know why it is so, but it is (at least my experience has shown it to be true). Sometimes the harder we try to force something to happen, the further it seems to get away from us. But if we just relax and say "This is me. I am working hard at being the best me that I can be. What you see is what you get, take it or leave it."

Once you get this attitude and can be comfortable and happy with yourself, the other stuff just starts to happen. Again, I don't know why. But it does.

Hang in there!

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OK,

I actually got this girl to go out with me. We have a date on Thursday.She is a beautiful girl (who may need an eye exam if she is going out with me )

I met her on a metro north train of all places. Anyways we made this date last week and she told me to call her early in the week.

I called tonight and got a little nervous (I hate leaving messages) and I don't think I said anything really stupid but i definitely would not be surprised if i sounded really nervous and uncomfortable.

So I left the message about an hour ago, and now I cannot relax until she calls back. As much as i try to not think about it, I just can't get it out of my mind. I know this is a bit irrational since we already have the date set up, but that doesn't seem to help.

And yes, I know that it's only been an hour and of course I should give her more time. The rational side is aware of all this.

However, the irrational side of me is worried that she won't call back and i'll never hear from her again. And that side is fighting pretty hard with the rational side. I have been burned so many times that I have a hard time thinking positively. I really want to just relax and be confident of the callback.

But I just can't do it. I really want to call again, but I am fighting myself as hard as I can not to do it because my rational side knows that that would be a terribly desperate move.

I guess I'm wondering if others in here have been in this situation and what they do to cope.

I wonder how bad things have gotten that I'm at this point where i'm terrified that a girl won't call me back. It seems to be my anxiety that tends to ruin potential relationships before they get off the ground.

You guys see the movie swingers, where the guy gets the girl's number and then calls her like 20 times that night?

ughh .. I know there are greater tragedies in life but I just wish I could have the strength to deal with these situations better.

Hey Donny,

You are right, there are greater tragedies. I could tell you all kinds of stories, but that won't make your wait for the phone call any easier!

I'll tell you something that is really simple from an intellectual standpoint, but a lot tougher to internalize and really practice. But if you can master this, life gets MUCH easier.

Once you get this attitude and can be comfortable and happy with yourself, the other stuff just starts to happen. Again, I don't know why. But it does.

Hang in there!

donny,

Take a deep breath and relax. I want you to know that girls have just as much trouble with insecurity as boys do! Chances are that she has been waiting nervously for you to call her since you said you would. She must have seen something in you to make her feel she wanted to go out with you. Maybe she saw your vulnerability and decided you were a nice guy who would treat her right!

Calm down and think about the fact that she is probably nervous herself, and think of ways you can put her at ease. Take it from one who is a girl, albeit an older one, that nothing turns a girl off quicker than a guy who is so stuck on himself that he only wants to focus the attention an himself. Concentrate on showing her a pleasant time and you won't have time to think about how nervous you are. If you do say or do something stupid, tell her outright that she is so beautiful or sweet or whatever that you can't think straight.

If you make her feel special, I am sure she will think you are special!

Let us know how A) the phone call goes, and B) the date goes.

There is nothing as appealing as someone who has accepted themselves - nothing so sexy as confidence (not bravado and not overcompensation- Confidence) That would not be "I'm the best thing since sliced bread" - but more like " I like and trust myself - so others can like and trust me..."

Bald or hairy, thin or chubby, big teeth, or funny nose, men are naturally appealing to women ... and we respond most to men who are not trying to hunt or trap or fabricate themselves into our lives... think healthy animal instincts - It's not always the handsomest or fiercest male that gets the girl - it is the ones who have the confidence in themselves to know they have admirable qualities and take the risk of rejection as the opinion it is - not as a decree of their worth! (and that's my 2 cents worth!)

Very well put!!!

Again, I know all this. The hard part is actually putting it into practice. That is where i struggle the most. I have the date tonight and I'm going to do my best to be confident, but not cocky, but I'm not going to try too hard because then it comes off as forced. I need to be in a good mood and interact with her in the same way that had her attracted to me in the first place. We are going to dinner at around 7 and I figured after dinner we could hang out at my place for a little while. I definitely don't have any illusions of making any moves on the first date unless i pick up a strong vibe. I just figure we could hang out and talk and maybe i'd put some music, and then get her home because we both have to work Friday anyways. If anyone has ideas, suggestions, please let me know! You guys on this board are great and I would value any ideas/suggestions you may have!

donny

[QUOTE=Seadreams]

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Hey Barb,

Luckily I was able to call her back because she gave me her home phone number as well as her cell number. She has had many issues with her call phone so i figured i had nothing to lose trying her at home. I got a hold of her and she said she hadn't gotten my message because she left her phone upstairs and hadn't checked it in a while. Anyways, we talked for a while and I thought the convo went pretty well. We are all set for tomorrow night as i'm going to pick her up at 7 p.m. I was wondering if I should bring flowers on the first date or if that is overkill .. any thoughts, first-date suggestions from anyone on the board?

Again .. thanks for listening.

donny

[QUOTE=barb]

donny,

If you make her feel special, I am sure she will think you are special!

Let us know how A) the phone call goes, and B) the date goes.

[/QUOTE]

Hey Donny,

You don't need to have an indifferent attitude. You sound like a cool guy. Just relax and be yourself. This girl may be great, but you do not need her approval to be content with who you are. If she digs you for who you are the way you are, then great. If not, then you maybe have an interesting conversation and hopefully a good dinner!

Don't worry about saying dumb things. If something stupid slips out, just take it in stride. Laugh at it. Everyone says stupid things sometimes. And I mean EVERYONE. The key is just to kick back and have a chuckle over it when it happens. If you laugh at it, then in her mind that gives her permission to laugh at it (one of those strange human traits). If she laughs when you slip up, she will get more relaxed and end up blurting out just as many dumb things as you do.

I used to worry about all this stuff until I started going prematurely bald. By age 25 I was almost completely bald on top. I figured my days of meeting women were over. So I essentially gave up trying to meet women. When I went out it was usually with a bunch of guys and I just went out to talk and have fun. I made a lot of jokes about being bald. I would ask the bartender to turn the lights down because the reflextion was blinding the band. And you know what? The women would all laugh and get a real kick out of it. And you know what else? They thought for some reason that it was very cool and sexy that I was just being me (and just me ain't no big deal). I had MUCH more attention from the opposite sex than I ever did when I had a full head of hair. But I think it had to do with not trying so hard and just kicking back and being myself.

I am married now, 45 years old, a little over weight, and bald as a friggin' cue ball. But I can still get the attention and favor of almost all the ladies anywhere I go. I don't know, maybe they just think I'm senile and harmless.

How about the ladies out there, why does it seem to work this way? As soon as I stopped looking, it seems like women started appearing from nowhere? Help us out here. We are men, we process this stuff slowly.

donny,

Are you the type of guy who would give a girl flowers every once in a while for no apparent reason? If you are, then something inexpensive would be ok. I wouldn't give her roses or an expensive bouquet, but a single flower or maybe a few would be alright. If you are the type to be with her for years and never think to give her flowers in the future, then I wouldn't start now.

To me, flowers are very personal. I think most women would love to get an appropriate floral gift on a first date. Just don't overdo it. Does she make you think of any type of flower? Maybe when you go to the flower shop you will see something that will just seem right for her.

This is my opinion and I think it is fairly common with most women. If not, hopefully someone here will give you their view so you can make up your own mind after weighing both views. Barb