I am all for that. I think you really see it with kids that are not required to help around the house at all. I saw it with my brothers. My mother never made them work, and now they can't do for themselves.

I have my SD(7yo) already cleaning her own room, bathroom, and other chores. I told DH that by 13yo she should be pretty much self-reliant. I sure was, and I am greatful for it.

http://www.theage.com.au/news/education-news/cottonwool-kids -must-burst-bubble/2005/09/30/1127804656026.html

Cotton-wool kids must burst bubble

By Caroline Milburn
October 3, 2005

Parents' bubble-wrap mentality towards their children may stunt their development and make them ill-prepared to cope with life.
Photo: Stephen Baccon

Over-protective parents are stripping children of essential coping skills, reports Caroline Milburn.

CHILDREN are becoming less resilient and self-reliant - a trend making them ill-prepared to cope with life, a leading consultant psychologist has warned.

Dr Judith Paphazy, who has worked with students, teachers and parents at more than 50 Australian schools, said the social and problem-solving skills of children were weaker than those of previous generations. Many children were enfeebled and unable to make independent decisions because parents had become overly protective, she said.

"I see 16-year-olds who don't know how to catch a tram; they've never used public transport. That's tragic. I see five and six-year-olds who cannot dress themselves. By doing everything for their children, parents are making children helpless and hopeless."

Dr Paphazy said children being driven to school and activities was one of the worst examples of over-anxious parenting that impaired a child's development.

"A lot of children get up, watch TV and get driven to school. It's ridiculous. They've barely moved and they walk into school half-asleep. If you must drive your children, drop them off 500 metres from the school and let them walk."

Dr Paphazy was recently awarded a fellowship from the Australian College of Educators for her work in schools on childhood resilience.

As a member of the International Council of Psychologists, an agency that has consultative status with the United Nations, Dr Paphazy was one of several internationally acclaimed experts who co-authored a 2003 book on resilience, edited by the American psychologist Professor Edith Henderson Grotberg.

Professor Grotberg's landmark 1994 study investigated factors that contributed to child resilience in 30 countries. It found the same characteristics - strong self-image, empathy, optimism and problem-solving skills - were evident in resilient children, regardless of their nationality.

During the past 10 years, Dr Paphazy has implemented a resilience promotion program in schools, based on Professor Grotberg's research. The "I Have, I Am, I Can" program operates in Victorian and West Australian schools and is used worldwide in schools, mental health facilities and in programs for gifted and disabled children.

The Grotberg study and others found resilience gave children vital skills to face and overcome adversity, including disappointment, failure or bullying. Dr Paphazy said teachers had a crucial role to play in helping a child become competent, caring and have a sense of community, yet too many schools were places of terror.

"Not being able to make friends is terrifying. Being bullied is terrifying," she said. "Social exclusion is a common weapon used by girls. If they don't want a girl in their group, they stand up and walk away and pretend the child is invisible. The barefaced cruelty of that is horrific to watch.

"All schools have policies on bullying but one wonders how many schools have programs that really fix it. I suspect that many don't, from what I hear from children and parents."

Dr Paphazy said promoting social competence and resilience among children was one of the most effective ways to defeat bullying and make schools safe.

"Resilient children are not bullies and they are not victims because they have problem-solving skills, communication skills, self-respect and respect for others," she said.

"If you can teach these things in the pre-adolescent years, the young person in adolescence is much less likely to get into drugs or other forms of deviance."

Schools that have adopted the resilience-building program have reported a sharp decline in playground disputes. Four years ago, before the program began at Mount Eliza North Primary School, a queue of children often waited outside the assistant principal's office after the lunchbreak to discuss their grievances.

The school's principal, David Ingham, said the queues no longer existed and attitudes among the students and staff were calmer and happier.

"There have been real changes here," he said. "We used to have young children who would burst into tears if they forgot their togs but now they just front up to the office and ask to ring their mum. We still have incidents from time to time but instead of saying to the child, 'How do you feel about that?', we say, 'What are you going to do about it?'."

Brad Allen, principal of Rosewood Downs Primary School in Dandenong, said student behaviour had improved dramatically since implementing the program. Most children had learned how to co-operate better and solve their disagreements amicably.

Link

· www.resilnet.uiuc.edu