dark and lonely | ADHD Information
Hello all
I'm new here but not to adhd, I was diagnosed 4 years ago when my son was diagnosed with it, it has wrecked havec on my life it has robbed me of so much, 2 months ago I lost my wife and kids to it, she decided she couldn't handle it any longer, I can understand she has to take care of herself, this is after 22 years of marriage,
I would give anything if she could live in my mind for just one day and realize what I have been trying to hide from the world and maybe she would realize that I'm not a bad person but a person with an illness that isn't easy to treat,
I'm not your normal ADHD male, I'm not violent, physical or verbal, I've never been with another women in 22 years, I'm a neat freak everything has to be perfect. but I will admit if I can't make it perfect I don't do it. hard time with failure. like the seperation it's killing me that she thinks I'm not able to take charge of this, I'm also diabetic which I manage excellent, so I know I can do this, she dosen't want to help, so I'm doing it completely alone, yes no friends that shouldn't surprize anyone.
I started adderall again and started lexapro 9 days ago and it's helping with depression and the anxiety attacks, I'm trying my hardest and actually have pride in myself for the first time, because I'm actually trying to get control, I want my life back, I don't actually think I ever had control, I was always concidered to be the not to bright start athlete. i never had to attend class just show up for baseball or football and get passing grades,
My problem is keeping from getting bored and losing jobs, or saying what I think and getting fired for telling the truth that no one else will say, I'm not good with money, and my head runs in high gear espeacially when I lay down to go to sleep. I worry about thing's that I have no control over, my wife thinks I don't listen, but I do it's just I don't take every thing in like normal people,
I just want to get better and get my family back and start a happy and productive life, is that just another one of my dreams?
any help would go along way right now even words of praise would help since I'm not getting any here, I am trying this time,
Dave
hi dave,have you met davieboy yet??? you two share very similar stories...
unfortunately i'm in the midst of my linguistic disorder - i'm linguistically challenged..
at times i can't think of the right words to say and at other times i just can't think ..
all i can say is 'welcome' and enjoy the ride... accepting your adhd is probably the first real step in getting some control.. once you (anyone really) can accept it, then others around will too...
sorry i wasn't much help... hopefully later tonight i won't be so linguistically challenged..
[QUOTE=Daveloyd]
I'm not your normal ADHD male, I'm not violent, physical or verbal,
[/QUOTE]FIRST OF ALL!
Don't give ADHD males a bad reputation! ADHD and VIOLENCE are different animals! The only ADHD males I know have butter soft hearts. You are in good company !
[QUOTE=Daveloyd]
any help would go along way right now even words of praise would help since I'm not getting any here, I am trying this time,
Dave
[/QUOTE]SECOND OF ALL AND MOST IMPORTANTLY!
1) you are strong
2)you are kind
3)you are creative
4)you are smart
5)you are sexy
6)you are fun
7)you are sensitive
8)you are capable of changing your mindset and your life
9)you can be happier
10)you might not be able to win the family back.
11)you might not be able to undo past mistakes
12)but you can start fresh.
13)do you have any support?
14)have you tried therapy/meds?
15)you can help yourself by getting help.
16)even if you think help is for wimps.
17)an outside perspective, a med, a nonjudgemental ear, can do you good.
18)you sound a little obsessive. you sound like a perfectionist. you sound very very anxious.
19)Relax. Smell the roses. Put a topping on your ice cream. Take a sick day and go to the movies. Oversleep for once.
20)accept yourself and love yourself.
21)you are lovable
I didn't mean anything bad about the violence it's just all the stories I read about couples seperating the one with the adhd is some what violent verbal or physical, I adore my wife, I would never hurt her on purpose!!
Hey, brook, what if that is me? That could be the Dave me in that story I wrote the other day about going back in time and meeting myself. You should ask the Dave me if his wife's name is DavidADHDerhella. If it is, we got problems, mate. I thought I just made that story up. OMG!...What if it's true, and who's my DadD? I had a dream the other night that repairman pinged me a/b KR44's new job, and it wasn't a dream. It was real!!! Then I dreamed Auntie was this old, cane beridden grayhaired, frizzy haired auntique lady, and she wasn't!!! Sooooo, it could happen....I really did have a dream the other night about posting on this thread. Wild.
Davidornado Ping!!! KR44S got a new job!! Ping!!! Auntie's a hottie who looks 22!!! Ping!! Do I really exist??
SHould I acknoledge my ELF!!
Thanks Dan
I keep telling myself that I'm worrying over nothing but I try to lay down and the thoughts come rolling in by the thousands, if my wife acted as if she cared it would be different,
but the attitude I get from her is your broken so fix it and maybe I'll take you back, I wish it was that easy.
My wife pretty much said the same thing about me, she'd argue about 10 minutes and I could only remember the last 2 minutes, so there was 8 minutes that I "just don't care"? I just couldn't remember it all! As I said earlier, I wish you the best of luck and you two do have a history together, we can hope you also have a future! You have already begun the future by acknoledging the problem, now you need to begin the repairs. You may check out another part of the forum for adhd literature to help create better coping skills, both memory and relationship matters.
Dan
This is the info I was hoping to get from this forum I want all the help I can get! I would love to start a support group local, talking to others that understand how my head feels, would be amazing!! maybe help stop someone from losing everything that ever meant anything to them, there family
I just wish those around me would take me serious when I tell them I hit bottom, espeacially my wife and kids, I have been treading water for so long I did damage to my family. the guilt is unbelieveable! My wife is this kind, good hearted person and I lied to her after she said one more lie and we are done, and i have no control over my mouth and I just don't think
so am I just stupid and not adhd, I sure feel it now, you never know what you have until you lose it, and damn did I lose
marriage by it's very nature is diffucult. Haveing ADhD in the mix only ADDs to the complexity of the situation.
When you are lost in a cave would you keep going on your own, or would you 'radio' for help. Therapy I think, with meds, would help you out of the 'cave' of whatever is holding you back from who you want to be and who you could be.
I've been married for a little less then you have and only dx a year & half ago. Yes it's work, yes it's hard, we/ve come close to the edge several times, as long as she's willing to work on it with me I can go on.
pm me if you want.
I hear what your saying Dan it's just I am facing up to my problems, even the lieing, I believe thats where the guilt comes from, it was so easy to lie to cover up my problems, I haven't lied since I lied to my wife, I'm scared to death to lie, look what is has lost me.everything!
I did the mirror thing months ago, and I'll be honest it was hard for me to look myself in the eyes, I cried and it took seveal times before I could go threw the whole list, facing the truth was one of the thing's that hurt so much, I have a good therapist that is a good listener, she has done a lot for me so far!
Dose anyone else feel like if there spouse would just listen to you they would understand what is going on in your head? and that your not a bad person!
We all lose when we can't "get 'it' together", the question now is "what are you going to ' DO ' about it". Lying becomes a crutch, the crutch proves the disability, then you're labelled as disabled? Don't become Placed on the wrong side of a statistic, guilt comes from doing something you know is morally wrong, and the only way to abolish the guilt is to make amends, not excuses! Many have a low self esteem from various reasons, which may include lying, but everyone on this forum invariably tell the truth about their problems. I would NOT suggest starting a support group for others until you can form a support group for yourself. I know this may sound silly, but FOCUS, just long enough to write the problems down. Then read them out aloud to yourself (look into a mirror, If you can't believe what you're saying, who would?), and come up with any one of them you can handle right now, and handle it! You won't get better overnight, but over time.
I really do wish you the best of luck, but it is up to you to rid yourself of guilt, and no one can do that except yourself. If you're honest with your past mistakes to other people , it becomes easier to be honest with yourself.
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