Does anyone ever really take control | ADHD Information

Wife says the schools are what made the difference for her not the meds.
I feel like I am doing rather well with my ADD... meds and my psychologist have helped a lot.

It's important to have faith in yourself.  I think we usually have to hit a really low point to trigger a change within ourselves...the wake up call, so to speak.  And unfortunately, it is after we have done a lot of hurt and damage to those around us and ourselves.  And it is hard when the people we want to recognize our changes simply refuse to believe it.  But it can and will happen with time.  They probably need to see that it is a permanent thing for you, that you really want to do better.  And they will come around.
 And that is where keeping faith in yourself is so important.  There will be times when it seems like nothing is getting better.  It sounds like you have done a lot in the last months! 
 I know that I often miss my own accomplishments because I am too focused on a few, longterm goals.  I end up missing everything else because I only "see" those goals.  You mentioned that 2 of your kids and your mom have noticed the changes, so use that as motivation and support.

 As other people mentioned, I think many of us have lost people we loved because they never changed.  Keep up with it, and they will come around.

Hope that helped some and wasn't too much babbling!

-C

daveloyd-

as the oldest son in a troubled relationship with my father, i can tell you a few things that might help.

my dad had his problems. it broke up our family. at the age of seventeen, i finally let him know all the things that i was hurt by, and all the things i saw his drinking do to my family.

b/c my dad never got better, we were almost totally estranged until his death 5 yrs. ago.

that sounds grim, but let me emphasize- b/c my dad never got better.

i never stopped loving my dad. i never stopped wishing, praying, i could find a way to heal the rift.

your son's anger is born out of needing you. it is far easier to reject you, than fix things, or go on with the trouble.

you are taking charge of the things that hinder a happy healthy life for you. your son will relent, and things can be good again. in fact, there is a real chance for things to be better than you ever imagined. you both need it, you both want it.

re: the wife. i don't have any insight, except that those are pretty rough and telling words.

i have been where you are. just keep moving forward. look back only to orient yourself, to examine your progress. it's hard sometimes, but your heart is in the future, not the past.

Glad we helped Daveloyd.  It's even BETTER after this!! I know - hard to believe but it's true.

You'll help in your way sometime - probably sooner than later.  Let it come when it does - even just being here can be very supporting when you are new.  It wasn't that long ago for me and it was a big booster for me.

First - you change.  Then - your family will see and do some changing too.  Again - wait and see. The only constant in the universe is change.

Thank you all for the hope you have given me! I have gotten more support from this forum in the last 24 hours then I have gotten from my family, they make me feel as if I'm damaged goods, and unrepairable.it's hard to gain selfesteem when your blamed for every bad thing that has happened in your marriage or any problem your children have.

I plan on staying in this forum for a very long time, I hope I can give hope to another in need, you all have no idea what this has meant to me, I can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel.

                                                   

                                                       Dave 

 

Well, not even no-knADDs lives are trouble free. So, we deal with a different set of skills under the same presuppositions and expectations. I think if we deal honestly with what it is we can and cannot do, then design a coping lifestyle utilizing our strengths, and find a partner or strategy to handle our weaknesses, then we can do .

I thought I had that partner but found out I didn't. some days with out med's I can force myself to be happy and productive then other days there are just to many thoughts and worries racing in my head,

 So I'm hoping med's help

Does anyone have a success story with this illness? I need all the hope I can get!  Daveloyd38645.7146412037I have herd some people do well even with this.I guess severity is the real issue on this.All disorders have severity levels.Hey, take it one day at a time. Meds help, your surroundings help, God helps. I have a flex plan: if i'm feeling okay, I'll do social type work, where I interact with people. On bad days, I work in the office in a dark corner, windows closed, music muted, no distractions. I tend to blame others for my circumstances, which isn't entirely true. But I'm so friggin' fragile, if someone yells at me during the day, I shut down, freak out, cuss, blame them, and go home. I'm a virtual commuter, with a geographical territory.

Daveloyd - don't give up!!

I think of myself as an imperfect success story.  I have been a far better man this last 10 plus months on medication and aware of my ADHD and it's pluses and minuses.  Meds, information and my friends here make me the person I wanted to be all my life.

I started dexedrine and therapy last Novemeber.  Since then I went from a quiet, introverted, neurotic loser to a vibrant, intuitive, active outgoing winner!  My work is great - I haven't gone back to the relationship of 13 years that always dragged me back and my family and I are closer than ever before.

I am focused, goal-oriented (you could say almost driven) and consciensious man - something that always eluded me before now.  At 38 - I can honestly say that this year has been better than any of the last 37 before it.  Not hyperbole to say that - very true indeed.

Get a good doctor, a good psychiatrist and good meds and it can happen for you.  Don't forget to get councilling - it makes a big big difference in your potential outcome!!

Good luck!!!

I'm trying to take it one day at a time, I'm one of those people that needs to know now. I wish I wasn't, I'm very black and white when it comes to thinking.

Glen

thanks for the hope, I try to talk to my family and kids about this and they act as if it goes in one ear and out the other. it feels like they talorate me. they say I read to much in there actions. but what else do I have to go by they don't talk to me about it, so all I have is there action's

 

Daveloyd - don't worry too much!

I waited to talk to friends and family about my ADHD until I got to the point where I felt the control of my life kick in.  The proof is in the pudding they say - whatever the hell that means.

Once I got a month behind me on meds - my family, my ex and my coworkers all mentioned the changes in me they saw.  Even when they didn't know I was ADHD it was very noticable.  It does happen!

Once councilling starts for you - you'll see a big change in your attitude.  That's a big thing too - because you'll learn to make better decisions when the anxiety starts.  Your councillor will also help you understand things in your life so when you start feeling like getting down on yourself - you'll be less likely to.

Keep plugging away!  It gets better!

Glen

I have been seeing a therapist for 6 weeks now it dose help, but it's like I don't get to see her enough. an hour a week seems little help, maybe I'm wanting it to bad and should just let happen, thats so hard to say to myself, I just want family to relize I'm busting my ass right now, I want to get better!!

 

Daveloyd -

I'm thinking that at an appointment a week if it's not working one of two things is happening.  Either you are so deep in ADHD that you're not getting any real benefit from it - or you're therapist is aiming in the wrong places of your life and it's not where you need it at all.

If it's the first one - let your therapist know this and you should be on either stronger meds, or different meds.  The meds will give you a center - and allow you to focus for longer times so you can get the full effect.  If it's the second - make sure you let the therapist know! They aren't psychic and can't be helpful if you don't let them know if you are not getting what you need.  Remember - whether you are paying directly or it's covered by insurance you are still paying for their services.  They work for you not the other way around!

Make sure you tell your therapist that you are not feeling any positive effects - together you can find a better way!

 

2 months ago when we seperated I was sleeping on my moms couch, my truck was broke down and I didn't have a dime to my name, and no job, in this 2 months I now have a very good job, my truck is fixed,  I have my own place, and I'm doing everything I can do to deal with this illness, and people have said they notice the change in me, well my mother and 2 of my kids have, I believe I have lost my oldest son to this illness of mine, we don't speak much. I'm trying to make thing's right with him, but I'm not sure if it was to much damage and me not dealing with this years ago, he says he dosen't love or like me. my wife say she loves me but isn't in love with me, ouch!    all I want is the chance to get better but when you try your hardest and thing's don't get better with the ones you love you just lose a little hope.

 

 

Think about all the progress you've made in just 2 months.  TWO MONTHS!! Keep it in perspective - how long did it take to fudge up your whole life - a lifetime?!?!

It takes time - it was a while before my parents began to trust that my changes were actually change and not me trying to pretend to change.  Never cry wolf they say - whatever the hell that means and who are they??

Just work on this for you.  Eventually - all will see the new you and it will make the difference.  As long as both of you are alive - there is hope for reconciliation.  Thats a fact.  My dad and I are speaking again and I did what your son did to you.  I have no kids or I'm sure they would have hated me by the end of it all. 

Know that every day that passes by it will improve.  You may not notice day by day - any more that sitting in your garden will show results - you have to give your garden enough time or it all looks like dirt.

 

I think and or feel I will get better. I don't know when nor how, but I just
have this upbeat feeling that this is just a detour and so enjoy the scenery
as you go by.

In my opinion, the need to HAVE or see your Dr. is a good sign in a way,
shows you think it helps, that you want more of what makes you feel
better. However, in my case at least it just takes time. And thus will work
out on its own time table. I can not control it. I do not think any of us can
force our 'problem' to terminate . . . or we would all do so, we would all
be better.

It seems to be a combination of strategy and faith, of determination and
just acknowledging you have 'this.' I am most sure that for me and I hope
for all of us, there is a way to work around it. It did not happen to me
(you) overnight, LOL. It took many years to slowly work its way into us
and do what damage was or is being done. I believe you can get well
enough to function well if one wishes to do so. So I am saying you will
succeed in your quest.

But you need to not set yourself up for failure, or disappointment by
using your 'altered mind' to set goals as such. Those of us whom think at
the speed of light, can see and fix the problem in nano seconds. The
body just can not respond that fast. Your grey matter can not respond
that fast despite the ability of inner thought to digress on this issue.

You can do it . . .