teenage boys
Having a hard time with defiance from my son who says he hates me and is acting out the anger with me. He has been shamed a lot by his Father and I have been the rescuer and now we are seperated...so he blames me...??????? I constantly tell him it is not his fault and how much I love him but he has so much anger and it is soooooo hard for me and my daughter on a daily basis. He is 14, she is 13....
ageanone - - - I'm sure it's very difficult for you and dd to put up with your son's actions. It does sound like he is acting out, and for good reason. He's torn between losing his Father {and losing a male role model, no matter how good or bad} and going through all the normal male teen-age stuff.
He's feeling lost and doesn't know what to do . . .
Is he on meds {ADhD ?}. . . Therapy might be very benificial for him at this time in his life . . . you know what they say, 'an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure'.
John
Thanks pilgrim...you are right about the male role model but I am still feeling out of control myself with him. He has rage over nothing and it is getting worse. had it last night...just started depakote and it does take a while to level that off ( I really hated to do that but hospital may have come next if I didn't). Hard for me to know what is ADD, Seperation issues, adolescent boy et al. He takes focolin in the day. He is extremly bright, athletic good looking but now has 3 D's, 2 c' and B in school. Said if he did not get cell phone back would want to die. My rules at home are for saftey, only to get him through adolescence...I do not know if sending him to a school is the best thing...I cannot live like this and yes we go weekly to counseling...
At grades 7 thru 12 friends are number one to kids. School is no longer important. Tell if they play sports no pass no play rule and enforce this also. Get the book on how to be a sucessful teenager. This is all hormone stage also. We will all go thru it at some time or another. A youth group is good it keeps them off the streets and busy also. thanks Bren...will enforce this but with a broken ankle and almost torn rotator cuff he may not play anyway this season. We had a small house fire which he swears was an accident and i believe him as he is remorseful. I have 3rd degree burns from grabbing flaming clothes, so we all learned many lessons...have a lot of fire extingusers in the house, not 1 where no one remembers where it is... will get the book...I had something of the same situation, except my stepdad was abusive, they just got seperated. It just depends, be careful at that age we have horrible preemptive thinking. I am 15 and while it is hard i hope he gets through it, the main way my mom cooled me down was fill me full of adderall xr. Itwas wrong IMO but it worked. I am by no means telling you to do this because when he figures out what you did it can backfire QUICKLY. I was really violent but i have chilled out with 30-40 mg of daily and couseling. And eventhough my mom did let him do this for years and did nothing, i forgave, so i hope your son forgives too. Good luck.
your breaking my heart ace, GO TO BED if your 15. yeah right. more like 12 + 24.keep posting to show how much you NEED our help. seems you have more answers then questions. and suddenly so informative of meds...
Thanks for reply ace will keep this in mind...do know he loves me but so hard to handle...
Not sure bugzappers if your reply was to me?????No it was at me, he/she thinks i am someone else. ( and bugzappers my "bedtime" is 11-12) Anyway just remember it will get better, i really regret how i made my mom feel and i am glad she took me back even after all i did. Just keep your arms open and forgive him when he comes around.But do you know why you were so angry or what would have helped you? I ask him this and he says for me to go away or not talk...he is angry and impulsive, grades very bad,,,so hope can a hug stear himn in the right direction,,,he needs structure but is sososo resistant to it with me...do you think a military school would have helped you???
NO my mom threatened me with military school and all it did was make me madder. All it will do is make him believe you just want him gone, no matter how much you say its "Cause i love you" he won't believe it. I was mad for lots of reasons, me being adopted, abusive stepfather that my mom didn't stop. Just lots of things. But i always had A's or B's in school. But aggressive and impulsive definitely defined (and occasionally defines) me. Unless our cases are the same ie abusive stepdad then i don't know how to help you.
Hey Thanks..you have been through a lot and come out so smart, especially about yourself!!! I know you said if our cases were not the same you could not help...but you already did...never has to be the same, keep listening with your heart...you may bee a therapist with kids one day in our crazy world...I do not want to send him but how can i give that structure he needs when hee is resistant to me? I don't want to "drug him" but I am using meds at night and he seems calmer...his Dad was verbally abusive and shaming and he takes that hurt and anger out on me...did your Dad physically abuse you did you ever tell your mom you were mad she did "Not defend you?"...I am sure she hurt a lot more than you may know!Hey aceof btw...is this web site for parents, just want to make sure...if it is am glad you read anyway and welcome your input...Be aware kids will try and use spanking as abuse also. Here it' our rules and that's how it will be until you are 18 and can move out on your own. does that work, because here spanking got out of control and to me positive measures work better...not to say i do not believe in that but only when life threatening danger prevails and only up to a certain age...any one out there want to chat
I have a 14 year old son and was in the exact same boat 3 months ago. He only argued with his Dad to the point I said they could not talk. I got along well with him but he became very tuff on me too and the other siblings could not stand it.
I checked out military schools, called some and his grades dropped. It was very hard. From the moment he went on meds - Adderall and now strattera - our lives changed. He is that loving child I knew and only does homework with Dad.
He still has his moments but not disrespectful anymore and we can talk again. The grades are slowly coming around. The drug just lets him focus but he still has to work at it. At night we still need to do active study sessions at least once a week. He moves around while I ask questions but it all works so I don't care.
thanks for the info. just trying to find someone out there to listen to me. Let's keep talking, it is a process with ups and downs and it is good to have support
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