Lashing Out | ADHD Information

Does anyone else do this? I know it's ADhD for me...

A person will say something. I will respond before I have actually heard what they have said. My response will have nothing to do with what they have actually said, but will be based on my feelings for them at the precise moment. Secretary & boyfriend are like punching bags. This is not funny, but if I ever have kids how will I keep from verbally demolishing them?

I'm not a mean person. I just say the stuff nobody else does. Sometimes, I will be upset about a client who is lying to me or something, & I'll start ranting at whoever is around. Everyone views me as a sunny person. I am generally happy. Yet, I evidentally have major anger issues or something.

I feel so guilty every time I lash out. I'll overcompensate to make things up to the person - like Kobe Bryant & the big diamond, ya know? I feel like I have no grounds to complain so much. I have it pretty good... so on, so forth.

Is it anger? Projection? Just lack of attention & failure to be in the moment? Whatever makes me lash out, any tips are worth hearing if they'll make me lash out less often.

XOXO,

Take your drugs, go to anger management school, and deny everything...
Just kidding!!!!

No, I'm rightfully the leftfootly in mouth

King of the San Joaquin!!!

It's the ADHD/ADD impulsive part, connected to the connecting abilities of ADHDer minds...
well, i don't know...

is it a cliche to say just the moment before you open your mouth stop and count to ten?? or is that impossible...

good luck with it anyway.

and anyway, i had an ex-boyfriend who used to do the same thing i think but it just made me laugh (not in a bad way) but it never upset me because it never felt pre-meditated or particularly viciously directed AT me... it felt more like HE was cross so I really didn't mind. I would let him vent and then go "well, ok then - errrm, do you want to have something to eat" or whatever.

it just made me laugh (internally - i am not so insensitive) more than anything.

and i have anger issues but they are totally different from that type....

and far more pernicious, sneaky, unfair and generally mean.

chjones38649.9518287037I'm pretty new to this forum as well. I just posted something about my parents in another topic then read yours. I react very much the same. I think we just say what most people are thinking. I know sometimes I have to think first but then there are so many times I don't want to think first I just want to say what's on my mind. Anyway, I know I am not helping but I feel your pain if that matters.

[QUOTE=DeannaJoy1.I've got this guy & he is like in his 30s, right, & I am young for him, maybe. He is really stable & I think that's great. He folds his clothes a certain way & so forth & he tries to micro-manage me, but other than that I like him. It would be very hard for anyone to live with someone who micro manages them. You may think it is helping you grow and become more mature right now but I promise it will grow old fast. He sounds like a control freak. Sometimes I feel like he just expects way more of me than I have. What is wrong with what and who you are now?It's nice, but I just want to be like "listen, I'm sorta crazy, you have to stop taking me seriously all the time" but I don't want to say that because then it undermines me in the future.He needs to understand you. Everyone has the right to not be serious all the time. The problem with saying things you don't mean is that sometimes it makes people disregard things you say that you do mean.Even if he cared enough to get to know and understand you?[/QUOTE]

It sounds to me like you are feeling so badly about yourself because you are not meeting his expectations of you.

You are of so much more value as yourself, being who you are, than you will ever be by becoming someone else's idea of what you should be.

It is good to strive to change and improve yourself, but make sure it is because you want to do so, not to try to get someone else to love you or to keep their love. If they don't love you as you are, they don't really love you.

It sounds like your friends and co-workers like you as you are. I would value their opinion over that of some one who thinks you need to change to be good enough.

WIFE IS THIS WAY. She says you are able to just like me.

[QUOTE=DeannaJoy1]A person will say something. I will respond before I have actually heard what they have said. My response will have nothing to do with what they have actually said, but will be based on my feelings for them at the precise moment. Secretary & boyfriend are like punching bags. This is not funny, but if I ever have kids how will I keep from verbally demolishing them?[/QUOTE]

I do have kids ( 3 boys + a step son who visits during holidays ). The hardest thing to do is not totally obliterate the poor kids. The worst thing is the eldest is identicle to me and is the one who NEEDS the most love and yet he is the hardest for me to give the love to, maybe because I see so much of what I hate in me in him, I don't know. All I know is at the end of the day I feel so appalled by my behaviour and outbursts and everyday I ask Gods forgiveness for damaging the most precious gift He has entrusted to Hubby and I.

I too say things no one else will and to some come across sharp when I don't mean to. However like you most people see me as together and quite happy even if I'm depressed or angry.

I don't know how to tell you to deal with it because I struggle so much with it myself, I just wanted to say you are not alone in having the outbursts and the regret and worry. I dare say you probibly have that record and play button in your head with no stop button at the end of the day too.

I think exercise helps though and I have found a punching bag to be very useful tool. Another good thing to do is if you can feel it coming on, walk out of the room.

GymRose38651.9365162037 [QUOTE=Davidornado]Take your drugs, go to anger management school, and deny everything...
[/QUOTE]

Oh, and I forgot:

Any statements made unofficially in conjunction with these topics are meant to be conversational, for educational use only, & cannot substitute for legal consultation.

[QUOTE=chjones]

and anyway, i had an ex-boyfriend who used to do the same thing i think but it just made me laugh (not in a bad way) but it never upset me because it never felt pre-meditated or particularly viciously directed AT me... it felt more like HE was cross so I really didn't mind. I would let him vent and then go "well, ok then - errrm, do you want to have something to eat" or whatever.

[/QUOTE]

The thing is, I'm not sneaky or mean - I just lose it. I have friends that are really withdrawn & sweet & you would never think it but cross them & you're screwed because they are super-devious grudge mongers.

Your ex probably didn't direct anything at you. I'm the same. Still - whatever the reason I do it, I know people don't like to be snapped at - even the understanding ones like you. My friends that know me well always just stare at me & ask if I'm hungry or laugh. I'm almost melodramatic. I see the comedy. My new guy doesn't, though.

I've got this guy & he is like in his 30s, right, & I am young for him, maybe. He is really stable & I think that's great. He folds his clothes a certain way & so forth & he tries to micro-manage me, but other than that I like him. Sometimes I feel like he just expects way more of me than I have. It's nice, but I just want to be like "listen, I'm sorta crazy, you have to stop taking me seriously all the time" but I don't want to say that because then it undermines me in the future. The problem with saying things you don't mean is that sometimes it makes people disregard things you say that you do mean.

KNOWWHATIMEAN?

Although I am not prone to anger - I will often get close and be abrupt and too sharp with people I talk to. My anger is tightly under control - has been since beginning high school.

However - being curt and surly is not the same as anger. If you lose your patience and blurt out something to speed things up or to correct what you see as something said wrongly - that's not anger it's impatience.

Wanting things to keep moving at your pace is a common ADHD problem. I have for years finished people's sentences (to their anger and dismay) and typically get only about 50 percent of my finished responces as being right. That upsets them more.

It's not pure ego I think just habit - but when we are talking with others we tend to view other's comments and opinions against our own - and judge the conversation accordingly. We don't do as others do - let an opinion be just that - an opinion. We take it personally and directly. And often we lash back as if they stated a false statement. Knee-jerk reflex.

"Be sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth" - the bumper sticker my mom gave me for my birthday over 25 years ago. It makes so much sense now. Should sometimes be "leave mouth in neutral while other mouths are in gear" - listen - think - say nothing is best. I can do that now - my meds let me say who makes the mouth go zoom.

It's so nice - been nearly a year since anyone said "would you let me finish?" - or "that's your opinion - let me have mine". Very soothing.