IS EVERYONE IMMATURE? | ADHD Information
I am glad to see all the GREAT responses. I knew there was a place for this here.We do over analyze everything , and form more opinions then there are birds in the world.
We can carry on and on and on about nothing, for days. sigh yeah well 'the unexamined life is not worth living' or however it goes.....
that's not to say go so far you end up inside your backside --- that ain't helpful and i sure can do that too!
I wonder if beer destroys the small amount of cells we have and leaves us with nothing? [QUOTE=Countrygirl]I haven't decided between a cyclone or a tornado. [/QUOTE]
how about a davidornado?
[QUOTE=Davidornado] [QUOTE=Countrygirl]I haven't decided between a cyclone or a tornado. [/QUOTE]
how about a davidornado?
[/QUOTE]
OMG, all I need is a robe and a crown! (I'll pick those up too, about 30 minutes from Dallas)
[QUOTE=sabina]in between practicing bad grammar and transposing half the letters in the words I type and trying to do myself in by smoke inhalation caused by popping a piece of bread into the toaster, hopping into the shower, eventually walking out into the hall to zero visibilty.. all these things are making me crazy
[/QUOTE]NO! Keep your toaster out of the shower!
[QUOTE=Countrygirl] [QUOTE=Davidornado] [QUOTE=Countrygirl]I haven't decided between a cyclone or a tornado. [/QUOTE]
how about a davidornado?
[/QUOTE]
OMG, all I need is a robe and a crown! I'll drive to Dallas and pick those up! Be back in a couple of hours
Sorry, Dave - I tried, just can't let it go
oh wow, Glen W., so often I relate to exactly what you are
saying. And so much of what everyone has posted. makes me smile
cause I'm not alone.
I came to believe that the only reason that I even managed to fare as
well in
life as I have (not on the streets or dead) is how I look.
Theyalso picked up my sensitivity ...they thought I might be easy
prey...I can look
back and see so many instances when people, usually men but not always
were
nice to me despite things because of this and of course this is how our
world
works. Some of the men were creeps but I started disassociating years
ago and I
just fly away as soon as someone starts hitting on me. Growing up I was
always
a loner though I had some friends... still essentially on my own, no
cliques
ever, got picked on by bullies my whole life, picked on by my Mom, told
all
those things everyone has been mentioning and am not talking to a
number of
people including my entire immediate family.
I like to think I have the
immature thing figured out, just try to take responsibility for what you do
when you screw up or offend someone which I know is hard as I'm not always
aware I have. But, nothing much else you can do. I get along w/the students at work
much better than the adults and a few year's ago I spent New Year's Eve with five
19 year old boys (friends from school)...went home and admitted that they and I
could be the same age in so many ways... relate to them better...yikes! I
listen to the same kind of music, and like you Jones look younger than I am and
people think my daughter is my sister (same thing w/my Mon but she always
wanted me to go along and pretend to be sister, what a loser) which may be nice
but I have always been to messed up to appreciate it...I always thought..if
only you knew
in between practicing bad grammar and transposing half the letters in
the words I type and trying to do myself in by smoke inhalation caused
by popping a piece of bread into the toaster, hopping into the shower,
eventually walking out into the hall to zero visibilty.. all these
things are making me crazy
Oh, the pain of compromisery, it is such sweet sorrow. I can be to Dallas and back in 1 hour... with my crown, at least....
Hey yourself, sabi!Good to hear from you. Was wondering what sea wall you found your elf on these days. I've been blah this week, some hard crap blasting through my medicinal barriers. Posted on it in the spouses page. I'll be fine, tho. Usually am. Had a blast with the shake speare thread. You may like it.
Have a good weekend,
Davi
I posted this in spouses board, i feel it is needed in here as well.
I hear this all the time. There is a reason for it. We adhd'ers have what I will just call immature emotions. Not all of us have this, but the majority of us do have some form of immaturity. It can be feelings, emotions, actions, performance, etc , etc.
This is common with adhd, and not something you can easily talk about to your adhd spouse, as they will not listen or believe you.
There is a reason for that as well.
When we were younger, we were always told, we were : LAZY, Good for nothing, Procrastinators, Angry, excessive talkers, under achivers, intelligent but wastes time, and we were made fun of by pals and such because we were not always up to our age in mentality. So as a result of this punishment that we have endured, we TUNE EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE OUT. We dismiss what you say, and if it is critical of us, we ignore you. The reason, simple, self preservation.
Our feelings have been trampled by all that could not or did not want to cope with us. Teachers, parents, friends, relatives, nieghbors, siblings, etc, etc. And generally we fell victim to many pranks and jokes. Our pride will not allow us to acknowledge this,but most of us have lived this. We kept the adhd to ourselves, but the kids always found out and we were outcasts. We lived in torment and were always picked last on the school playground, and we had to live with this and other cruelty on a DAILY BASIS.
This also has alot to do with why we are immature in areas. We never had the pals we needed to see how we were supposed to act, but we probably would have never been able to do it as we have a imbalance that keeps us from learning and doing things at our age level.
Most of us had friends that were the age we really acted, sometimes 2-4 yrs younger than us, because we could relate. And once those kids surpassed us in things, we went to others that were younger or older, depending on how we progressed.
But getting back to the point, We have always lived in a shadow, and lived in doubt of ourselves and in our capabilities. We act sophmoric and childish over the stupidest things and we take EXTREME RISKS in some areas, as we are sort of bent on destruction as we remind ourselves how unworthy all thought we were as a kid.
Basically, you can take any kid, put him in a dark closet with tape recordings of how lazy and undisciplined the kid is, and leave him there for a month or two, pull the kid out, and the kid will have a low self esteem, and be very vocal about his dislikes, which is just like us, only we lived with it by being betrayed by what seems like everyone.
So when you start to tell us you see a problem we need to work out,even if it is trivial or something you need to address within our lives, we automatically go to defense and attack deep and hard and sometimes do irreversible damage. It is automatic and not all of us take joy in it, but we do it. We percieve it as an attack and go all out.
I know some claim, meaness and adhd and stealing and adhd, and lying and adhd, and cheating, and beating, are not symptoms of adhd, and they are right.
They are not symptoms of adhd, they are results of a lifetime with adhd, and are automatic defense mechanisms from a life of discouragment, frustration,anguish,and much more.
I am not condoning these acts, just pointing out why they may exist.
Some will have this story, some won't. Some were and are worse, and some are better.
I am just letting out my reasons for being the way I am, I am not proud of it, but it is fact, and I have to deal with it. DAILY.
Now I know someone will pick this apart and say it is not adhd, but I will ask you, if it isn't? then why am I dx adhd and have had that dx for 29 yrs?
What can be done and how do you talk to us? make us think it is our idea, or find a similar article to something you want to talk about on the internet. Be creative and don't confront, if you must confront, use the police. confronting gets irrational behavior.
above all else, remember that we are immature in many areas, and some areas, we excel in.
i am seriously immature on so many levels. possibly almost child-like in
some ways and a couple of my ex-es have pointed that out (makes you
wonder a bit about them then, though --- why were they so attracted to
a child-woman, hmmm???)
physically i look younger than my years too - most people consider me
on average around 23/24 - i am in fact 34! very surprising to many
people. but mentally i guess i come across as about that age too.
i am really trying to GROW UP! but without much success so far. i am so
used to being the youngest (which i was in my family and also throughout
school because i was 'hiked' up a year in order to make me concentrate
more so was always a year plus younger than my peers --- i was also tiny
at school until the age of sixteen when i shot up heightwise, but i was a
tiny small, scraggy kid for years who looked eleven when fifteen! much to
my chagrin when trying to go to the cinema et al and forget about trying
to get into nightclubs - which my sixteen/yet looking twenty-one year
old friends could get into with ease! just no chance - they looked like
they were dragging their baby sister along!?!!!!).
but i can't seem to grow out of that immature mentality so easily. force
of habit i guess.
any hints on how to GROW UP????? I would try therapy of some kind. We need to find out how certain drugs affect learning new things and if we can accelerate our immature areas with growth and new information. This is the most hopeful thing I can wish for. I am seeking it as well as you are chjones. ps, we are close in age, so that tells you the frame of time we grew up and it also shows the lack of information out there during that time.
I promise, I will let you know if I ever find anything out that can benefit us.
I am called emotionally immature by my wife.
I don't have a clue as to what that means.
I enjoy humor, and despise depression.
If that makes me emo-immature,
so what? if not, then what am I?
I don't know. I give up...
What are you?
I am
Me
!
so the answer is... yes. so far on this site anyway. In addition to my last post:
I AM NOT A BRAT!!!
I'm NOT! <stomps foot>
I'm NOT! <stomps foot (again)>
I'm NOT! <harder foot stomp>
ZORG38653.7375925926 I'm 50, and I'm done growing up.
Hey Glen, so you're saying frued said as babies we stuck everything up our ass, too?
I don't remember that phase...
I remember stuff coming out of it, tho...
I am an *ADULT* and I try to *ACT* like one when the circumstances call for it.
BUT........
I FRELLING REFUSE TO GROW-UP!
Grownups are such a bore.
Just MHO!
i want to grow up too --- i think (as GlenW often points out) i am a little
afraid of change however, perhaps that is part of my problem....
i could see that working in the police dept could really help one to mature
tho. good choice, sherlock!
As my wife kindly pointed out yesterday evening when I was discussing
how I get along better with the 20 year old professional wrestlers in
the company vs guys who are mid-late twenties (I'm in my early 30s) -
"You're hitting the same questions about identity and self esteem that
they are, except you're almost twice their age".And she's right for the most part. Spent so many years intellectualizing everything that I forgot to feel anything else along the way. One of the main components of 'normalizing' myself has been to tackle those issues.
People around me (outside of my family) are trying to deal with it :)
chjones & bugzapper... I'm right there too... same age, same brain, same looks-younger... same acts-younger.... (married younger man to compensate )... I have so many regrets from my life and I regret acting so emotionally immature with my best friends in high school. I can't believe they even stayed friends with me. I must have something good about me because I was a mess. They were so stable and it kept me from ending up completely lost. I think that friends can make a huge difference. I was so immature and so lost but they were so good to me. I can't thank them enough and I haven't thanked them enough. I owe them my life.
It's interesting, however, that I've gotten much more emotionally stable after I started working for the police department. In a lot of ways I've even become almost cold but it seriously beats the emotional wreck I was for most of my life. I'm 35 and I'm trying, trying, trying... every year I want to be better and every year I want to have learned from my mistakes one time sooner than the last time...
Although I'm not condoning the bullying and mockery many of us endured growing up stunted and obviously out of the social group - I do understand its significance in society. It's behavior at LEAST 10,000 years old if not much older than that. It's the social reflex and taboo teaching - and essential for a tribal community to be able to pass on all the tools necessary for many to live together in harmony.
When one child in a group does something that the other children find odd or unusual - it's instinctive for all to mock and disapprove of the action - though they have no idea of why if you ask them. It's a built in reflex - designed to make sure all children in a tribe learn what's approved of - and more importantly what's not. Put that instinct in a modern context where everyone is taught elsewhere that it's not only ok but desirable to be different - to be unique - and they clash.
Kids tease and single out the "odd ones" not because they are cruel or consciously thinking about it. It's all a reflex built in to us that has now outlived its usefulness but is going to take generations to weed out of us.
We with ADHD are ripe for the singling out by the others. We have bad coordination, say odd things that confuse the other kids, and tend to be outsiders by our inner nature. So - they instinctively zoom in on this and play out the ancient urge to have the group single out the stranger.
Worse than that - the average ADHD kid can't get the "cause and effect" principle to be understood - which is built in to most normal kids. You bang your knee on a rock enough times - you learn to avoid the rock. We don't always catch on.
Freud theorized that we as adults are often trapped in psychosis caused and named after the phase of life where we as children were never able to pass - hence the named "oral", "anal", etc. where we fixate on the thing that was hardest to overcome. I don't know about his exact theory being true to life - but there is an analog in us. We tend to be childish - because we never mastered childhood in the first place. We tend to be needy, self-centered and concerned with "infantile" pleasures - because we never really overcame that as kids. We demand, cry, bargain and otherwise act as we did as children because we never were able to get through the passages that all others have decades ago.
As with ADHD in general - some of us are able to make it or even excel in certain aspects of this - but be totally oblivious in others. Some are able to be a completely professional adult at work - but at home be a whiny, self involved person who takes what they need and has no real understanding of what others need there.
Therapy - I think it truly helps one get through this phase and get beyond it.
[QUOTE=bugzappers] They are not symptoms of adhd, they are results of a lifetime with adhd, and are automatic defense mechanisms from a life of discouragment, frustration,anguish,and much more.
[/QUOTE]
I think this is a key point.
Zorg,I thought you were a space alien, and your signature said:
I'm far from home,
But right at normal.
No joke!
D'0
or 
or 
haven't decided yet....? and you?
I haven't decided between a cyclone or a tornado.
It's kinda sad I'm an adult raising 2 teen boys and I happen to be close to their level. I try to to do the things they do like I went off a ramp on my sons BMX almost killed myself (I'm sure some of you remember my story) I have now learned I have a limit to what my body can take
I stayed up later than Davey... nener, nener, nener.
You have to sing it, try it again, ready:
I stayed up later than Davey...nener, nener, nener.
(Me? immature..no not me..not at all..) I'm not the Brat Zort, Youre the Brat, nener, nerer...
(I think it's bedtome.. )
I am still up though..
Hehe, no ya didn't!I'sa 'til up!
See, I posted post-you.
Hey, bugz, What happened to the screwloose crew?
It got a little quiet, eh? he he
I am not for sure, but weekend seems to come to mind... omg! IT'S THE WEEKEND? wHEN DID IT START?
Shoot, missed it!
Well, technically, it wouldn't leave us with "nothing", as there was something there before, which implies supporting infrastructure, such as blood vessels, veins, arteries, nerves, skull bones, even a scalp. So, if beer did destroy the brain cells, it would not leave nothing, it would leave space. Which is exactly what the 4 fat hers are intrigued by, as they don't want it filled up with anti-D's or the post-synapses blasphemed by Ritalium. However, we need to convince THEM to leave space, and crash into the sun, or something like that...
A new flick? In theaters? I've felt 16, and everything I see out these peepers is outta 16 year old eyes, for oh, say the last 34 years? did i do that right? i hate math. I had to program a new calibration chart for some automatic injectors, and it took me 3 days to write 2 pages...but it's (c) 2005, all rights reserved...so ADD Copywrited Author to my list of impulsive distractions...dumb ADHDer...
Hey Buggz, let's have a pity party. I feel terrible.
Go start a thread somewhere.
Here's D'0 =
Here's d'o feeling terrible =
If I didn't feel terrible, I wouldn't feel at all...
This is REALITY? No wonder there's so many 'cides
(Take one down, and pass it around, 98 bottles of Paxil on the wall...)
I have always felt a lot younger than I am. I make friends a lot easier with younger women or much older women. I also look a lot younger than I am. I actually got carded on Friday last week. I'm 44. I was so excited! Most people think I look around 30.
A good friend of mine tells me that I come across as very innocent, kind of child-like. I only mildly see it, but that's just me.
Ahh, bugzappers. An interesting question you ask:
Is everyone immature?
To solve this imponderable.. this grave task
Is no petty sinecure!
A serious task, requiring serious equipment!
pipette, electron microscope, texas Instrument
calculator, and most of all the Dictionary-
(complete with pronunciation key!)
These tools, combined
with the power of the mind
will help us find
a solution to mankind's
biggest question: Namely,
is everyone immature?
One camp says: no sirree,
the other says for sure.
Once and for all:
ma·tur·i·ty 
( P ) Pronunciation Key (m
-ty
r
-t
, -tr-, -chr-)
n. pl. ma·tur·i·ties
[QUOTE=Miss Frizzle]
Ahh, bugzappers. An interesting question you ask:
Is everyone immature?
To solve this imponderable.. this grave task
Is no petty sinecure!
A serious task, requiring serious equipment!
pipette, electron microscope, texas Instrument
calculator, and most of all the Dictionary-
(complete with pronunciation key!)
These tools, combined
with the power of the mind
will help us find
a solution to mankind's
biggest question: Namely,
is everyone immature?
One camp says: no sirree,
the other says for sure.
Once and for all:
ma·tur·i·ty ( P ) Pronunciation Key (m-tyr-t, -tr-, -chr-)
n. pl. ma·tur·i·ties
[/QUOTE]
First we have to take your question
and assume it to be true:
And then we have to say it mathlike
the way that science people do:
For all people in the set of people, there is no person who's mature
And then we have to see if we can find
one person in our people set
who, according to our definition,
conditions of maturity are met.
There exists at least one person in the set of people who is mature
To begin our journey
into scientific inquiry
on the subject of maturity,
let's turn to Definition 1.1:
The state or quality of being fully grown or developed.Wait a second...is this fun?
Are you all having fun?
I'm getting kind of sick of this game
...My science career is done.
(I need someone with less ADDee
To finish this tedious work for me.
Miss Frizzle38659.5143981481
[QUOTE=bepatient] I was so stubborn, like.. like.. a little kid! [/QUOTE]
BRAT! 
I give you the zappers of the year award..
I have been reading many of these threads, and this one certainly hit home. I am a 35 yr old attorney, but I look about 25. I get carded from time to time, and I have been told numerous times from previous girlfriends that I am immature. I must admit I agree. My current girlfriend is 22, and I am ok with that. I play indoor soccer twice a week, and I fear growing old and conservative. Immaturity is difficult to quantify, however. I was lucky enough to receive some training before I was diagnosed as add, on being a victim to my reactions. Before I learned that I do not have to react to every thought that occurred to me, I had to appear completely immature to those around me. For me it was about one, recognizing that I was very reactive, and two, making a conscious effort to consider my present thought for three seconds before I reacted to it. During these three seconds I consider what benefits will be derived from reacting to the thought immediately, and normally I decide that there is nothing to be gained so I just dont react. In any event, I can completely empathize with those of you in this thread who look younger. I doubt I would be any different if I looked my age but there is no way to know. Emotional immaturity is a bitch, and I wish I had more solutions. I am single never married at 35 and I doubt I will ever be able to maintain a loving relationship long enough to get married. I just dont feel emotions like most "normal" people do. Is this ADD? I dont know, but I thought it might be worth exploring on this thread.
wisdom1,
Can you explain what you mean some more about not feeling emotions like "normal" people do? What do you mean exactly?
I had stopped posting for awhile. I felt that this board was just one more thing to distract me while trying to get through school. I am in therapy and megadosing on adderall xr. I'm struggling to get through school, but so are all of my classmate. My marriage is dead, but hey, over half of all marriages end in divorce. So, I have been going through life as if I was no dfferent than anyone else. But today, one of my classmates said something to me that reminded me that I am very much UNLIKE anyone else who doesn't have an attention deficite disorder.
I attend graduate school with a bunch of twentysomethings. At age 44, I am all but certain that I am the eldest of all students admitted this semester. Yesterday, I replied to an email sent out on the grad student server to all of my classmates. My reply was funny and theatrical in a mildly self-deprecating sort of way. It was the kind of thing you might expect out of a well-read twentysomething. I got a few responses telling me how much it was appreciated. Then a 27 year-old classmate told me by phone that he had been discussing the email with another classmate and they both agreed that "you wouldn't know that 'chiefb' is a 44 year-old grandpa."
For some, that statement is a complement and I am relatively certain that they meant it that way. But since I AM a 44 year-old grandpa and I take a certain amount of pride in that fact, I would much prefer to just not LOOK like a grandpa while still behave with the maturity, wisdom and distinction of a grandpa. Medication is usless in that regard.
So just how old do I act, I wondered. I rationed that I probably act about as old as I feel and I feel as if I am around 20 years old. In my mind, I am no different from my classmates but in reality, there is a WORLD of difference between what is expected of a 20 year-old and what is expected of a 44 year-old. I have seen 44 year-olds and let me just tell ya, I am not even in the ballpark. I don't know that I ever will be.
chiefB,
I could have written your post. I too am 44, a college student (but I'm still an under-grad, went back after 20 some years), and just filing for divorce..
I don't look my age and I too (without sounding..you know..what's that word), I too am not even in the ballpark of people my age, especially women. I get along well with the 20 somethings. Luckily they accept me although some do seem to look up to me for guidance at times (which is nice). Actually some of these kids are probably 18-20!
I know I have more maturity and wisdom but I too just act like I feel, and for me it's 20 something or maybe early 30's.
I don't want to be in the same ballpart as the majority of men and women my age. I'm very active..I run, I do kick boxing, hike (when the weather permits) and do weight training. I'm in as good of shape physically as I was when I was in my 20-30's. My soon to be X is 10 years younger than me. It was great physically but intelligent conversations just didn't happen.
Some day maybe I'll find someone my age: looks younger, acts younger, but is wise and intellegent. It will probably need to be another ADHDer. Sometimes I wonder though if that would be wise.
bepatient38671.0480902778
[QUOTE=bugzappers]
We do over analyze everything , and form more opinions then there are birds in the world.
We can carry on and on and on about nothing, for days. sigh [/QUOTE]
I thought it was just me and maybe my comorbid OCD trates did that to me. So over analyzing and going on and on and ib == is an ADHD trate? Whoda thunkit?
Immature, child-like.
That reminds me of one time when I was about 30 I went to a comedy club where they had a two drink minimum. I wasn't about to let anyone tell me how many drinks I had to have! I only wanted one and noone's gonna make me have two! I was so stubborn, like.. like.. a little kid!
Welcome to our nightmare!
I know what you are feeling. I feel like stomping the ground going "me me me!!" sometimes. I want to throw things, make a fuss but it's just not as good when you live alone LOL!!
It does improve when you get the therapy. I find I can relate to my "inner child" better and get it something to shut it up so I can be an adult again. The key is to listen to yourself and don't try and ignore it as much. Hard - but doable.
[QUOTE=Shanna]I am really immature! I only take my meds M-F so since I have been acting normal. On the weekends I am really out of control! I act like another person. When I am on my meds it is hard to laugh at things. I am really serious. When I do not take it I act like a 12 year old![/QUOTE]I beg your pardon!?
When I do not take it I act normal...
This serious stuff stinks...no endorphins, just stress orphans...
 Well, besides still being 12 yrs old, the meds just knock the 12 yr old out and allow us "adults" to habitate our body and mind for a few hours. I have been 12 yrs old for,, oh about 24 yrs...
but is it sad, yes.
Go see the movie awakenings and have a great cry.. I am a man, and I bawled at this movie.