Feel like you’re too much even here? | ADHD Information
I've only been around this forum for a few weeks but I'm really starting to warm up and feel like I fit in. The thing is... I feel like I'm waiting for the ball to drop and for me to make one too many posts or for me to write one too many paragraphs or for me to make no sense whatsoever one too many times... It's like my brain is telling me that I'm about to overstep that line that I never learn to avoid. I have a habit of saying too much when I get comfortable. I'm too personable. I talk to casually. I'm too wordy. I'm too flaky. I'm too whatever.
Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like, even here on this forum, someone's going to be offended, mad, irritated, tired of you, or otherwise feel like you're getting too personal/friendly/casual/blabby? It's very difficult for me to get rid of that feeling that it's hanging over me ready to drop. It's hard to get over that nagging feeling that even though I find people exactly like me here, I'm never really going to fit in.
We all need this outlet....a place to record our thoughts,
our feelings, and how we feel about how things affect us. It's like a diary that
we give others like ourselves not only permission to read, but a place to
comment on as well.
If some do not like something about another, they are free to simply pass over
reading, or responding to their postings. Don’t worry about participating too much;
if something really gets out of hand there are moderators to take care of the
mess.
Visit often. Share your thoughts about the postings about others, and then
leave some thoughts of yours in your own threads.
omalley is an irish descendant and obviously belongs in the irish forum down south..
i thought you would be pleased to have another one of your own pedigree here
[/QUOTE]
I never said you said one bad thing about me Here?. I was teasing you Miss!!! Just being Me!!!!!
>>>>>
....... Ryan's "Gone" Again?Hey! O'Malley? U Drink "The Black Stuff"
ryan195038654.3960763889
Zorg is right - after being here for as long as I have (what - around July I think was the start) I now feel I can say what's on my mind and not get a majorly negative time for it. I now know who mostly will snap and snarl time to time. Sometimes a regular will "flip" and have me back in my chair wondering WTF? but usually we know who is who emotionally.
We need a place to be ourselves. It has been hard during life to have to keep it in and never know who will use our secret words against us.
I think we all still keep that little bit of us secret - but for one I'm glad as I really don't want to know who's wanting to be spanked and who wears leather diapers under their three piece suits. Had a friend in high school admit he was obsessed with domination - and could not look at him the same after that. He looked just like Gene Shalit from the today show if that helps any - replete with big afro and 'stache. I heard he found a lady - so I guess he must be crackin' the whip now! Man - did it get cold in here I'm shuddering ugh!.
oh ryan, i haven't said one bad thing about you here!!omalley is an irish descendant and obviously belongs in the irish forum down south..
i thought you would be pleased to have another one of your own pedigree here
irish board? i missed that one (among a million other things...)
brookelea... you've inspired me to stop pretending that i'm mature enough to use capitals when i type. i hate them and i hate to use them but it's a formality i try to bend to. did you know that the lack of formality in writing is a sign of intelligence? specifically, forgoing the whole capitals thing is an intelligent person who just doesn't have the time to conform. and, using the small 'i' is the sign of a humble person too. it's perfect. people with adhd are so smart and yet so compationate, intuitive and self-effacing... no one could argue with the blessing of those traits.
as for the irish thing... believe it or not, that's my first name... my dad must have been in a pub while my mom was giving birth. he's not even irish (find german man). my mom's side is descended from two brothers kidnapped from ireland (a third jumped overboard and drowned trying to swim back). and, i'm also descended from fletcher christian's sibling (ahhhh the infamous instigator of the mutiny on the bounty) and the family legend (my grandmother claims that it is founded) is that we're descended from the illegitimate daughter of andrew jackson (the only president to defy a supremem court order). i apparently come from a long line of the possibly adhd (reminds me of that line in dodgeball... here we come to separate the wheat from the chaff... the awkwardly (sp?) feminine from the possibly canadian... that line cracks me up and i don't even really get it).
well danke for the compliments.. i certainly am worthy of themfascinating family history... i wish i was more awake to actually read it and makes sense of it..
oh hoh heidi marie --- so that's where you been. working huh? who said you could do that????
You guys amuse the hell out of me but I get it and I'm sure you get me. That's why I've started with the whole frothing-at-the-mouth thing. I totally appreciate you letting me too! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I find myself constantly laughing aloud because even the most abstruse statement having nothing whatsoever to do with the posted thread I totally get. Or, at the very least, I get the brain that wrote it. Even when I can't focus through sentenece 1 of Davidornado's post number three-billion-twenty-four, I still get him. That said, I'm sure you've got an IQ so far above my pitiful marginal-genius level, that my brain smokes reading your thoughts.
I'm on hyper-drive this week. The *itch I work with finally got fired and it was a HUGE deal because it takes years in government work to fire anyone. So, I got most of her work which was great because I like to function at the speed of light. However, it must have been more mentally taxing than I knew because last night (friday night... end of week), I dreamed an assortment of bizarre dreams that kept me waking up either chilled, creeped-out, weirded-out or just plain stumped. I dreamed about our bank account, my boss, some co-workers, my kids, my hubby, my dog and all those rodents that live in our house (invited and in cages), and who knows what else. It was like my brain was working through a week of wild events.
Thank you all again. I feel like I should give you medals of commendation just for getting through my unfocused novel-length posts. 
Just hang out and have fun! I've been in midterms for school all week and I miss this place!!!
[QUOTE=omalley]
That said, I'm sure you've got an IQ so far above my pitiful marginal-genius level, that my brain smokes reading your thoughts.
[/QUOTE]oh i like the way that was phrased irish descendant
[QUOTE=HeidiMarie]Davey is my husband in another life
[/QUOTE]
just how many wives does davieboy have?? polygamy at its finest...
now i know why he has no time for moi anymore...
[QUOTE=omalley]ms frizzle. it's that you're scared of us that makes me sure you'll fit right in. you're drawn to the absured... it's a great trait of the adhd-minded... [/QUOTE]
O'Malley Boy! Let Rip in Here OK.. It's "Safe" Really.. Me I am one of the "Impulsive Folk" Upset People? Ha! Well that's rich...I have so often just opened my mouth to change Feet!!!
. ...Miss Brookelea! .... is she giving out about me! Oh! Miss I am shocked
...
Sorry Miss Brookelea! ......>>>>>> Ryan heads back to
his corner in the basement.. Welcome! O'Malley.. Pst drop over the wall
sometime and have a chat...The Irish Board![quote]Do you ever feel like that? Do you ever feel like, even here on this forum, someone's going to be offended, mad, irritated, tired of you, or otherwise feel like you're getting too personal/friendly/casual/blabby? It's very difficult for me to get rid of that feeling that it's hanging over me ready to drop. It's hard to get over that nagging feeling that even though I find people exactly like me here, I'm never really going to fit in. --omalley[/quote]
Yep.
I cant be scared of these people...
I scare myself enough as it is
Sherry
I feel weird about talking here a little. It seems like there is a bunch of friends and I am the shy new girl...I want to sit at your table! So many clubs! Secret societies! I'm scared of all of you! so am i miss frizzle...these ppl terrify me... lucky enough i can hide behind a screen otherwise i would of ran off and had a wee in the corner of the room...
omalley, good irish name
i wouldn't worry about offending anyone.. davieboy does a good job of that
so does ryan and repairman - especially with his barnyard fettishes...
you will be in good company
O'Malley Perhaps we all be a bit over the top at times. (spoken in a leprochon's voice)
You'd never know how much I hold back - seriously - What I've noticed is most here are very forgiving (or forgetting) and a few will ignore you at all costs (they're afraid it's communicabable) Isn't that a fear of communication? Don't matter. It's a strange feeling to feel like your best friend is a stranger, yes? Feelings are fickle. I often feel that I don't fit in either, but, whereelseyagoinago?
If you really think you might push someones' sanity limit, just research DavidOs' post , or mine
. Just make sure you have a 'net' detector running before you do
. Anyways, people get personal and argumentive here all the time,but they usually apologize if it was a simple misunderstanding. Otherwise, just don't answer the post if you don't want to. No one here is worried about being offended, it's simply who we are!Not that I want to admit I'm a
trouble maker, but if trouble finds me, I attend to it. I do happen to
be so alot of what O'malley's worried a/b, and yes, I have stepped over
that line. By stepping over the line once or twice, or more, some may
interpret that as aggressive, and respond to you as a trespasser. In
such cases, i'll react with a forceful, yet elegant, response
considered to neutralize the enemy's positions and or strengths, or
allies. Bottom if you're right, don't back down. Don't be apologetic
just b/c someone challenged you. Have them demonstrate justification
for thier statement, or ignore it. I use the following to indicate
refusal to accept: ~quack~, which to me represents water off a duck's
back, and the way he ducks when in a phsyt storm. Provoke the enemy to
error, then outflank his position with justifications and proof of your
own. Like our on going battle with the anti's. Some confront, keeping
them in a holding action, others send spies into their camp, and
others, like me distract them like the constant buzzing of a maleria
mosquito. Every now and then, devlivering a fateful blow.So yeah, you're gonna overstep someone's line, but don't worry. It's just the net, and they cant get you. That's why you have a screenname. But push the boundaries, be yourself, this is a safe place to come and vent, to create, to be you, without the needs for being them, to be you. Let your hair down, kick off your shoes, put your feet on the table, talk about things, have a brew, fart a little, and have at 'er. You'll find your skills increase with experience, and will be able to introduce others in the future.
Good luck!
David
omalley, I feel exactly the same about everything and everyone..when will they get to know me well enough to give me that look though some very interesting people have been in my life they have all been a bit wacko in some way...and obviously from what jones wrote I seem to be sticking with the program though I don't know what it is are how you get on it
vent and release your
thoughts..join in, it's nice to be able to for a change just watch out
for letting your life slip down the tubes cause being on the board is
such a draw
well no one would argue that I go UP OVER and BEYOND the call of posting,but I would saythat you have no worries about going to far.
Just like in real life, your going to find those you relate well to, and some that you don't.
oh man, o'malley
you just ain't been here long enough. then you'd relax i mean sheesh you should see some of my old posts and davido's and sabina's and brig's when she was around (she's gone awol not sure why)... then there are the saner one's like Glen and Auntie but who are incredibly tolerant and with a great sense of humour.
davido is fantastically republican - which i think is great, he is the biggest George W Bush supporter and so is Auntie like we are politically as opposite as is possible i guess --- but i never had a nasty word from them, they are wonderful examples of republicans - practically converting me to their cause!
i find this board seriously easy-going and so kind and tolerant of the ADDness of blurting out any old sh*te that comes into your head.
write whatever the hell you want. like anyone cares!
you have no idea of the rubbish i have put out here......
you know LTC was worried on the same thing and everybody said it. for crying out loud, we been judged SO much all the time in our lives --- who would want to be painful to someone here on that level.
that's not to say people won't disagree vehemently but no people getting horribly offended as can so often happen with 'normals' --- i haven't seen that at all.
i think this board is great for that. and as an ADDer trait, i think it is the best one out there.
you can be as insane as you like. go for it. you'd have a ways to go before you reach our levels anyway.......
and Auntie is always good for calming a possibly inflammatory situation!
[QUOTE=omalley]My only saving grace is that my division commander really likes me and has a great sense of humor. He is old-school and the oldest person in the department but he seems like the only person that takes my sense of humor with a grain of salt,[/QUOTE]
Does that make him an old salt?
[QUOTE=omalley] I'm always working on myself and trying hard to watch what I say. Thankfully, here I can just about say anything! :)[/QUOTE]
I can't
hmmm... old salt? he and i have this game we play called, "male or female?" I see all the mugshots that go through so I pull out the oddest ones and go into his office with the question, "male or female?" It is hilarious. Yes, there are that many questionable people in the world (this includes transvestites who do the hair, the eyebrows, to the nines but then put on a scoop-neck dress and don't bother to shave off the chest hair. why do a half-ass job?)
He always walks by, picks up a mug and says, "older or younger than me?" Everyone, of course, is much, much older than he.
O'Malley i can complete relate to what you are saying! When I meet new people or make new friends I am always way too open and wonder when they are going to tell me Im giving too much information or just walk away!
I'm new to this group so I hope everyone is accepting as they say!!
[/QUOTE]Hey, Marisa!
Welcome to our circus! That's my 'zin's name! Cool...
Most are, a few aren't. But it's worth it. Dish out as much as you get...I think that's the golden rule, or something like that...
I accept you, I'll love you forever, and like you for always, but I find that there is a lot of miss understanding here, b/c it's ADhDers talking to ADHDres. I figured out why I ketch so much sheet, yawl (BATTEN down the hatches!!! you're not luffing! ) : ppl don't ken to me b/c they don't understand me, or I threaten them (from their POV) or they can't keep up...with my thinking. So, I'm put in a box, triple wrapped, taped closed and shipped FedUPS back to me whee little corner of the unUni-verse. No thing universal a/b us, hear...
Sorry, not much of a well come, but it segueyed well here.
Here, a picture of me:
,D
My only saving grace is that my division commander really likes me and has a great sense of humor. He is old-school and the oldest person in the department but he seems like the only person that takes my sense of humor with a grain of salt, even when is totally inane or innappropriate. I'm always working on myself and trying hard to watch what I say. Thankfully, here I can just about say anything! :)In answer to the original question: all the time.
O'Malley i can complete relate to what you are saying! When I meet new people or make new friends I am always way too open and wonder when they are going to tell me Im giving too much information or just walk away!
I'm new to this group so I hope everyone is accepting as they say!!
I like the whole "inappropriate" sense of humor. It occurs to me all the time... everything can be construed as funny if thought of in a certain way and I, invariably, will be the one to think of it. Reminds me of the "ass print on the suede couch" comment I mentioned on some other thread... it's hard not to say what's in my head.
Has anyone ever watched Curb Your Enthusiasm? He's the epitome of ADHD gone awry.
[QUOTE=HeidiMarie]
Same way here, actually got kicked off some parenting boards for arguing for the legalisation of prostitution and marijuana![/QUOTE]
As have I! Some people just cannot take seeing their sacred cows tipped!
[QUOTE=LostintheStatic][QUOTE=HeidiMarie]
Same way here, actually got kicked off some parenting boards for arguing for the legalisation of prostitution and marijuana![/QUOTE]
As have I! Some people just cannot take seeing their sacred cows tipped!
[/QUOTE]I had an ADHD moment combined with a mind-in-the-gutter moment when I read this, cause my first thought was "So people dont' want to have to pay the cow, huh?"
I can totally relate!! If many remember - I got into ka-ka here for starting up on xtianity being attached to advice. I was going to flee then - but a lot of you guys backed me up to stay - but choose wisely my words on that!
I will too - each person has their opinion and I'm all for that.
The only disturbing I'm going to do is keep up on the anti-meds out here. They are sad yes, but they are causing fear and grief where they just shouldn't. I feel like I'm hitting my head on a wall sometimes - but it has to be done no question in my mind!
[QUOTE=HeidiMarie] I had an ADHD moment combined with a mind-in-the-gutter moment when I read this, cause my first thought was "So people dont' want to have to pay the cow, huh?"
[/QUOTE]
My oh my what kind of videos have you been watching on the net! 
My oh my what kind of videos have you been watching on the net!
Heh sadly enough, none -- it was almost entirely mental dyslexia :)
[QUOTE=LostintheStatic]
In the past I have 'been too much' to people on other message boards. Many people cannot fathom my blount honesty on political, religious, or social topics. I have to remind myself that most people have a rigid sense of tradition that is not to be shat upon or otherwise taken lightly. 
I have also been 'too much' a few times by coming on too strong to people on a friendly level who I thought seemed very interesting in their posts and who I erroneously thought would have been interested in conversations with a likeminded individual. The few times I did that I seemed to get this 'backing away slowly response' 
So I stopped trying! They don't know what they're missing anyway.
Same way here, actually got kicked off some parenting boards for arguing for the legalisation of prostitution and marijuana!
Davie its ok, we can be like that Ragin Cajun guy on CNN thats a Democrat married to a Republican :P
[QUOTE=LostintheStatic]They don't know what they're missing anyway. /QUOTE]
Aint that the truth!
[QUOTE=LostintheStatic]In the past I have 'been too much' to
people on other message boards. Many people cannot fathom my blount
honesty on political, religious, or social topics. I have to remind
myself that most people have a rigid sense of tradition that is
not to be shat upon or otherwise taken lightly. I
have also been 'too much' a few times by coming on too strong to people
on a friendly level who I thought seemed very interesting in
their posts and who I erroneously thought would have been
interested in conversations with a likeminded individual. The few
times I did that I seemed to get this 'backing away slowly response' So I stopped trying! They don't know what they're missing anyway.
Ha! So like me, too. And we're being truly innocent...
And I agree, they don't know what they're missing! A great life.
A while back I had to decide life is too short to wait for them to take notice. So now I live as I was created to live, creatively, and at the pace of my own heart beat. That is the drum I march to.
what's funny is that i don't even drink. but i swear like a sailor or is it like a cop? i don't know... work is great because i can swear and laugh up and down at someone else's misery (is that a schadenfreude?). [QUOTE=kibbles002]
I cant be scared of these people...
I scare myself enough as it is
Sherry
[/QUOTE]I can't be scared of these people either.
I think these people are me...
and I can't scare my elf...
'e's always too distracted...
[QUOTE=ZORG]
We all need this outlet....a place to record our thoughts,
our feelings, and how we feel about how things affect us. It's like a diary that
we give others like ourselves not only permission to read, but a place to
comment on as well.
If some do not like something about another, they are free to simply pass over
reading, or responding to their postings. Don�t worry about participating too much;
if something really gets out of hand there are moderators to take care of the
mess.
Visit often. Share your thoughts about the postings about others, and then
leave some thoughts of yours in your own threads.
MY GOD! I hope my enemies don't find this...
[QUOTE=Miss Frizzle]I'm scared of all of you! [/QUOTE]
Am I a BEAR? That I should ROAR?
Or is it my avatar?
Sorry, I'm really cuddly once you get to know me.
I just have a few ticks and lice from time to time....
[QUOTE=HeidiMarie]omalley, glad you feel at home here! To be honest, I admire those that post the most! Davey is my husband in another life (Are you really a republican?? ;) ) [/QUOTE]
Hei Heidith,
Hi Honey, I'm Hoooome!
I was just nominated by the Republican party for the presidencey, and I acn't even splel!
In the past I have 'been too much' to people on other message boards. Many people cannot fathom my blount honesty on political, religious, or social topics. I have to remind myself that most people have a rigid sense of tradition that is not to be shat upon or otherwise taken lightly. I have also been 'too much' a few times by coming on too strong to people on a friendly level who I thought seemed very interesting in their posts and who I erroneously thought would have been interested in conversations with a likeminded individual. The few times I did that I seemed to get this 'backing away slowly response' So I stopped trying! They don't know what they're missing anyway.
That bald guy on that show gets to me. I think he's too much of what I dislike in myself. I have watched about 10 seconds - then flipped it off. I don't think I could watch a full show. Same with seinfeld - skimmed it and didn't care for it.
Here's One:
Mr. O's in Knee brass kee,
Mrs. O's not so blue.
The kids ate lotsa candy,
So did I, too.
Davidornado38657.5405092593
that is hilarious. just remember ms o's not blue b/c he's in that great state but is rather enjoying being alone (she is prone to liking to be alone). however, mr o called his beloved wifey this morning on his way to nee-brass-kee and said he'd slid off the highway in his little 'ol honda. hmmm... i could'a killed him myself for worrying me and telling me he spun out going something like 75 mph on a wet highway... did a 360 and ended up in the median. i'm guessing God wanted us to have a longer life together b/c there was no one else around so he didn't hit anything or end up in some ravine. he said he's unhurt but the car needs an alignment big and bad. grrrr... i'm not going to worry, i'm not going to worry, i'm not going to worry... worrying sucks because it makes life painful. i really want to be able to just trust that we'll live the life we're meant to live and that we shouldn't let the 'changes and chances' of the world cause us undo stress.
thank you for confirming my "in" status!
Well , I think you most definately have an answer. And that answer is, sit back, relax, you'll fit in and be just fine. Eat more of that candy, too!If I eat more candy I'll vomit. Right now I can feel my stomach churning. I was sick all of Sunday and Monday from some unknown stomach ailment most likely related to my consumption of candy. Tonight, I realize that my stomach may be a little off because I haven't eaten since about 2:00 this afternoon. I forgot and now I'm too lazy to crawl out of bed and get some food. I guess there's always breakfast in the morning.[QUOTE=omalley]I've been sort of looking over on the ADD Forums board just to see what they're talking about. The funny thing is that I don't get quite the feeling on that board that I do here. The stuff I read describes people like me but I feel empty reading it. Then I come here and read your posts and it's like I've come home. These few weeks I've been around here have given me a lot. It's a place to be 'normal' when I'm seen as not everywhere else. I'm having one of those falling apart moments this evening (the past week has been BADDDD) but when I'm looking around on this board and posting and reading, it's one moment when I dont' feel like crying. (And I'm going to right now... I feel so f'ed in the head lately and I don't know why... my hubby is out of town right now so it allows me to just let go and cry and cry but it sucks because I don't know why I'm crying. I've been so stressed this week but I couldn't tell you explicitly why. It's like I need something and I have no clue what it is... enough of this... I'm sorry for going off on this tangent...)[/QUOTE]
Hey o,
This indeterminate stress sounds like a neurotransmitter issue. What meds are you on? When was the last time you saw your prescriptor? How long have you been on your meds?
Best wishes,
d
I was wondering what the heck has been wrong. In the past week I've had trouble with my nerves and feeling like everytime I moved my nerves shot to my skin and made it prickly feeling. You're probably right that I should revisit the doctor. There's been some huge upsets at work but I really benefitted from them so I'm not sure why I'd perceive them as truly stressful. And what's funny is right now I'm all fine. Maybe it's because I got the kids in bed reading and lights will be out soon. Halloween is the least of my favorite holidays because it's so overwhelming to me. Too much candy. Having to make costumes or buy them or just make them happen. The doorbell ringing is especially painful and then the walking up and down the street is excruciating. I cried the whole time but no one could tell because it was dark.
But, like I said, I'm feeling good now.
BTW... only people I know well or have been around a long time and are reasonably close to refer to me as 'o'... I'll take it as a sign that I'm in. :)I've been sort of looking over on the ADD Forums board just to see what they're talking about. The funny thing is that I don't get quite the feeling on that board that I do here. The stuff I read describes people like me but I feel empty reading it. Then I come here and read your posts and it's like I've come home. These few weeks I've been around here have given me a lot. It's a place to be 'normal' when I'm seen as not everywhere else. I'm having one of those falling apart moments this evening (the past week has been BADDDD) but when I'm looking around on this board and posting and reading, it's one moment when I dont' feel like crying. (And I'm going to right now... I feel so f'ed in the head lately and I don't know why... my hubby is out of town right now so it allows me to just let go and cry and cry but it sucks because I don't know why I'm crying. I've been so stressed this week but I couldn't tell you explicitly why. It's like I need something and I have no clue what it is... enough of this... I'm sorry for going off on this tangent...)I know my hubby is going to read this post and flip out. He's in Nebraska and he's got a laptop so he'll be reading in the hotel. I spend a lot of time here and I read a lot to him and he likes to read too. What is so odd about myself but not so odd now that I know it's ADHD, is that I want so badly to talk and for someone to listen and let me know they're there but I don't really want my hubby to feel bad and feel like he should be home to 'comfort' me. I love him dearly but he wants to be there for me at all times but 'being there' is so different in my mind. It's hard to just blather on to someone who is so close because they just want to make it better and be close and have physical closeness. But that's not what I need. I need to be able to just go on and on about nothing that makes any sense and have him just be okay with that and not try to figure it out or make sense of it. (And if you come across this... I love you very much my dear hubby... just smile and love me... )cjThankyou so much for reaching out to me. I have been going through
some tough times.
I have been on ritalin for 11 days.
I think it's helping some. I'm looking for full time employment. I'm
staying with my sister till I can get on my feet...I remembere when you
talked about helping feed the homeless and how it could be an ADHDer
being served...If it wasn't for family I too could be at a shelter or under
some bridge. Not that I ever see myself out on the street.
I have come to a decision in my life. I want and need to stand on my own
and take care of myself and meet all of my own needs. I'm scared to do
this...But I feel I must. I have always looked for others to take care of me.
This does not make for healthy relationships!
My mind is shooting off in to sooo many directions, to be able to explain
what is going on in my life, and inside my head... would take much more
time than ...OH well I have said enough!
cj Thanks again. I guess if no one at all read or responded to my
posts, I would still have benifited from the thought processing and the
typing practise.!?! LTC138656.5391203704
LTC - I'm glad you are working to better yourself. That's what I did three years ago - and it's been a wonderful time these days! I had to leave my ex and come live with my parents - and got a great job and stayed with them 6 months to settle in here.
A lot of people out in the street have to be ADHD. We lose so much. Many times we reach for the stars, the ADHD sets in and the higher our goals the bigger the fall. I could have been there - if my parents hadn't given me that last chance. I will always love them for giving me the benefit of the doubt.
Even good change is scary. A good scary - but it will get easier. Make sure you keep TALKING about how you feel - your family, us, a therapist. Talk is good therapy and will keep you from flooding your head with useless fear chatter.
Glad you are here - you are a valued friend in my books!!!!!
OOOps I meant to take off the E-mail notify me of replies, and hit post
instead.
The tears above are from my heart that gives thanks for support from my
ADHDer friends Thanks
LTC138656.5484027778[QUOTE=omalley]
I remember seeing oprah's thing way back when about emotional intelligence but I've never read anything about it. I'll check out the book. Thank you.
As far as focusing on what I give, it reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw, "My mother was a travel agent for guilt trips." That's me. It's so hard not to internalize every criticism or complaint about me. That's not just ADHD, it's family history (of course, my mom and I my grandmother, I now realize, are undiagnosed ADHD). At this moment, I like considering the great things about my AHDH personaility and how much my kids and kids' friends like to be at our house and not down the street, or how laid back I am so people don't have to be afraid I'm going to flip out because plans changed, or how I love a good joke or tease. For some reason, while I feel so 'out there' and 'odd' at work, I also put everyone at ease. So while they're so totally comfortable around me, I'm totally uncomfortable around most of them. I need to remember that I kick butt at work and I'm the hardest-working, most efficient employee there. My boss said the kindest thing to me the other day... they finally fired the *itch I work with after she'd caused many people years of hell (me only the year I've been there) and we were talking about our duties... he actually said, "Maybe we want to restructure a little... there's no reason you have to do the filing..." I almost cried. I didn't realize he was so willing to take that one thing I can't do well and give it to someone else who could deal with the numbers.
Thank you all again and again and again for being just like me!!!
[/QUOTE]
Yep, when thinking about self, got to stay focused on those "dots" and NOT the "spaces!" Other way around is to focus on other people's dots and help them stay focused on them. Breeds a WORLD of positive feelings about YOU. Try it for a day at work as an experiment and see what happens!
LTC i wish you would post more.your posts are great. don't delete them before you post them. we won't fly down your throat and rip out your soul. i know if you are sensitive to criticism it seems like an incredibly daunting and possibly painful thing to do - to put yourself out there. but you have great stuff to say don't hide it away.
face your fear. it's the only way we grow. to face our fears and overcome them. otherwise we stay like fearful rabbits in our cage even though the door is open.
face it - overcome it and then you will have another challenge to face and overcome but if you don't do the first you will never have the opportunity to face the others and you limit yourself. when you could be growing from strength to strength and becoming an amazing, vocal speaker out for ADD or a role model within your town/society. you obviously have the decency, humility, compassion just get over the fear and there will be no stopping you.
i wish you would post more.
cj
My - well "mantra" is what best suits these days - is to always.. ALWAYS tell people the positive you feel instead of holding it to myself. You are VALUABLE and a good friend to me. ALL of you are - and if I don't say it I'm sorry. I try to say the good things every day. You have no idea how long you have on earth and since I'm on the atheist train- there's only one go at it so do it right the first time.
Your postings have helped me so much - I cannot express the gains I've made in life just because you all have been here. I feel confident, happy, cheerful, expressive and just all-around happy. Not the meds doing that - just being in a surrounding that is enforcing my good attitude.
Thanks LTC - thank you ALL!!!
Addendum...
omalley, didn't mean to imply that it's not a balancing act because it is. Putting your real stuff (e.g., you "spaces") out there gives others the opportunity to experience their own dots and that's a gift for them.
An effective way around the self-doubting, self-conscious stuff--at least as I've found it--is by focusing on others dots AND spaces. The brain can't manage to keep two things in working memory at the same time. When you focus on others, you're not focused on that self-conscious "what must they be thinking about me" stuff (more of your spaces).
But there needs to be balance in there: give and take, yin and yang--you get the idea. Wanted to clarify.
Oh, one other thought. I see a big difference between criticism and put downs and feedback and food for thought--irrespective of where the person giving it may be coming from. You can use it however best serves you. You're not someone else's puppet, after all. Feedback can be incredibly useful for those "ah ha" moments that help us learn new ways to deal with our spaces and create more dots.
Make any sense? Sure hope so. I'm trying but no idea if I'm crashing and burning or it's actually useful. At least know I mean it to be!
One other thought regarding "here"...
Defining "here" as a web community--ANY web community in which someone participates. After five plus years of participating in them, have found that although there's a temptation to post any halfway relevant thing that enters your head, not the best idea. Reason: because it IS a communtiy and communities need to enfold ALL their members in order to thrive. That's what I've noticed, anyway.
That can be hard for an AD(H)Der as we tend to want to share every interesting thought that enters our heads--especially if we're of the extraverted variety. My experience is that that IS too much for a web community. It's not a matter of not being accepted, it's just a matter of everyone having a shot at being heard and responded to. That seems fundamental to a web community's health. (Nor is hiding behind an alias in order to post more. No idea if you do that or have thought about it, but think that tends to lessen a sincere person in their own eyes, so not a good idea, either.)
Maybe I'm full of it. Just something I noticed and wanted to share with you in response to your initial question. Hope that, this too, may be helpful. As you can tell, I soooo relate to the feelings. As I said before, I've had to learn the hard way. What I have managed to learn, anyway!
SHE'S IN!!!! Look, O'Malley - You're a Senior Member! and what an accomplishment in such a short time too.To Mr. O - Hi!
We outta make a poEm for them.
Let's think....
did you get the adderall yet, LTC???? I'm still deleating my posts....prior to posting them...which I guess
wouldn't actually be a post..... yet
Hi to all!
I remember seeing oprah's thing way back when about emotional intelligence but I've never read anything about it. I'll check out the book. Thank you.
As far as focusing on what I give, it reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw, "My mother was a travel agent for guilt trips." That's me. It's so hard not to internalize every criticism or complaint about me. That's not just ADHD, it's family history (of course, my mom and I my grandmother, I now realize, are undiagnosed ADHD). At this moment, I like considering the great things about my AHDH personaility and how much my kids and kids' friends like to be at our house and not down the street, or how laid back I am so people don't have to be afraid I'm going to flip out because plans changed, or how I love a good joke or tease. For some reason, while I feel so 'out there' and 'odd' at work, I also put everyone at ease. So while they're so totally comfortable around me, I'm totally uncomfortable around most of them. I need to remember that I kick butt at work and I'm the hardest-working, most efficient employee there. My boss said the kindest thing to me the other day... they finally fired the *itch I work with after she'd caused many people years of hell (me only the year I've been there) and we were talking about our duties... he actually said, "Maybe we want to restructure a little... there's no reason you have to do the filing..." I almost cried. I didn't realize he was so willing to take that one thing I can't do well and give it to someone else who could deal with the numbers.
Thank you all again and again and again for being just like me!!!
Please don't take this as a criticism, omalley, as I sure don't mean it as such. Sure you've had way more than enough of those in your life. (Haven't we all?) I mean it as a suggestion and solution to the problem you brought up. It's something I've been learning lo these almost 60 years the HARD way! I don't know you well at all, but you seem to be a nice person with positive intentions so that's the assumption I'm going into this response with.
Try focusing on what you give rather than what you get. It's a whole lot easier to control and infinitely, far more rewarding and less stressful. Plus, it usually gets far better results.
If you're interested in understanding more about why it does, try picking up one of Daniel Goleman's books on emotional intelligence. I chanced on them for a school project and ended up discovering a goldmine!
Yes, I have to agree that it's hard to watch at times when it's like the ultra-worst version of myself. However, there are some absolutely hilarious moments. Who else but someone with ADHD could walk around hacking and telling people he has a pubic hair stuck in his throat. It's like seeing the most exaggerated possibility of ADHD. I just want to yell at the tv "SHUT UP!" But I find myself laughing uncontrollably at the same time.