Where do I even begin?...*Sigh* | ADHD Information

Hi!  

I just joined after reading many of the posts on the site and wanted to make a post of my own. I havent been diagnosed with ADHD. But i know i have it. Those online tests are explaining me inside out. If anyone can relate to anything i say in here PLEASE tell me. i have no one to talk to and seek answers and advice.

I'm scared to go to the doctor because the two times i have went, they told me i was depressed and shoved anti depressents in my hands. it worked for a week then it ruined my life cuz they produced opposite effects. I really hate military hospitals and doctors now (my dad is retired army). the doc made the diagnosis after seeing me for a whole 5 rushed minutes.  I really want to see a professional. I actually picked up the phone today and yesterday and tried to get an appt, (i hAtE talking on the phone/making  phone calls..i'm bad with talking to people i dont know and i am fully aware of this every minute i am talking to them) but i am so scared they will tell me im depressed, im not eating right, bipolar, sleep apnea, blah blah...i have this preconvieved notion that there are no good docs willing to help and hear me. they just want to hurry and get thru the day.

I am a 22 year old college student..on the outside. I don't even know what or who i am inside. I feel like I am so many good things. But then I also feel that I might never become something great one day that expresses my talent and intellect. And it's because i'm "lazy", do 10 things at once half-heartedly then quit, or I'm too sleepy. I get very tired when I am bored or have to be somewhere i dont want to be. but i can get in a matter of minutes if something within my interest realm appears. I can't hold a job for sh*t. I always start one so excited and  the bosses feel so lucky to have found me. Then I end up getting fired or never showing up. School has been hard. the only class I can pay attention in is Biochemistry and Physiology. Ever since I started thiking i might have adhd, i began researching the body and chemicals in the brain in search of what wrong with me.

I dont really have any friends. I alwyays make some then lose touch. And i am horrible with boyfriends. Im defensive, assume too much, and believe it's all their fault. I don't even know why i have a cell phone. I hate tlaking on the phone. I like being alone though, no one tells me what to do or how to do sometihng. I'm not defiant, I just cant function or focus unless its my way or something i want to do. People sometimes call me selfish, but i know that i,m not. I'm not stupid either. i just got these darn fog clouds up in my mind that wont disperse. I feel like my whole life is kind of a daze...

I really hate how i can be overbrilliant in some areas and completely naive in others. I cant follow simple chem lab instructions at school. my professor is always like, "Susan, you did it again..." what he means by that is doing the wrong pre lab! Before our lab, we need to have a pre lab done. I always do the wrong chapter! And i answer the questions all mixed up too. I leave equiptment everywhere or playing with things.

Oh and speaking of class, I'm never on time. to that or anything. i miss every flight, meetings with friends, my own attempt at a schedule; etc etc. when i walk into class, the only thing im thinking is, "oh he must hate me so much for being late..oh all the kids are looking at me, they must be thinking theres that damn late girl..." so when i take my tests, i make sure i study EVERYTHING to the point where i know it in detail, and then a few extra facts to impress him. (this is been prominent in my life)

these are just a few of the million things that i am. its not even a characteristic, it's me. just as much as a kidney or ear, its me. i could write more things that drive me/others crazy, but i forgot, i have horrible memory and it seems to be selective.

oh my gosh i typed too much....damn but it feels good knowing that at least one person might read it and say hey, i live on the same planet as you.  then i wouldnt feel so different (in a bad way) anymore.

LosTinSeattLe38654.1988773148hey lostinseattle,

be reassured that there are many like you here..
i'm not one of those
but there are some that are...

try speaking to chjones... she is very wise

good luck!!
dear susan, aka lostinseattle,

sorry for my absent reply but i am watching midnight express and am eagerly awaiting the turkish prison scene ...

when the movie concludes and i am still with it, i shall respond accordingly...

Hey Lostinseattle,

yes you are amongst aliens of the same planet

I am also a person who forgets things, does the wrong assignment, gets times mixed up, and walks around in a general confused state..

Before treatment, I used to walk around my classroom ( im a teacher) for about 20 minutes trying to figure out what I needed to start doing..

As for the treatment.. I know exactly how you feel.. I was afraid of a misdiagnosis, or getting laughed at, or finding out that there was really nothing wrong with me -- I was just stupid and that was that!!

I remember bringing my diagnosis into my Dr's office, being perscirbed Concerta discussing my reasons for seeking treatment, etc..  When the Dr. started to leave, I told him, " thank you so much for not laughing at me."

The man turned around, shut the door again..

He told me that what I had was real, it is a condition that can be treated, and that he treats others with adult ADD. He also let me know that he knows of( without hurting privacy of course) Coorporate executives, and a few public school principles with the disorder.. He felt the need to tell me this so that I would know that successful, inteligent people suffer from this disorder.

I was so glad that he told me that.. it made me feel better that people are successful, that what I was going through  was real, and that I could be suceessful in life and career both because of AND  in spite of this disorder.

I hope you will find the same support that I have!!

Sherry

You are definitely in the company of people who understand. I'm having some of the same issues you are describing. Well, I'm having ALL of the ADD symptoms you are describing, but I'm also wondering what I am other than ADD. I also haven't seen a professional yet, so I'm also afraid that they will just try to throw antidepressants at me.

Your healthcare is through the military? If you are a student, the university should have services that address people with disabilities. They should be familiar with ADD and at least have the ability to test you for the disability. They may also have a student clinic. Perhaps you should speak with them, get tested, and get a referal from them to your regular doctor.

When the Dr. started to leave, I told him, " thank you so much for not laughing at me."

most people wouldnt thank their doctors..thats what doctors are for, to fix you in thier tool shed right?

well i too do things like that! people say i get over emotional..whatever that means. i feel things triple what others may feel. so what? i think im lucky, we need more sensitive people in this cruel judgmental ignorant racist world..(oh do not get me started on people god forbid i will never stop..)

i absolutely loved my dentist when she took the pain away after my wisdom teeth extraction and almost sent her a thank you card, but i never got around to it cuz the memory file got lost in my head somewhere.  oops... 

and when i have to interact with people for customer service, by phone or face to face, i love the really really nice ones..you know~ those ones that seem like they really are your friends and care for you? ive always kind of been drawn to these people, wanting to be friends or talk to them...

but yes! when i go to the doctor and he says hes going to help me, i'll probably name my first child after him.

ok no. i wont, that was an exaggeration, a major quality of mine.