another episode of:"its just in yur head" | ADHD Information

today was antother one of those: "its just in your head" days. usually, these statements are followed by: get more sleep, eat healthy, find a hobby, blah blah this..things that MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD. hm. some of us can grasp concepts that reach the moon. and others cant grasp it. (it being..common sense..abc123..u know..) 

i eat good i work out, i exercise my mind. sleep tho?..hmm. we are all a little deprived from time to time, i am on some weekdays..so is the rest of the population

hypocrites i say. they say i picked a disorder and blamed everything on it and that i need to eat sleep this that...well look what they just did, they just played the blame game too. it all because of wha i eat for breakfast. astonishing! please continue! wait..should i start eating less muffins and more dog sh*t? would that make not think a lot?

werent they the ones that branded us adhd? taking the minority and shoving them into into categories..a comfortable way to organize and classify all of those things that segregate them and us. "ok you guys are the mexicans...you guys are the manics and you in the back corner by the sh*t bowl, you guys are ADHD"

my attitude is very immature right now, i realize it. but u know~ i cant deny what i feel..these are the ingrediants to my soul whether anyone likes it or not. and im kinda pissed too

when i have several people telling me to snap out of it at one time, i lose sense of what i like to call: MY MIND.  i cant think right its too much right now. i cant explain and i fear no one will understand my lousy attempt to do so, even the people on here i regard as one of my highest sources of comfort. i feel like i have so much CRAP in my mind. i dont know how to formulate the words to describe thier speed, meaning, or quantity. its going too fast and i dont like it. i wonder if these people that think they know my mind, if they're right...it IS in my head, this IS all fake, im just a flower in a crack of a sidewalk. i feel confused right now. i dont  think ive been this confused before. because today was the day i TRIED tp talk to some family for the first time about this thing i have that makes me different. they said ( i knew they would say this it).."excuses and reasons get  you no whre. get off your stubborn butt and stop being so immature" that immature part was because i was crying and complaining that they were being insensitive and didnt understand. um..i know i tend to see things MY way. but today, i think i had a little right to feel they are closed minded and uneducated!! Grrr! after refusing to educate themselves on adhd....

"can u please just look at one website please? ...ok ok just look at the symptoms list please?? ok..ok.. can i read it to u then?"...

i told myself that whatver i was feeling, go ahead and feel it and dont be ashamed. im a sensitive person people and i think we all know this very very well.. try to work with me! its called support..oh my head.

there are many syptoms of adhd that shadow other disorders. andit makes me think  twice as much again. is it all in my head? if its not, then ok, i got something going on then. what is it tho? how do i know? how did the counselor/doc/whoever know? i feel so lost. can anyone identify??

and also i really x 2 wanted to know if anyone experienced unconcious suppressing of feelings, abilities. anything in the past. i have found through all of this that i buried my intelligence and awareness of it. o let myself be stupid with my peers so we could do wonderful things together, like gossip about each other when one of us went to the bathroom. i am realizing everyday just how much i really know and what i am capable of. im so sad, and angry together. what do i make of all this? is suppression someting in adhd? is there somehitng else going on? after relizing that i didnt have a clue about whats going on around me half the time, i often wonder and question things to the point of exhaustion. damn there go my feelings again...

Lost, I'm feeling about bad as you are today, so I hope you won't mind if I wallow there with you instead of trying to cheer you up.

Life sucks in general, but day-to-day life sucks harder for people with ADHD. The simplest things are hard for us, so those non-supportive numbskulls who can do the simple sh*t say that we are lazy or crazy or strange or unmotivated or stupid. I've actually had a friend say that he doesn't believe that ADHD exists, that people who have our types of difficulties are lazy.

We often have higher orders of thinking, can recognize patterns and make connections that other people can't, but, they can be on-time and organized therefore they are more valued. "Wow, even though you don't have an original thought in your head, you are organized and you got here on-time! Here's your life on a silver platter!"

I am just going to be pissing on everyone and everything today.

Hello,

I understand and totally empathize with you.  Lost, I often feel the same way about myself "what is wrong with me?"  It has gotten worse over the last two  years or so and I know I was heading for a melt down though I would try stoically to not let it happen.

I got the same response from most of my friends and family - eyes rolling and the Why-can't-you-be-happy routine - you have a job, house, husband, dog etc.  But the self doubt is always there, the constant thoughts etc.

The drs laughed at me and I just visited my 3rd dr who was much more supportive.  Have you actually seen a specialist yet?  Are you officially diagnosed?  You should check out a lot of things tho too - make sure your thyroid is ok as an underactive one can mimic a lot of the symptoms of ADD.  I am going for my second tests with that as thyroid issues run in the family.

Keep going to the drs until you  find one who is willing to work with you and address the issues you are having - whether they be ADD, something else or a combination.  I was never good at sticking up for myself but learned with this in the past few months that I know who I am and what I feel like and that it's not normal.

I tried to finally explain to my husband this weekend what it's like for me as he thought it's all in my head too.  Well, of course it is!!!  something is not functioning properly in my brain!  but, I still feel weird expressing it out loud what I do or think because verbalizing to someone who doesn't have those issues makes you feel like your insane.  I really thought my hubby was thinking"holy crap, what did I marry.  I'm gonna have a wife in the insane asylum soon."  But, we'll see if my meds start working....

oh you guys...and once again i feel comfort and sanity. dude i just read the post i wrote earlier and that was not how it sounded in my head. in my head it sounded mucjh more organized and sensible. (sensible to YOU guys, not "them".)  but the words in my head come and go faster then i blink so yea.

ive gotten into the habit of referring to simple minded folk as "them". i guess in a way it makes me feel better. my way of dealing perhaps? ive been told by 3 doctors that i could have a bunch of crap that i dont have. but now, i feel like i have a secret and im laughing at them and everyone else. kind of like, i am a scientist observing a group of monkeys. these monkeys are scratching thier heads trying to figure out how to put a ball in the bucket.  (i love monekys, they are not idiots, just took an example from a science show i saw)

i think right now, i am going thru my anger phase. i read about this on a website the other day, cant say exactly when because i forget and anything that happened past right now is a blur. but theres 4 stages i think. um, i forgot. but anger was on there and i'm proof

i am a very happy person, usually. granted i had my adhd moments: "what is this weird f%&$# feeling?? oh its YOU. i thought i pushed you away a long time ago!! get back in my conscious..freakin crazy feelings...ugh"

i experienced what i think is comparable to the feelings a blind man feels when he is given his sight back. if only there were more words in our language that could allow a person to conceptualize those feelings.. i got locked in the deepest trance and was focused on learning all about ME for the first time. finding myself alsways troubled me. i could never figure it out..i had different masks, as they say. which one was mine?

well, i found out that i dont need a mask. im trying to accept all this, it still seems surreal though, but at the same time, i love it. discovering i have adhd answered many puzzles i was shamed and riddiculed for. but better yet, i learned i was destined to be on einsteins thinking level. i knew it!! (is that last part snobby of me? hrmm..oh well! thats the best example i could think of and even if i could think of another, i dont feel like editing. )

all this time everyone has been telling me im a sheep. 'why?' i would ask 'i dont look like one, i dont feel like one, and i really dont think like one..i think' 

and all they say is "you are a sheep because you live amongst other sheep'" 

you know what? you may laugh or hate~ its ok. because i now truly understand that everyone has their own bowl of chili and we all gonna eat it the way we want. anyways, i have come to the brilliant conclusion that the reason i am not able to carry out 'simple' tasks that require simple effort, is because my mind is TOO busy brainstorming the next invention thats gonna save cancer patients and diarrhea  (i often daydream of discovering the aids cure. but i never voiced it i was too embarrased and you know what? SO WHAT?! i think like a kid sometimes and i happene to LIKE it as much as i love research and science). the simple tasks are reserved for the simple folk. we wouldnt want them to think too hard and get a headache. noooo who would do my dishes?!

i sound angry..and i might sound mean (in my mind it aint mean enough ). but i feel better knowing i can turn it into a joke. is that so wrong? did anyone else go thru this pissed off phase too?

it's o.k.  my brain usually controls me and not the other way around.

telling family and friends is often a big mistake. esp. parents.

believe me, if i could just 'snap out of it', i would. i hate when the brain is out of control- thinking whatever it wants, as it wants. meanwhile, i've got stuff i need to do. important stuff.

i need my brain to work for ME. i need to think about what i'm doing. i don't have the time to be having all these thoughts and feelings totally unrelated to today's agenda.

this is why not to share adhd w/others. they don't get it. they don't have the capacity to get it. it's just an excuse for poor performance that they can't avail themselves of.

i told my mum. she basically said: 'that's nice dear.' then back to 'why don't you.... why can't you just...'

i have been having good days lately. days that i get work done. i have been focusing a little better. i have been indulging in lots of extra caffeine.

but a couple of days in the last week, i have had trouble keeping on course.

and who knows when the bad days will come again. you know- can't think. nothing turns out. you spend the whole day having that argument in your head. you're pissed off, and moody, and spacey.... can't even decide on what to eat for lunch. the whole deal, all at once. i hate those days.

yes, jesseejames. it's sad and sweet that introversion is frequently the only refuge from a world totally at odds with my brain's functioning.

i remember living with my dad, he liked to use the "snap out of it" trick alot also. as if those were magic words that would instantly bring me to understanding and the realization that all i had to do was click my heels 3 times and say "its all in my head".
situations like this make me feel like im in a movie, not actually me, but me watching me on the big screen. unable to feel the emotions directly influenced by the "snap out of it" conversation.
my usual escape is introversion, crawling inside myself deeper and deeper until all i have is me. my worst enemy and best friend. although im certain this escape isnt healthy, it is an escape.
i find comfort in the knowledge that given one hour in my head, these "snap out of it" people would lose all hope. take the day minute by minute, and it will pass. tomorrow is a new day that may bring peace.This is normal for us adhd'ers and something I have had ever since I can remember. So maybe we can all pool together and tell them to cure this dang crap. 

When you think about it, it is all in our heads!

They are telling us its all in our emotions, which in turn influence our minds.

Tell them yes, its all in my head. I have a neurotransmitter problem in my head. The misfiring of neurotransmitters in my brain is causing me to be this way, and my brain is in my head.

Don't tell them what I would like to say to them next! It will only make them believe you are nuts as well (or you wouldn't say that to me!)

If for some reason you feel so odd in the world, consider that today I told someone to 'f**k off' (I knew that I could get away with it and he, in particular, wouldn't be offended but I needed to make a point) because I was sick of his picking at me by asking me over and over if I'm bi-polar. I hate that he would just assume that because what I am and the way I act indicates that. Why couldn't I just be this way?!

And to top it off I'm sitting here watching the end of Finding Neverland and I'm bawling my head off. I hate it. My hubby is out of town and while I've always loved being alone, I'm a mess this week. I'm absolutely positive I'm not bi-polar but I can't take the stress of dealing with myself all day at work (it takes so much effort to be 'normal' and not act like the village idiot), the stress of having a 10-year-old move into the house for a few months (he's the same age as my older son, he came sunday and my hubby left for a work trip monday morning) and the stress of trying to deal with halloween (my least favorite holiday for various reasons) while my hubby's out of town. I cried while walking down the street in the dark and the kids trick-or-treated.

Anyway, I'm a mess and you're not alone. I hate the feeling. I hate having to explain myself to people over and over and over again. Everytime my supervisor stops to talk to me at my desk, I think he's going to reprimand me for filing something wrong or stapling things together that don't go together or for just saying something totally inappropriate. Don't worry... we can all relate.

DON'T READ BELOW IF YOU'RE FEELING LANGUAGE-SENSITIVE...

Nevermind, I want to swear up and down and use foul language and spout off in the worst way but, in the end, I can't do it because I'm so used to getting 'talked to' because I just went and said what was in my head. I liked your post alot Lost because it makes me feel like tomorrow, when I go to work, I can know someone else is going through the same damn thing.