[QUOTE=pastmember]Our kids don't care about the consequences of wrong choices. We must daily tell them what to do and when if not they do not help at home. I want this fixed now they are 9 and 12. Lists don't work cause they avoid them. They have been taught what and how to do them all. Counseling didn't help no ideas really given. These are both hard headed kids like both parents. Wife had to tell family to stop giving the kids stuff they always get what they want all the time. My wife is fed up cause she is the one who has to put up with the Brat behaviors. [/QUOTE]

Brent,

I have yet to have met a kid that will willingly do something without being told at least once and more likely sveral times.  What kind of consequences are you using?

My son is ADHD, ODD and has Pervasive Developmental disorder.  Timeouts, definitely not spankings.  Loss of privelages worked better than anything.  I really had to search for the appropriate toy to take away or the loss of privelage.   I have gone as far as grounding my son from trick or treating.  He is eight and I really cannot have him disrespecting me.

Maybe it's in the approach. Instead of looking at the consequences, how about looking at the antecedents? Preventative measures. Most kids need reminders. Instead of negative consequences (taking away) how about positive consequences (giving). What I mean is, instead of taking away their privilages, why not give them an expectaion of some sort (ie: specific chore) every time they're out of line. How about reward charts? I'm not sure how old your child(ren) are but I'm sure you can make this age-appropriate. 

Also, I'd recommend this for EVERYONE: look in your cupboards and fridge/freezer. Toss away anything boxed, packaged or jarred. You may need to rid some of the canned as well. Most of the foods we buy nowadays are filled with unneccessary products such as: sugars, additives, preservatives, colouring, flavouring, chemicals of all sorts. This is directly responsible for some of these children with such challenging behaviours. Let me ask you, what is your diet like? Do your children gravitate towards any specific foods? I'm speaking from personal experience in this. My son has ADHD and let me tell you, when he eats one of these listed items, he's a completely different child - NUTS! He gets so far into the 'red zone' it's not even funny. He's beyond help at that point. I'm guessing you're in this situation as well. Once I cleaned up his diet (I also had to elliminate dairy too), he had a lot more stable. He's able to self-regulate far more often than he had before. He's no angel but it was quite the transformation. My family and some of his daycare teachers were amazed.

It's a start.

I try to cook fresh/frozen that is to avoid allergies our son has.  We can't afford non toxic foods. If you rid all you said inbox what else is left to eat. Are you saying get fresh only? These are toxic ! Only food from health food grocers are safe really. Organic ones are the safest but not everyone can afford them. I know we can't. What inbox do you feed your child ? email me please.  

Our kids are 9 and 12.