should i stop wanting my dream job? | ADHD Information
[QUOTE=Countrygirl]SIL will be out of the police academy in Dec. I just hope he doesn’t find my pot. (joke)[/QUOTE]he he
[QUOTE=chjones]omalley you'll just have to use your feminine wiles, then.
everytime you mention the job make sure you have great sex afterwards... when you put in your application go out and buy the sexiest underwear you can find and soon enough - hubby will associate job with good things and be encouraging you to go for it.
men can be completely stupid in the head and very easy to manipulate on that level --- so forget the therapist, if you are prepared to be a bit manipulative and it doesn't go against your moral code, i would go that route...
(it's kinda a joke - but not totally!)
[/QUOTE]
Hey! Can somebody come talk to me about wanting to become a policeing woman?
[QUOTE=omalley]What about Area 349? That one is so unheardof that no one's heard about it.[/QUOTE]
I Found It!
On Google Earth
Speaking of Space Aliens, Anyone Seen the Nasca Lines in Peru?
Only if you're ready to actually GET it! Dreaming of a job (or anything else) is one of the best ways not to get it since your focus is on the dreaming rather than the getting.
It's pretty much the same dynamic as talking about being a Christian (or whatever). Focus is on the talking rather than the ACTING. Know what I mean?
(BTW, LOVED Jonesie's advice. Falls into the category of doing the stuff necessary to actually GET the job! Men are soooo easy to maneuver through sex, poor things. In a way, nature gave them a raw deal! 
You guys are so great!
omalley you'll just have to use your feminine wiles, then.everytime you mention the job make sure you have great sex afterwards... when you put in your application go out and buy the sexiest underwear you can find and soon enough - hubby will associate job with good things and be encouraging you to go for it.
men can be completely stupid in the head and very easy to manipulate on that level --- so forget the therapist, if you are prepared to be a bit manipulative and it doesn't go against your moral code, i would go that route...
(it's kinda a joke - but not totally!)
[QUOTE=chjones]
everytime you mention the job make sure you have great sex afterwards... when you put in your application go out and buy the sexiest underwear you can find and soon enough - hubby will associate job with good things and be encouraging you to go for it.
[/QUOTE]
I'm laughing so hard I almost can't respond. That's what so great about people with ADHD. They can see all the possibilities! Rather than tell me something useless like, "Just do what you want," you offer constructive suggestions that are not only a good idea but funny as hell to boot!!!
Thank you for making me laugh about something I've been having a hard time with. This suggestion applies to so many situations at home that I can see you've given me a piece of life-long advice! 
[QUOTE=Hemmie]never EVER stop dreaming about a dream job.. i worked my ASS off in school (scored two masters), worked my ASS off again after it got reattached at work.. and i HAVE my dream job now.. it is possible, just takes a LOT of effort, for anyone, but especially for us ADD/ADHD type people (although i have to say that in my line of work (aerospace engineering) it's a boon to have ADD/ADHD since it makes the brain just that bit more sharp, which is needed in the military aerospace industry). [/QUOTE]
Hehehe - and it makes it easy to discount your word if you fink on Area 51 right?LOL!!
Seriously - good on you! Yes it gives us a bend on things others don't. I could GET any choice job I wanted - I just could never keep it! I even got a job behind a camera for a guy shooting model runways. Sad part - I was awful at it! I applied and lied my way in - thinking "now how hard could it be?". Well on the first day I trembled slightly as I taped (hadn't learned to hold my elbow against my chest as I was told by a pro long after) that all the tape was wasted. But getting up close to all that booty - LOL - wow it was worth getting told I suck!
never EVER stop dreaming about a dream job.. i worked my ASS off in school (scored two masters), worked my ASS off again after it got reattached at work.. and i HAVE my dream job now.. it is possible, just takes a LOT of effort, for anyone, but especially for us ADD/ADHD type people (although i have to say that in my line of work (aerospace engineering) it's a boon to have ADD/ADHD since it makes the brain just that bit more sharp, which is needed in the military aerospace industry). [QUOTE=Hemmie]never EVER stop dreaming about a dream job.. i worked my ASS off in school (scored two masters), worked my ASS off again after it got reattached at work.. and i HAVE my dream job now.. it is possible, just takes a LOT of effort, for anyone, but especially for us ADD/ADHD type people (although i have to say that in my line of work (aerospace engineering) it's a boon to have ADD/ADHD since it makes the brain just that bit more sharp, which is needed in the military aerospace industry). [/QUOTE]
Civilian side of the military is where to be, eh? Cause I didn't last but 4 years on the other end with ADHD.
What about Area 349? That one is so unheardof that no one's heard about it.
and d'o here i go putting my big fat foot in it again.but you have to decide what you want too, no? and go for it, just like you are advising omalley here.
not based on but if only she would be like this or if only that were different then ---
because hypotheticals are just that. hypothetical. you have to look at what is. this is the situation. this situation.
hehe. As someone who keeps doing their dream job...
do it.
reality can be molded around it. I can't fathom not doing what I love and being able to function.
There are never any second chances, and this is not a drill.
do it.
Just as there are different kinds of doctors (some of us want to be doctors), there are different kinds of law enforcement officers.
Surely there is some middle ground between that profession and an ADHD adult!
How would you feel if one of your children were all grown up in this situation? Would you advise him or her to "stop wanting" it?
Thank you for your thoughts. It's funny because people around me that I ask usually say that I should just tell him what I want to do and do it. How can I let him make that kind of decision for me. But, true to form, you guys who are just like me can see the deeper issues involved. You're totally right... who's going to make who's life more miserable over this one. My fear is that he'll finally relent and then I'll pay for it with years of his inability to be happy when I'm not at home. I'm not sure he could turn off his melancholy, frustration, anger, and neediness. So, the question is, who can get over it more easily.
Thank you so much for helping me work though this. It really helps just to be able to voice what is so hard for me to deal with. And to be able to voice it to people who really get me is a blessing.
Hey O,Do what's in your heart to do. You have only one life to live here, so might as well prioritize what you want to do, and toss what you can't.
I invested 25 years in a fracked up marriage, and sacrificed my hiney for her, didn't pursue the career I wanted, so am doing what I HAVE to do to survive. If you're not happy, why live? That was a stupid question. B/c it could happen...
...happiness, that is...
oh, well, I hear there's no crying in eternity. God must have some dyno anit-Ds...
Hey! I just figured out what my problems all stem from!!!
A lot of people take anti-Ds...
anti-david'0s
Oooooh, that was PityFull.
Party anyone? Where's sillygurl when you need a hostess?
you know what i would do omalley. i would just tell him over and over again how much you love him but how much this is something you really want to do.
it's all about reassurance in the end.
and the important thing is - you are responsible for you. you make the decision - you take the consequences.
you can't make a decision based on well, if i do this to make him happy then five years down the line he will equally do something to make me happy. because it doesn't guarantee that --- i mean after all, are you not already at that stage? where you feel you supported him and now it is his turn and (surprise!) it's not all ok, honey whatever you want...
a little communication can go a long WAY.
as for everyone around you. i am not sure in a marriage you can just tell someone what you want to do and then just do it - because it impacts them as well. but equally he can't just tell you not to do it - because that impacts you.
well, good luck! i have a feeling you will be able to persuade him and that he will be pleased that you did. and very proud of you when you become DS omalley...
I thinks parents need a life outside their kids lives. One day the kids will be on their own then what. My wife wants a life outside the kids lives but the jobs she can do don't pay well. It all depends on what you define sucess as for your self. [QUOTE=omalley]
Here I go again and I still can't help thinking someone's going to be thinking, Geez... how can we get Omalley to Shut Up?! [/QUOTE]
And one day........
Well, you know!!!!!
P.S. I WAS kidding....
Post often we need each other!!!!
[QUOTE=pastmember]I thinks parents need a life outside their kids lives[/QUOTE]
Yup.....
And one day....
PIGS WILL FLY
[QUOTE=omalley] I want to be a cop. [/QUOTE]
I just read a post you placed in a different thread. You mentioned your age... 35.
Every department has slightly different requirments but I think you are too old according to the requirements set fourth by *most* States. Most states and/or police departments say that the candidate for Police officer must meet all requiremnets at the time of graduation from their designated academy.
It normally takes several months (6+) to begin the hiring process after the candidate submits a request to begin the process....... Some departments take up to one year to compleate the process. Most departments have academy stays of 6 months or more (some are 9).
If you live in a large metropolitan area you are looking at at least two years from the time you submit your initial request to begin the process until graduation from their Law Enforcement academy.
That means you are looking at being about 38+ years old when you actually hit the street. Check the age requirements of the PD's you might apply to.
I was involved in Law enforcment youth programs in elementry and JR. High schools. I was a Law Enforcement Explorer in high school. It's a rough trip. I took MANY administration of justice classes in JR. college. After all that, issues behind my ADHD kept me from being hired. Talk about a heart-break. Mine was a lifetime dream struck down a chemical imbalance I have very little control over.
Don't let my words stop you from persuing this ambition of yours, but keep them in the back of your mind. Reality takes over all of our lives at one point or another.
ZORG38659.4093287037It can vary greatly from state to state, whether they are civil service jobs or not. I know of some people who have joined the state sheriffs department and opted to do 2 years of correctional facility duties so they can get their foot in the door.In MA it's incredibly difficult to get involved in the police force.
You're already ahead of the game with your previous experience, just search local towns and find their hiring practices. 35 is getting up there for the police, but several will continue intake til 40.
DEA, ATF etc have a limit of 36 (I seem to recall). This was something I was looking at doing for a while when I started getting burnt out by tech work.
You'll find a way in if you want to :) there's always consultancy work and other related fields that will not require such strict requirements - it's just about being imaginative and discovering what it really is about the role that appeals so much.
I have thought about the federal thing (fbi, atf, etc) but there the age requirement applies and it wouldn't work for me. However, in local law enforcement, it's not an issue. They just want you to not be too old and feeble but otherwise they take anyone who's any good. And, I'm thankful I look a lot younger than my age because I'd feel so old otherwise.
I have an advantage here and I could have the job if I told them to put me in the process. Like I said, I love this city as an employer and I wouldn't work anywhere else. It's being here and working in this environment that has made me feel in my heart that this could work for us. They are very considerate here and family is everything. It would still be hard because I'd be at the bottom of the bid list but after I hit two years in patrol I have all but a guarantee that I'd get the first job to come up such as investigations, DARE, schools, whatever. They've even indicated that they'd like someone like me, with a background in education to perhaps move into a training position. There are so many possibilities with my advanced degrees and I'd move up quickly. There aren't enough cops around here with much education.
I've been over every possible issue but the one I can't make my husband handle is the whole not having me home every night thing. I'd be there some nights but a lot I wouldn't for a while (just 2 years, maybe 3). And if I worked mids, no one would miss out on anything except my husband wouldn't have me in bed all night. Why is that so damn hard to deal with for him?! I suppose with my ADHD tendencies, I don't have a problem being alone or detaching enough for both of us to be sane individuals. He's come a long way from being totally attached at the hip but I see the big long-term picture of many, many years together and he can't see past tomorrow night.
Thank you all for your support. I'll let you know what I come up with. I've set up an appointment with a therapist who specializes in adults with ADHD. Maybe he can help me sort through it all. Part of me thinks I need to get my hubby to a therapist so he can do some sorting of his own. I also told him that I need him to not be so swayed by the 'changes and chances' of this world and to trust God. I said that if it isn't the Will of God then it won't happen but we both need to be open to both sides. I told him I'll come at it with as much openness as he's willing to give me.
My daughter went through this with her husband only in reverse. He wants to be the cop. It is just so terribly frightening to imagine your loved one in this type of job. It scares the h#ll out of ya. He won her over by convincing her that he believed it was God’s will for him to become a police officer. If God puts that desire in your heart, there has got to be a reason for it. We need good, decent, police officers who desire the job because helping people is their heart. There are also lots of other jobs in law enforcement that could be a possibility or compromise? SIL will be out of the police academy in Dec. I just hope he doesn’t find my pot. (joke)
Omalley, if it is what you really want to do, you have to find some way to convince your hubby, or else you will only resent him. Hell, tell him that you'll end up resenting him! Did you find out if you are within the age limit to be a cop?tricky situation...
i think that your dh needs to understand and respect your dreams and desires..
how to do this?? no idea.. counselling maybe??
i think cj hit the spot when she wrote "the question is whether he would really make your life intolerable if you took the job or whether you will really make his life intolerable if you don't."
good luck on whichever decision you make..
omalley - i'm not married and i know you have to compromise in marriage. but that goes both ways ---if i was your husband, i would prefer to have a happy wife - than an unhapppy and resentful one. talk it over one more time with him. try to show him how it will impact the marriage for the better - if you think it will.
good luck.
i am sure you will make a great cop.
i really have no clue how to make a marriage work but it is somewhat an insecurity on his part, that he believes that you wanting a job you love is reflective of his inability to give you everything that you need. perhaps if you could reassure him on that point, it would help.
perhaps if you try to underline that it is actually healthier for many marriages for the partners not to be so dependant on just each other but have outside influences that fulfill them too --- meaning that they have more to give to each other.
either way --- change. we all are slightly resistant to it, your husband no exception.
the question is whether he would really make your life intolerable if you took the job or whether you will really make his life intolerable if you don't.
a little bit of communication and compromise and it could result in both of you making an effort to be more supportive of each other...
i guess it is a big decision and you really need to work it through... good luck.
Here I go again and I still can't help thinking someone's going to be thinking, Geez... how can we get Omalley to Shut Up?! But, knowing you guys can totally relate, I'll put out what is most likely my biggest issue in life (besides ADHD and yet also related to it).
I want to be a cop. I have really wanted to do this ever since I stumbled upon a part-time job at a PD five years ago. I never knew it even existed as a choice until that moment. What I find so intriguing about law enforcement is the constant stimulation, the interesting stories, the humor everyone has to stay sane, it is a constant puzzle, it keeps me totally in-tune. I've worked as a records clerk, station officer (not sworn, just taking simple reports), and every other job possible that a civilian can do. Currently, I am a jack of all trades records clerk/crime analyst/report editor. I love the people I work for. The city government (and the PD command staff as well) really cares about its employees and really looks for ways to let people move around and capitalize on their abilities.
My big problem is that my hubby can't fathom the idea. He blames it, mostly, on scheduling issues. I think he could deal with the whole worrying thing b/c I'm in a low-crime area where it's big-time news if someone actually fires their gun at anything other than a rabid animal. Anyway, he says that we couldn't manage the schedule and that both of us can't be working jobs that might require hours beyond the normal 8-5. He normally works these hours but puts in overtime (within reason) and travels maybe once a month (at most).
What hurts so much is that since he's been working (post-grad school), I've never said 'no' to him, as far as I can remember. I never told him not to go on a work trip even when the kids were babies and I was nursing all night and exhausted. In addition, he found soccer again so he started playing pickup once or twice a week and also joined some adult leagues. So for roughly eight years, he's been able to call me up and say, "I have to go blah, blah next Monday." This includes work trips to south america for a couple weeks at a time (but now it's only a couple days here and there in Nebraska where his company is headquartered). I never said no even when I was so tired and stressed and almost unable to cope. Add to that my undiagnosed ADHD and it was disasterous in many ways.
So, the kids are in 2nd and 5th grade now. I still do everything to make sure he gets to do what he wants as far as work and soccer. But, I want to be a cop. I try to push it down and sometimes I am actually happy doing what I'm doing but everytime a new group of applicants comes in, I fall apart with resentment and anger and hurt. I am certain that his real reason for not allowing me to do this is that he cannot imagine having to spend some evenings without me or taking care of all the running around with the kids on an on-going basis, or perhaps, if I worked mids, sleeping alone for a few nights a week. He can't stand it when I'm not around and I'm out doing something I want to be doing.
In his defense, he's come so far from the days when I gave up friends for him because he couldn't handle my being out without him. He's a great person, an absolutely wonderful father and he's come so far as a husband (with the help of couples therapy). But this is huge to me and I can't seem to get over it. I'm trying. I could be totally wrong and I often question if I'm being as selfish as he is. But I'd be so good at that job. It is perfect for me and I'd do it so well.
That's a very, very long explanation of the important question: Should I just stop wanting this in order to keep happiness in the home? I'd only have to work odd shifts for 2-3 years and the kids would only be in 5th & 8th grade. Then I would, without a doubt, move to a more specialized (detectives, school officer, etc) position which would have only day shifts. I've been told as much by the Deputy Chief and he will make it happen. Hubby just can't see the advantages of me working eves for a while, like in the summer when I could be home with the kids during the day. I feel like he's just being selfish because he is the one who would have to give up time with me. I wouldn't just be there for him every evening and make sure the house runs all the time. He'd have to make that sacrifice for 2-3 years but I'd have the career I really, really want. He can't see that we have a lifetime together and that we don't have to cram it all in the first 20 years. I think it would be better to do this now because I really think the kids will need me even more when they're older and so exposed to the world and growing and becoming adults. Right now they have great friends and wonderful families they go with after school and it is a good age for that. In high school, they would be alone after school and I dont' think that is a good idea on a consistent basis.
Am I being selfish? (If I am, please tell me and I'll work harder at getting over it.)