Angry . . . | ADHD Information
ANGER!!!!!
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
know just what you mean.
anger has caused me to isolate myself quite a lot. i used to drive lots of people away with it/ because of it.
now, i mostly retreat when i know anger is going to be a bad influence on me for the day.
a major challenge for me, is to fight the urge to label my life a waste.
i'm hoping that this era of my life is learning what really does work for me. that i can let my adhd do what it does well, so i can relax and be me, and that the idea of success has to become different than what i thought it should be.
i'm hoping life will get a little easier, knowing that there is an explanation for lots of this so-called 'abnormality' i have been suffering through for so long.
i'm hoping (somewhat desparately in fact) that my weaknesses can be turned from liabilities into things i enjoy, or laugh off, or just do less.
be mad. life is frustrating enough when you don't have to wrestle with your own brain day and night.
also be glad. we're not stuck on the monorail with the other cardboard cut-out ppl.
ever have the anxiety dream that you have to be at a test, or some other important event, and the whole dream is you trying to get there, having doorways that open to the wrong room, hallways too crowded, wrong directions, inaccurate clocks, etc.?
that is my waking life. i have those dreams fairly frequently. i live them every day. that is enough to lose sleep over, and end up overloaded w/frustration.
Well . . . I crashed from lack of sleep this week, this afternoon. Took a napand feel ok. It was more like my body took the nap, I did not have a lot to do
with it. You guys make me laugh . . . the reading backwards thing. I thought
I would get one or more of you . . . perhaps I did. They are the ones whom
did not reply, you know who you are. LOL.
It is the weekend, lets hope it is a good one for all.
darn it upwings
and i was doing so good at hiding it...
three hours of lying there . . . so less sleep than that. This week I have
been up early a lot and in as my head is so full of useful and not
thoughts, I just can not stop and sleep. Thus I am slow during the day
and feel as though I should nap, but can not. Rest just eludes me this
week.
So I am angry. Angry with a smirk, that I am wasting my time, wasting
my life on static. It would seem that knowing and being able to control
this are make no difference. Now do not get me wrong here, I would not
want to be 'normal.' Slow and trodding a drone if you will. But this is not
all a bunch of roses either.
I wish I had friends . . . no I do not. They are, for the most part slow and
unimaginative, trodding and plodding. I can, in my mind ZOOM round the
universe, finish their sentences AND fix their problem . . . before they
stop talking. For myself however I seemed doomed to play "Pong" in my
head for the rest of my natural life. Always moving . . . never going
anywhere.
Sometimes I think of where I could be . . . and just am disappointed at
where I am. I know that no matter what, things accomplished, no matter
what, are just that accomplished. I need to move on to the next 'thing.' I
could never 'stay' in one place. Have one career, goal or other. I always
'thirst' for new and ever stimulating adventures. Leaving a trail of mostly
finished, or close enough in my mind, projects and relationships in my
wake. You see if I can see the end in my mind, there is no need to finish
same in the flesh, Move on to the 'next' thing. It is as good as done. It
would be a boooor to finish something. Anticlitamtic you see. That is
what the 'others' do, finish things I dream up, invent, design.
Mundane is not for me, you see. But the fact is I am a bit angry this
morning, For I see that I am mundane, and unfinished. As it always has
been, so must it always be. At least I know I have a problem(s). Anxiety,
depression, from or because (chicken or egg) of my ADD or ADHD.
If any of you AAD'ers made it this far, give yourself a pat on the back and
it looks like you are on top of your game for today. If you started here,
lol, like I often do, read the last paragraph first . . . perhaps we have a
right to be 'angry' from time to time.
upwings, i think we all feel that way from time to time.. and do things like that very frequently..and i will give myself a
... i read your entire post !! i do read backwards at times.. but at least i read it all!!hope you have a better day in the morning!!!
Take 4 Valerian root capsules nightly. Relaxes the body. May be you need a thyroid test which effects sleeping habits. This happens when my wifes thyroid is off balalnce.
Upwings, I was having very similar thoughts yesterday to the point where I got myself so aggitated that I couldn't do any work, which you know just makes everything worse.
I was angry because I came up with an idea at work 2 years ago but never pursued - fear of the actual work that needed to be done, fear that I would fail, fear that I wouldn't know what I was doing and/or open a pandora's box.
Now, my idea is being implemented by someone who is getting all the credit and I think to myself, that could've been me. Then my paranoia kicks in because I think that maybe my job is going to be phased out. Then I get irrational and mad because no one has come to me to ask for my opinion and utilize my experience. I feel slighted. And the cycle goes on.
Up until an hour ago, today I feel a little better. I still haven't accomplished any of the projects I need to work on, but I made a ton of phone calls I've been putting off and helped others look good (which will eventually make me look good). We'll see if this feeling continues.
OMG!!! I thought I was the only one that read backwards!!! I'm serious!! Though mostly with just magazines, I would start at the end paragraph and work my way to the beginning!!! Also, I tend start at around the last story.ONCE AGAIN THIS BOARD MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M NOT ALONE!! THIS TIME, I DONT FEEL CRAZY FOR READING BACKWARDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!