my adhd betrayed my only friend | ADHD Information
everyone:
Sammy seems ok now. hes humping his green bone shaped pillow i bought him when i went to the store to cuz i had to buy batteries. (i didnt get batteries tho...instead i got his pillow, 2 books, crayons, and a "i'm sorry" card). he wont stop shagging. its been like this for a week now. hmm. dude i think i overreacted about the dog zipper thing. but did i? seemed to be a "sh*t your pants" scenario to me. but im adhd, i got enough emotions to start my own company that sells emotions by the bottle. plus it looked like my book bag was trying to eat my dog. but the vet did say that she thinks i'm "more shaken up than the dog". pffsshhh. anyways
yes green ketchup has been discontinued. and i am NOT happy. they WILL be hearing from me (exactly when cannot be determined at this time)
one time i almost checked myself into the mental hospital because i didn;t want to clean my room. the force feild that surrounds my parents slowly sucks my sanity to the point where im about to lose it
this evening i ignored my parents while i was hyperfocused on the computer. it spontaneously comes once a week, twice if im lucky. i must take advantage! i had more sh*t then i can bear from today, so i openly irritated. dang it sammy just poop on the floor...*SIGH BRB (mental note: hire a poop-man)* ok im back sorry that took so long, he tinkled on the carpet too. one day i will invent a substance that, when sprayed on dog piss in carpets or clothes, will react to yeild a flowery fragrance smell. but anyhoo: "clean up your pig sty. youre an adult we dont need to remind you like youre a child" they said. 
i say, "if you dont NEED to tell me, then why are you exerting energy in what u believe is not necesary? look, if 'necessities' equal 'needs' reduced by lcm, then 'dont tell me' can be expressed by the molecular weight of my room times the cube root of 'annihilation'+my room." "[blink blink]..what?"
sigh. im misunderstood cuz they're normals or cuz they're parents?
what do you call that thing in the back of your throat? i always called it a hangey ball, but my ex called it a punching bag.
Sorry to hear you are having such a sh*tty day. The pup doesn't blame you, and you shouldn't blame yourself-- it was an accident, and accidents happen. He won't even remember what happened to him, or if he does, he'll at least know not to chew on your bookbag any more!
I don't know what you have against crying, because I've always thought that crying is a great way to relieve stress and anxiety when there is nothing else that you can do. You are having a hard time, and you need a release. After you sit down and have a great bawl, go to sleep, and when you wake up, you'll feel a heck of a lot better.
We're rooting for you.
Hi Lost! I'm also in Seattle (Lynnwood) and if it weren't for me starting a bout of non-stop crying 3 or 4 years ago
, I probably would never have gotten help or an eventually diagnosis. I called the crisis number and got in immediately to see a counselor at Compass Health. It was the road to 'finding' myself and understanding why I've been like I have been all my life (55+ years!)
The first thing they did was put me on antidepressants, which helped tremendously. Adults living undiagnosed since childhood definitely have depression co-morbid with AD/HD...and understandably so, right?
You are very fortunate to have parents to go home to. I was actually on the street for a short while because I didn't have any family to take me in.
And you ask: sigh. im misunderstood cuz they're normals or cuz they're parents? I know AD/HDers are some of the most misunderstood people on earth...IMO! And then again, parents are also great for misunderstanding their children. So I'd say 50/50. 
My felines are my 'children'...and the vet is probably correct...when they hurt themselves, it usually hurts us more than it does our little furbabies/puppies. He'll still love you unconditionally.
Possibly your STNR reflex is still bothering you. I know that it is my problem.
Check out this book and this site.
I think it is incredibly helpful.
LostinSeattle
hyperfocus is so precious and fleeting. I also try to hang on to it as long as possible. It causes trouble, doesn't it? With people who don't understand what you're trying to preserve?
The hangey-down part? It's a uvula - they had a great sketch in the 70s on saturday night satiring those health commercials called "get to know your uvula". VERY funny! It's part of the gag reflex - yuck.
Don't every think you're nuts for reaching out here. It's such a great place full of unjudgemental people. I wish so much that I'd reached out earlier in my life when I, too, needed a crisis line. And if you think you need it, call the crisis line... if it can keep just one horrible moment from happening then you have another day to keep working at getting better. Keep writing and keep letting it all fall out onto the forum because the most important thing is to feel like you have someone to listen and that's what everyone around here does best.
You're not alone and you're not odd around here and I often feel that if I'd just had someone, anyone, to let it out to, I might have avoided some of the darkest periods of my life.
Keep us posted. Your dog will easily forget and his love will always be unconditional and completely pure and always yours.
what valzap said!
you didn't betray your puppy. you just feel like it cause of your awful mood.
sometimes on really bad days, something awful like that can happen, and i do the worst thing you could probably do- i beat myself up with all the f**kups of mine i can remember. i just keep flogging myself 'till i am just the most worthless piece of crap i can even imagine.
pretty stupid, huh?
i think you're beating yourself up a little, to make the bad day complete and inescapable.
you don't need to.
let me give you a hug. you definitely need one
thanks you guys. i feel a little better..i tell myself its ok. im trying to convince myself...it should happen eventually. cuz im gonna forget about all this in a few days. adhd is good for something after all.
sammy's snout is really swollen and he has trouble licking and yawning. any dog mothers/fathers/betrayers know the best way to feed him?
thanks for the support everyone. you dont know how much it means cuz u arent me. but it means so much right now..
First, May I ask:Green Ketchup? Wasn't that discontinued?
Second:
Accidents happen! They are heart breaking!
Third:
If you go to therapy, maybe see if you can go with your father. It sounds like the two of you need to come to an understanding. Him calling you a lazy arse is not helping your self esteem. It is not helping you figure out your life either. Is this possible?
adhd. i dont trust myself anymore. this day. out of all days in my life.. has been the worst so far..i need to get this out before i lose it....ive waited weeks for my appointment at the hospital to get diagnosed and start treatment. but they call and cancel because theres some sort of emergency or something. military doctors...gotta love em. so i call other doctors..counselors...therapists. no one answers or everyone is booked for the next 3 years. i called 6 numbers. what to do but cry.then i go to starbucks and the line is as long as the nile river. so i wait forever, get my coffee, and go to the bank to deposit some money. i was -300. then i come home and see my puppy. the only joy of my life, i love sammy. he never tells me im lazy or dumb. he loves me and actually likes it when i act like a child. and he loves to play with my things too. today he decided to chew on my bookbag. i was lost in my world....and snapped out of it when i heard sammy. the zipper tab of my book bag got caught in his gums and teeth and his tongue was caught in it. i dont know how he did it...i have never in my life heard a sound that actually ripped apart my eardrums and bore thru my heart. hes a little toy pomeranian, and still just a baby. all this may not seem like a big deal, but my only friend was going thru the most insanely painful time..and its my fault. there was blood, he was hysterical. i was hysterical. and no one was home. i had to hold tightly to my chest with the book back behind him, pressing both into me as tight as i could. he was still trying to get this horrid contraption off and i was trying to keep it in. i couldnt drive. i couldnt think. i couldnt breath. i run across the street. please open i need help...im a crying mess, its raining, i have no shoes. just my only friend that i betrayed. everything is ok. my neighbor took my dog and his hysterical adhd owner to the vet. he is sedated and sleeping. enter my dad (yeah, im back at home for a few months until i can it together). wondering what happened, then yelling at me for my messy room. demanding to know what my lazy arse is going to do with my life, im stupid for not being able to finish school while holding a job.
i'm losing it. i cant stop crying. i never cry, but i cant stop. i need help. why am i throwing my issues on the internet? i dont know. i think i'll call the crisis hotline. but they probably wont answer either. i'll try anyways..after i take a nap with sammy. i dont deserve him..
Lost, you're posting this on the internet because you know you're in like company. We know what it feels like to be where you are. Are you okay? Do you have AIM or MSN?Lost - I think we've all been where you are. It can all seem so overwhelming - so deep you can't possibly dog paddle until you get help. But you can. We all did - and so will you.
It gets BETTER. It always does. You are probably feeling even more glum as the days get shorter - all this darkness tends to make many people feel extra sad and dark inside.
Love your friend. Puppy doesn't hold anything against you. After the shock of getting his tongue caught (I know I'd be freaking!) he was all happy again I'll bet.
Parents can be a hassle. I was 22 when I went back to live with them temporarily when I was in a pickle. I had a friend over to have a coffee late at night - my dad came down in his undies and barked at me for being up so late! When he went back upstairs I was mortified - but was able to joke about it and we gave my dad a nickname - "Captain Haynes". We had a good laugh at that.
It was only this last year (I'm 38) where my dad has learned to accept me as a grownup and talk to me that way. Now - we're closer than I thought we'd be. I was beginning to think I'd be at his funeral someday wishing we'd become closer. It can happen thankfully.
Be of good cheer - we are HERE for you!!
You do deserve him. Accidents happen and puppies, like small children are all loving and forgiving.
He won't hold it against you.
I'm a mother and parents feel they always have to keep after our children to grow, stretch, improve. We too often sound unloving. Too often, it appears that we don't understand. Sometimes we don't. We are only human, but we do love our kids deeply. Thats why we get on your case so often.
We see the perfection in you and want to bring it out so that others also see it and appreciate the wonderful person you are.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Try to cut your father some slack. He may not have the exact same motivation as I do but it is the rare person who does not love his or her child with a passion that the child cannot comprehend. Even after having your own child, it is hard to imagine that your parents could have loved you as much, as intensely.
I just want you to know that you are loved exactly as you are. You are wanted. You are so very special in the eyes of more people than you realize.
Hang in there. I care. Many people here care. You are not as alone as you feel.
I can understand your grief with the dog, as I have one and she is my child. You can't hold yourself responsible for everything. Puppies will get into all sorts of trouble.
Who could possibly know how they can wind up hurting themselves. I would never think that the book bag could be dangerous to them. My dog ate shot glasses - and they were up in a high place that she still managed to knock down. So even with precautions you can't predict every action.
I know it is a traumatic experience to see them in that pain, but don't think you are the one who did it to him. You did not betray him and you need to get that kind of thinking out of your head or you'll drive yourself crazy.
Think to yourself about what is going right:
1. You are being proactive and seeking help for yourself in getting a diagnosis.
2.You realized you needed assistance and weren't too proud to go back to your parents.
3. However horrible it might be living with them (we've all been there, yuck I moved back for nine months with my husband and dog, and then my sister and nephew moved back while we were there - talk about tense!!) they accepted you and took you back in which means they love you.
4. You didn't say there was permanent damage to the puppy, so he will be alright andI bet he won't go back to chewing on zippers.
5. Today was a bad day. Cry, let out your emotions and know that tomorrow is another day.
Good luck and don't hesitate to reach for help from anybody or anywhere you can get it. That's a good sign.
Oh, BTW, Lost...you can feed your little one baby food if he's still having problems with his mouth. Spoon feed him, if necessary. He'll be fine.