dream job--the other half of the story | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=sachetm]

Only if you're ready to actually GET it! Dreaming of a job (or anything else) is one of the best ways not to get it since your focus is on the dreaming rather than the getting.

It's pretty much the same dynamic as talking about being a Christian (or whatever). Focus is on the talking rather than the ACTING. Know what I mean?

(BTW, LOVED Jonesie's advice. Falls into the category of doing the stuff necessary to actually GET the job! Men are soooo easy to maneuver through sex, poor things. In a way, nature gave them a raw deal!

[/QUOTE]

I all but have the damn application filled out.   I've been sitting on this a long time. I've got the command staff in my corner and I'm just trying to be patient (impossible) while I get my hubby in the same place. I want it soooooo badly! I've even spent time figuring out child care for the schedule, training my replacement in my current position and what my first roll call will be like when all the guys are laughing their asses off at me because I'm wearing a uniform (good humor... it will be a strange change).

Just a note... hubby and I talked last night again. We actually came out of the conversation as happy as we were before it began. He really is trying to overcome what keeps him from supporting me in this area. I should also note that there is a trust issue here... I can't blame him for that one. I hurt him. But, it was a few years ago and I've worked my ass off to prove my trustworthiness to him. I sometimes feel like I don't deserve what I want because I hurt him. However, there is a long, long history of jealousy and clinginess and not allowing me to do anything without him that began when we were dating. It was like after years of depression over losing some friends and feeling boxed in, I did the very thing he was afraid of when there was no chance in the world it would happen.

So, I still wrestle with the idea that this may be my penance. And at the same time, I have all those years of hurt when he would be jealous if I said an actor was cute or if I talked to a man outside of our circle of 'friends' and family. It was hell but, he would never, ever, ever, ever cheat on me. I know this implicitly. But, after something like 8 years, I had a total breakdown and almost ruined our lives. The good side was we finally got counseling and he started his road to overcoming his issues. The therapist told him he couldn't call me 10 times a day and that I'd leave him if he kept pushing me. We're in a totally different place and I love him so much.

Now that I've confessed my most horrible secret (and I'm so ashamed I can't even describe the feeling), do I still deserve to have my dream job?

Please don't be too disappointed in me. I'm not that person anymore. I got help and he got help. My last thread on the 'dream job' was aimed at addressing the issue of his need for my time and his need to always be a part of every single thing I do but in talking with him last night, I decided that the other half of the equation should now be presented so that maybe the responses would be different. In my mind, they are two separate issues (while related) that need to be addressed individually because he has always had jealousy and need issues, even when we were in the honeymoon stage and I didn't know any differently. It was only after I started to resent him for missed opportunities and friends and experiences with my own friends that I realized what I should have seen when we were dating. But, that's absolutely no excuse for cheating. I have no excuse, only pain.

I hated him for a long time but I can't remember that feeling anymore or put myself in that place. I want this job so badly and have for a few years now but sometimes I feel like I don't have the right to be pushy on this. It's almost like it could very well be a punishment I deserve.

You do not have to continually do penance for something you did years ago, repented of, and have every intention of avoiding in the future.

Give yourself some slack. Its time you forgave yourself and moved on. Go for the dream job and enjoy it!

 

no one could possibly be disappointed in you... you are only human!!
i think you need to move on from your guilt.. the past has happened and you can't change that.. nor should you feel guilty about something you can't change..
you are remorseful and i really think that you have paid your 'penance' as you like to put it..
but i really don't understand how these two things relate.. you following your dreams of becoming a cop is irrelevant to your personal past with your husband.. you have every right to follow your dream of becoming a cop!!! 

don't let the past bog you down.. shake it off and start again!!!
Typical ADD. You dwell in the past. So do I and many others, even when the past issue is years , even a lifetime behind us.
Like everyone else said, you have to forgive and forget sometime.  It's insanity to always keep that in the forefront -- when can you get on with your lives?  My DH, while we were *together* had some crazy drunken we'll call it rendezvous in a GRAVEYARD with a girl he knew I utterly despited, and he bragged about it.  Hell YES it drove me crazy and made me so angry, but I had to get over it, for both of us, or leave.  If you choose to stay together, it has to be all or nothing -- he either forgives you or he doesn't.  Either way, you have a dream and a goal and some BS from a completely unrelated matter should not hold you back!

[QUOTE=Brookelea]

but i really don't understand how these two things relate..

[/QUOTE]

It was a cop (not where I work now and he was fired from that department and I was told he moved out of state).

The department I work for is so different and has shown me that the Chief can set the expectations and that cops can be good people who love their family implicitly and don't let their friends get away with anything and everything. At the old department, cops would get their 'bills' at the station for their extra cell phone and credit card their spouse didn't know about. At my current dept, the Chief has a long-standing rule that you can't receive personal mail. They also buzz in all family who show up without even forwarning the person they are there to see. I love it because it is an assumption of honesty and trust and it is known that to be otherwise is not tolerated (i.e. punishment is swift around our dept).

The more I pour out the whole story, the more pain I feel reading it...