this happened to me 10 minutes ago | ADHD Information

[QUOTE=LosTinSeattLe]i dont know about kicking him out. but then again im not your son..last time i was kicked out i was in high school and afer being thrown out it just got worse.

I just got home.  He's in bed with a bad headache.  Nothing done around here.  Hasn't even washed his own dishes.  I worked all day.  He says his head had hurt all day.  Then I find out that he's taken an old car of ours out.  We don't have insurance on it and he's been told not to drive it.  He said he was "bored" Anyway, I throw one of those fits I imagine your mom throws.  I tell him it was stupid to take out that car.  Get a job and buy your own car.  Clean up this mess.  Why should I work all day and come home to wash your dishes.  And the whole time, I hate how I sound.  I hate how we live.  I hate that his life is not easier, but I don't see him making any effort at all to change.  Maybe he can't, but then where does that leave us. 

To LosTinLeattle - I don't know how to do quotes.  I thought I did it right but I didn't.  I also don't know the forum lingo.  What's a dd, dh, troll, etc.?ya know renny - i would have a real heart to heart with him.  and HELP him out - don't chuck him out.

look together for a flat-share or a one bed flat for him.  help him with the deposit.  look for a job WITH him.  coerce him into getting into the interview, this stuff is gonna be hard work but in the long run it is going to help you get him out the house which you need.  and help him get a job and a sense of responsibility which he needs.  

so help him MAKE the changes.  don't expect him to do it all on his own because he is not capable but if you don't do it together then it won't get done --- he needs HELP to get off his backside and get a job.  you can help him with that rather than just yelling at him.

and it will help you both in the long run.

good luck.
is he on medication renny1?????

I think the problem with some ADHD people is that they feel that their disability entitles them to special treatment.

I went to college.  I took biochemistry too  (ended up one of my favorite subjects.)  I lived away from home, worked 2 jobs to make ends meet, and took ritalin to get me through it all.  I have very, very severe ADD, and I am struggling like hell right now to live without medication because my husband and I are going to try for a baby.  I'm scared, I'm having trouble at work - but I take responsibility for my own actions. 

Renny, I know your pain.  My parents are dealing with the same thing.  My brother is 21 and living at home and using ADHD as his excuse.  Self pity and a sense of entitlement are poisonous things.  He's intelligent enough to take care of himself - he's just accustomed to having others do things for him.  THese "kids" aren't going to do well unless they start getting some self respect, and start respecting others.  Yes, he needs a job.  Yes, he needs to be humbled a bit and take responsibility for his actions, and help out around the house.  Maybe a list of chores will be helpful as a first step, and without him doing them, take away things he enjoys, like cable, or computer access.  I wish you luck. 

Reni,

I don't have much advice for you in regard to your son.  My dd (Dear Daughter) is only 9 and I hope she isn't still at home when she is 21.  I left home at 18 but hated my family situation enough to go anywhere but were they where.  I certainly don't recommend that as an option. 

I can tell you what the dh means Dear Husband.  ds is Dear Son and so on.  troll I really have no idea.  someone else will have to cover that. 

I was wondering have you tried using the reward system on him.  I know he is too old for stars. But spending money is usually a good older person reward.  I wouldn't care if he cleaned his room just so long as he helped clean the rest of the house.  I don't fight with Jas about her room.  She cleans it if she has a friend she wants to impress.  And she doesn't get to have a friend over unless it is clean.  But she gets points for helping with the rest of the house.  She loves beating the rugs.  She says that is the only way to clean them. 

Lost maybe you should see if you can get your mother and dad to check us out.  I know I am learning allot about how adhd affects my dd.  And it sounds like she is worried that you are losing money to the bank.  Those overdraft fees are horrible.  You could be in the hole for a long time if you do it consistently.

"troll" means someone who is coming in to pick on others on a webboard.  For example, a meat eater coming in to pick on vegetarians on a vegetarian webboard.  They are there to provoke and stir up trouble.  I would hope this site doesn't have too many of those.

Hopeful_mother, the best way to make sure your daughter isn't living with you at 21 is to make sure she knows how to take care of herself.  of course you want to make life easier for her as she struggles with her ADD, but she also must learn how to take care of herself.  Let me tell you, moving out, and learning to take care of bills, emotional and interpersonal relationships, laundry, car maintainance, etc is very overwhelming for an ADDer.  Having her learn those tasks early, and learn how to budget and ORGANIZE (as soon as her daily activities and responsibilities, homework, etc get too much for her to remmeber, she needs a daily planner!  i always had trouble using one when i was younger, but now it is my best ally against my ADD.)  Praise is good, but praise when it is not deserved, is VERY VERY bad.  If a 21 year old thinks he should get PAID to do laundry when he is already living and eating for free at home, that is a very bad lesson to learn about the real world.

Good luck!!!

[QUOTE=Wren] I suck [/QUOTE]

Look on the bright side:

At least you know yourself!

lost- if u r in seattle, why do you write like a brit?

i've thought that of many of your posts.

it took me figuring out i was adhd before i backed off of my kids. if i could only take back so much!

now that i 'get' me a little bit, i have a hard time being so hard on them. i know what they are struggling with.

i am studying for my biochem test i have in a few hours (fingers crossed) and my mom runs in my room like a chiken with her head cut off. accusing me of things that are out of my control. i dont like to yell....so
i started screaming and thowing tantrums cuz her and my dad never listen when i attempt to discuss my adhd, they hella cut me off and say the crap is in my head.
so my mom is yelling about another overdraft fee letter from my bank i just recieved(dude. she opens my flippin mail. i cant remember to get it before my parents do. but thats another '10 minutes ago' story) anyways
everytime they jump on my ass for something i cant control sometimes, i tell them: its out of my control. which is true!! like..87.450% of the time. the rest of the time i feel that theres something to be done...but dont have no motivation.
so then i repeat the same cycle of telling her: i have a disorder that effects my memories amongst the MANY OTHER THINGS
and then she cuts me off and yells that i always forget to turn off the light.
         
umm no dude.
so i made the mature decision to repeat what i said but attempting to reach her thru another approach:
i tell my mom that i kept forgetting to deposit money cuz i have a i am mentally handicapp and extremely retarded and might have to go back to 1st grade. and im wearing a diaper right now. do you smell that?

[QUOTE=LosTinSeattLe] im wearing a diaper right now. do you smell that? [/QUOTE]

Well, that sounds like a biochem problem all on its own
:( It's hard for people to understand about ADHD. They just see the problem (bill late, forgotten lightswitch, unfinished project, piles around) and figure that since they only do this sort of stuff when they feel lazy or unmotivated, that must be what's going on with you too; and if they motivate you enough (yell, threaten punishment, etc.) you'll do it.

It's hard to argue that too. They think you're lazy, or unreliable, and that you're just using whatever excuse you can find.

bah.

I wish I could just explain to people what goes on in my head when I screw stuff up and not get "the look" from them.
ARGH I HATE "THE LOOK"!!!!! My big sister just gave me one when she came down to do laundry and found my whites in the machine with everything ready except to turn it on!

I suck

Lost, I'm not so sure that living at home with your parents is a good thing. Get out as soon as you can.

Also, see if you can find a system of banking that works for you. Online banking and using cash have helped me a lot, but all methods take too much constant attention for me. We really should lobby Congress to get banks to cut ADDers a break.

We need an ADD lobby! Of course, since a lot of ADDers are homeless or on the verge of being fired from their jobs, we won't be able to line politicians' pockets. This system sucks.

Just a few questions.  Did I read that you are 22 and still living at home while attending college?  That you have difficulty keeping a job?  That your parents complain because you keep your room a mess?  New question, do your parents pay your bills, do they pay the overdraft fees on your checking account?  I'm on this site because I have a son with many of your problems (plus some that I hope you don't have).  I am trying so hard to understand him.  I've gotten a much better picture of the world he lives in, but my question for you, him and all the rest of you out there:  What now?  What are you doing to help yourself?  I promise that I don't intend for that to sound mean, I really need to know.  I'm being told that the best thing for me to do for my son is to kick him out but somehow I get the idea that if he were writing about me, he'd get a lot of sympathy and understanding.i dont know about kicking him out. but then again im not your son..last time i was kicked out i was in high school and afer being thrown out it just got worse. i didnt go to school for the time iwas out and just did a lot of drugs. to take away the pain i guess. i was living on my own for a while, but its so much easier to be at home. im concentrating really hard in school and want to get everything i can out of school. i was never motivated like this until someone kept telling me how smart i was, everyday, and that i could do anything i wanted. it felt nice...and it made me open my eyes alittle. my family sucks, strait up, im pissed that i had to come back, and now i almost would rather suffer out there broke and slipping in school then hear their crap everyday. all i wanted was some understanding and to notice when i am trying, even if i make a mistake. but whatever i do goes unoticed. except for the bad things, those are framed and posted on the wall. is your son really trying? or just kind of sitting around?....everything really depends. once he finds that thing hes really good at then maybe he'll be really motivated to make his life like everyone else, cuz thats how i feel sometimes. i need understanding..i hate the fact that it has to come from the internet or a doc sometimes..like im paying for a friend. i hope things work out wiht your son, he'll be ok, just find that way to get to him.You know what ch, my daughter just started counseling and medication, and as much as I hope and pray it helps her, I really hope it doesn't take away her "her-ness". I love that she can be all sad and upset one minute, and singing and happy the next. I love her crazy ideas that come out of the blue. I love her (sometimes) brutal honesty, and the fact that she can't and doesn't even try to lie, even when it might be her best option (hint, hint, dealing with grandma!). I love when she calls me with her food cravings and ideas for what we're gonna do when she comes home. I even love that she can't plan 1 hour ahead. I love her optimism, even in the face of darkness. You can call it ADD, or you can call it "just her", but I wouldn't change these things about her for one minute. And I just realized I need to tell her that. I bet your mom feels the same chjones...My daughter is 21 and has many of these same problems; the overdraft fees, making the same mistakes over and over. She is a smart girl. But easily frustrated and that turns into "I don't care'! She is struggling with college full-time, plus the responsibilities of  living on her own (at school), life in general.  I have to tell you, I have much more patience with her than I do with my ADD husband. It seems like he would have figured out systems and methods to help himself long ago, even if he didn't have a name for it. Better for you to know your problems when you are young, and find good ways to cope, than to find yourself 50, and still not coping.hah!  ragurl....   oho, do i hear that.  i bet my mother says exactly the same about me, still.

one day.  one day.  it will all be worth it when i finally do something right!  it will all be worth it, it has to be.  it just has to be.  or i might as well kill myself right now.  my poor mother - what did she do to have such a useless waste of space as me as a daughter.  i am nice, at least some of the time anyways... so that is something i suppose.

it's just so rubbish - being such a constant let down.  ugh!
chjones, dont say that!!! I love my daughter more than life itself, she brings me such joy! I just hate to see her struggle so much. I want her life to be as great and fantastic as she so deserves, not a fight for every tiny thing. My daughter is NOT a letdown and neither are YOU!

you like spam without ketchup?!!? noooooooooooo....but ketchup and spam love each other.... and tobascco sauce. and rice. and pepsi.

i bought the movie: harold and the purple crayon...remember that book from childhood anyone???
im gonna save the children. i used to say: "im gonna save the world", but people dont believe me...
so i just say im gonna save the kids. and that way, the world wil be saved eventually~ im smarter then they think  =)

what does it take to save the children?
desire and intelligence~ heyyyy... those are what i got!!

but seriously, this world for the first time ever, is experiencing more problems with overweight than underweight people. children are getting hit the hardest. the children are all big now. fast food joints have increased in number in the nations hit the hardest with obesity. hmm~ could there be correlation?
obesity= all kinds of health problems.
they're gonna be having heart transplant surgeries before they graduate high school.  and  we cant forget those other nations that dont even eat at all. the kids of these places see all kinds of problems during the 2 years they actually survive
hmmmm~~ ..think think think.. there IS a way, there always is. we just gotta find it..

taritac

yes youre right. adhd people should get special treatment cuz we're special people! we're the ones that change this world for the better ...is that my adhd talking or an honest perspective? ionno~~...and yes, living with my paretns sucks ass. i really really did not want to come back here, but thought i should put up with their donkey sh*t for a couple years so i can finish school w/o distractions. but now i think i will take my school books and my extra huge bulk supply of coffee and energy products, and leave. anything is a million times better then people that make you feel like a outcast

I like spam, without ketchup..

 anyway.

 write her a letter, call her, make a video tape. record it in a song. do what you have to do. If you have adhd, you have it. she can't deny it away.