Is anyone else ANGRY? | ADHD Information
glenw is right about the emotions thing. i was always termed "sensitive" like it was a bad thing cuz i often embarrased or was hurt easily. then after i found out i was adhd, i realized yes im sensitive, but its because my big heart can hold lots of emotions. well its no wonder i get really happy and excited all the time. as well as angry sometimes too. i am a lovable person and cheerful. but i get ticked sometimes when i feel like all my years have been stolen from me and im now just being born.i get upset at the world not trying to understand me and trying to find the root of my behavior/mistakes rather than make stupid assumptions. i just remind myself that the world isnt as understanding and smart as us. it does make me feel a lot better. i know that people look at me, and see howi have something about me,and it makes them jealous or curious. all ADHD people have this in them~ its often blocked by anger, resentment, or secluding oneself in fear of name calling and such. but find your strengths and you will shine. for real. people in my bio class cant figure out why i come to class late and never take notes, yet my grades are all better than theirs!
you see, science is the only thing i pretty much excel in, but they dont need to know that... I think I have lots of anger stored up inside me. I get mad over the littlest
provocation at work I'll be in the middle of doing something and someone
interrupts me I get ticked. Or if I do so much as drop something that;s
enough to make me swear profusely. And if a customer is mean to me
that really really ticks me off and I have such mean thoughts about them
it's a little scary. like wanting to throw something at them or hit them.
and I can't stand criticism. my family thinks i'm this brat who has
soooooooooo much pride I can't admit my mistakes. whatever. If she
would just back off and calm down a bit that;s all I need. And she KNOWS
I have ADD, she's the one footing the bill for doctor/meds (I wish it was
me but sadly, at this time I am unable to d o so) so you'd think she'd be
more patient and understanding. seems like we both have some
bitterness, anger and resentment towards each other. We can't
understand. I think she's mean (and feel guilty for thinking so) and she
thinks I don't try hard enough or don't care enough. SIGH Seriously
sometimes I just want to like, disappear. I have this ridiculous fantasy of a
boyfriend comforting me like I've never been comforted before and telling
me it's gonna be alright., he'll be so sweet and nice and patient and never
get mad at me or yell at me. How peaceful would that be,it is a by product of all the years of scrutiny that you have endured.
you have to deal with those things or be enslaved to them forever.
But don't feel bad. I am 36 and still can't shake it all.
During my first few days of adjustment to dexedrine I felt a little boiling under the surface. It's natural I think - we are angry at having ADHD, at feeling like failures all this time and now our emotions are being dealt with instead of being forgotten. That's a lot for us to deal with at once.
I now find myself emotional - but all of the good emotions. I want to tell the people around me that I care about them. It feels very sickly-sweet sometimes but I know that it comes from honest emotions and if people who I deal with can't relate - well it's their loss.
Try and step back a bit when you feel the anger. Say to yourself "this is the ADHD talking NOT me - take it down a notch." Remember you have the time and patience to do what YOU want - you are not the unwilling victim of ADHD anymore.
Most important is to slow yourself down in life. Take time to look at what comes into your head - and decide whether it's legitamate for you to feel angry at that moment or if it's over reacting. Sometimes it's ok to feel upset and angry - if the moment calls for it!!
This is all too familiar. I am struggling with it all - but always working it. At least now I feel like I can work it even if it may take time- I hear lots of med adjustments are needed. Being lost in it all is no way I want to ever be again. Newly on meds, seeing the light and never knew it was ADHD or ADD, I just thought it was me. I will work it and be optomistic..on... I have come down from the initial high of meds and am now working it yeah all of the above ---
but it has been a bit of a revelation getting the diagnosis and like seeker, helps me kind of try to figure a way around the difficulties rather than just shouting at myself to be less useless and lazy and crap and hopeless and pointless and just figure a way to 'trick' my brain into doing what i want it to do rather than it 'tricking' me by getting me to fall back into a negative self-loathing, destructive frame of mind which is entirely counter-productive.
so the diagnosis has been a partway cure in and of itself. i am still working on the rest.....
but anger, oh yeah, anger....... i rarely show it, but i write it, i vent and i feel it. most people would probably regard me as calm and easy-going a sort of nothing bothers you type of person. it does i just learnt not to express it ages ago. except occasionally giving a two-fingered salute to a driver who annoyed me which i enjoy on a lot of levels because it releases some of that anger but in the end it's not the best way to counteract anger. you just have to try to learn not to give into it.
i have the same problem with 'sloth' i have to learn somehow - how not to give into it. i find it easier with anger on some levels not to show it but i find it REAL hard to motivate myself to do things when i get paralysed and blocked. i can sit for two hours having some sort of mental fight in my head as to who actually has control over my body....
but i am just way too much in my head anyways. i have to get out of my head sometimes too - it's much healthier for me.
yeah- i've always been called 'thin-skinned', i 'wear my heart on my sleeve', i 'flip out at the drop of a hat'.
in fact, it was my 'anger problem' that lead me to adhd. my short temper and frustration caused lots of depression, which nothing was alleviating.
i didn't think it would be a part of adhd to be short tempered, that is, until i started doing lots of reading.
i think there are multiple reasons for it.
you want so much to do things as fast as you think. it's hard to do that w/out making mistakes.
you are always anticipating screwing up, or falling short. you don't need someone to point out what already pains you.
it's very frustrating to 'know' what's in your head, and not be able to get others on the same page with you.
your brain skips ahead, and off track. it is infuriating to wrestle with your own brain all day long. especially when there are things that need to get done.
you hate that you have to start from the top over and over cause you just lost track of what you were supposed to be concentrating on. like counting a pile of pennies- 101, 102, 103, 104, did i leave the iron on?- 10.... Dammit! 1, 2, 3, 4,...
you want to get through just one day without all this b.s. in your brain.
you can't even get to what you need to do today b/c of all the previous f**kups you have to correct before you move ahead.
how on earth do you make a plan and stick to it? by step two, i'm already imagining all sorts of other possibilities, improvements, that i forget what the first plan was.
where is that damn list!!!!! i made it so i could remember what i have to do!
you show someone what to do. it's 30 seconds later, but your brain has just been preoccupied with a 100 thoughts. you turn around. "you're still doing that? what's taking you so long?". later that day, you're doing something you think you are doing quickly. then you notice it's 3 hours later, and there is lots more to finish. AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
now that i kind of get what adhd is doing to my perception, and that it's not him, or her, or that, that is pissing me off, i have been able to mellow out. well a little.
my grandmother had a needlepoint in a frame on the wall that says, simply, "knowledge is power."