New and Needs help NOW.... | ADHD Information

I am new here so I should just first of all say hello and tell you that next month I turn 31 and have had my diagnosis for the last year so still trying to deal with so much of what has happened in my past and how to deal with it and move on...
I was diagnosed shortly after I discovered my daughter was adhd.  So here we are the two of us and my husband (second) and other child have no idea about what we live with and have as of yet been disinterested in trying to figure it out.
My husband belives that while i continue to take my meds I should not be acting freaky...meaning he does not understand that medication is a tool but not a cure.  I recently have fallen prey to my constantly churning mind and my past.  My husband has been outwardly hyper critical within the last two months due to his hypothyroidism and he has not been taking his medication so his moods have been almost as wild as mine.  I somehow took this criticism and churned it for a while and his talking about how much he really likes this one friend of mine and her talking about how dissatisfied she is in her relationship at home and throw in a few coincidences and I have them cheating with each other...
I know it sounds awful but allow me to explain... she is bipolar so she has great days and then the next can be BAD...and his seeming dissatisfaction with how I do anything has created an insecurity in me...
Roll that together with the fact that my ex husband cheated on me with a coworker and he kept trying to get me to be friends with her...
NOW I know my husband would rather die than mess up his family and is extremely devoted to us and that his mood swings are medically related (he sees the doctor today) I TRUST him but why am I feeling this.  She is a dear 99.9 percent of the time and we have become so close in the last 6 months that I truly think she is not doing anything inappropriate but I just cannot make my mind stop churning it...IRRATIONAL ....I need help.  I don't know how to stop it and he and I have talked about it and not argued...but I just feel like I need some kind of proof that they are not doing anything to make it stop but again is that enough??? I thought if I could just talk it out with him it would stop but it is still there and I am worried that this will really make me crazy...HELP me....
you do realize you are worrying!!!!!!! that is all you are doind - - you are HYPERFOCUSING on that issue - you have to rationalize the FACTS - you are probably JUST BEING ADHD!!!! as far as hyperfocusing on the cheating thing.   you pretty much answered your own question as far as "i know he would not do anything to jeopardize his family" - - - - -step back.... get a grip and TRY to tackle one thougt at a time - - just try!!!!!! when i do this, i find that i am usually EXHAUSTED from being ME and when i get a little rest i can get a better grip on the REALITY!!! it sux, i know, but.... what else are we gonna do? I am afraid I cannot make it stop...it keeps churning even though I thought that it would get better when I came to the realization that I am just doing this to myself and being way too hypersensitive...I still cannot make that nagging voice stop saying the same thing..."don't play the fool again...be careful you don't know for sure"  I just want it to go away.   first of all, you may need to GET OUT of the house or away from the pc or go outside or SOMETHING - - - get a change of atmosphere - go shopping or something to SERIOUSLY get you mind off of it.    you have to.I work and go to school part time 6 hrs currently, I spend alot of time out and away from home.  Still churning.  I know it is silly.  But yall are the only people whom I had any hopes to understand and offer support and help. i know - - - it is awful... believe me, i really do know. i have days like that too, and if i think about it, i guess i just rolled with it. remembering back, i guess i just tried to get it out of my head. i still do it, but i am single, so as far as husband, i don't have to worry about that particular aspect. hate to say it, but you may need some kind of mild anxiety med to STOP! you are working yourself up to a panic. have you always been like that, or to this extent, or is this particular THING, just getting to you?    

is there something else that is churning too? sounds like you have so much in your head, that even the meds you usually take are not even helping you get a grip on things.. i can absolutely feel your pain and it SUX!!!!!!! been there done that - sux a big fat one!!!!

that bad hyperfocusing is hard enough without the 'rocket fuel to the fire' that a cheating spouse is.

you need a change of pace. you need facts. you will probably know (we are an intuitive people by and far) if there is really something happening with them. trust that more than your mental racetrack. run some new cars on the track and get distracted.

I had my eventual blowup or mind fry yesterday...I felt it coming so I decided after the fact that now was a good time to talk to her and make it known that i was feeling that she and my dh were doing something behind my back.  Well turns out no such thing and since she has been diagnosed and medicated as bipolar she can understand how some things are easily misconstrued so she hugged me and said no that nothing was going on and told me not to feel guilty for my thoughts but in the future she will use care in her timing and method of communication to me and him.  I was comforted by that and my gut says she is sincere and usually my gut is pretty close to right.  I am just dealing with now trying to educate him about my disorder and get him to try to help...(he said he is not a professional and I need to talk to here...she is one of those that gives you the tests and then meds if needed)  I am much better for the most part but does this happen to anyone else just revert or go "crazy" when loaded with large amounts of stress...and yes I got the post from someone yesterday about needing to get my anxiety meds so I did and took them...twenty minutes later I was in a calmer happier place.  I just have to learn to not compare me or anyone to the past.  How do you do that.

His medical condition doesn't gives him the right to be so critical of you. That would cause insecurity in anyone. 

He needs to understand that for you to feel secure in your relationship he needs to stop being critical and start showing genuine concern for you and your daughter.

 He needs to want to understand you and educate himself more on ADHD.  ADHDers thrive with encouragement and praise.  We wilt with criticism.

Your husband should come in with you to a pre-arranged therapy session where you can have a professional explain what may be difficult for you to verbalize without becoming very emotional.  I think you need him to become better educated in how you work so he will be less likely to react in ways that can trigger even more ADHD behavior.

Looping on unpleasant and unlikely things.  Ah I do remember the joy of the pacing the floor, running scenarios in my head and daydreaming the most terrible situations with seemingly no control over it.  Those days are gone now but it took a lot of effort for it to completely disappear.

I now have skills from my therapy - combined with excellent meds which help me stop the urges when I feel them.  Now when an unpleasant thought begins the loop - I can hit that brake and say "hang on - is this me thinking something real - or my ADHD fantasizing something awful??".  It really can help.

I wish you much luck and future happiness.