My son is 4 yrs old and was diagnoised with ADHD last year. He is taking medication which he is doing well on. He is an only child and the area that we live in does not afford him many kids his own age to play with. I felt that sending him to headstart would be good for him and would give him the opportunity to interact with other children his own age. When I enrolled him I told the staff everything they needed to know about him, the good as well as the bad behaviors that we had been dealing with. His likes and dislikes and the fact that he was a very picky eater and was not overly willing to try new things. They accepted him and assured me that their teachers were well trained to deal with him.
We had originaly started him on Adderal when he was first diagnoised and it worked very well. I was originaly dead set against giving him any kind of medication as I have ADHD myself and my mother chose not to give me medication. I however had an extremely hard time in school and I wanted to give my son an edge if I could to make it a little easier for him. Unfortunetly my son is a very tiny boy and the Aderall has a definite side affect of decreased appietie. Withing a month he had lost the 15% of his full weight that they allow and had to come off the medication. Over the last year we have tried several differernt medications, some did not work at all and others he had bad reactions too. After all of this I finaly gave up and decided that mabey the medication was not the way to go.
When he started headstart he was not on any medication and he ended up being sent home at least twice a week. I am a single mom and the area that I live in the jobs are very scarece. I was being called home from work on a regular basis as the teachers were complaining that they could not handle him. I was being pressured to put him back on medication at school and being threatened that I would lose my job if I continued to have to leave. I had no choice but to put him back on the medicaiton as I did not have a babysitter to stay home with him. I chose to put him back on the one medication that I knew worked the Adderal. The medication was indeed working well again and this time the appietite decrease did not seem to be as bad. I agreed to do this mainly for the school as I felt that I could handle him at home and some of the behaviors that they were seeing at school I was not seeing at home. I however did make it perfectly clear to them that the only way he could remain on the medication was for them to make sure that he ate. They wanted an order from the doctor which I obtained for them wherein he stated that he wanted my son to eat small meals or snacks frequently threw out the day. My son only weighed 41 and a half pounds when he started back on the meds and 15 % of his total weight was 38 pounds which meant that they only had a few pounds to play with. They were also told by the doctor that if they could not get him to eat his lunch at all they could give him 8ozs of an instant breakfast but only if he would not eat anything.
The first month did not go to badly, we were getting home daily reports in a journal and he was doing ok but he did have some off days as we expected but nothing too major. After that things started going down hill, he was being sent home at least a couple of times a week and the daily reports all of sudden changed from the journal to these hour by hour reports with ratings of his hyperactivity and agression levels from 1 to 5. They were the same day after day and his behaviors were increasing during the same time periods day after day. We finaly pin pointed the problem and that was nap time. He had gotten out of taking naps when he turned 3 and he did not want to take a nap so he was fighting them. His behavior levels were rising just before lunch because he knew after lunch it was nap time so he was gearing himself up for a fight.
A few weeks of this went by and the school decided that it would be better for him if he only went a half a day and we agreed just to do away with the hassel over the nap and we figured that his behavior would then settle down. The first week and a half went pretty good and then the reports started getting bad again but this time there was an added problem, he was suposedly starting to scream and was hitting and pushing other kids. This is a child that has never shown any agressive behavior around other children and I have never seen him hit or kick or push anyone. However then he was coming home and starting to hit and kick us and we knew something was definetly wrong. We spoke to his teachers at a meeting and asked if there were other kids in the class that hit or pushed and were told yes and they were trying to work with them. Apparently this is where he was getting this from he was watching other kids do it and he was thinking it was ok if they did it for him to do it too. We talked to him at home and reinforced the fact that it was not ok for him to do it just because another child did.
He was fine for about a week and then we got a report home that he had pushed another child off a bycicle and when he was taken off the bike and told that he could no longer have it he started screaming so loudly that the head director of the headstart heard him in her office upstairs. She came down and wanted to know what was going on and then demanded that he be sent home. A week later we were told that they were calling a meeting. No one told us what this meeting was all about but everyone who was working with him had to be there. The meeting turned out to be that they felt that they could not handle my son and they did not have the resources nor the staff to give him what he needed. The stated that they felt that he would be better off in one of their headstart home based daycares as it was a smaller group of 4 to 5 kids compared to the 14 kids that were in his class. The did however make it a point to stress to us that because these daycares were in private homes that the providers could pick and choose what kids they wanted to take. While I did feel that hew would do better in a small group atmosphere, I was concerned with the fact that there were 2 fulltime teachers and one teachers aid in the classroom and if they felt that they could not handle him why would they feel that one provider could. I said that I would think about it and get back to them. I also asked if I decided to do this how long would it take for him to be moved and they said a few weeks and that he would remain with them utnil it was all set up. He had also already been refered to the public school for an evaluation and they said that even if I decided to make this move he would still be eligable for this evaluation. I did think about it very carefully and decided against it as my concern was that if I did do this and after a month this daycare decided that she could not handle him either for whatever reason and said she did not want to keep him what choice would I have then. They told me that he could always go to another daycare and the thought of starting my sons first experience with school off by bouncing him from one day care to another I felt was worse then letting him stay where he was.
After this the daily reports have been coming home filled with nothing but negative behavior. They have him for 4 hours a day and yet they could not find one positive thing to write in the whole 4hrs everday. Now I am finding out that they are not making sure that he is eating like they were before. If he did not want what they were having for lunch they were at least making him a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich now they are giving him nothing but his instant breakfast if he won't eat.
I was at my wits end in trying to figure out why his behavior was getting so bad so I had my mother make a suprize visit to the school and what she told me was totaly different then what they were saying was going on. She watched him for the whold 4 hrs. She just sat there she did not interact with him at all and he did not come near her the whole time she was there. She saw a child that was able to sit down for 30 minutes during free time and put together blocks with two other children. He was sharing with other kids. He was able to sit quietly and participated during group time. Sat down and focused on doing an art project and sat down and ate his whole snack. When he went outside he rode a bike for about 15 minutes and then was asked to give another child a turn and did without any fuss and went and played with something else. Did not fuss at all when it was time to come inside. At lunch time he did not want to eat what they were having and did start getting upset when the teacher sat down next to him and was presuring him to eat the more she pushed the more upset he got and he did scream at her to leave him alone. Othe than that my mother did not see any type of behavior that 3 grown professional adults could not handle. That day there was no report sent home. The very next day when we got the daily reprort home it was again filled with nothing but negative behavior, he was hiting other kids,could not sit still, had to be removed from the classroom for screaming, ect.
Today I receive a phone call at work from the head of the headstarts for this area telling me that they were not going to transfer my son as they did not think that it was in his best interest and that they did not want my mother coming to school anymore because she is disabled and because she walks with a cane she would be a liability to them witht their insurance. He also said that I had three choices, that I could agree to put him in the homebased daycare, that I could leave him where he was but he came right out and told me that if his behavior continued that they would not keep him or I could keep him home.
So in other words if you accepted him knowing full well that he had ADHD and it turns out that your staff is not trained and does not have a clue on how to deal with these kids then when they realize how much work it is and that they cannot handle it you just kick him out or push the responsiblilty off onto someone else and it is just that easy. My God if this is the way these kids are going to be treated in preschool then I can just imagine what the next 13 years of public school are going to be like!! Do not preschoolers have rights too?????
Lisa
Lisa,
How frustrating! I'm sure that the preschool staff are feeling equally as frustrated and perhaps even other parents, but that is no excuse for what is going on. It sounds like they truly have no clue what to do with him and that they are letting their ignorance get the best of them. The school district our here in California is required to provide services, even at the preschool level, for a child who qualifies. Since your son is 4 y.o. and many school districts don't have preschools, they are required to provide your the appropriate supports which may included a one to one aid for your son at his preschool for a certain amount of time. The problem is going to be whether or not he qualifies for services. With ADHD, he may not. Consider a second opinion OR getting an advocate (unfortunately that can be pricey) Some will work for less. Also, you may consider going to the State with your concerns because schools, even preschools are not allowed to discriminate. (Although, you want to make friends and not enemies). Also, maybe you can do some research and provide even more education to them as a support. Because of your son's age and not his diagnosis, I would consider asking them to use some kind of visual schedule with him with planned activities for his no "naptime". Also, give him warnings, like counting, a timer, or even a hand signal to let him know when he has to clean up, share a toy etc... Also, encourage them to keep themselves composed no matter what. It sounds like they are the ones setting him off and perhaps they don't even know it. Oh, and they can't say that your mom can't observe. That's against the law. I want to encourage you to use this information to help them before getting angry. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. God Bless.
It sounds like you found a great solution. I'm sure this will bring the stress levels down in your home!
Where I live, the inhome daycare providers and just people who decided to run a daycare. They don't conform to any teaching methods. They have ratio, nutrition, and safety rules to adhere to, that's about it. They just get a license from the county, and are audited randomly. The county offers financial supplement to parents so they can afford the childcare, if needed.
So it sounds like they can kick him out?
I had a similar experience, although my son has not yet been diagnosed and is 6 now. At age 4 he was in a preschool. Things were fine for awhile, then they began complaining about his behavior more and more. The ratio was similar. I got the impression that the teachers did not want to deal with him anymore. The director admitted that he was wearing them out. It was clear that they had formulated an opinion of him and every small thing he did was going to be a problem. He fought naps (sang, etc), and this was a huge issue. He had to go to the directors office so the class could sleep. He really needed the naps, and not napping in my opinion was the cruxt of most of the problems. For some reason, they simply looked at me to solve the behavior problems they were having at school while I wasn't there.
I don't know if this will help you, but this is what I did. I decided that the ratio was too high. I also decided that the teachers did not have the skills or personal characteristics needed to manage my son. He has a strong personality, and I was not having the problems that they described at home. I interviewed upwards of 30 inhome daycare providers. I was looking for a person with a strong personality, high energy, outgoing, and a thinker. I also wanted a SMALL home daycare with a low ratio. I found one. Her inherent response to my son's behavior was to consider it a challenge. She strategized, she modified her approach as needed. She had 3 boys of her own. My son's behavior "reports" improved dramatically. My life got easier and so did his. I bought a pre-K homeschool book and taught him the things that he would have learned at preschool. The kindergarten teacher said he began the year with a headstart.
The same situation happened to a good friend of mine, her son was tossed out of 2-3 daycares was origionally diagnosed Emotional problems and put into a special school for behavior. this past year his diagnosis changed to ADHD and due to behaviors still in a special school. My friend does frequent this board on ocasion. why would they do that.. according to this post....
Glen,
Teen Screen is like bringing the psychiatrists to the kids... uninvited.
At one school they "screened" 350 kids and 71% were diagnosed with a "mental disorder".
It would not be a waste of time for the drug companies.
... bet you didn't know that in the USA, schools get 0 per kid if they convince the parents to have the kid "tested" and he/she ends up on "mental illness"drugs.
[/QUOTE]Thank you all for all your wonderful advice. I have thought a great deal about this over the past several days and have decided that I am going to take my son out of preschool and keep him home. My mom lives with us and is a very smart,caring and patient person and she has agreed to watch him for me so that I can continue to work.
She has been working with my son for almost a year now and has taught him a great deal that even headstart has not even begun to teach him. Unfortunetly this school is incapable of seeing the things that my son can already do and the fact that he is a very eagar learner. They would rather stifle his entusiasm and thirst for learning to force him to fit into a ridgid structure and then pusnish him when he can't or does not want too. Both my mom and I truly belive that my son is bored and that is why he is acting up. He is a very quick learner and has a very strong eagerness to learn and keeping him in this school will only hold him back and will eventually lead to some serious problems down the road. I also very strongly belive that while I do agree that my son would do better in a small group these home based day cares are still sponsored by headstart and still have to follow their guidelines as to how they think every child should learn. Because I do not agree with their teaching stratagies I feel that it would be no different in one of these home based day cares then it would be in the classroom.
I firmly belive that by keeping him home and letting my mom continue to work with him he will be allowed to learn in which ever way is comfortable for him and he will beable to learn a lot more and that he will trully have a headstart in every sense of the word. I have a really hard time with the fact that I am being told that my son cannot sit for more than 10 or 15 minutes and he can only do that if it is something that he is really interested in. That he cannot follow directions without constant help and that he has to have a teacher sitting with him at all times threw out the day. Today was a holliday and I had to work so my mom watched him and she had a great day with him. She gave him some beads and a piece of string and showed him once how to string them and then let him create himslef and I was amazed at the beautiful necklace that he made me. He wanted to put puzzles together and they were all apart in a box. There were five different puzzels in that box and she dumped them out onto the floor and he picked all the pieces out and put together all five by himself. It took him almost an hour but he stuck with it and she did not help him he wanted to do it himself. She bought him some preschool software that she has been working with him on. She put him on the computer this afternoon and all she did was bring up the program for him and he did the rest she laid on the bed and read a book and praised the heck out of him everytime he master something. This tells me that he can and wants to do things himself and that he is getting bored witht he same things they are doing day after day. It also tells me that by acting up he is telling them to leave him alone and let him do it himself and they are not listening and that is when he is getting angry and screaming at them. Then when he does this they lable him as violent and abusive.
I really feel that I missplaced my trust in the name headstart and really bleived that this is what my son would get. They assured us up and down that there staff was well trained professional teachers that could handle my son and would support us and would work with him and give him whatever he needed to make his first year successful. We explained everything that was going on with my son, his behaviors good and bad,his eating habits and everything else that they should know before he started. Even with all this they assured us that they had dealt with ADHD kids before and were completley confident that they could work with him. Well if this was the case they would have know what to expect and would have been fully prepared to deal with them and that was the not the case. What is it today do these schools have to fill a quota each year or they do not get enough funding so that they are willing to take specail needs kids even knowing that they are not qualified to handle them and then decide when the going gets a little rough that rather then admit that they are not qualified try to push the buck off onto someone else under the disquise that they are concerned witht he childs best interest? Well if they were really concerned with the childs best interest they would have been honest enough to admit that they were not qualified nor had the proper resources to deal with this child and try to find another school or staff that could. It always amazes me how far people will go and how much they will compromise their principles in the name of the all mighty dollar. It also schocks and disgust me how education has become so commercialized over the years,schools are being run like bussinesses where profit and loss decides which schools get what and how much. I realize as long as schools are being run this way and the government keeps taking away from education to fund everything else that they thinks is more important, these special needs kids are the ones that are continually going to be pushed aside and that I am going to have to fight tooth and nail to get my son what he needs just like my mother had to for us . I intend to do whatever it takes to make sure that my son like any other child has the right to a decent education and a chance to be whatever he wants to be and if it means that the first place I will start with is headstart then so be it. Again thanks to all for the wonderful advice and I am so thanfull for a place such as here to vent and know that I am not alone that each and every one of you have been there and are fighting the same fight that I am and that if we all stick to what we believe is right that even one of our kids might have a shot at being doctors, lawyers or heck even president some day.
God Bless and Hugs To You All
Lisa and Dylan