My boyfriend didn't take any medication when he was growing up. (As far as I know.) He was perscribed Remeron before I met him, but refused to keep taking it. When he has taken it, he does SO much better.
On Remeron he sleeps better, and is able to concentrate. He can follow what you are saying, and makes an effort to communicate on his level, instead of just going along with things he doesn't understand very well.
I don't know if Remeron is helping his ADD, or even supposed to, but it does seem to help him function.
Off of Remeron he is: Jumpy, extremly obsessive compulsive (to the point it drives others insane), and gets really angry very fast. He will go from completely calm to screaming in just a few minutes.
Sometimes he look through everything in the house, and just stare at them. When I got concerned, and started asking, "What's wrong, honey?" He would turn to me confused as to what I meant.
As a quick fix, he would ask me to for a walk. At first it seemed to help a little bit, but as time wore on he became more, and more agitated.
At this point he had trouble concentrating, and usually asked, "What do you mean" whenever he got really nervous. Almost like a built-in nervous reflex, such as foot tapping...
Recently I read up on Remeron medication, and learned it is for depression, not ADD. I hope it is OK for him to be on, and it won't do him any harm, because of his ADD.
I worry about him. If he is taking the right thing. I hope that he has clinical depression, and that is why he was perscribed Remeron.
His psychologist says that he needs to be on something else [too]. I'm thinking for his ADD? What are the drugs out there to help a person manage their ADD?
I want to be informed so I can help him understand what he is taking, why he is taking it, and what to look for in himself while he is taking any new/ all of his medications.
Kind of like being there to reasure him, but not CONVINCE him keep on taking something that is not working. I'm a believer in medication when it works.
Thanks!
Well I don't know anything about Remeron - first I've heard of the name actually.
I can say that if it's for depression and he does have ADHD - then he'll be a happier guy with ADHD! He'll still do the same things we all do with ADHD but he'll be less of a bear to deal with.
You seem concerned about him - that's good. Maybe offer to go in with him to his therapy and get an inside view of what the therapist is recommending. We with ADHD tend to get very antsy about anything new and different so if he's been recommended to try something new he'll try and weasel out of it most likely. You may never hear about it if he doesn't want you to.
ADHD is definitely not depression - and though many times we can have both that's not the case with all by any means. If he doesn't get directed therapy and possibly ADHD meds with it he may never change from his patterns that you see.
Maybe pick out one of the great online ADHD tests at www.oneaddplace.com and answer the questions with what you honestly know about him? If you feel after that he's for sure ADHD - I'd confront this and get him in with you to make new plans and strategies.
I wish you and your loved one well.
Thanks Glen! I'm almost 100% certain he has ADD. He was diagnosed as a child, but where, when, and all of the other facts I don't know at this time. His mother would have all of that information, but at this point, we do not have a very good relationship, and I don't want her to feel any more threatened by me than she already is.
How would I go about asking all of my boyfriend's ADD history without sounding like I'm accusing people of making mistakes?
When I mention ANYTHING like this to my boyfriend he thinks I'm accusing his mother/ doctors/ teachers of 'doing the wrong thing'.
Example: "Did your mother have you to take medication as a kid?"
His answer: "She did what she had to. Why do you always say she is horrible?"
Another Example: "What did your teacher's do to teach you, after they learned you had ADD?"
His answer: "They did the best they could. Why do you always say that they were so bad?
He never answers my questions, and in the end all I end up doing is get him upset over things that happened over 10 years ago. He says I make him feel pressured, but he doesn't explain what he means by that.
I suppose I just don't know how to ask the right questions. Maybe somebody here has some advice about how I can go about it better?
Wow - that is tough. We can be very prone to believe that everyone's questions are loaded and that noone is how they seem. One of the problems is that growing up we have trouble sifting out things like cynicism and jokes from serious talk - and when we find out we goofed we get defensive in life.
Do check out www.oneaddplace.com for extra advice. There are a lot of books listed plus links to other places you can check out.
As to HOW to ask questions - maybe you could start out by outlining what you're looking for in a safe manner. Maybe "would it be ok if we talked about your ADHD? I want to understand as you are important to me. If you explained how it makes you feel in your words maybe I could understand what's going on and be more supportive?" Something non-threatening may be helpful. But we are creatures of habit and want things to be safe and never change so he may still resist.
He never answers my questions, and in the end all I end up doing is get him upset over things that happened over 10 years ago. He says I make him feel pressured, but he doesn't explain what he means by that.
I suppose I just don't know how to ask the right questions.
Akira,
What do you mean "when" he takes it ? If he's not taking it on a daily basis, Remeron "withdrawals" would cause this...
"Off of Remeron he is: Jumpy, extremly obsessive compulsive (to the point it drives others insane), and gets really angry very fast. He will go from completely calm to screaming in just a few minutes.
Sometimes he look through everything in the house, and just stare at them. When I got concerned, and started asking, "What's wrong, honey?" He would turn to me confused as to what I meant."
Remeron is an antidepressant. If it helps him, chances are his real problem is depression. It is not prescribed for ADD. It does help with sleep. If you don't take it consistently, it can't have a chance to build up in your system. Taking it on and off can cause symptoms of it's own.[QUOTE=reality]Akira, What do you mean "when" he takes it ? If he's not taking it on a daily basis, Remeron "withdrawals" would cause this...[/QUOTE]
This is sort of difficult to articulate through a computer...
Before I met him he was perscribed Remeron. He took it for a small period of time, but then stopped. This happened a few years before I met him, I believe.
What I meant when I said, 'when he takes it' is:
Before he started taking his Remeron again, he was jumpy, couldn't sit still, or concentrate. If these were withdrawals then they would have occured long before I met him.
There have been periods after I met my boyfriend, and he started taking Remeron where he has run out for a few months. As soon as a couple of days pass with him not taking Remeron (because he is out), and he starts to get upset, and angry very easily.
His Remeron has to be taken under a licenced psychologist direction. The refills are not done over the phone. If you run out, you need to make an appointment to see your doctor.
After you see your doctor, and discuss how things have been (medication reactions/ helpful or harmful), your doctor decides if you should continue. It is not like you can just call in a perscription whenever you want it.
Akira_Murdock2438668.0675694444First of all: Thank-you for your reply Chjones!
Okay I'm going to start slow so I can get everything down how I mean it. I didn't want to give a huge running script before when I posted, but I'll need to back up a bit or I'm not going to explain things very well again...
When I gave my examples this is where I should have started from: "You didn't take anything for your ADD when you were a kid?"
BF REPLIED: "I don't think so."
"Did your doctor think you should be on any medication when you were a kid?"
BF REPLIED: "I don't know. Maybe my mom did."
So did your mother have you take medication as a kid then?"
BF REPLIED: "Maybe, I don't really remember."
My thought that I shouldn't have spoken out loud, "Well if your doctor thought it might help you, then your mother might have given you some type of meds then."
BF REPLIED: "She did what she had to do..." At that point he assumed I was saying is mother is a bad person, and yells, "Why do you always say she is so horrible."
And I get really confused, but try telling him, "That is not what I was saying. I was just thinking: If your mother gave you any meds for your ADD, then it was only because your doctor thought it might help."
After that he just ranted, and raved for an hour about how I seem to blame his mother for everything.
... Perhaps because of transference? I don't know, I never understood that conversation as it was had before he started taking Remeron, and I never could say anything then in a way that he could completely understand.
And then to the rest of it: I don't want him to get over his ADD; I want him to get help so he can deal with it. In the past he seemed to want to push it aside, and not worry about the fact that he has it. Like he was in denial.
When I tell him, "I'm not going to put conditions on my love for you." He thinks its sweet, and hugs me, but deep down he doesn't truely believe what I'm saying. He never has, and I don't know why. Even before I knew anything about his ADD, he reacted like this.
Almost as though he doesn't believe that he deserves to be with me. It's sad for me to realize that, because even when I tell him that he deserves to be happy, and if I'm somebody who makes him happy, then he does deserve to be with me.
Maybe he has low-self estem. It seems like that when he truely believes that he can never have a job, go to college, get married, have children, or do anything else that the average person does.
When I tried to ask him if he ever wanted to go to college he told me that it was the only thing he wanted to 'become' when he graduated from high school. I almost cried. A goal that can almost be easy if you have help, and he thinks that it is just impossible.
Since then I've mentioned that going to college could be a goal if it is something he really wants. I've told him about tudors, and just taking a single class to get started. I've even offered to take a class with him, so he wouldn't be so nervous. I don't know what else I can do for him, except let him make his own descision.
Hopefully his therapist sees how much he really wants to go to college, and will help him with acquire skills he needs.
About his therapy: I am going to tell him that I would love to go with him if he ever wants me to. It is my place to help him by telling his therapist my observations of how he has been doing. It is not my place to go to his therapy appointments take over; telling his therapist what I think he needs.