shoplifting | ADHD Information
What can I do I have a 15 year old boy that has ADHD he doesn't seem to think he ever does anything wrong and when he gets caught it's never his fault he is always inocent. Today he was caught shoplifting and said he had no clue what he was thinking "it's because I need more meds" quote We his father and I hve tried to talk to him about everthing from drugs and alchol to stealing but he just doesn't seem to get. So now we will procede to court and pay fines and what ever else but it's his dad and I that have to be responsible not him HELP!!!
scaredtodeath
Why are you proceeding to court & paying his fines? Did you or his father steal? If not then I suggest you accompany him to court & let him face the music. If there are fines to be paid tell the court HE hasn't enough money, & ask if he could do community service. I would think that by making him accept reponsibilty for his own actions each & every time should be a big enough deterrent & will show him it is up to him to learn to control himself & that meds are there to aide him, not to offer excuses for his behavior.
My son knows that ultimately it is his choice, & that his ADHD is not an excuse, but something that requires him to be alert to himself at all times.
csmommy38192.819849537kppy,
My son has been on probably 10 different meds. Our first doctor kept changing them instead of increaseing the dose when there were problems and only saw him every 6 months for about 10 minutes. We have since switched doctors this past year and we really saw a change in him for the better. There were only a few episodes but nothing big, until now. Now today he is back to focusing, doing work, helping with farm work. I don't know if this is an act or if he is just trying to get money for his fines.
Please tell me more about your sons treatment. Thanks scaredtodeath
kppy,
I was asked where I was going next and I said get gas and go home which is 70 miles from where we were and a different state. Had I not been going home he would have been detained until I was done shopping. We have taken away his car and he has begun working to pay off fines when they arrive. He also is not being allowed to go to baseball games that his brother plays in. More chores and less self time. He doesn't seem to me to feel anything. I feel like a failure as a parent to have a kid act like this. scaredtodeath
dear scaredtodeath,
you are not a failure. your son made a mistake, not you.
it sounds like you're trying to help him learn to be accountable. having him pay for the fines, taking away priviliges will all help him "feel" the impact of his choices. keep that up.
is your son on medications? is this new behavior for him?
my son is 8. alot of his behavior was very immature, self centered. he would get angry, be aggressive and cry when he was disciplined (like he had nothing to do with it!) we had him briefly on adderrall- it didn't work for him. made him worse.
we now use homeopathy as his treatment. i would strongly encourage you to seek out a classical homeopath. if interested pm me, and i will share more of my son's experience. i think many of your son's problems could be helped by homeopathy.
kppy
csmommy,
I totally agree! It is better he learn this now as a child than to get away without consequence and think he can get away with excuses, then pay big time later when he is an adult and faces a harsher penalty. At his age, it will not follow him into adulthood as a record but when he is older, its a whole 'nother ball game!csmommy,
I will try telling the judge when his case comes up but, the store will be sending a letter out with what they feel are damanges also and they make it the parents responsibility to pay the fine and on time or else other action will be taken, so then what do I do. I of course haven't gotten this letter yet but when it arrives I can't ignore it or then I will be breaking the law. I guess I just have to wait it out and see what happens next.
scaredtodeath,
i don't have a teenager (yet!) but i have worked with adolescents and have three challanging children of my own. i have a few suggestions to add to the good ones already mentioned.
if the court is holding you responsible for monetary compensations then, put it back on him:
1. allowance with held until fines are paid.
2. increase his chores. add $ figures to each extra chore. cleaning car=, mowing own or relatives yard, neighbor's yard. cleaning garage or basement. i anything that requires him to take resposibility.
3. take away his favorite privilages. car, movies,going out, whatever else he loves to do.
4. remind him each and every time he wants something, that you cannot buy it because you had to use that money to pay off his fines. this include toys, special clothes,special foods- anything that's extra special for him.
5. have a garage sale with some of his stuff!
i really liked the community service idea. you may be able to find out if the court has any suggestions for you in terms of places that he could work for or with. ask- you may get some help there.
consistency is the key here and the hardest thing (to me) about parenting. when he learns that you will not bail him out and that he will be held accountable for his own actions, he'll stop.
you said that you thought things were going well till yesterday. what happened prior to the shoplifting that changed things?
good luck to you, be firm, consistent and loving.
kppy
kppy,
He was really showing responsiblty driving his little brother to baseball, making sure he called if he was going to be late, he was still implusive not being able to sit still he constantly has to be on the go, but we though wow over the summer he is maturing. Yesturday we (his grandmother, myself, him, and his brother) went shopping and at our last store he told me he was going to go pay for the things he wanted and the next thing I new he was in the security room being arrested for shoplifting. I have no clue what happened he hadn't even told anyone he had wanted the things he stole. Now today it's just like he didn't do anything it hasn't affected him at all. So now I sit and wait for our court date and letter from the store to arrive to see what will happen next.
scaredtodeath,
pardon if i'm asking you to repeat but, what did you do afterwards? what have been the consequences for his behavior? just asking to see what you've done so far.
he had money then, to pay for his things? still tried to steal them?
it seems that he's not acting like he's concerned but, i wonder if he really is, inside. teenagers are notorious for acting opposite, that's why i asked.
kppy